'That was racist of you.'

'Actually, I thought the stimulous package was a necessary thing given the current financial state. Obviously you don't since you shot a chimpanzee.'

Ha. What a kneeslapper.

Damn, Scara ... you tee'd it up and hit it outta the park before anyone knew the game was on. Very clever caption.

Uh, Leonard ... that wasn't a dog.

I don't think this is going to play out well in The Post, Mickey.

Hey Mick, Spike Lee's on line 1 and he wants to discuss movie rights.

Finally, I did...I beat my monkey.

Seems like there would be an easier way to get them back into the barrel.

Steve, I swear, I thought this was my Glock banana shooter!

Boy, the symbolism is sure running thick today.

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!

"I don't know what confuses me more: that you have a genie living in your M1911 or that you wished for a drunk chimp passed out on a rorschach test."

'You did the right thing. I mean, you told him you didn't want any monkey business.'

You know, the Humane Society is gonna go apeshit over this...

This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S...

I saw it too, Carl... you had no choice... he was reaching for some poo.

In case The Post gets ahold of this, I'm thinking you might want to hold onto that Secret Service application, Johnny.

Hey, don't worry, man... if I had had Ann Coulter lunging at me with a lustful look in her eyes, I might have done the same thing.

The Pillowfight Club said they wanted Tim back alive, Jackie. Alive!

Hey, don't worry, man... if I had had Michael Moore lunging at me with a lustful look in his eyes, I might have done the same thing.

I guess Bruce Willis is going to have to change the title of his movie...

or

I guess Brad Pitt is now the leader of "The Army of the Eleven Monkeys"

Man, I hope that isn't Davy Jones... he's dreamy.....

The zoo administrator isn't going to be too kind this time, Mack.

Dammit, Steve...

I know all your frustrations are making it difficult for you to pay attention, but I said SPANK the monkey...

SPANK!

Dumbass...

Somehow, I don't think Peter Gabriel is going to appreciate your interpretation of his song...

What do you mean, that's *not* the pope?!?

(I'm going to hell for that one)

I see dead monkeys...

I think you've seen King Kong one too many times, Sergeant.

I know you're pissed about the stimulus package, Mickey, but I really don't think that shooting 535 monkeys is going to create the public outcry you're expecting.

'Now shoot the idiot who thought this guy would make a good pet.'

"Oh my god, I was wrong, it was earth, all along!"

"I guess you've finally made a monkey out of me."

"I don't think this is what Obama meant by 'change'..."

"Pleading self-defense is still an option if we can find a barrel..."

"I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot no chimpanzee"

'Forget about it Jake. It's Chinatown.'

No you idiot, shock the monkey! The song said we're supposed to shock the monkey.

And so ends the monkey business.

Johnny's Frankenmonkey was an initial success. He used parts of dead apes, acquired the assistance of Rabbinical elders who had Golem-making experience, and harnessed lightning from the roof of his building to juice the beast to life. All was well. Johnny and Frankenmonkey went to Central Park, had barbecues, played Scrabble and enjoyed watching the History Channel together.

Then, she appeared. A raven-haired beauty with more curves than a toy train set. Frankenmonkey went crazy chasing after the maiden. Smashing through Greenwich Village, injuring pedestrians and other pets.

Eventually, the NYPD were forced to kill Johnny's creation. He wept in the street over the loss of Frankenmonkey.

In the end, it was beauty that killed the beast...

Damn Dirty Apes will pry my gun out of my cold dead finger!

Welcome to Birmingham, you damn, dirty ape!

Welcome to Birmingham, you damn, dirty ape!

I must have been reading Fred's mind on that one ... twice!

Jeebus, Norm, he was only hailing a cab!

You know, maybe he was just mad because you were calling him a monkey. Chimps are sensitive that way...

Wow, he wasn't drowning the cat, he was just giving it a bath!

Damn, now the Hamlet re-write will never be finished!

I hope nobody else is watching, Lieutenant, else you'll have to explain yourself to the world.

Stay calm, man. I'll plant a tainted banana on 'em and it'll look like self-defense.

Hey fred, you ever feel like you're living in a shitty cartoon?

Oooooh And praxis with the federal offense at 8:27 am! Niiiiiice

"Bob, I think you've been spending WAAAAAY too much time over on 4chan..."

"...they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Tarzan."

But, but, YesButNoButYes TOLD me it was a racist!

Baier - That's pure perfection, man. Nicely done.

Jesus, Koko, it looks like that gun trigger is just as sensitive as you are!

"Er...Steve, promise not to be mad, but on second thought, I think he may have been signing 'help, a boy is stuck in a well,' not 'I'll rape your entire family.'"

"Darn, you just killed the only one still making a profit at Wall Street."

Is that really going to make up for never beating Donkey Kong as a kid?