It's tough to admit this, but I set up an account with Match.com. (Now inactive, sorry ladies.) Part of me was curious, part of me was desperate, and the other part found it to be an interesting study in social physics.

I'm not the type of person to approach a woman in a bar and start talking to her. That's just not me ... or how I'm wired. And personally, I find guys with that ability to have not much to offer after the initial conversation, a drive down the Jersey shore in their suped-up Camero and a date-rape. I figured Match.com would be a good entry back into the dating world, but with safe and comfortable parameters. I've heard Match success stories and thought that if it worked for others, it should work for me as well. And to a point it did.

Scouring my computers for the best possible photos of me, plus spending hours writing a bio which women would find both funny and engaging, I was sure that the ladies would flock. Also, my "tagline" was that I had worked previously as an elbow model. What better opener is there? Plus, she'd see that I was sarcastic and tend to throw out non sequiturs. I was fully armed and ready to go.

Originally, I set up the account (for free) which put my profile out there and allowed interested parties to "wink" at me. The winks started flowing in, but nothing struck my fancy. Searching the site, and after a thorough revision of my bio, I found a girl who I thought was cute. So I winked. It took me three days to get the nerve up to do so, figuring that as soon as I hit "wink" we'd be married with three children.

That didn't happen.

In fact, she didn't wink back. So the scenarios started flowing through my head. She thought I was ugly/crazy. Her psychotic ex-boyfriend found her and was currently keeping her in a basement. She didn't like that I labeled myself as a "liberal." Whatever it was, I got no response.

Then I got an anonymous e-mail. The way Match is set up, members can e-mail you, but in order to read them, you need to drop down cash. You're not allowed to see who the member was that e-mailed you either. So I bit the bullet and ponied up.

The $40 a month wasn't worth it. NYCLady81* was not what you'd call "attractive." Her e-mail screamed of desperation, and I'm half certain she asked me for a dollar on the subway a few weeks previous. I didn't want NYCLady to ruin the fun for everyone else. Also, I was getting more comfortable with the winking. So I continued to dive into Match.

There's a disconnect that I ran into several times on Match. You see, several times I was winked at and winked back finding the "winkers" profile to be interesting. (Let's be honest, she was hot. I didn't even read the bios.) So she'd wink me, I'd wink her and nothing would happen. Did she think my winking back was too forward? Had a crossed the boundary of match-etiquette? Why weren't we eating steak (her treat) at a fancy restaurant at that very moment? Had someone better winked at her?

Slowly, Match.com was adding to my misery. Not only had I spent the last few months feeling rejected by life, but this was solidifying that I had little going for me. I was bound to wander the Earth alone, finding Jesus and preaching the gospel to anyone who'd listen.

Determined to get the full value out of this service, I wouldn't let these speed bumps slow me down. I added more photos and beefed up my bio again. I threw in pictures of me, in a tuxedo, attending the Emmy Awards. That way, they'd see what an incredibly fascinating person I was and that I traveled the world attending high-profile events. Also, I gave my job title under the "occupation" section. If you're involved in developing anything, people assume you're raking in the big bucks. This, of course, isn't exactly true in my case, but I thought "Business Development" sounded better than Starbucks Barista.

The winks continued, but I crossed the e-mail border into "Cougardom." Cougars, for the uninitiated, are women over 40 who date younger men. I'd get three or four e-mails a day from cougars telling me how cute I was and how they wanted to meet up. And trust me, I considered it.

But I imagined how a date would go with one and knew I'd freak out when she mentioned she was divorced or worse ... a mother. Plus, I knew she's tell her friends about me and they'd refer to me as a "boy-toy" which was a role I wasn't willing to play. So I passed on the date requests.

Finally, my month came to an end. I was asked to renew and politely declined. Online dating works for plenty of people, but not me. It's not who I am. It's too impersonal. Plus, I refuse to date anyone without my best friend's explicit approval, including blood and urine.

So, to all the "TennisGirl421s" and "EllieNYCs" who thought I was at least worth a glance, thank you very much. While we might not meet on Match, serendipity always has a way of working things out.