It's curious how some minor fault may alter a person's life. Take the case of Miss Nickerson.
If you live in New York, you may have seen Miss Nickerson walking up Park Avenue. A little woman in her late forties, with a streak of grey or two in her black hair, and suggestions of a double chin. You would realize that once she must have been very beautiful. With her are two Pekinese dogs - always. Their pictures, with Miss Nickerson, frequently appear in the rotogravure sections.
People say that Miss Nickerson makes a fool of herself about them, that she acts downright silly. Having them sit at the table with her while she dines, for example. Putting each on in his little French bed. Sending them out for an airing in her car, jacketed as well an certainly more beautifully then children. Talking baby talk of the most banal kind to them.
The whole attitude sounds silly enough, but in Miss Nickerson's care it is not silly. It is tragic. Because these two pets of hers represent a bitter compromise with life.
If ever a woman was born who yearned for love, marriage, motherhood and children. Miss Nickerson was the woman. All of them were denied her.
What kind of sly trick had life played upon her? Why had fate singled out for punishment this great-hearted, charming woman? Many, many times she must have wondered about it herself.
After her debut in June, 1904, it seemed almost certain that she would marry a titled young English army officer whom she had met in the Riviera, when the Nickerson yacht had been in foreign waters. Nothing came of it.
Then in rapid succession other men paid suitors court. At least so it seemed, till one by one they, too, drifted away. She didn't seem to be able to hold them. The years passed quickly and still Miss Nickerson was unmarried. Occasionally men still felt the force of her beauty and charm but not for long.
When she was past forty, she seemed to give up an idea of romance. Most of her time and her money were devoted to her many charitable enterprises. The Nickerson Home for Crippled Children. The Nickerson Education Foundation. She busied herself in a round of activities for the good of others.
To those who did not know her, she seemed to be like a thousand other New York women. Sophisticated. Cold. Indifferent. But if you could se her at the end of the day, mothering the two Pekinese, you would realize that she was non of those things, that she was simply a lonely and disappointed woman.
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So where did this fictional character named Miss Nickerson go wrong?
She had a bad case of halitosis or bad breath.
And according to this 1931 ad for Listerine, her life (and that of all lonely spinsters for that matter) would have been different if Miss Nickerson had used Listerine.
If only she had a publicist. Or put out. Life may have been a lot different.
See the full ad from 1931 here...
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God damn. That must have been some seriously bad breath.
Fuck Listerine, if you want to get rid of bad breath just brush your teeth and floss once in a while.
...Wow. That just made me feel terrible. I mean, partly at the suggestion that a woman without children is inherently unhappy and unfulfilled. But mostly that a corporation would hit people at their most vulnerable. I guess it makes me feel like today's advertisers are at least more delicate in their suggestions, hinting that with bad breath you'll only miss tonight's date, not all possible future happiness.
All in all, this advertisement is more baffling than the use listerine for douching advertisements, which are just plain silly.