I'd like to extend my warmest wishes to the
new authors at
YesButNoButYes. This site is an amazing thing to contribute to, and I'm sure you'll all find the same satisfaction writing for it as I do each day. Now to get some things straight.
- The mug with the pony on it that says "Saddle Up Partner" is mine. If I catch you drinking from it, I'll place strips of salmon in the back of your file drawers.
- No direct eye contact is to be made toward me or Johnny Wright unless you're begging our forgiveness. Further, at no point should you ever find yourself alone in a room with Scaramouch. (This is partially for your own good. Having been on the receiving end of his "puppet show" one too many times, I often wish someone had warned me.)
- Baierman likes to go by "Wendell Priscilla Montgomery" around the office. We aren't sure why.
- While it might be fun to slide down the fire pole between office floors, having been to the YesButNoButYes "Las Vegas Night" party a few weeks ago, I wouldn't recommend using it unless you have a stash of Penicillin at home.
- Don't think about putting "Badass" as the title on your business cards. That one is mine.
- Drinking is only permitted 9am to 11pm on weekdays. Don't let us catch you hitting the bottle at 8:30 on a Tuesday morning you drunkards.
- Although she says she's from Kentucky, you'll find Miss C to be a jaded and surly New Yorker with a Bronx accent.
- We keep Aquaman (not the Aquaman) frozen in the basement and only thaw him out when we need an article to get our hit counts up. (Only de-thaw him when absolutely necessary. The man can recite the entire Footloose Soundtrack without stopping, and channels Tiny Tim when he sings.)
- Do not knock on my office door between 2-3pm any day of the week no matter what noises you hear coming from the room. That's my personal time.
- Trust me, no one else has met Jeem either.
- Dave, if you happen to be a new author, this doesn't excuse you for not stepping up to your last challenge.
- Don't come into the office on a Monday morning and talk about what happened on Mad Men last night. Some of us are still trying to catch up.
- Do not, under any circumstances, pet the llamas.
- A word to the wise, don't put pictures of yourself naked in your girlfriend's apartment on the site. Especially if she has questionable sheets.
- Did you hear Phish is getting back together ... again?
- We aren't sure where Johnny is from either.
- If you're assigned the office with the view of that cute petite blonde chick who does that thing where she chews on the end of her pens when she thinks and likes to stretch in the morning, I'll gladly switch offices with you.
- We know. Yes. Trust us. We've been dealing with it for a while. We aren't sure why it smells like salt and vinegar potato chips in the freight elevator, but it's being "looked into".
With that, welcome aboard. Enjoy yourselves. Call me "sir".
I'd like to extend my warmest wishes to the new authors at YesButNoButYes. This site is an amazing thing to contribute to, and I'm sure you'll all find the same satisfaction writing for it as I do each day. Now to get some things straight.
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This is so weird. My boss said pretty much the exact same things when I started my current job.
However, I have a suspicion you are holding back. Be nice to these new people. You have set a bar... not saying high or low.
Wow. is YBNBY actually a branch of the federal government? add a circus midget and a dancing bear and you guy could be the NSA.
All points duly noted... But I'm a little torn about calling you "sir" after all of the dialogue about your one...or three testicles (I've lost count). Just give me some time, that's all.
I'm glad to be a part of this dysfunctional team. I feel right at home.
Due to some technical difficulties (new laptop, configuration drama, blah blah blah), I can't seem to post at the moment. I should be good to go after today, so stay tuned!
Love,
CLC
P.S. That cute blonde chick has ass crickets. I saw the meds on her desk.
You only get one explanation newbies. Commit it to memory.
Wendell:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4Kwwglgrbo&feature=related
Priscilla:
http://www.littlepowerhouse.com/
Montgomery:
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=2232
Oh yeah, hands off on the Fruity Pebbles in the kitchen. They're mine.
Otherwise, welcome.
Congrats CLC!
Hey! It's CLC! Um, not being able to post is a recurring difficulty. I'm having to go in the side door at the moment myself. Write me and maybe I can help.
I'd like to point out that there are two woman (well three, but only two with the proper genetic makeup) now on the YBNBY Board of Contradiction and BOTH of them are Southern Belles. Proof positive that there is something about Southern women.
Mind you, they probably don't feel like Southern Belles, or even want to be Southern Belles, but they are from the South ... so that's good enough for me.
Tim, what's the difference between a northern gal and a southern gal?
The northern gal says, "You can."
The southern gal says, "Y'all can!"
Careful Laura, I'm raising three Southern ladies in my household.
Oh...sorry.
Extends a mint julip...
Accepted. Thanks.
Why do all the cute ones have ass crickets...
Tim - It's hard for me to consider myself a Southern Belle. I stick out like a sore thumb around here (I use the word "dude" way too much). I'm more of a 'transplant' from Los Angeles. Not that I have anything against Southern Belles. I'm just not one. I have absolutely nothing against Dixie[fill in the blank], banjos, summer dresses & white linen gloves, straw hats, achy-breaky[fill in the blank], men in Wrangler jeans that annihilate their sperm count (and the women who love them), rodeos, Ford F150s, and the movie "Gone With The Wind". Whatever floats ones boat. I'm simply a transplant, currently enjoying this wonderful city and all the interesting people that are in it. Atlanta really is a beautiful place. I'm just kinda passing through.
CLC - As soon as you crossed the Mason-Dixon line you became one of us. You may not be a traditional Southern Belle, but y'all drink from the same well.
P.S. At some level, we're all transplants. It's all just timing.
Atlanta? Let's not forget those Musical Geniuses, those Masters of Poignant verse...
Ludacris and lil' john
*snicker*
SP - Perhaps it's a sign of my age, but my tolerance level for crap-rap is really low. I like Hip-Hop, don't get me wrong. But when I think of reall Hip-Hop, I think of The Roots, A Tribe Called Quest, and Little Brother. Artists who seem respect the craft a little more. It's so hard to take any rapper named Lil [fill in the blank], or Young [fill in the blank] seriously. First of all, I don't like getting yelled at. That said, you won't see me breaking my neck to go buy that CD. Second, there are some new colloquialisms that I refuse to acknowledge, such as "Booty Meat". Can't do it. Sorry.
Ludacris grew on me. His lyrics are pretty cool. Not mainstream Billboard songs though. Some of the ones that didn't get radio play.
You don't take Young MC seriously? I think the man who gave us "Bust a Move" and "Principal's Office" should be taken very seriously. The man is the apex of rap.
You're right about one thing, Echowood. The apex of rap occurred about 19 years ago ...
This goes out to my new friend, Tim!
Thanks for the words of warning about Sarcastic One, but I too, have been known to crack a book or two and even managed to graduate from a university with honors myself. I don't think it shows intelligence for a person to proclaim how smart she is by constantly talking down to people. It merely reflects insecurity at how uncomfortable she is being upstaged by a newcomer.
Notice how she is rendered helpless at posting any original thoughts of her own? She has reduced herself to trailing after me only to counter insult my postings.
Sarcastic One was the person who threatened to ...GASP!..leave the site!... after she refused to share the spotlight with me. I merely illustrated a humorous bar room brawl-type scene a la Foxy Brown to show how silly she was behaving over her alleged turf!
By the way, Tim...what southern state do you live in?
(Extends a Southern Comfort & Coke...)
Laura - Sorry, but I didn't see it that way. Except for the racial issues, most of the rest was just messing around. I saw an olive branch extended once or twice and ignored. I really think she was trying to meet halfway. Perhaps some of this is simply a matter of not used to one another's sense of humor; you really need to reconsider the whole thing. As far as the brawl-room scene was concerned, she was probably sick of all the drama at that point. Honestly, I was getting a little tired of it myself.
I live in Kentucky, not really a true Southern state, but I was raised by my grandparents from Tennessee. They raised me in Chicago, then I moved to Arizona for college and lived there for 25 years. When it came time to raise a family, my wife and I had the luxury of moving anywhere in the US we wanted. We looked carefully, considered family locale and picked a great location with great schools in a beautiful state to raise our kids ... far away from the problems we experienced elsewhere, but with all the 'luxuries' we had become accustomed to.
So, long story short, I've lived all over. But, if I am asked, I consider myself more of a Southerner than anything else ... mainly because of the way I was raised.
and thanks for the drink! (That's two today ... you must be frisky.)
Laura, you are one of those girls who thinks only one girl can hang with the guys at a time...(I'm not--CLC and I have gotten along fine for months and months)
you went for the cheap laugh with a racist 'joke' ...
you told me yourself that you go to night school (during our catfight)...
you proceeded to argue even when I was defending your point of view because you can't toggle between getting along with someone in one post and arguing in another...
you offered me Midol when I didn't agree with you...
and I didn't say that I'm leaving (sorry---not leaving you to molest my "brothers" in my absence), just that you have inspired me to get away from the keyboard...
JW, I have a candidate for round three of the throw things into the pit...I miss Thomas...
CLC---CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really looking forward to your postings...the voice of a transplant in the South is something I will be coming back here for....even with the bully around...
SO - Thanks for the molestation protection.
Laura is a little bit scary...like gibbering hobo type scary...at first you're startled then you just think over and over "shutupandgoawayshutupandgoaway" in your head.
CLC - i can't really say much. My home state is responsible for Eminem and the Insane Clown Posse.
Kid Rock is fuckin' awesome though.
Not really interested in molesting anyone.
Senor Pablo, I'm not sure if you got the memo or not, but as a general policy, anyone from Michigan is not allowed to bring up ICP. Because of them, it's better to just say Red Pop or Rockin' Rye over Faygo. They may even be the sole reason that circus' don't visit Michigan so much anymore.
Anyhow, I'll have Francine make sure you get another copy of the memo.
Now, with that being said and me being pretty sure this is near the end of posting life, I share this.
I have a cousin, who I'd like to add lives in Ohio and always has, who is a huge ICP fan. She has all the CD's, the shirts, the general ICP crap, wears the huge baggy pants with enough fabric for two...well into her mid-20's...and, needless to say, was (I use past tense out of hope for reasons you'll soon learn) a bit of a drug user.
I'll spare you the story about her getting shot in the head with a small calliber pistol (the bullet getting lodged between her skull and scalp) by another kid who had sold his soul. Or her boyfriend who had taken three slugs to the stomach, but still managed to leap from bed and physically show his disapproval for the shooters action. I'll even spare you the part about her wanting to be released from the hospital so she could go get high with her friend, rather than count her blessings and change her life.
But now that you have a rough idea of her choices in life, here is the the punchline. She had a baby girl and named her Icee Pandora (Last name). Icee P.... ICP...I kid you not.
Suddenly, Seven doesn't sound so bad, does it?
Senor Pablo:
My husband worked on Spike TV's Video Game Awards last December at Mandalay Bay, and I got to be part of the audience.
Kid Rock's performance was indeed the highlight of the show by far, and even though he only sang a song or two from what I recall - it kept me wanting to see more. Uncle Cracker was a hoot backstage!
Tried to get free Kid tix at the Palms' Pearl, but they went so fast!
Will definitely try to catch a full show next time he visits Vegas.
Paul - Good god man. That sounds like something from Dateline and Leno's opening monologue combined!
Laura - Definitely check it out.
Sarcastic One:
"Laura, you are one of those girls who thinks only one girl can hang with the guys at a time..."
Oh, really? Are you so sure about that?
Maybe I don't want to hang with a certain"girl" who wants to dictate my behavior while acting like she's my mommie!
I feel stifled around you.
Perhaps Tim is right...we don't "get" each other's type of humor.
I've been enjoying this great site for about 6 months now, but never provided comments before this weekend.
Until you pointed it out, I didn't realize this was considered a "guy" blog.
Yes, there are a lot of photos of hot chicks without wearing much at times.
I'm not familiar with the cast of characters in the comments section as being male or female. I thought I was just talking to people with a sense of humor.
One person even put me at ease and didn't think my "racist" joke was all that bad, and told me it was funny. I know you want to condemn me for it, "RACIST!!!!"but the truth is, somebody is always gonna be offended no matter what you say. Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to post anything "racist" here again-I get it. Lighten up, ok?
OK, I'm calling time out on this subject, Laura. Can you please restrict your comments to talking about the story at hand and not veer off into attacks on other commenters or I'm going to put you on moderation. Thanks.
And that goes for all of you. Behave, ppl, we're all members of the Loyal 77.
'k
Whoa... The heat is on around here.
It's a problem when we hang around with different people at the same time. Different thoughts, different interpretations and different tempers.
Laura, we like to tease on each other around here, but mostly we try to keep it in a safe level.
I'm not aware of all the subject, I'm trying to keep track of it, but as far as I can see, it's getting out of bounds, because I can't recall of a message from upwards warning about moderation.
We always tangent out of the story on the comments, and I'd like that it could still happen. I think that everyone around here might want it too. But if things start to become so nasty that they need to moderate our comments and publish only those about the story, we all will lose lots of fun.
Wassup my cracka's?
*Dave suddenly becomes interested as a fight erupts....*
Echo-
Sorry dog for missing your challenge. Seriously, It's bad charma to miss one of those. I'll be sending you a naked picture of myself as compensation.
Am I missing something? Or did everyone get all sensitive while I've been gone?
CLC-Congrats, from your new #1 fan.
Are you going to write something or what???
How the hell is everyone?
Welcome back, Dave. I really had my hands full while you were away.
Now that you're back, I think I'll go crack a fifth open ...
Wellcome back, Dave.
Nah... not that we got sensitive... but you know, the racism jokes/comments always get some noise around here.
I'm fine down here, thanks... but I'm a little too busy I can't keep coming around as I usually did. Hope in the next two weeks things get back to normal.
Thanks bud.
Unfortunately you better bong that fifth.
I've got a project that I have to turn out by Thursday night, and then will be hunting until Tuesday.
My YBNBY activity will be a little limited.
I'm kind of catching bad vibes around here. What the hell did I miss?
I didn't say I was going to share my fifth.
OK, I won't bogart the fifth. I'll hold it for next week sometime.
No bad vibes ... just a good, old-fashioned catfight. (Sorry ladies, but it was a catfight.) Sarcky got a raw deal on this one ... hopefully, she felt we covered her back well. (But not well enough to stop the proceedings.)
Leo,
It's good to hear from you.
I hope you and your family are doing well.
Please send more guns and ammunition.
I also may need a few extra women as well. Please no Argentenian migets this time.
I guess I missed all of the action and don't really know what happened.
Unfortunately, I will have to fade out for a bit.
I see a few new faces, Paul and Laura.
How the hell are you two?
Hello, Dave.
Nice to meet you!
I'm on my best behavior today for Scaramouch.
I even morphed into Britt Ekland, but I didn't get it quite right (if you click on my name you will see why.)
Cheers!
I think you just need to clear your cache, Laura. I see Britt on your profile :) Pity it's not the topless, crazy wiccan dance version from The Wicker Man.
We're fine Dave... Last weekend we threw a party for my daughter's first birthday... That's what I call a hard work, but it pays off. Just seeing her as happy as a hurricane in a trailer park made all the work worth.
I'm sending you a new pack of thugs and butt dancers. I will double the plane security team and it'll land on a road right next to your place. Be prepared, they are on the way.
I hired a new secreta...(sorry) assistant to take care of this matter. When y'all UNNA and L77 mates need a help, just have to call +55 800 SEND THUG. You'll be receiving your pass phrases soon, in order to identify yourselves when calling. Just an extra safety measure.
You mean like this?
Damn, I was trying to be on my best behavior and I blew my top again!
Dave!! I assumed you were back on a midget-snorting binge again. I'm so glad that everything is okay!
I'm going to start posting soon, I promise. I'm still having technical difficulties with my new laptop(grrrrr), but working through them. I've got lots of Bacon and Boobs for you too.
Don't worry, things hadn't gotten too sensitive. I did grow slightly concerned about Leo and S.O. getting in a 'corner propping' mood, but all seems to be well now. I think.
Besides, there's never a dull moment with Lady S.O.!
It's just a little stress for a short time to finish a job.
Be better soon.
And CLC, I'm anxiously waiting for your words of wisdom... even more now that you mentioned boobs and bacon in the same sentence... hmmm... Bacon scented boobs?
...or boob scented bacon. You gotta think outside of the box, y'know what I mean?
Yay!
Uh... and sorry for that mailed bacon incident... But my losses on the stock market pissed me off.. I needed to show someone my angry...
oops... my 'anger'
I think boob smelling bacon would have to be made in Seattle.
There are a lot of boobs in Seattle.
I thought all the boobs were on Wall Street (ba-dum-bum!)
Well... Wait. Come to think of it, another body part comes to mind for the folks on Wall Street.
Nevermind.
Boobs in Seattle. Got it.
If boobs are in Seattle, what would you find in the small puckered area of D.C.? I wonder...
Scara...I'm extending a truce offer to Laura...because I'm taking her on her word that she'll keep what I look upon as racism to a minimum.
My time around here will be limited in the next week or so 'cause midterms are in full force (4 major projects all due next Tuesday)...then fall break next week...talk about working for the weekend.
And you boys can call it a catfight, but only if your next disagreement with Thomas or any other male-like character/commenter can be referred to as penis fencing*...
To all of you who jumped to my defense while I was at work and in class, thanks..
And Laura, it looks like we bring in the ratings--whenever we don't see eye to eye, those posts jump to the top of the most popular stories...
Scara, let us know when the web version of Sweeps Week hits and we'll stir it up again...
*there's a post about this...
Shake!
Extends hand & a shot of...Petron?
Sure--I might need it after the debate...
more of an Absolut girl, for future reference...