Okay, this comes without watching anything but the above clip...(and therefore is fairly lame)

1) The love child of Kevin James and Borat--because of his inflection and KJ (or Doug Hefferman) seems like he would like the comfy outfit that a career as a ninja provides... (and being an IPS guy he's used to wearing a uniform).

2) George Bush III....yes, we think W only has the twin daughters--but what man would admit to having him as a father? And W killed a few brain cells back in the day so he probably forgot he has a son...
The GOP wouldn't remind him because ninjas are a minority--not a demographic reaching out to for the vote....

After literally minutes and minutes of research, i would have to conclude that he is either

a) Dr. Evil's other son because of the way he talks. (substitute any time he says "ninja" with the word "evil")

or

b) The love child of Dr. Gregory House and Ann Coulter because of the callous disregard for human life and the fact that he seems to ramble on and on with stuff that makes very little sense. (however at least the ninja is entertaining)

Bonus Answer: It's Dave

He's EVERYWHERE but in the postings this week!!!

he is ninja he's there but you can't see him...

Scara, if we don't hear from him by Tuesday, I think someone needs to extend a new challenge to him....
Or maybe someone should tell him to come out of the self-imposed punishment/banishment?

Word on the street is that he will be making an appearance sometime early Monday morning.

Alternate answer : The ninja is Los Angeles Improv Comedian Douglas Sarine. Cuz thats who he is.

My guesses:

1) Dave: How else could he know the secrets to win women over with his sage like advice regarding flatulence and working out.

and

2)Echowood: He had to use his ninja like skills to spy on Lindsey to know how to win her heart back.

Scar - I like how everyone is taking your statement 'two people who come up with the best two answers' literally and actually submitting two answers. You wouldn't actually give two copies to the same person, would you?

OK, here goes:

1) Johnny Wright - Because if you turn off the audio and watch how the ninja waves his arms around like a monkey, you know that there is only one person on earth that can combine ninja and monkey together into a successful enterprise ... and that person is the Good Reverend Wright.

2) Carlos Mencia - Because he is the only Latino comedian with large eyebrows I can think of, and this ninja looks and sounds like a Latino comedian with large eyebrows. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lock my doors and wait for the PC nazis to show up ...

Tim, you stole my theory that the Ninja is Latino. But my theory is that he was kicked out of the Mexican Mafia for acting too Gringo. To hide his shame and his identity, he became a Ninja.

Okay, I must have started the trend--but usually they say the best two answers--or the two people with the best answers.

And are we supposed to refer to our Chief Contradictor by the nickname Scara or Scar?

Somebody Help me...I Can't get the Theme Song Out of My HEAD!!!!!!!

Insert Rick Roll here...

1. I am going to go with Potsie from Happy Days, I am sure he's had plenty of time to get up some ninja skills since he hasn't done a thing since the 70's.

2. Chris Farley, maybe he's a ninja in a van down by the river !

I would say, Mel, the cook from Alice because he always said " the best defense is a good ofeense".

Or, Doc Savage, the ultimate badass.

You people are kidding, right? Everybody knows that Ask a Ninja is played by Tim Van Patten. He got the idea from Lee Van Cleef when they worked together on the CIA funded television show The Master.

The clues have been quite evident for years.

After being cast as "Salami" for TV's "White Shadow", Van Patten was briefly introduced to producer Bruce Paltrow's then 7-year old daughter, Gwyneth, who was in intensive ninja-training at the time. This is why you don't see her in any films from 1974-1990.

This meeting proved catastrophic, as Gwyneth, as yet unprepared for her burgeoning physical and psychic prowess, accidentally used her ninja skills to ensconce a laugh track on Tim's dad's show, Eight is Enough, which proved impossible shake until the series cancellation in 1981.

To repay Tim for the shame of having a father who starred in the only hour-long drama on television with a laugh track, the young Paltrow later snagged Tim a role in the only ninja-related television show starring two actors with "vans" in their name. Van Patten and Van Cleef became overnight sensations, but, due to bitterness over a lack of crediting and a contract jelousy, the Van from the A-Team organized a vehicular walk-out from that show.

The network faced a dilemma. Due to a slight edge in the ratings, they were forced to cancel The Master and retain the A-Team (including a revised royalty contract for the Van.)

The writing was on the wall, but Van Cleef had a last minute stroke of genius in an effort to save the show. The veteran actor pushed for a major plot twist: the young American ninja, Max Keller (played by Van Patten) would make a career change and become an advice columnist.

Alas, it was too late. Following the tragic death of Lee Van Cleef during the filming of a spectacular and infamous "shurikens and live hand grenades" stunt, the show was cancelled before the new Van Cleef-penned scripts could be implemented.

But the dream burned in Van Patten's breast. The only way he could possibly avenge his father's laugh track was to become Ask A Ninja.

But of course, anyone who has listened closely to Coldplay's latest album would know this.

An excerpt from "Viva la Vida":

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Tim Van Patten ninja slinging
Be my mentor my sword and advice
My mission to kill for a certain price
For some reason I can not explain
Tim Van Patten is Ask a Ninja
That was when Tim was Ask a Ninja.

Chris Martin, of course, is the husband of--wait for it--Gwyneth Paltrow. Simon Pegg, a close friend of Martin and Paltrow, signed on in late '07 as a advisor to Tim Van Patten of Ask-A-Ninja fame. Which is why Ask A Ninja gets funnier and more deadly all the time.

So - Ask a Ninja is Tim Van Patten, with an assist from the Eight is Enough laugh track.

DSB - Great theory, but you have failed to recognize the contributions of Van Johnson and Art Van de Leigh.

not to mention Dick Van Dyke and Mimi Van Doren.

Good point, Tim, but you fail on a technicality.

Mamie Van Doren and Dick Van Dyke co-starred in an off-broadway production of "No! No! Nanette!" in their younger days. This is commonly confused for the unrelated ninja-themed (non-musical) play, "No! No! Ninjas!" which had a very brief run in 1919 and was financed primarily by the sale of "Fingerless" Henry Bates by the Boston Red Sox to a sweat shop in Equatorial Guinea.

Therefore, their connection to the ninjastic cinematic arts is tenuous, as best.

And though Van Johnson had the starring role in his screen debut in "Too Many Ninjae*", Art Vandalay was only the assistant architect on set, and never actually appeared in the motion picture.

So, the "double-Van ninja motion picture" title is still firmly in the grip of Van Cleef and Van Winkle. I mean Patten. Of course.

But I like your attention to detail!

*'Ninjae', of course, being the proper plural of ninja.

I think he's a clone created from the genes of Dr. Claw from Inspector gadget (the source of the ninja voice), and Patrick Warburton(the source of his amazing ability to kick ass while still sounding like he may have lost a few too many brain cells.)

So who won?

You guys are welcome.....who says being a nag is a bad thing?

Reading about Potsie still makes me laugh....chris farley and the coffee table....and Mel....which just makes me think about kissing someone's grits....