With Johnny on indefinite leave studying a mass undersea sponge migration, I thought I'd rip him off. His last two entries on his Pit of Hades series were such a success, that I can't help but steal the idea and run with it. (For more info, check out parts one and two.) Those of you unfamiliar with the Hades concept, we has readers and contributors to YesButNoButYes chose things we want to cast into the Pit of Hades forever, hoping that this item, or person, or non-tangible idea meets its end in a painful and fiery ball of horror. And I'll start.
People at the Gym Who Talk on Their Cellphones While on the Treadmill. Most often, these are little girls just out of college with some vaguely sexual word written across the ass of their too-small shorts. Their jogging pace is not much faster than Stephen Hawking's wheelchair running up a hill with low batteries. Their sweat is not broken. Their conversations are loud enough to hear above the guy wheezing on the poorly used ergometer, and they usually wear make-up.
59Fifty Hat Stickers. Really? We're really doing this? We're keeping stickers on the all too flat brims of our hats to prove that we're wearing the "right" hat? If I were to walk out of Brooks Brothers, I'd get my ass kicked for keeping the tags on my new wool suit. (The guys in my tennis club are such dicks).
Brendan Fraser Movies. I had the (mis)fortune of attending the New York Premier of Mr. Fraser's new movie, Inkheart last night. It occurred to me that I've never actually seen a Brendan Fraser movie in a theater before, and I couldn't remember the last Brendan Fraser movie I'd actually watched. (I think it was Bedazzled) And now I know why. I found myself getting excited when he wasn't on the screen. Looking forward to those moments actually. He has two emotions... dumbly stoic and "what the fuck is going on" excitement. The film itself was clunky, ill-paced, and poorly-written including a final action scene that blatantly ripped off the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
"You know?" This has become a verbal placeholder along the lines of "like" and "um". It's used so often that I began counting its use at a family Christmas party and lost count after 64. We need to stop using this. Please, find something else, anything else to insert but "you know". What if the person you're speaking with doesn't actually know? Further, it makes you sound like a dolt.
I feel like the ball has started rolling. Now I turn to you. Throw some stuff in. It's a new year, what better way to start than by getting rid of the things we can do without?
59Fifty Hat Stickers. Really? We're really doing this? We're keeping stickers on the all too flat brims of our hats to prove that we're wearing the "right" hat? If I were to walk out of Brooks Brothers, I'd get my ass kicked for keeping the tags on my new wool suit. (The guys in my tennis club are such dicks).
Brendan Fraser Movies. I had the (mis)fortune of attending the New York Premier of Mr. Fraser's new movie, Inkheart last night. It occurred to me that I've never actually seen a Brendan Fraser movie in a theater before, and I couldn't remember the last Brendan Fraser movie I'd actually watched. (I think it was Bedazzled) And now I know why. I found myself getting excited when he wasn't on the screen. Looking forward to those moments actually. He has two emotions... dumbly stoic and "what the fuck is going on" excitement. The film itself was clunky, ill-paced, and poorly-written including a final action scene that blatantly ripped off the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
"You know?" This has become a verbal placeholder along the lines of "like" and "um". It's used so often that I began counting its use at a family Christmas party and lost count after 64. We need to stop using this. Please, find something else, anything else to insert but "you know". What if the person you're speaking with doesn't actually know? Further, it makes you sound like a dolt.
I feel like the ball has started rolling. Now I turn to you. Throw some stuff in. It's a new year, what better way to start than by getting rid of the things we can do without?
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Reddit!
The entire Banking industry?
Bernard Madoff.
Birds that are attracted to planes.
Course a lot of the people I'd like thown in will be thrown out on Tuesday.
"NO I DON'T KNOW PLEASE ELABORATE."
"NO I DON'T KNOW PLEASE ELABORATE."
"NO I DON'T KNOW PLEASE ELABORATE."
"NO I DON'T KNOW PLEASE ELABORATE."
"NO I DON'T KNOW PLEASE ELABORATE."
The geniuses in the federal government who thing 5000 port-a-potties for 5,000,000 people at the inauguration ceremony is going to work.
SP--it will, because all those tickets they will write for urinating in public or indecent exposure will pay off the national debt!!!
Caroline Kennedy - for saying, 'Hey I want to be a senator too!'
Telemarketers
Reporters who get jealous when they find out they have to compete with Joe the Plumber
the moon for being so bright lately--it keeps waking me up with its luminosity!
Whiners
Martha Stewart
People who call MY phone and ask "Who is this?"
Space Invaders (you know who these people are...this is my space ---- this is Your space---- please stay OUT of mine.)
Mean People. They Suck
The way my mother pronounces 'penguins' as 'penquins' (I kid you not)
Are we limited here????
Damn you echo,
I thought Johnny was back....
Sorry to disappoint Vader. Tamra, there are no limits. Throw it all in there if you have to.
Tamra, I agree with the space invaders--throw them all in the tiniest part of Hades together!!!
Echo, don't forget Johnny's orig rule--if we can justify rescuing what others threw in, we can take it back out (see pickles in edition 1, I think)
College Athletic Directors. They suck in general but the BCS is especially sucky.
Whoever is writing Jim Carrey movies these days. The Yes Man? How about the The No Man, starring E as a guy who says No to lame movies.
Bitchy, stuck-up soccer moms. No one else cares about your stupid kid except you.
Jerky neighbors who complain if you leave your garbage bins out too long. GET A LIFE!
Bill collectors who call my house and, even if i answer the phone, play a message giving a number and extension for ME to call THEM back. If you can't have an actual person call, don't be surprised when you don't hear from me.
Ann Coulter, because she needs to go home.
Ditto Rush Limbaugh.
Paris Hilton, burn in hell..
people who hell at me thru the tv to get me to buy crap that doesn't work (i.e. the sham wow guy and billy mays)
people who can't drive
celeb skanks
sequels to movies that don't earn a sequel (i.e. american pie)
People in stores who expect you to bend the laws of space-time because they deem it possible.
Here's a tip: If we don't have it, and the clerk says we don't have it and the manager says we don't have it and they've all stopped their full schedules in their tracks to find it four you, STOP. ASKING.
Okay, ranting over. Man, that felt good!
People in stores who expect you to bend the laws of space-time because they deem it possible.
Here's a tip: If we don't have it, and the clerk says we don't have it and the manager says we don't have it and they've all stopped their full schedules in their tracks to find it for you, STOP. ASKING.
Okay, ranting over. Man, that felt good!
people who think that making a year's worth of brainless movies and calling anything that requires thought or *ghasp* reading subtitles! boring. Explosions + hot women in tiny clothing does not cancel out shitty plots and bad acting. I'm looking at YOU Judd Apatow!
Governments who won't recognize another country because of religion.
Governments who fire missiles, rockets and fire into schools, United Nations Food Pantry's and refugee camps.
The smelly guy on the subway who stunk up my commute and made me puke my coffee.
$350,000,000,000 bail out bills.
$12,000,000,000 bail out bills.
It sounds heartless but let freemarket rules apply!
Hey Canucks, anyone else remember Street Cents? They didn't call it the pit of hades, just the pit, I think, but they always threw the junky products the reviewed into the pit at the end of the show.