Place your votes, then place your bets.

Picking Johnny's funniest posts is akin to picking who was "cooler" Zach or AC Slater. It's an impossible feat, and one that I took on with severe reservation. Johnny has an ability to find the absurd and strange in anything, as well as point us in a better direction with his solid moral compass. He's clever, hysterical, and missed. Once he gets back from rescuing jaguars in El Salvador, I'm sure we'll be treated to his classic articles once again. As I did with my list yesterday, I'm offering a "director's commentary" about each post, even though I didn't write them and had nothing to do with their content.

Billy Mays great, new product for toilets. Does he use explicit Language?
Sh*t yeah.

This should be like shooting fish in a barrel. You could even make a caption for each character!

Tell you what, if we get some real good one-liners, I'll post this again with speech bubbles.

OK?

Dear George W. & Laura,

I just heard on the news that you have begun packing for your move back to Texas.

How exciting! And stressful.

I'm sure you can't wait to get back home, but packing up all your stuff is going to be a daunting task.

Well I'd like to volunteer my services.

While I have not supported your administration or most of its policies, I'd be honored to help you get out of the White House as fast as possible.

I want you to know that I am a skilled mover.

I have my own back brace and box straps to haul multiple boxes at a time.

I have moved myself as well as friends numerous times over the past decade. And living in New York City, I'm accustomed to getting people out of houses fast.

If need be, I could rent a truck to get you out of town sooner than January 20th. Sure, "legally" you're supposed to be President till then, but why adhere to the Constitution now?

Most importantly for you, I'm available right now. I can be in DC in little under 4 hours.
(Don't worry about my employer, I'm in-between jobs right now on account of the economy.)

So what do you say? I stand ready to finally serve you.

Excitedly,
Baierman

PS - I could probably bring some friends with me. After all, lots and lots of people I know are very excited that you're moving on, and out.