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You've Got Syphilis!!

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Yes dear readers, is seems as if the buck-wild sexual chickens have come home to roost. Ever wondered about that MySpace chick that had unusual knuckle lesions, and put out on the first date? Did you really believe that cute bar skank, who explained that the bumps on her tongue were hereditary? Bluntly, is your ManMeat in jeopardy?


If you're unable to answer affirmatively, then you're in luck! Thanks to the good folks over at www.InSPOT.org, they'll be more than happy to let you know. You see, they're a non-profit organization that sends "e-Greetings" to sex partners of 'the treated', who may have been exposed to an STD. That's pretty cool... in a twisted, sadistic, pay-the-piper sort of way, right? Of course, I know that it's better to find out in an email than it is to never find out at all. I get it. But how does one take news like that?

You're checking your Yahoo account, and come across the following:

[subject header]: "You have an e-greeting from BACKDRAFT_SNATCH_4_U!"

[CC'd recipients]: lickem_low@yahoo.com, bubba@trailorparktramps.com, rufus@chokethatbitch.com, clay@metro-sex-in-the-city.com, bruce@ass-cricket.org, mike@closetdicksuckers.com.

[body]:

Hello Studmuffin,

Our clinic has treated someone that you know! It would be in your best interest to have yourself checked out, to ensure the STD statistics in your community haven't gone up by ONE. Click on the link for more details:

(So, you click the link, praying to God that this is all just the work of an ex-girlfriend who hacked into your email account, or one of those top notch spammers that somehow got your email addy from one of your regular porn sites...but it isn't. ...The page loads.)

[card cover]:
"I'm glad we met.
We had a good time.
I'm not sure how to,
Make all of this rhyme."

[inside the card]
"I seem to have fallen ill.
Like a fish with Ick.
My tongue bumps are bad,
So your dick may be sick.


Please don't be angry.
My intentions are well.
You have a point of contact,
In case your balls swell."


(Awwwww. Isn't that cute?)

Again, I know that notifying your sex partner(s) is the right thing to do, but damn - isn't that a little impersonal? Wouldn't you prefer the doctor's office contact you directly? So why don't they? Because they don't have your phone number...and neither does she. Get this: due to a lot of people meeting and setting up sexual encounters online, most of the diseased only have online contact information for their partners in jeopardy. Statistics are also showing that email messages are the most preferred way for the 'carrier' to notify sex partners that their dick might fall off, rather than in person (somehow that doesn't surprise me). So tell me, how would you all feel about being notified that you had sex with a diseased person via email?

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11 Comments

I'd feel like I could kill someone cold blooded...

said Leonardo Carvalho on October 21, 2008 9:24 AM.

One specific someone.

said Leonardo Carvalho on October 21, 2008 9:26 AM.

I have been getting three or four of those notifications a day for the last few months.
I thought they were just a joke.
Thanks CLC for the information you may have saved my manliness.

said Dave on October 21, 2008 10:13 AM.

leo
yo don cmplane wen yo givn me wyne an tllin me yo lov me takn avanag f me
nou yo al mad caz yor wener is dripn grene.
i sory i giv yo clap k.
yo stil lov me?

said Thomas on October 21, 2008 10:46 AM.

Tommy... How long since last time you came around?
We almost missed you around here.

Are you still a road kill eater?

said Leonardo Carvalho on October 21, 2008 10:49 AM.

ya bu jus yor moma

said Thomas on October 21, 2008 10:52 AM.

leo rmembr wen i mes wit yo accnt an usd yor nam an pichur.
i misd yo leo
i go a nu grlfren on mispace she nt vry hot bt she gud luvn.
mmmm shelly mmmm tommy
hr nam is shelly.

said Thomas on October 21, 2008 11:01 AM.

nbdy wnts to pla i gess.
i go bak to mispace.
mmm shelly mmmm tommy mmm shelly
ho dat tommy
leo mom
she gud lovn to.
mmm shelly an leo mom mmmmmmmmmmm

said Thomas on October 21, 2008 11:06 AM.

Well there's good news and bad news to this post! The good news: If you do have an STD and it's bacterial then just take some pencilian. The BAD NEWS: If you have a VIRUAL STD then you are fucked and it's ok to punch that whore in here whorish mouth

said John on October 21, 2008 9:31 PM.

John, you owe me a new keyboard dude. Once this coffee dries, it's curtains for this one.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on October 22, 2008 8:54 AM.

We never remember sarcastic one's rule #1...

said Leonardo Carvalho on October 22, 2008 9:18 AM.
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