I tried reading all this, and I will eventually, but I had to stop and share it with you. This guy is 53 and lives near Sacramento. He is very specific about the woman he is looking for. I don't qualify on, oh well, every point. And he apparently does NOT like applicants who waste his time by not reading or fulfilling all requirements.
Besides those things that can be ascertained from the "Quick Disqualification List" above, the following is a list of things I seek in my future wife.1. My preferred height for my wife is between 5'4" (162 cm) to 5'8" (172 cm). However, if you are very thin, shorter is fine, and taller is fine if you are slim.
2. Though most men like large breasts, I don't. The larger the breasts, the more I'm turned off romantically. Bra size 32 B is my preferred, but any size up to 36 C, depends on your height, is good. Any larger than that will depend on the rest of you. I've seen women with 36 Ds that are fine. But if you are in the 40 Ds and above, forget it, a total turn off for me romantically.
3. Weight wise, for the following heights, the indicated weights, give or take 10 pounds, are generally best. However, depending on your build, an acceptable weight may be quite different. For example, I have heavy bones, in high school, I was 20 pounds over what the charts said I should be, but there was no fat on me whatsoever. I've known girls that were very slim but weighed more than the average girl her height and build:
1. 5'0" - 90 lbs
2. 5'4" - 120 lbs
3. 5'8" - 140 lbs4. You are under thirty years old. My preferred range is between 24 and 29 for such girls have generally finished their formal education and have a good idea of what they want for themselves in life. However, I will consider younger and older. If you over 29, you will have to be pretty and slim.
This is getting long, so there's more after the jump.
5. You have no children, will not have children and do not want children. I have already raised four wonderful children and do not wish to raise anymore.6. Sorry, but when it comes to turning me on, light chocolate to white skin color is needed. However, there are exceptions for darker skin, but they have to be very beautiful.
7. As my wife, you will have no desire for a career of your own, since as my wife your career will be working side by side with me starting and running our own businesses (Yes, I've started and ran my own successful businesses in the past). Only my future wife and me will know the details of the businesses until they are started. All you will know now is that they will be financial in nature, they will help others financially.
8. You are a hard worker. My wife to be and I will work hard together, play hard, rest well, and enjoy the fruits of our labor. Our work will have us traveling all around America. The fruits of our labor will enable us to travel around the world if we choose.
9. You are content in humble circumstances. My future wife and I will live humbly at first and as our businesses grow and flourish, so will our lifestyle. Therefore, if you are looking for an easy life of play and leisure then I am not the one for you. This eliminates virtually all girls of well to do parents for such girls are used to getting everything they want and have an expectation of instant gratification. My joy will come from watching my wife's enthusiasm and excitement of growing businesses that provides the financial freedoms to do the things she so desires to do.
10. You must be able to get yourself, at your own expense, to anywhere in America.
11. NO FOREIGN WOMEN UNLESS you can get yourself to America at your own expense. I will not help you financially so don't ask. I will not go to your country except for a vacation sometime after we have been married.
12. You like the outdoors and such things as hiking in the mountains to walking on the beach, volley ball, tennis, rollerblading, ice skating, skiing - snow and water, and the like.
This list is a very small part of his pitch. See the whole post if you dare.
(via b3ta)
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Damn, this guy is picky.
My qualifications are along the lines of "show up naked, Bring beer"
But that's just me.
His pimp hand is strong.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......
I need to print this out for the days when my boyfriend seems like an ass....he just got promoted to best guy on the planet after reading this...
AND I think that this guy is into Amway--read # 7--it has pyramid scheme written all over it....
Pablo, "bring beer" seems like it may solve all problems if there's enough of it.
Sounds just like someone I know.
Ladies, please form one line and no pushing!
I actually went back and read the whole thing. This man is seriously disturbed. women who respond to his ad can look forward to hearing such gems as
"It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again"
IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!
IT DOES WHAT ITS TOLD!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF HELL I CAN BRING YOU!
As far as I can tell, there are only two women in this country that fit his description: one is Echowood, and the other is Lindsay.
You two kids should visit Sacramento and work some kinda deal with this gem.
Pablo's Silence of the Lambs joke may be the funniest thing on the site this week.
Killed me.
SP, I also read it....I think it's hysterical--and think that he watched one too many episodes of I Dream of Jeanie.....
(okay, she's foreign, but she can get herself anywhere in the US on her own dollar...and she will obey his every command)
S.O. I was thinking the same thing too. Expecially how #9 tied into #7. Either way, that's kinda creepy. I keep picturing some guy who looks like a fat Woody Allen and lives in an old Winnebago that's parked next to a defunct, rusted-out, meat packing factory.
(in reference to your Amway comment SO)
So, let's recap here because I feel it can be shortened. Think George Carlin style...
Basically, the dude is looking for an average-heighted, skinny, sterile, white female wealthy business partner who likes living a poor lifestyle with dreams of the big life...
Umm, am I the only person who thinks this person is behind the money tree seeds in the trunk of the car that runs on water and exhausts gold?
I know some women like this too though. They be wantin you to have a job and a car and shit. Works both ways.
He wants an independently wealthy woman who has no career and isn't the daughter of wealthy parents...and she doesn't inherit all the proceeds from her hard work either...lottery proceeds maybe?
Uh, thanks, but no...men like him are the reason that some wise woman (or some lazy man) invented the vibrator.
And he includes no pic of his own, so CLC's vision of the fat Woody Allen is probably right....
Damn. I just checked out the link. I couldn't get through it all. If you want a guy who can yak nonstop, ladies, this is the dude for you.
I particularly liked this - "Do NOT Fall in Love with Me until I say so! ".
What a teaser!
I can see her, sitting patiently, waiting for the starting gun to go off...if she starts too early, disqualified...if she starts too late, disqualified....
Any woman who seriously pursues this should have "I hate myself. Alot" tattooed on her forehead.
Oh my, this is really disturbing. I just can't imagine this. He basically wants a soulless, pretty girl who will just do what he says, which includes working hard as part of his business. I'm not sure this girl exists. And if she does, I imagine she's probably too nice and pure to be trolling ye grande internets for a job.
And just as an interesting historical tidbit, the vibrator was invented in the Victorian Era as a cure for "female hysteria", and was administered by doctors. It wasn't at first seen as a sexual thing, I suppose because at that point, women were thought to be incapable of sexual desire?
Eddy--
I saw the Discovery special on that...amazing how that behavior was acceptable then, but would make a doc lose his license now!
Maybe that was the start of the "wanting your daughter to marry a doctor" era...and hoping that he brought his work home with him ;-)
Wow, this is guy just boggles my mind. The hubris! I went to his site and skimmed it. What a nut job! What's with not allowing the girl to go to the bathroom more than once? And what, exactly, is the difference between "slim" and "thin". This guy will be along a long, long time.
He'll either be alone forever, or he'll make his ideal woman out of parts from all the rejected applicants
Right under where he claims he has all the qualities of an evangelical, but says he's not (maybe he's a Mormon? Damn cultists), but there's a huge heading:
"An Obedient Wife is NOT the same thing as a Slave"
and then there's
" When A Wife Becomes a Whore "
Oh, I guess he is Mormon, there's a "Multiple Wives" section too.
Are you creeped out yet ladies?
Ladies, compared to this guy, I'm a saint and all that is man. You should look me up.
HA HA, reminds me of these guys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AC5BIuhQBy0
He doesn't want a woman, he wants a dog.....just one that dresses up in certain outfits.....
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/rss/-/2/hi/default.stm
"You cannot walk seven (7) miles non-stop averaging 1 mile per 20 minutes and without drinking or eating anything during the walk."
. . . once arriving at our destination you will be permitted to drink one (1) glass of water and will be provided with a small bag of peanuts . . .
It's sad that Dennis Rader still has access to the media.
"I have given this serious thought and should I end up with a wife that would like to be one of two or more wives, I have no problem with it whatsoever."
Gee, how freaking magnanimous of the guy.
"When A Wife Becomes a Whore"
How could I have ever left that out of my online dating profile?
Jeez... 53 year old guy looking for 20-something girl... His "New business"? Umm, why are you 53 without a successful business so far?
Frankly, I find his fixation on looks/weight/breast size to belie just what a shallow a-hole this guy is.
"Though I am not seeking it nor need it, I will, if the one to become my wife desires it or is already involved in it, enter into certain types of lifestyles classified as BDSM, however, I will only be the Master/Dom."
Bwahahahahaha........
"...nor do I speak condescendingly to my women..."
Bullshite!
"I always ask if you have any allergies or medical conditions. If you answered “No.” and then after we are married, I find that you do have allergies or a medical condition, that means you lied and I will terminate the marriage and send you on your way."
Oh, heaven forbid if SHE wasn't even aware of having them!
"...always be kind, humble and respectful...", "Never smoke or take drugs or do anything else that is bad for my mental clarity..."
Too late.
"When A Wife Becomes a Whore"
This whole section nearly made me vomit. It just oozed of hatred towards women.
please, please, please, can we find this guy and freakin' GELD him? Does he seriously think a well-educated woman in her twenties is AT ALL interested in giving up her career to subjugate herself to her significantly older husband's outrageous demands? Have the last two hundred years and more completely bypassed his brain?
You know something? This guy does deserve an intelligent woman. One who has enough sense to take out the biggest life insurance policy that is available to mankind on her new hubby. In fact, she'll need a lot of those characteristics that he listed, to convince a jury of her peers that his untimely death was a horrible accident. Her innocent background will validate her claims that she didn't know what he meant when he told her to 'blow him' - she thought he meant with the shotgun...in his groin...13 times, requiring various reloads. Good luck to the future missus!
Tracy - good word, GELD. Very appropriate.