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The "I Would" List
173 Comments

spongeidhitit4li.jpgIn the YesButNoButYes forums, Dave laid out the concept of "I Woulds". These are the people you would jump in bed with given a chance, even if you are in a committed relationship. Of course, the chances of this happening are extremely slim in most cases, so it's a theoretical exercise. "Fantasy" would be a better word.

So in the internet equivalent of the game Truth or Dare, I'll go ahead and list the "I Woulds" in my life. Easy for me to do, since I am not in a committed relationship. I'm not even in an uncommitted relationship! And I challenge others to do the same. Specifically, YBNBY authors who would not be kicked to the curb over such a post. Anyone else is invited to list yours in the comments.

OK, before you react to my list with "Eww", I want you to remember that I am the oldest contradictor. Guys young enough to be my son are nice to look at, but that's about all. I am also inserting a caveat that I would only take advantage of these theoretical opportunities if the involved parties were not married (most of them are), because I don't mess with married men. If I did, I wouldn't be leading the comically lonely lifestyle I do.


Jon Stewart
YJon_Stewart.jpg


What's not to love? He has the wit and timing I wish I had, wrapped up in sexy maleness. W00t!


Harrison Ford
Yharrison-ford.jpg


You can joke about Indiana Jones and the Social Security Check all you want, but I still look at him and see Han Solo.


Barack Obama
Ybarack-obama.jpg


There's nothing in the world sexier than an intelligent man who cares about people. That's in addition to being easy on the eyes. Oh, and he's about the become president.


Johnny Depp
Yjohnny_depp.jpg


OK, this one's a given.


Rubén Blades
YRuben Blades.jpg


You can go ahead and include the entire cast of Once Upon a Time in Mexico, with the exception of Cheech Marin and Willem DaFoe.


Robert Plant
Yrobert-plant.jpg


The soundtrack of my youth, and the poster I woke up to every morning.


Sean Connery
Yseanconnery.png


I am well aware that he's a male chauvinist, but we're not talking about a long-term relationship, are we? However, Mel Gibson was dropped from my list a few years ago for bigotry.

What was that forum question about anyway? Oh yeah, SO wanted to know what you'd like to see YBNBY publish now that the election is over. I guess I took the bait on that one, huh Dave?

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173 Comments

Great topic...
Just have to warn you, I'm kind of an imaginary "I would" whore...imaginary because I don't actually want to meet half of them, let alone hook up, because the illusion is half the fun...(and yes, most of them are married--I agree with her rule on that one)

That being said, I would fight Miss C for Jon Stewart, because I've been in his audience and he's even funnier when he's not scripted and is riffing with the crowd....
--Adam Sandler (I have a thing for funny Jewish guys from the tri-state area)
--Kevin James (funny is sexy)
--Ben Affleck
--Matt Damon (Boston accents...mmm...)
--Jake from Sixteen Candles
--the blond surfer from Private Practice
--the Preferred Stock twins (from way back in the 80s--but them then, not now since I haven't seen any recent pics)
--Paul Rudd
--John Cusack
--Brad Pitt
--George Clooney

there are more...but I've already established my whorehood....so I'll leave a few for the other ladies...

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 11:49 AM.

Oh man, how could I forget George Clooney!?!@ I even use him as a default partner when I need one for my site. Fellow Kentucky native, ya know...

said Miss Cellania on November 10, 2008 12:06 PM.

We get to go retro, too? I mean, if you can pull Jake from Sixteen Candles and the 80's version of the Preferred Stock twins, I can pull Cheryl Ladd from 1978 right?

Just to clarify ...

said Tim on November 10, 2008 12:13 PM.

Angelina Jolie...Like johnny depp for the ladies. that's a given.

Tina Fey...Smart and funny is sexy

Elle MacPherson... The poster I woke up to every morning

Amy Lee (from Evanescence)...ice blue eyes and long dark hair is a winner every time.

said Sheriff Pablo on November 10, 2008 12:23 PM.

The [ahem] wheel knows no time limits....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 12:23 PM.

SP--not a Johnny fan...I was a Richard Grieco girl....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 12:24 PM.

My Wife tells me if Vin Diesel or John Cena (pro-wrestler if ya don't know) came along, she'd deny my existence.

said Sheriff Pablo on November 10, 2008 12:26 PM.

Miss C-
Great Topic.
I was almost offended that I didn't make your list of "I Would's", until I realised you left Clooney off, at any rate I forgive you.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 12:33 PM.

I had a friend who told me his wife knew that if he ever had a shot at Natalie Portman he would go for it in 2 seconds. Not sure how often he reminded her of that.

said E on November 10, 2008 12:36 PM.

SP - I didn't expect to see Amy Lee on anyone's list. She definitely has something about her ... plus you know she's smart and could hold a pretty deep conversation. Still, I don't think she'll make my list ... now that I can go retro.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 12:46 PM.

Am I the only one who would have to have Elisabeth Hurley on the list?


said Dave on November 10, 2008 12:50 PM.

Dave, I'll add Elizabeth from the mid-90's. She's beautiful. I think I'll hold the conversation to a minimum, though. Snobby is a big turnoff.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 12:53 PM.

Tim, I think she's shy, not snobby...and anyone who would wear a dress pulled together by safety pins (Versace) has to have a certain adventurous side to her...if you know what I mean...
(British accent just adds to the snobby perception)

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 12:58 PM.

Ladies, if 'I would' doesn't work out. Perhaps this would...

http://www.flossie.com/man-vending-machine/

said Baierman on November 10, 2008 12:59 PM.

oh, def.
-milla donovan
-juliette binoche
-thorn from Bone
-zooey descanel
-marisa tomei
-maggie gyllenhaal
-marianne faithfull (40 years ago)
-maria taylor
-tina fey
-carla gugino

not " i would"s more like, "i would take you to dinner"s
either way, these are some odd choices for a 19 year old.

said tomy on November 10, 2008 1:00 PM.

I thinking the Elisabeth Hurley in Bedazzled.

Tim, Snobbiness dissapears the minute "I would" transforms into "I Am".
(General Rule.)

said Dave on November 10, 2008 1:01 PM.

Baier...Mr Perfect gets the assist when it comes to the I would wheel.....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 1:07 PM.

Tim, Dave's right...if you're doing it right, it's hard for her to be snobby and applaud your efforts at the same time...

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 1:08 PM.

My life has been all theory, no practice.

Since, I am still a virgin.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 1:14 PM.

hahahahahahahahahaha.....

Dave, you forgot about our meeting at LSU....that counts :-)

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 1:15 PM.

I was only 10 years old.
Everybody know Virginity doesn't count until after the age of 12.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 1:19 PM.

alrighty then....
you tell your future daughter that when she reaches age 11...

besides, you can still play "I Would" if you still have your cherry...it's not "I have", after all....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 1:25 PM.

And....I have news for you...that 2 year old son you were driving around the ranch with the other day...well, he might not be yours...

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 1:26 PM.

I'm pretty sure that if I weren't a virgin, that my "I have" list would be more impressive than my "I woulds".

Thats just the way I roll, theorhetically.

I'm pretty sure that you can't refer to a dudes virginity as still having his "cherry".

said Dave on November 10, 2008 1:31 PM.

I could have made up the "2 year old son" story because you wanted a chick answer.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 1:33 PM.

Which means you could be assuming the identity of a guy for our sake as well....hence the cherry remark is standing....

And it just sounds better than what, "spewing his wad into a gracious host"?

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 1:38 PM.

That goes back to the question, what if I am just some made up entity by the staff of YBNBY?

said Dave on November 10, 2008 1:47 PM.

Didn't someone make that accusation once when I was on a trip?

said Dave on November 10, 2008 1:49 PM.

EVERY time you go on a trip...
but I think you're real...
creating you would be a full time job...and this crew is too busy for that!

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 1:52 PM.

OK, my list includes:

Salma Hayek
Kelly Preston
Cheryl Ladd
Halle Berry
Sara Evans
Shania Twain

The following would definitely weaken my defenses, but I think I could hold it together:

Jane Seymour
Phoebe Cates
Jordana Brewster
Jami Gertz
Elizabeth Hurley
Miranda Lambert
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen

P.S. If I ever disappear for more than a month or so, my wife has stumbled across this site. At some point in the interrogation, I probably denied knowing any of you. You will find your letters of apology in a secret safe-deposit box at the Bank of Fort Knox under the name of 'Monkey Boy'.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 1:53 PM.

Tim, it's an "I Would" list....not an "I did"...

and I would much rather that my man had a list of celebs than a list of coworkers that he "would"...

but I understand the denials....it's okay, most of us only exist in Scara's imagination anyway....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 2:02 PM.

I'm pretty sure I'm real.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 2:04 PM.

How come none of the ladies have mentioned Dr. McDreamy?

said Tim on November 10, 2008 2:07 PM.

Every time I change in front of the mirror, I know that I am very real.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 2:09 PM.

... and we know Dave is real because of the photographic proof provided by Baierman in the 'Ouch, that Hurts' submission from Friday.

(I'll wait for it.)

said Tim on November 10, 2008 2:16 PM.

Tim, nice work referencing your own comments about Principal Nice...

McDreamy...well, he's almost cliche...I'd take Dempsey from the 'Can't buy me love' years...a little more geeky, yes--but possibly more humble as well....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 2:28 PM.

Charlize Theron
Elisabeth Hurley
Debra Messing
Dave
Sandra Bullock
Geena Davis (late 80's early 90's)
Carrie-Anne Moss
Asia Argento

said Jonniewalker on November 10, 2008 2:53 PM.

Jonnie - You must be a tall dude.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 2:55 PM.

Nope, just 5' 6". I did have a great time Norway, 6' chicks with 3" platform shoes!

said Jonniewalker on November 10, 2008 3:01 PM.

Height doesn't matter when you're horizontal anyway...

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 3:08 PM.

Tim. (It's coming.)
Johnnywalker-Thanks buddy. I needed that.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 3:11 PM.

Sarcky - "Height doesn't matter when you're horizontal anyway"

You're so old school.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 3:30 PM.

Hm, I am not a Depp, Clooney, or McDreamy fan, but I will take Jake Gyllenhaal and a mid 80's Michael Biehn.

said cmi7b5 on November 10, 2008 3:32 PM.

I don't mind using a step stool, ladder, trapeze ...

said Jonniewalker on November 10, 2008 3:44 PM.

... countertop, desktop, showerwall ....

said Tim on November 10, 2008 3:54 PM.

Muffler, Doorknob, Razor Blade, Bag Pipes, Speaker Magnet.....

said Dave on November 10, 2008 4:06 PM.

Airplane Glue, Tater tots, Mechanical pencil....

said Dave on November 10, 2008 4:07 PM.

Sorry Tim...didn't realize this was a "where would you do your 'I would' list" list...
just because you're horizontal doesn't mean you're in bed missionary style...

you forgot all bodies of water (pool, ocean, hot tub, bathtub, garden tub, jacuzzi tub, lake, stream, creek, river, waterfall)
other surfaces (pool table; beach; mountainside; meadow; cornfield; front porch; chairs--wheeled, recliner, kitchen;)
countertop is too broad...try kitchen counter, bathroom counter, dressing room counter, airplane bathroom counter (okay, tight, but possible)

johnnie--were you including sex swing in trapeze category? and if so, there's ceiling bolted and free standing....

I know I missed some....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 4:09 PM.

Firewood, roof shingles, Fish hooks...

said Dave on November 10, 2008 4:10 PM.

Dave, were those your I would or I Have list?

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 4:11 PM.

I don't even know what the hell we are talking about.
I only read half the comments.

(Myrtle.)

said Dave on November 10, 2008 4:21 PM.

Miss Celania:

As a heterosexual male, I find your list quite informative. I teach Psychology to college freshmen, and I do an exercise where I compare 2 women and ask the guys which they would choose, and I compare 2 men. I try to highlight the attraction women have for older, more secure men, and the attraction men have for younger, more nubile women.

Unfortunately, I have very little understanding as to what a woman actually finds attractive in a man. Case in point: I tried to see if 18 and 19 year old girls found Sean Connery sexy, but apparently he was too old for them. Now I'm using George Clooney as the older, but attractive guy, and it works like gangbusters. I love to see them cringe when I tell them he's old enough to be their grandfather.

Incidentally, the women I ask them to compare are Jessica Alba and Madeline Albright. They have no idea who Madeline Albright is, so I need a powerful, older woman to replace her. Any thoughts?

said kbk on November 10, 2008 4:22 PM.

kbk-Sharon Ozbourne.

and yes. I would.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 4:28 PM.

kbk, George was born in 1961.
So, yes, theoretically he could be their grandfather---but at age 47, that's some young parents (an 18 yr old would have to be born to a 20 year old father who was born to a 19 year old father...happens around these parts, but is not the national average...)

Hell, I'm 35 so I could be a grandma by now by NC standards...but I'm not.

They have no idea who Albright is because a freshman was born in 1990. Yes folks, that is correct and scary as hell.

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 4:38 PM.

kbk ponders in teaching psychology: " They have no idea who Madeline Albright is, so I need a powerful, older woman to replace her."

...How about Hillary Clinton, Micheal Obama, Katie Couric, or Oprah Winfrey?

said Brother Bill on November 10, 2008 4:39 PM.

reminds me of an old friend who when pledging a frat was asked if he would choose Maryann or Ginger...and he said Mrs Howell because she had the money...

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 4:42 PM.

Thanks SO, It is so nice to feel OLD at the end of my day!

said Jonniewalker on November 10, 2008 4:45 PM.

Welcome to how I've felt sitting in classrooms for the past 3+ years...
it's bad when the prof is younger than you (it's happened more than once)

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 4:54 PM.

my top 5..

Clea DuVall (Girl Interrupted, But I'm A Cheerleader)
Kate Moennig (The L Word)
Lee Pace (Pushing Daisies, The Fall)
Robert Smith (The Cure)
James Spader (Boston Legal, Secretary) - i adore his annunciation

~Teresa

said mobudaki on November 10, 2008 5:03 PM.

Sarky don't feel bad. You are still 3 years younger than my Mom.
Your not that old.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 5:24 PM.

Dave, we love you.
And I know you don't hear those words from your mom, so you have to pick on us...but we do love you...

(besides, after all the people I've lost in my life over the years, being old doesn't really bother me)

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 5:31 PM.

and according to my calculations, your mom was 7 when she had you...

guess she was a virgin and you were an immaculate conception, huh?
:-)

(yes, I read most of the posts and forums...)

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 5:33 PM.

You know I'm just joking. You're only a few years older than me.
Now,Tim on the otherhand, has daughters older than the both of us.

I only pick on those I love.


said Dave on November 10, 2008 5:36 PM.

Awww....Dave....

that's why we miss you when you're gone--we're left to pick on ourselves...and we're much meaner than you, because we have all the dirt on ourselves....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 5:38 PM.

Hey, I was sleeping!!! (I really was.)

Dave, you're right, but you're wrong, but you're right. My oldest is 11 now. She is already taller than my wife, who is not short (5' 6"). If I don't stop feeding her (my daughter, that is), she may be taller than me in a few years. When she gets ready to go to church, or a wedding or whatever event requires her to 'doll up', she could easily pass for 16. I can't imagine what I will be hit with in a few years.

Jonnie et al. I'm 45 and I have a 3 year old. Chasing her around all day doesn't make me feel old, it tells me that I am old. Words I can deal with; reality sucks.

P.S. Dave, thanks for referencing the Myrtle comment. I was beginning to wonder if anyone saw it. She really bent me.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 5:55 PM.

Tim-You should email me a photo of your oldest daughter....


JUST KIDDING!
You had that coming from earlier.


Myrtle. PFFT!


said Dave on November 10, 2008 6:06 PM.

I'm with you on Jon Stewart, Miss C. I would also take Colbert!

My ultimate 'I would' has to be Clive Owen! In "Elizabeth: The Golden Age".....I was melting every time he came on screen. And I think it's because of his voice. I originally enjoyed him in "Closer" and "Sin City" but in Elizabeth, MAN! Is it hot in here??!?!

Some other dudes on my list include (spelling errors and all), Ryan Reynolds, Wilmer Valderama, Beckham, and the dude who plays Warrick on CSI.

Also, I would also totally go for Scarlett Johannsen

said Vicky on November 10, 2008 6:17 PM.

Oh, come on now, George Clooney is only 47. To be the grandfather of a college student, each generation would have to give birth at about 15. It's a stretch. Most college students would have fathers around that age. You're making me feel really old. SO, your calculations would work for a man 57 years old.

If you use Jessica Alba and Madeline Albright on the women's side, which slot does Clooney fit into? The powerful ugly old one, or the hot young one? I respect Madeline Albright, but you have to admit she was never a sex symbol. Doesn't seem like your male and female comparisons add up. For an older powerful woman, I thought of Hillary Clinton, Condoleeza Rice, and Oprah Winfrey. I see BB thinks like me.

said Miss Cellania on November 10, 2008 6:17 PM.

Oops.....
did I mention I'm better w/words than numbers?

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 6:23 PM.

and Madeline Albright would have to be paired up with a Sumner Redstone/Warren Buffett/Rupert Murdoch type of guy for a fair comparison....

Clooney has gotten better w/age...look at Facts of Life or the original ER as proof (the comedy)

ooh....just remembered I need to add Matt Lauer to my list...

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 6:27 PM.

What about asking the college guys about Dr. Ruth or Sue Johanson?
prob too young to know either....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 6:28 PM.

I guess since we are on an old kick, add Regis to my list.

said Dave on November 10, 2008 6:39 PM.

Dave...somehow I see you watching him, trying to play it off as a crush on Kelly....
to each their own....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 6:43 PM.

I'm not on an old kick. I am just old.

said Miss Cellania on November 10, 2008 7:11 PM.

Dave,

I will send a picture of my daughter. It will arrive in about 15 years. I'll schedule the ceremony. I will be proud to have you as my son-in-law.

Dad

said Tim on November 10, 2008 7:12 PM.

Miss C, I think Dave's remark was a snide comeback to my comment about Mr. Lauer...plus my talking about the AARP sex experts....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 7:16 PM.

Aren't the older ladies we propose supposed to be at least somewhat sexy? Oprah? Hillary? Why not add Barbara Bush? or John Madden?

Assuming that you are looking for intelligent, articulate, well-known ladies over 50, how about Jane Fonda, Jaclyn Smith or Cheryl Ladd?

said Tim on November 10, 2008 7:42 PM.

Matt Lauer?!?!? Keep talking, ladies. You're making me feel better every minute.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 7:44 PM.

Ask an 18 yr old boy who Cheryl Ladd is....
I know who she is, but what was the last thing she appeared in (that didn't involve some tissues and lotion and a guy who was 'napping')?

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 7:45 PM.

Mmmmm........fantasy is soooo much fun. I'm not going to worry about the sexual orientation of the people on my list, as that spoils my fantasy, and it is, after all, as a woman, my right to change my mind and switch things up anytime I choose......

Brad Pitt
Johnny Depp
Angelina Jolie
Hugh Jackman
Natalie Portman
Keanu Reeves
Pink
Dave Grohl
Mike Rowe (yes, the guy from Dirty Jobs)

That'll do for now...

said shadow_74 on November 10, 2008 7:58 PM.

oooh...I forgot about Mike Rowe...it's safe to say that that man would be up for anything.....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 8:00 PM.

Oh, Sarcky. I really was napping. There are three chil'n in the house for goodness sakes.

I'll take it out on the wife later this evening.

Besides, Cheryl's on TV all the time. But on those women's network 'I was wronged' movies, or an occasional 'I slept with my best friend's husband' dramas.

If you're right about 18-year-old boys, then 1) we need to have a campaign that requires they spend 5 hours per week watching TV Land (Charlies Angels reruns, etc ...) to gain appreciation for the older ladies, and 2) we need to review your activities to see how you know so much about 18-year-old boys.

Did you used to be a high school teacher?

said Tim on November 10, 2008 8:06 PM.

I'm a college student...and am not the least bit attracted to 18 yr old boys...because they are just that--boys....

they might have enough stamina to get through the obstacle course twice, but they haven't figured out all the ins and outs yet....
give me someone in his 30s who knows the ropes....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 8:11 PM.

How about someone in his 40s that knows the ropes and the chains?

said Tim on November 10, 2008 8:13 PM.

Tim, btw...last time I checked, Lifetime's key demographic was not the 18-25 category....

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 8:14 PM.

All I'm gonna say is that I'm quite happy with my boyfriend's knowledge...and he's not younger than me...

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 8:16 PM.

Miss Celania: True, he's not likely to be their grandfather. I thought he was 50 already? Anyways, its still possible!

I think I have used Hilary before, I may stick with her again. Not sure why I went back to Madeline Albright. I think I initially used her because there's a Family Guy gag where the guys are asking who they would do, and one of them says her.

Its hard to compare across sexes in that way though. Young men aren't as big on aging sex symbols as young women are.

said kbk on November 10, 2008 8:20 PM.

True, but guys don't care about those things. We just keep flipping through the remote until we see either 1) serious mass-destruction, or 2) a great looking babe to watch for a while.

There's plenty of 18-25 year old guys unknowingly watching Lifetime ... ten minutes at a time.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 8:25 PM.

Older, powerful women... well my suggestions were more well known than Madeleine Albright... but not hot enough, eh.

Well, how about the most powerful woman of all: Nina Hagen!

(raise your hand if you are too young to know who she is)

said Brother Bill on November 10, 2008 9:35 PM.

Nina Hagen? Isn't she Europunk from a long time ago?

said Tim on November 10, 2008 9:51 PM.

hand raised...but thanks to wikipedia, I now know!

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 9:52 PM.

I gotta look it up ...

said Tim on November 10, 2008 9:57 PM.

Dude, that's nasty.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 10:09 PM.

Vicky beat me to Scarlett Johannsen, so I'll take Uma Thurman instead if no-one wants her, circa Kill Bill.

Dave, I am with you on one thing at last - I used to have the Bedazzled poster hanging in my office.

said Scaramouch on November 10, 2008 10:16 PM.

Scaramouch - There are no rules that I am aware of that say you're not allowed to wrestle her away.

Or, perhaps your very presence will force them to fight over you.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 10:59 PM.

Man, sign me up for Liz Hurley too. Looks great and I think that accent is hot (on her, even though it sounds kind of phony and all). Any woman they get to play Satan is probably ahead of the game.

As they say, I would walk 20 miles through a blizzard to lick the tread of the tires of the truck that took her skivvies to the Dump. The fact that Hugh Grant hooks up with the first hooker he sees in LA when he's not with her is proof that monogamy is straight up delusional. QED.

(Liz, girl, holla, you won't regret it.)
E

said E on November 10, 2008 11:01 PM.

Guys, you need to look up Keeley Hazell. Nothing hotter than large, and natural boobs.

I second angelina jolie, elizibeth hurly, uma, and jessica alba.

said kbk on November 10, 2008 11:17 PM.

Wait a minute. Hold everything. Liz Hurley reads the commentary here? I gotta change my list.

Put Liz on top.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 11:20 PM.

I had to look up Mike Rowe, Richard Grieco, and Dr. McDreamy. I apparently miss a lot by not watching TV!

said Miss Cellania on November 10, 2008 11:24 PM.

kbk - No doubt, she's incredible. Has she done anything but modeling, Page 3 type stuff?

said Tim on November 10, 2008 11:26 PM.

In no order (but ladies, please form one line):

Elizabeth Banks, Mia Kirshner, Willow from Buffy, Halle Berry, Zooey Deschanel, Nancy Drew (aka Pamela Sue Martin), Meadow Soprano, Katie Holmes before she started hanging out with Tom Cruise, Jena Malone, and, what the hell, if I have a few minutes, Natalie Portman.

said E on November 10, 2008 11:35 PM.

Miss C...well, Richard G hasn't had a career since about 1987, so I'm surprised he even had internet presence...
and Mike Rowe is present in households where a male won't let go of the remote, so you are blessed on that count (I just decided to have crushes on the guys who host or do voiceovers on every show on the history and discovery channels and the tv miraculously gets shut off quicker...)
McDreamy you would have known if we had referred to him as Patrick Dempsey due to his career longevity (or comeback?)

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 11:39 PM.

Ohhh, Meadow! Forgot about her. Nice job.

said Tim on November 10, 2008 11:39 PM.

Am I the only one surprised by the fact that the brunette woulds tend to outnumber the blonds (at least according to my calculations, but we've seen above how great my math skills are at times)?

said sarcastic one on November 10, 2008 11:49 PM.

I notice no one mentioned Paris Hilton. Good taste yall. BTW, Tim, I think Jamie Gertz is getting hotter every time I see her. She's cooler somehow.... Also, Kelly Presoton in Mischief - good flick, excellent women. Dmn. AOC, Phoebe Cates. If I had the only vote in the country she'd be President. Oh well.

said E on November 10, 2008 11:49 PM.

SO, I think you're correct. Beats me though. Nothing against any hair color or anything, you just gotta get the whole package...

Let me throw in Scully to balance the paradigm for a red-headed perspective. (Though I did mention Willow..)

said E on November 10, 2008 11:52 PM.

Mmmmmm, Mike Rowe for sure! I would even take seconds on that one, Sarcky!
And Scaramouch, I think you should definitely have Scarlett. But I'd at least like to watch!

said Vicky on November 10, 2008 11:52 PM.

Wait....Tim....am I fighting ScarJo for Mouch? Oh! I am SO up for that! Who's got Jello?

said Vicky on November 10, 2008 11:55 PM.

and that, boys and girls, is why Vicky is worthy of her icon...

Vicky, you are so fun....have you and Dave tousled* at all? If so, I missed it, so someone either direct me to the post, or I'll look forward to a future episode...

*by tousled I don't mean going at in any of the many locations I mentioned above, but plain ol' verbal banter...
on the other hand, watching Dave with Wonder Woman might be fun...something tells me he might like the lasso...

said sarcastic one on November 11, 2008 12:17 AM.

E - I used to melt every time I saw Jami Gertz on screen. She still looks great, but never better than in Less Than Zero. I always thought she was a NY gal, but then I found out that she was born in Chicago a few years after me. Obviously, we're soul mates.

Kelly Preston in Mischief is film gold. That bedroom scene needs to be enshrined. I know it is in my mind.

Phoebe Cates. Well, she's Phoebe Cates. American males have only leased her to Kevin Kline.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 12:21 AM.

Yes, you two ladies make for a very entertaining team.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 12:23 AM.

Oh Sarcky! You always make me feel warm and fuzzy inside!

Tim-I'm with you on Jami Gertz. Good one dude

Hmm....I don't remember the Davester and I have done any tousling. But I mighta been drunk that night...wait does tousling involve noodles? or whipped cream?

said Vicky on November 11, 2008 12:39 AM.

Vicky - It's best with both.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 12:54 AM.

Sarcky - I've been over and over the math for this whole George Clooney thing and I can't see where you are wrong.

If I have a kid at 18, and my kid has a kid at 18, that makes me a Grandpa at 36. If my grandchild has a kid at 18, I am a great-Grandpa at 54.

How are you wrong?

said Tim on November 11, 2008 12:57 AM.

Woah, noodles AND whipped cream? That's an awesome, slimy, sticky sweet mess. I love it already. Put me down for "yes"

said Vicky on November 11, 2008 12:58 AM.

Tim, the original question was how George Clooney could be a grandpa to a college student. He is only 47.

said Miss Cellania on November 11, 2008 1:08 AM.

Oh, to a college student ... gotcha.

So, in summary: Sarcky fails math, Tim fails reading.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 1:12 AM.

Tim, Clooney is only 47....so therefore I made him 57 when I mis-added 20 + 18+ 19....
he could be the grandpa of an 8 year old, but not an 18 yr old college student. Unless, like Miss C said, each one was 15 or 16 at the time of the next generation's births...

said sarcastic one on November 11, 2008 1:12 AM.

lucky for me there are more words than numbers in law....

said sarcastic one on November 11, 2008 1:14 AM.

The women of Mad Men, in particular the red headed secretary and the blonde wife of the main dude. (Don't watch the show enough to be more thoughtful than dat.)

said E on November 11, 2008 1:17 AM.

Oh shit! You're going to be a lawyer? Hmm, we might need one of those around here.

said Miss Cellania on November 11, 2008 1:24 AM.

Miss C....I will be if they allow me to enter law school, hand over obscene amounts of money for an education, then succeed in passing the bar...(this past stint at school has been to get my bachelor's degree)

and don't worry...I can figure out settlement numbers...as long as they're not based on age :-)

said sarcastic one on November 11, 2008 2:21 AM.

Evil Willow from Buffy! mmmmm!

Sarcky - make sure your secretary / legal assistant does all of the billing or you will be doing involuntary probono work.

On a side note, when you get in to law school try and find the computer apps that work with evil microsoft. It gets real old converting docs from Corel to send out.

said Jonniewalker on November 11, 2008 7:46 AM.

This is too easy:

Amy Winehouse
Dame Judi Dench
Cloris Leachman
The bones of Sylvia Plath
A jar of peanut butter
Skeletor
Tony Kornheiser
Larry Flynt

Oh wait. I thought it was a game of "I probably wouldn't."

said Don't Swayze Bro on November 11, 2008 10:21 AM.

Nope. No give-backs DSB. That's your list buddy. Enjoy.

P.S. Cloris Leachman was pretty damn sweet when she was young.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 10:35 AM.

Playing catchup- Vicki you would remember me even if you were drunk and pumped full of Rufinol.

Scaramouch or anyone for that matter, I would take the fight for Hurley.

Add Paris Hilton to my list.

After DSB's list she looks good.

DSB-I'm with Tim no give-backs. Have fun with your Crackwhore Amy winehouse.

said Dave on November 11, 2008 10:45 AM.

I'll back off Hurley for the good of mankind. But Salma Hayek is all mine.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 10:57 AM.

Since we are taking claim I would also like to take claim on Jessica Alba.

How did she get overlooked??

said Dave on November 11, 2008 1:06 PM.

I'm pretty sure someone mentioned her already. Let's assume that it was Vicky.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 1:12 PM.

Tim-I kind of have a feeling that you and S.O. would like to see Vicki and I get into it.

said Dave on November 11, 2008 1:43 PM.

No, I just think that it is very important that we encourage the whole girl-on-girl theme. You know, variety. (Plus, I have to get Baier's last post outta my head. That was not the variety I was looking for.)

I wasn't promoting a fight between you and Vicki. I prefer unforced entertainment ... and so, I'm hoping the return of Myrtle.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 1:54 PM.

Oh well. At least I got Skeletor.

said Don't Swayze Bro on November 11, 2008 2:56 PM.

That's good, DSB, 'cause I got a thing for peanut butter.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 3:00 PM.

Tim- I think I should have mentioned Jessica Alba. And Jennifer Connelly circa Career Opportunities. Yeah!

And Dave- I'm a lover, not a fighter. So....no worries about us getting into it. I say, make love, not war. If you intend on getting me drunk and slipping me some rufies, then make sure you bring candles, feathers and handcuffs, and honey, k?

said Vicky on November 11, 2008 4:17 PM.

P.S. I crack up every time I open this one and see Spongebob giving the thumbs up sayin "I'd hit it". Classic.

said Vicky on November 11, 2008 4:20 PM.

Vicky - I had a tough time not including Jennifer in my list. I was starting to get greedy, so I left her off.

She was prime in The Hot Spot as well.

said Tim on November 11, 2008 4:25 PM.

Oh, indeed she was Tim. I forgot about that one! I suppose I blocked it from memory due to the fact that it included Don Johnson

said Vicky on November 11, 2008 4:48 PM.

Anne Hathaway and Sandra Bullock on the same day....and, "I would."

said EffenIdontcare on November 11, 2008 11:31 PM.

Joining a little late but let's go:

- Liz Hurley, who made me wish to go to hell
- Anne Hathaway
- Satomi Yoshida (I have a crush on Japanese girls, in fact, my wife is a descendant)
- Bettie Page
- Rita Hayworth (for both these two I'd need a time machine)
- Penelope Cruz
- Maria Bello
- Bridget Moynahan


That's it for a starting list.

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 12, 2008 11:25 AM.

I think I'm adding Shia Labeouf to my list. He's only 22, but he's darn cute. I enjoy his scruffy look in Eagle Eye....

said Vicky on November 12, 2008 2:31 PM.

Vicky...I'll let you have him...when I see Shia I think Even Stevens...just like when I see DiCaprio I think Growing Pains...
Makes me feel like the dirty babysitter...and not in a good way...

So, none of you guys mentioned Demi Moore...that surprises me...she's got the kind of voice that makes you want to have phone sex with her...(I know she's good looking, but I've known average looking people whose voices made them sexier)

said sarcastic one on November 12, 2008 6:32 PM.

Demi Moore does nothing for me.
She did when I was younger but now shes about neck and neck with Kathy Lee Gifford.
She wouldn't make my I would list.

I don't know but I think I'm one of those guys that voice doesn't matter. I do appreciate a nice singing voice in a woman but I don't think a sexy voice would make an average woman sexier for me.
I guess Demi's voice doesn't do any thing for me.


said Dave on November 12, 2008 6:59 PM.

So, Dave, are you saying no to both Gifford and Moore, or yes to their necks?

said Don't Swayze Bro on November 12, 2008 7:09 PM.

Sarcky I am SOOO with you on that. A voice totally makes the man for me. And a British/English (don't know which is the correct one to use) accent is my all time wet-maker. Wooo! Ok, now it's hot in here.
I know what you mean about feeling like the dirty babysitter too. But because I'm less than 10 years older than he, I allowed Shia into my perverted brain.

said Vicky on November 12, 2008 10:26 PM.

Demi Moore does nothing to me too. Maybe back then when she was talking to Swayze's ghost, but now she looks like a guy who had a gender switching surgery...

But Sharon Stone has an appeal, though she's not too beautiful, I think she has a fire burning inside...

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 13, 2008 7:55 AM.

Leo, that's a great description of Demi Moore she does look like a guy that has had a sex change.

Now Sharon Stone has had her hot days. I wonder if that burning fire within is just a case of the clap??

said Dave on November 13, 2008 10:25 AM.

I hope it's not Dave... Surely hope it's not.

I could see (at least for the half comments I've read [by Myrtle]) that no one has picked the Olsen twins. Not that I'm claiming them, no way... but as Paris Hilton, looks like they've been ignored...

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 13, 2008 10:49 AM.

Demi Moore....Nothing
Olsen Twins... Nothinger

said Dave on November 13, 2008 10:55 AM.

I'd say that they are "twice nothing", but it's the same...

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 13, 2008 10:58 AM.

Jessica Beil???


Not bad.

said Dave on November 13, 2008 11:04 AM.

Yeah... not bad... not a marvel too...

What about Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak, the Brazilian girl who won the sloggi "world's most beautiful ass" contest in France?
http://tinyurl.com/5eekge

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 13, 2008 11:31 AM.

I'll have to agree with you ladies that the voice adds a lot. I was on radio forever and wondered how the ugliest and most unpleasant disc jockeys could get laid by fans so often.

But recently I met a man who looks like the average guy on the street, but when he calls I get all tingly. His voice is deep and well-modulated, and he has no Kentucky accent! It makes him look so much better.

said Miss Cellania on November 13, 2008 11:48 AM.

Thanks Miss C. I'll call more often.
I think we both know that I am more than just some average guy off the street though.

said Dave on November 13, 2008 12:09 PM.

I agree that the voice may add.
For an "I would", what must be--if happens--a one night stand, it might influence less, but for a long term, hell yeah... not only the voice, but also the accent can blow away all the heat from a relation.
There are some Brazilian accents that I hate so much that I wouldn't even take the girl for a one night date, let alone a commitment.

I'd never have a date, for example, with that The Nanny actress--don't know her name--even if she was the hottest woman in the world, and maybe even if she was the last one.

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 13, 2008 12:22 PM.

Leo, you mean Fran Drescher....
you could sleep with her if she was the last woman on Earth....you just get more adventurous with items that won't allow her to speak, if you know what I mean...(and no, not duct tape)

said sarcastic one on November 13, 2008 8:25 PM.

I'm with Leo. I still couldn't do it.

said Tim on November 13, 2008 9:47 PM.

what if both of your arms were injured and you couldn't scratch the itch?

said sarcastic one on November 13, 2008 10:28 PM.

I'd find my way somehow... I could lie in my bed, belly down, and start rubbing myself on the mattress. But Fran Drescher...
No way, Jose...

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 14, 2008 5:33 AM.

sounds like someone has been there, done that....but done her...

said sarcastic one on November 14, 2008 9:50 AM.

(but NOT done her)

said sarcastic one on November 14, 2008 10:02 AM.

You might be desperate if you do her...
The same for Paris Hilton, Britney, Amy Winehouse...

But I have to say... I envy Javier Bardem. He's on a love triangle with Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz (on Vicky Cristina Barcelona). I'm going to make a call... Why in the hell didn't Woody Allen pick me? Oh Jeebus.

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 14, 2008 10:04 AM.

Oh yes! I agree Leo. That would be a good threesome

said Vicky on November 14, 2008 10:47 PM.

1) Kate Winslet - simply perfect.
2) Iris Dement - A beautiful voice that can whisper sweet nothings in my ear any day.
3) Sarah Palin - The world's most attractive politician.

said Rune on November 15, 2008 6:20 AM.

Yeah... I'll watch this movie, knowing that there will be no threesome, but thanks to you Vicky, I have the image in my brain...

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 15, 2008 8:22 AM.

I'd like to add Catherine Zeta Jones to my list.

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 17, 2008 11:58 AM.

Leo - Did you know that she's a major smoker? She's beautiful, but the smoking thing kept her off my list. I had a girlfriend that smoked when I was younger. Very unpleasant to make out with her.

If you're a smoker, though, that's a major score. Being a smoker (or not caring if your lady smokes) opens up a whole other group of babes.

said Tim on November 17, 2008 12:31 PM.

I had a girlfriend whose kisses tasted like licking an ashtray... although I used to smoke--and quit--I don't like the ashtray taste.
Think I'll skip her.

If the girl smokes in a reasonable way, of course you can try to bear, but a chimney-mouth is a huge deal.

said Leonardo Carvalho on November 17, 2008 1:03 PM.

My number one would be Adam Weishaupt. Who'd have thought the founder of the Illuminati would be such an f'ing sex pot? Just got thru reading "Rite of the Revolution." Anybody else read it?

said Veronica on November 24, 2008 6:42 PM.

Nice. When you've used him up you can move on ... to a young Thomas Jefferson, perhaps?

said Tim on November 24, 2008 9:44 PM.

Jefferson is not exactly what I would consider one of the Hot Guys of the Revolution, not that I wouldn't go there, but he would have to do a whole lot of oration first.
FYI, Hot Guys of the Revolution Include:
Adam Weishaupt, George Washington, Joseph Warren, Benjamin Franklin, John Paul Jones, Paul Revere, Alexander Hamilton, and the Marquis de Lafayette. Hancock wasn't too bad, but he was gay.
...After this we'll move on to Best Lays of the Civil War, followed by Biggest Dongs of 1812.

said Veronica on November 26, 2008 12:35 PM.

Veronica....wish you had taught one of my history classes...sure beats several I've taken....
and the conversation I'd have for cocktail parties....wow!

I'm guessing when it comes to the Civil War that at least one guy from the Confederacy was compensating...otherwise he would have fought on the right (aka winning) side...

said sarcastic one on November 30, 2008 4:31 PM.

History is written by the wieners...
Except for in the case of "Rite of the Revolution." If historical "cock-tail" conversation is your thing, read that.

said Veronica on December 2, 2008 8:35 PM.

Hi! My favorite is Jennifer Aniston and I will marry her someday. Whos your favorite celeb and maybe I can get to the unofficial personal site or some nudie shots.

said Maurice on April 23, 2009 12:21 AM.
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