In our attempts to place a distant 5th or 6th in the Weblogs Best Humor blog contest, I've compiled a list of some of my personal favorite (and hopefully slightly funny) self-written posts to spur on the voting. In addition, I thought I'd give you some background on why/how the posts were written - sort of a director's commentary only I'm not talented and was mostly drunk when I wrote these.
Expelling Flatus - This honestly happened to me. As I mentioned in the post, my gym is absolutely horrible. But it's cheap and so am I. And that sort of low-level workout facility will cater to unsophisticated and ill-mannered types. Looking back, I'm positive that chick squeezed the cheese on the treadmill. I haven't seen her again, assuming she's hiding beneath a dark cloud of shame. This was also the post that inspired the Dave Challenges.
WoW'd - I actually wrote this article on my personal blog about a year before I posted it on YesButNoButYes. The South Park episode featuring World of Warcraft had just come out and I was interested in the MMORPG phenomena. I've only revisited the game a few times over the years, and understood that I have nowhere near the amount of time needed to finish the game. However, I'm incredibly impressed with the sheer size of the world and the detail put into each realm. Though, I still stand by my claim that one's interest/devotion to WoW is inverse to how much tail they're getting.
Mutton Bustin' - A good friend of mine from Nebraska showed me these videos of Mutton Busting and, for some reason, I thought they were hysterical. I mean, little children riding on the backs of crazed sheep... it was magic. The post never really took off, but when it's rainy out and I think about how I keep getting passed over for astronaut training camp, I revisit the mutton busting videos and get a good laugh.
Hobo Decorum - I comment often on my disdain for the homeless. And truthfully, it's not that I hate the homeless, I hate dirt and bad smells. Seeing as these things are attached to homeless people like Amy Winehouse to a crackpipe, I feel the need to comment. The impetus for this post came while Johnny and I were waiting for the others to arrive at the first YesButNoButYes Council. We spoke about how horrible it is that homeless people talk to you while you're on the phone. This was the result of that conversation.
While The Cat's Away... - This was legit. My girlfriend was on a long business trip and asked me to look after her apartment for a few weeks. Originally, I took these photos to send to her as I knew she'd get a kick out of it. Then that stupid little tick in the back of my head that always gets me in trouble thought "Let's post these on YesButNoButYes." So I did, and Lindsey's sheets had never taken more of a beating. (Until last night... hey now!)
WoW'd - I actually wrote this article on my personal blog about a year before I posted it on YesButNoButYes. The South Park episode featuring World of Warcraft had just come out and I was interested in the MMORPG phenomena. I've only revisited the game a few times over the years, and understood that I have nowhere near the amount of time needed to finish the game. However, I'm incredibly impressed with the sheer size of the world and the detail put into each realm. Though, I still stand by my claim that one's interest/devotion to WoW is inverse to how much tail they're getting.
Mutton Bustin' - A good friend of mine from Nebraska showed me these videos of Mutton Busting and, for some reason, I thought they were hysterical. I mean, little children riding on the backs of crazed sheep... it was magic. The post never really took off, but when it's rainy out and I think about how I keep getting passed over for astronaut training camp, I revisit the mutton busting videos and get a good laugh.
Hobo Decorum - I comment often on my disdain for the homeless. And truthfully, it's not that I hate the homeless, I hate dirt and bad smells. Seeing as these things are attached to homeless people like Amy Winehouse to a crackpipe, I feel the need to comment. The impetus for this post came while Johnny and I were waiting for the others to arrive at the first YesButNoButYes Council. We spoke about how horrible it is that homeless people talk to you while you're on the phone. This was the result of that conversation.
While The Cat's Away... - This was legit. My girlfriend was on a long business trip and asked me to look after her apartment for a few weeks. Originally, I took these photos to send to her as I knew she'd get a kick out of it. Then that stupid little tick in the back of my head that always gets me in trouble thought "Let's post these on YesButNoButYes." So I did, and Lindsey's sheets had never taken more of a beating. (Until last night... hey now!)
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That WoW one was high-lari-us. Who knew these guys were so bitter? They were like pit bulls on meth but without the charm.
A funny tidbit about the WoW article I forgot to include was that I actually received hate (e)mail about the article. The one and only time, incidentally. It turns out when you criticize someone's passion, they don't take kindly to it. This is why I've never written an article denouncing my hatred of lasagna as I have a profound respect for the Italian people and all the principles they live by.
Echo, I laughed so hard while reading Expelling Flatus that Scara accused me of having a crush on you..doh!
Love the pic of you (I'm assuming its you!) on the can..
That's me circa 1982. Oddly, I still can't fit on a toilet.
Those were the good old days before you were mad at me for missing a challenge, before you got all PW on Lindsey and needed help with the hook up.
Back when I stood up for you to the WOWrs.
Back when I was your wing man.
Back when you loved me.
Man, those were the good old days.
Ahhh...I get it now, Dave...you wanted to know if Lindsey is "the one" because you feel like she replaced you as the love of his life...
Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Echo, we can rig you up a potty seat sized apparatus to fit on top of you regular toilet...the only challenge will be making it glamorous enough for the Italian marble palace that it will reside in.
But far more dignified than falling in the regular one as an adult...
I see this as the next challenge to throw Dave's way.
S.O.-
I guess that's some of it.
It's hard being a wingman with no wing to fly next to.
Lindsey, and me being an ass took that from me
Its down right lonely.
Well, we could always throw you into the cougar den with Tim...a cute little monkey can fend off those women, but you, my friend, with your tie askew, would be the cougar's equivalent of flame broiled goodness to a man who got dumped by his treehugging girlfriend after he spent months pretending to be a vegan just to get laid.
in other words, they'd eat you alive....
FYI. I discard the cute little monkey persona when entering the cougar den.
There was an incident.
If I ever decide to loose my virginity, I may give the cougar scene a shot.
Until then, I'll remain a coach. Always afraid of the resulting damage if I ever put my theory into practice.
That is why Lindsey has ruined my life.
What good is a Teacher without a pupil?
Tell us about the incident!
Dave, if and when you decide to make that decision, you cannot let the cougar den deflower you...instead, it must be someone who would take her time with you and show you how to really please a woman...maybe a Vicky type of girl.....
I'll save that one for the forums ...