I was unemployed for just under a month, something I'm still amazed by based on the rising jobless rates and darkening economy. I decided to keep a journal of this time off with the hope to garner some insight into what someone goes through during this turbulent period in life.This was the result...
Day One
9:00 - Woke up with a strong determination to find a job. The world is my damn burrito and it's time to enjoy its splendors. I won't be kept down. I won't get pushed around. I will make a difference in this world, or go down trying. First things first, I need to start searching Monster.com.
9:05 to 9:06 - Searched Monster.com.
9:06 - Discovered YouPorn.
11:27 - Discovered my ex-girlfriend on YouPorn.
11:29 - Discovered my ex-girlfriend doing things on YouPorn she never would have let me do to her.
11:32 to 1:33 - Cried in the corner of my bedroom.
1:33 - Decided I needed to get out of my apartment. The last few days have been too emotionally draining. A walk along the river will do me good.
1:33 to 2:14 - Walked along the river. A homeless man asked me for change. Realizing I could use some karma, I happily handed over $50. I made him promise not to spend it on liquor and handjobs and he said he wouldn't.
2:14 to 3:00 - Wrote a half-assed article for YesButNoButYes. Why Scaramouch keeps me on staff I'll never know. I'm not even phoning these things in anymore. Really. I'll never be like Miss Cellania or Baierman, they can put the word "the" up as a post and get 15,000 hits.
3:05 to 5:00 - Went back to YouPorn, making sure to stay out of the "Chicks and Donkeys" section.
Day Two
9:00 to 10:00 - Wrote a scathing article about my former company, pointing out the incredible display of mismanagement and secret off-shore accounts where the CEO was hiding his drug laundering money.
10:00 to 10:05 - Reread the non-disclosure agreement I signed at the old company.
10:05 - Took down the article pointing out the short-coming of my old company.
11:00 - Thought about cleaning out my closet.
11:10 - Just a thought: is it possible that Elizabeth Hasselback could be functionally retarded?
12:41 - Stouffers makes the best vegetable lasagna in the world. Nothing comes close.
1:00 to 3:02 - Went on to actual job sites and poked around. Applied for a few positions. I'm sure it'll only be a few days until someone from Apple or Google calls wanting to hire me. I know they're looking for someone with "sheep insemination" as a job skill on their resume.
3:15 to 3:27 - Spoke with my neighbor Mr. Haynsworth. Definitely a good guy. We spoke about his experiences in the neighborhood. (He's lived here since the 70's when, based on what he told me, the Upper West Side was nothing but a drug den.)
4:21 - I really should clean out my closet. I'm fairly certain I have a frosted strawberry pop-tart in there somewhere.
Day Seven
11:14 - Thought I'd sleep in a bit today. I figured, why not. I worked hard, I deserved some rest.
12:56 - I should grow a beard. I've never actually done it. Thanks to my WASP roots, facial hair isn't something that is easy for me to grow. But I should at least attempt it. What's the worst that could happen.
1:01 - Checked my e-mail for a response from Google. Hit refresh a few times. Nothing.
1:03 - Went outside and helped Mr. Haynsworth put a bunch of heavy boxes into the dumpster.
1:10 - Stopped by Gray's Papaya for their recession special. I used to see the humor in that, now it's not too funny.
2:00 - Spent at least ten minutes walking behind a guy I thought was John Tesh. It took me five blocks out of the way. Turns out it was just a dude with a really large head.
4:44 to 5:02 - Made a solid effort to clean out my closet. I got about two and a half feet in and realized it was fruitless.
5:30 to 6:21 - I consumed an entire 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper in under an hour while watching the latest episode of TrueBlood. Decided I should attempt to clean out more of my closet.
6:23 - Nope, that closet needs a few days to air out.
Day Nine
10:31 - Got an e-mail from Scaramouch asking me if I wanted to head to Los Angeles and cover an event. Made sure the dates didn't interfere with any good guests on the View and decided to take him up on the offer.
11:54 - A policeman was going door-to-door asking people questions. I thought it might be about the smell coming from my closet so I hid under my bed for five minutes until he left.
1:00 to 3:08 - Went for a walk in Central Park. It was nice out and the leaves are just starting to change. A homeless guy asked me for change, and I laughed a bit and told him he was barking up the wrong tree. Just because I have daily access to a shower doesn't mean I need to support his lazy ass.
3:08 to 8:21 - Played a little bit of Grand Theft Auto.
Day Ten
8:48 - Why the hell does ConEd need to check my gas meter at 8:48 in the morning? Don't they realize that most people are asleep at this time of day?
10:01 - Beard update: I definitely have some growth. My sideburns are looking bushier and my chin is itchy. I have a bit of a concern that my mustache and my beard will fail to connect.
10:20 to 10:40 - Took a shower. I'm running low on shampoo and am wondering if I should forgo my $40/bottle imported from Switzerland shampoo and buy the cheap stuff from CVS. I need to start investing in my future, and with today's economic woes, one can't be too careful.
11:07 to 11:31 - Mr. Haynsworth may be the nicest guy imaginable. He asked me how the job search was going and wondered if I wanted to come in and look at his collection of military weapons. I told him I'd take a rain check as I was heading out to Gray's for a quick bite.
11:35 - Noticed a missing person poster on a telephone poll. I thought they were just for lost pets. You don't see that everyday.
11:54 - Gray's Papaya may have the tastiest hotdogs I've ever had. They always seem to hit the spot.
12:40 - And it looks like that spot happens to be the bottom of my toilet. Something is definitely not right with my stomach.
12:56 to 3:11 - Passed out in the fetal position on my bathroom floor.
4:00 - I think I'm well enough to look for some jobs online. I guess those dick-sniffers at Google don't think I'm worth it.
4:01 - Resisted the temptation to go back to YouPorn.
4:05 - Contemplated, briefly, applying for a job at Wendy's just until the job market picks up.
4:55 - I may or may not have just heard what appeared to be a mouse coming from inside my closet. I dare not explore.
Day Fourteen
9:31 - Beards are tough to grow. I wonder if they make facial Rogaine? Think I can get some of it before my medical benefits run out?
11:04 - I really wish I wasn't so physically attracted to Elizabeth Hassleback. It would make my conscience feel much better.
12:21 - Got a call for an interview. It's for some small ad agency downtown. I'm not sure I'm going to take it. I wouldn't want to ruin my chances with Google should they want to hire me.
1:04 to 3:56 - Went for a long walk over to the East Side. I got in a small fight with a homeless man. It went something like this:
Homeless Man: Spare some change?
Me: Go fuck yourself.
Homeless Man: You don't have to be rude about it.
Me: You don't have to be all up in my grill with your shit. (Considering I grew up in the suburbs of Connecticut, I too was surprised when such a phrase escaped my mouth.)
Homeless Man: Ok, I don't want any trouble.
Me: Well you just found it Tonto.
I took a swing at him, and despite his apparent inebriation, he ducked and hit me with a left hook. I passed out for a good five minutes in which he and, from what I can only assume, a bunch of teenage hoodlums stole my Swatch and the $3.23 I had in my wallet.
5:00 - Heard another noise from my closet.
11:41 - Mr. Haynsworth knocked on my door. He looked a bit disheveled, especially because he had some scratches on his face. He gave me a wooden box and told me not to open it. When he left, he looked back and said, "no matter what, never open that." Then he ran his finger across his throat. Sort of strange.
Day Seventeen
12:03 - I leave for Los Angeles tomorrow. I decided to adjust to Pacific Time early by sleeping late. Luckily I DVR'd the View.
2:21 - Screw this, I'm shaving my beard. It's rather pathetic. Most of the hairs are of differing lengths and colors. It covers roughly 2% of my face and has more patches than a girl scout troop.
2:45 to 3:10 - Wrote a dissertation on particle physics thermodynamics.
3:14 to 5:01 - I've made a significant effort to clean out my closet. Behind my collection of old Maxim Magazines, I noticed what appears to be a small house. No more than the size of a Coke can, how I never noticed this before is beyond me.
Day Eighteen
10:08 (PST) - In Los Angeles.
11:22 - Started drinking.
3:44 - You guys are awesome. No, wait. Seriously. No I mean it. I love you guys. I don't say it enough. I just want to hug you. I want to hug everyone.
5:01 - don't you thnk I know how tohandle my liqor? Suck it bitchs. Don't talk to me lke you know me.
5:08 - ...
Day Nineteen
11:51 (PST) - This hotel needs quicker access to pain killers. When I call the front desk, there should be pain killers in my hand in under two minutes. What kind of cheap-ass Motel 6 is this?
Day Twenty
8:30 (EST) - I'm back home after a red-eye. It's sort of disconcerting as Mr. Haynsworth left me a note telling me he needed that box he gave me back. Also, there's four messages on my voicemail from Detective Paul Ellison from the NYPD. Nothing from Google.
8:41 to 12:44 - I took a nap to get back up to East Coast time.
1:02 to 3:41 - I heard another noise from my (newly cleaned) closet and found several small people living in the house behind the magazines. What's more, several other houses have sprung up around my closet with other people living in them. Oddly, these people speak English and refer to me as "The Light". I spoke with their tribal leader who mentioned they'd lived here long before I moved in. I asked him if they needed anything, but he assured me they were fine. So I closed the door and let them do whatever it is little people who live in your closet do. They don't bother me, I won't bother them. Though I should ask for help with the rent.
3:58 - Got another call for a job opportunity. Still no word from Google.
6:20 - Wrote an article for YesButNoButYes but thought it might have too much of a liberal slant. Took it down and decided to watch some Fox News for some inspiration.
6:21 to 6:30 - Watched some Fox News.
Day Twenty One
2:08 (AM) - Was woken up in the middle of the night be NYPD cops busting down my door and handing me a search warrant. They were looking for the box that Mr. Haynsworth had given me. I was also arrested for aiding and abetting a criminal. It turns out those boxes I helped Mr. Haynsworth carry out to the dumpster were filled with various human body parts from the people he'd killed and kept frozen in the basement of our building. That box he so nicely gave me contained, among other things, a knife and rope.
4:11 - They let me go once they realized, in the sergeant's words "I wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the marquee." They also thought I had a great insanity plea once I told them about the little people living in my closet.
Day Twenty Four
11:11 - At this point I'm strongly considering what to do once I become homeless. There's no chance I'll get a job in this market. My apartment is way too expensive and I won't be able to afford next month's rent. Why did I have to get the huge fucking television? Why do I have a marble bathroom? I'm not an Italian prince! And the Pert Plus I bought at CVS looks out of place among such beauty. I made a decision to find that homeless man who kicked my ass and see if he can teach me how to be homeless.
12:01 to 6:55 - I searched the entire expanse of Manhattan from 59th Street to 96th Street and there's no sign of that homeless guy. None. They need to create an instruction manual (available for free) on how to be homeless. I'm afraid I won't be very good at it.
6:56 - While I was out, I received a call asking if I wanted to come in and interview for a job at an ad agency. I fully believe that Google lost my resume in a fly-fishing accident and so I've decided to take the interview.
Day Twenty Five
1:00 - I can't believe I missed the View for this interview. Luckily it went well and they said they'd call once they made their decision.
3:31 - I'm down to the bitter end of my food supplies. I have couscous and a cinnamon apple granola bar. The little people living in my closet are starting to look tasty.
Day Twenty Seven
7:31 - Woke up early when my parents made an unscheduled stop to my apartment.
8:22 - My mom remarked about the amount of semi-used tissues I had scattered on and near my computer.
11:01 - After cleaning my apartment and buying me groceries, my parents asked if I needed help. I told them I had plenty of friends and was generally happy. I may have mentioned that I had small people living in my closet that I talked to regularly. This is when things went downhill and my mom started crying. I attempted to show them the village in my closet, but unfortunately the little people had moved (or were destroyed by a badly thrown sweater).
Day Twenty Eight
3:04 - Success! The company liked me and asked if I'd like to start in a few days. Things are looking up. I hope they don't drug test.
Day Thirty
9:08 (PM) - I'm trying to fall asleep early as I start my first day of work tomorrow. This Enya CD isn't working. I need peace and calm. I need quiet. Soothing thoughts.
9:12 - Just received a call from the NYPD informing me that Mr. Haynsworth had escaped and I should make sure my door is locked.
Day Thirty One
6:30 (PM) - I'm back from my first day of work. It was great even though I had a horrible night of sleep last night. No sign of Mr. Haynsworth though I did get a call from Google...
9:00 - Woke up with a strong determination to find a job. The world is my damn burrito and it's time to enjoy its splendors. I won't be kept down. I won't get pushed around. I will make a difference in this world, or go down trying. First things first, I need to start searching Monster.com.
9:05 to 9:06 - Searched Monster.com.
9:06 - Discovered YouPorn.
11:27 - Discovered my ex-girlfriend on YouPorn.
11:29 - Discovered my ex-girlfriend doing things on YouPorn she never would have let me do to her.
11:32 to 1:33 - Cried in the corner of my bedroom.
1:33 - Decided I needed to get out of my apartment. The last few days have been too emotionally draining. A walk along the river will do me good.
1:33 to 2:14 - Walked along the river. A homeless man asked me for change. Realizing I could use some karma, I happily handed over $50. I made him promise not to spend it on liquor and handjobs and he said he wouldn't.
2:14 to 3:00 - Wrote a half-assed article for YesButNoButYes. Why Scaramouch keeps me on staff I'll never know. I'm not even phoning these things in anymore. Really. I'll never be like Miss Cellania or Baierman, they can put the word "the" up as a post and get 15,000 hits.
3:05 to 5:00 - Went back to YouPorn, making sure to stay out of the "Chicks and Donkeys" section.
Day Two
9:00 to 10:00 - Wrote a scathing article about my former company, pointing out the incredible display of mismanagement and secret off-shore accounts where the CEO was hiding his drug laundering money.
10:00 to 10:05 - Reread the non-disclosure agreement I signed at the old company.
10:05 - Took down the article pointing out the short-coming of my old company.
11:00 - Thought about cleaning out my closet.
11:10 - Just a thought: is it possible that Elizabeth Hasselback could be functionally retarded?
12:41 - Stouffers makes the best vegetable lasagna in the world. Nothing comes close.
1:00 to 3:02 - Went on to actual job sites and poked around. Applied for a few positions. I'm sure it'll only be a few days until someone from Apple or Google calls wanting to hire me. I know they're looking for someone with "sheep insemination" as a job skill on their resume.
3:15 to 3:27 - Spoke with my neighbor Mr. Haynsworth. Definitely a good guy. We spoke about his experiences in the neighborhood. (He's lived here since the 70's when, based on what he told me, the Upper West Side was nothing but a drug den.)
4:21 - I really should clean out my closet. I'm fairly certain I have a frosted strawberry pop-tart in there somewhere.
Day Seven
11:14 - Thought I'd sleep in a bit today. I figured, why not. I worked hard, I deserved some rest.
12:56 - I should grow a beard. I've never actually done it. Thanks to my WASP roots, facial hair isn't something that is easy for me to grow. But I should at least attempt it. What's the worst that could happen.
1:01 - Checked my e-mail for a response from Google. Hit refresh a few times. Nothing.
1:03 - Went outside and helped Mr. Haynsworth put a bunch of heavy boxes into the dumpster.
1:10 - Stopped by Gray's Papaya for their recession special. I used to see the humor in that, now it's not too funny.
2:00 - Spent at least ten minutes walking behind a guy I thought was John Tesh. It took me five blocks out of the way. Turns out it was just a dude with a really large head.
4:44 to 5:02 - Made a solid effort to clean out my closet. I got about two and a half feet in and realized it was fruitless.
5:30 to 6:21 - I consumed an entire 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper in under an hour while watching the latest episode of TrueBlood. Decided I should attempt to clean out more of my closet.
6:23 - Nope, that closet needs a few days to air out.
Day Nine
10:31 - Got an e-mail from Scaramouch asking me if I wanted to head to Los Angeles and cover an event. Made sure the dates didn't interfere with any good guests on the View and decided to take him up on the offer.
11:54 - A policeman was going door-to-door asking people questions. I thought it might be about the smell coming from my closet so I hid under my bed for five minutes until he left.
1:00 to 3:08 - Went for a walk in Central Park. It was nice out and the leaves are just starting to change. A homeless guy asked me for change, and I laughed a bit and told him he was barking up the wrong tree. Just because I have daily access to a shower doesn't mean I need to support his lazy ass.
3:08 to 8:21 - Played a little bit of Grand Theft Auto.
Day Ten
8:48 - Why the hell does ConEd need to check my gas meter at 8:48 in the morning? Don't they realize that most people are asleep at this time of day?
10:01 - Beard update: I definitely have some growth. My sideburns are looking bushier and my chin is itchy. I have a bit of a concern that my mustache and my beard will fail to connect.
10:20 to 10:40 - Took a shower. I'm running low on shampoo and am wondering if I should forgo my $40/bottle imported from Switzerland shampoo and buy the cheap stuff from CVS. I need to start investing in my future, and with today's economic woes, one can't be too careful.
11:07 to 11:31 - Mr. Haynsworth may be the nicest guy imaginable. He asked me how the job search was going and wondered if I wanted to come in and look at his collection of military weapons. I told him I'd take a rain check as I was heading out to Gray's for a quick bite.
11:35 - Noticed a missing person poster on a telephone poll. I thought they were just for lost pets. You don't see that everyday.
11:54 - Gray's Papaya may have the tastiest hotdogs I've ever had. They always seem to hit the spot.
12:40 - And it looks like that spot happens to be the bottom of my toilet. Something is definitely not right with my stomach.
12:56 to 3:11 - Passed out in the fetal position on my bathroom floor.
4:00 - I think I'm well enough to look for some jobs online. I guess those dick-sniffers at Google don't think I'm worth it.
4:01 - Resisted the temptation to go back to YouPorn.
4:05 - Contemplated, briefly, applying for a job at Wendy's just until the job market picks up.
4:55 - I may or may not have just heard what appeared to be a mouse coming from inside my closet. I dare not explore.
Day Fourteen
9:31 - Beards are tough to grow. I wonder if they make facial Rogaine? Think I can get some of it before my medical benefits run out?
11:04 - I really wish I wasn't so physically attracted to Elizabeth Hassleback. It would make my conscience feel much better.
12:21 - Got a call for an interview. It's for some small ad agency downtown. I'm not sure I'm going to take it. I wouldn't want to ruin my chances with Google should they want to hire me.
1:04 to 3:56 - Went for a long walk over to the East Side. I got in a small fight with a homeless man. It went something like this:
Homeless Man: Spare some change?
Me: Go fuck yourself.
Homeless Man: You don't have to be rude about it.
Me: You don't have to be all up in my grill with your shit. (Considering I grew up in the suburbs of Connecticut, I too was surprised when such a phrase escaped my mouth.)
Homeless Man: Ok, I don't want any trouble.
Me: Well you just found it Tonto.
I took a swing at him, and despite his apparent inebriation, he ducked and hit me with a left hook. I passed out for a good five minutes in which he and, from what I can only assume, a bunch of teenage hoodlums stole my Swatch and the $3.23 I had in my wallet.
5:00 - Heard another noise from my closet.
11:41 - Mr. Haynsworth knocked on my door. He looked a bit disheveled, especially because he had some scratches on his face. He gave me a wooden box and told me not to open it. When he left, he looked back and said, "no matter what, never open that." Then he ran his finger across his throat. Sort of strange.
Day Seventeen
12:03 - I leave for Los Angeles tomorrow. I decided to adjust to Pacific Time early by sleeping late. Luckily I DVR'd the View.
2:21 - Screw this, I'm shaving my beard. It's rather pathetic. Most of the hairs are of differing lengths and colors. It covers roughly 2% of my face and has more patches than a girl scout troop.
2:45 to 3:10 - Wrote a dissertation on particle physics thermodynamics.
3:14 to 5:01 - I've made a significant effort to clean out my closet. Behind my collection of old Maxim Magazines, I noticed what appears to be a small house. No more than the size of a Coke can, how I never noticed this before is beyond me.
Day Eighteen
10:08 (PST) - In Los Angeles.
11:22 - Started drinking.
3:44 - You guys are awesome. No, wait. Seriously. No I mean it. I love you guys. I don't say it enough. I just want to hug you. I want to hug everyone.
5:01 - don't you thnk I know how tohandle my liqor? Suck it bitchs. Don't talk to me lke you know me.
5:08 - ...
Day Nineteen
11:51 (PST) - This hotel needs quicker access to pain killers. When I call the front desk, there should be pain killers in my hand in under two minutes. What kind of cheap-ass Motel 6 is this?
Day Twenty
8:30 (EST) - I'm back home after a red-eye. It's sort of disconcerting as Mr. Haynsworth left me a note telling me he needed that box he gave me back. Also, there's four messages on my voicemail from Detective Paul Ellison from the NYPD. Nothing from Google.
8:41 to 12:44 - I took a nap to get back up to East Coast time.
1:02 to 3:41 - I heard another noise from my (newly cleaned) closet and found several small people living in the house behind the magazines. What's more, several other houses have sprung up around my closet with other people living in them. Oddly, these people speak English and refer to me as "The Light". I spoke with their tribal leader who mentioned they'd lived here long before I moved in. I asked him if they needed anything, but he assured me they were fine. So I closed the door and let them do whatever it is little people who live in your closet do. They don't bother me, I won't bother them. Though I should ask for help with the rent.
3:58 - Got another call for a job opportunity. Still no word from Google.
6:20 - Wrote an article for YesButNoButYes but thought it might have too much of a liberal slant. Took it down and decided to watch some Fox News for some inspiration.
6:21 to 6:30 - Watched some Fox News.
Day Twenty One
2:08 (AM) - Was woken up in the middle of the night be NYPD cops busting down my door and handing me a search warrant. They were looking for the box that Mr. Haynsworth had given me. I was also arrested for aiding and abetting a criminal. It turns out those boxes I helped Mr. Haynsworth carry out to the dumpster were filled with various human body parts from the people he'd killed and kept frozen in the basement of our building. That box he so nicely gave me contained, among other things, a knife and rope.
4:11 - They let me go once they realized, in the sergeant's words "I wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the marquee." They also thought I had a great insanity plea once I told them about the little people living in my closet.
Day Twenty Four
11:11 - At this point I'm strongly considering what to do once I become homeless. There's no chance I'll get a job in this market. My apartment is way too expensive and I won't be able to afford next month's rent. Why did I have to get the huge fucking television? Why do I have a marble bathroom? I'm not an Italian prince! And the Pert Plus I bought at CVS looks out of place among such beauty. I made a decision to find that homeless man who kicked my ass and see if he can teach me how to be homeless.
12:01 to 6:55 - I searched the entire expanse of Manhattan from 59th Street to 96th Street and there's no sign of that homeless guy. None. They need to create an instruction manual (available for free) on how to be homeless. I'm afraid I won't be very good at it.
6:56 - While I was out, I received a call asking if I wanted to come in and interview for a job at an ad agency. I fully believe that Google lost my resume in a fly-fishing accident and so I've decided to take the interview.
Day Twenty Five
1:00 - I can't believe I missed the View for this interview. Luckily it went well and they said they'd call once they made their decision.
3:31 - I'm down to the bitter end of my food supplies. I have couscous and a cinnamon apple granola bar. The little people living in my closet are starting to look tasty.
Day Twenty Seven
7:31 - Woke up early when my parents made an unscheduled stop to my apartment.
8:22 - My mom remarked about the amount of semi-used tissues I had scattered on and near my computer.
11:01 - After cleaning my apartment and buying me groceries, my parents asked if I needed help. I told them I had plenty of friends and was generally happy. I may have mentioned that I had small people living in my closet that I talked to regularly. This is when things went downhill and my mom started crying. I attempted to show them the village in my closet, but unfortunately the little people had moved (or were destroyed by a badly thrown sweater).
Day Twenty Eight
3:04 - Success! The company liked me and asked if I'd like to start in a few days. Things are looking up. I hope they don't drug test.
Day Thirty
9:08 (PM) - I'm trying to fall asleep early as I start my first day of work tomorrow. This Enya CD isn't working. I need peace and calm. I need quiet. Soothing thoughts.
9:12 - Just received a call from the NYPD informing me that Mr. Haynsworth had escaped and I should make sure my door is locked.
Day Thirty One
6:30 (PM) - I'm back from my first day of work. It was great even though I had a horrible night of sleep last night. No sign of Mr. Haynsworth though I did get a call from Google...
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Echo, you are way too hard on yourself...you deserve to be amongst the geniuses at YBNBY....
but based on your love of fine beauty products, I would have thought that the semi-used tissues were near the mirror, not the computer....
Funny Stuff. Glad it all worked out.
PS - it's not "the" that gets traffic, it's the 2nd word i usually add "boobs"
I definitely have a tissue issue.
May I recommend the Sham Wow? According to Jimbo, it really is great!
(see forums)
Also, you can transfer the CVS crap to the high end bottles...that way when people come to your house and use up all your good stuff, the joke is on them...
but the bottles will still match the Italian marble...
(btw, stay away from Pert...Suave is the way to go)
Echo-
Was there ever a time during unemployment that you considered prostitution?
A prettyboy with well coifed hair like yourself may do well in that profession?
I just finished reading the Autobiography of Dog the Bounty Hunter and he admitted turning to prostitution once when stranded in Vegas with no money.
If Dog can do it and have his self respect, I think we all can do it.
Amazing post!
You are hysterical! You have got to come to Nutley for dinner one night and entertain us!! :)
Thanks Cindy... though my juggling and magic skills need some vast improvement.
Cindy,
I'd like to come to Nutley for dinner????
Thanks Echo, now I know I am not the only one with little people living in the closet.
You should stay away from working at Wendy's, it is really demoralizing to be working the fry machine and think back to what you used to make and/or accomplish at your old job. They had me working the front counter one day when this guy and girl came up. She ordered and while I was working on her drink the guy starts rambling off his order, all I could do was not laugh and tell him he needed to wait a second since I wasn't paid enough to multitask. I didn't work the counter after that.
That was amazing. Great comic relief for my unemployed hubby :)
Do not give that guy our street address.
Dave - did you know that Ford gave their workforce the day off today because it's the first day of Deer Hunting season? No wonder our auto industry is in decline.
Scar-That's Awesome I should kick a resume off to Ford.
You should set the forums up so we can post pictures.
I'd like to post a few pictures of some of my kills this year.
I think some of the Staff of YBNBY should come out to my Ranch and let me take you all hunting. You could live the life of Dave for a few days. You could document it. That would make a great story.
I'm a software developer who has been unemployed for almost there years now. I hoping the current job climate causes employers at jobs that I am overqualified for to stop staring at me in disbelief when I tell them I haven't been able to find a job. And, you know, maybe I'll actually be able to get them to call me back, now.
Do you really have a marble bathroom?
My first couple of weeks of unemployment went sort of like that. But I just didn't feel like looking for a job. And I didn't. Two years later, I still haven't looked for a job.
I have a similar journal.
February-broke an ankle, move back in with parents. Get yelled at by girlfriend for breaking ankle.
March-demoted from job. Week later, transfered to other job and demoted to very bottom. Quit job. Get yelled at by girlfriend again.
April-apply to jobs. Rejected from jobs.
June-spend large chunk of settlement money to give girlfriend $500 watch. Apply to jobs. Rejected from jobs.
July-girlfriend of 5 years leaves me because I have no job...and the people she works for, who were the people that demoted me, tease her about me not having a job. Apply to jobs. Rejected from jobs.
November-work part time at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Wonder why I went to college. Apply to jobs. Rejected from jobs. Rejoice in the world that is YBNBY.
I am amazed with it. It is a good thing for my research. Thanks