From the Nature/Sports Desk...Nature/Sports correspondent Sedro Woolley phoned in to give us a quick rundown this past week's wildlife scoreboard and highlights.
All scores final.
Lions: 171 - Zebras: 0
Lions: 201 - Water Buffaloes: 1
A Namibian water buffalo scored a lucky horn to the abdomen of a lioness for their only point this week.
Mongooses: 3 - Cobras: 3
Some tight, bitterly fought matches resulted in a draw.
Mountain Lions: 1 - Hikers: 0
Dragons: 4 - Centaurs: Nil
Great White Sharks: 742 - Seals: 0
From the opening kick, the seals really never got the offense moving. In nature's version of the Harlem Globetrotters versus the Washington Generals, the seals overall record now stands at 0 and 91 million.
Cock-Fighting Roosters: 27 - Cock-Fighting Roosters: 28
Close match from Guadalajara Mexico.
Nile Crocodiles: 73 - Wildebeests: ½
11-Year-Old Boys With Slingshots: 2 - Robins: 0
Chupacabras: 11 - Goats: 0
Pet Pythons: 4,971 - White Mice: 1
A ball python named Jack Sparrow from Hot Coffee Mississippi choked and lost.
Hawks: 1,227 - Rodents/Snakes: Nil
Not even a combined rodent and snake squad could stop this desert blowout.
Humans: 702, 478 - Delicious Cows: 3
Delicious cows got on the board after a brief stampede in Green River Wyoming. Memorial services for local cowhands Henry "Hank" Harrison, Luther Pearce and Samuel "Chainsaw" Bernstein will be held at the Green River First Episcopalian Church of Our Lord. Light refreshments will be served.
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Dammit! I had money on the Cock-Fighting Roosters.
CLC - It's clear that someone had a hand in those results.
Sadly even when the mice win, they loose.
I think I'm going to donate some cash to PETA in the name of Johnny Wright.
I suggest everyone do the same.
Personally, I was more upset about the Dragons vs. Centaurs matchup. The Centaurs were straight-up robbed on at least a couple of occasions. I mean, Centaurs might *have* horses' asses, but that's clearly what the refs *were*.
There are unconfirmed reports out of Mexico that one of the non-italicized Cock-Fighting Roosters may have taken a dive in the 5th round of last weeks bout.
YBNBY is looking into the matter.
JW--what about the rumor that one of the italicized CFRs tested positive for steroids?
On a non-sequitor note, I didn't realize til yesterday when I read the interview with Miss C that this was supposed to be a guy's site...CLC--did you realize that we're not supposed to be here?
(yeah, there's bacon and boobs--but there's also just plain funny stuff here)
I'd like to go on record here as saying that if the ladies leave, I'm leaving ... and I'm taking all the other monkeys with me.
We are also looking into the juiced rooster rumors. I was hesitant to report them before authorities were able to obtain a urine sample from the accused birds. It took quite some time.
Mmm. Rooster juice.
Am I reading the line right, Mountain Lions were @ the Hikers last week?
Whats the line when the Hikers visit the Mountain Lions?
Who is scheduled to be on the bump for the Hikers this week?
And, is it true the Mountain Lions are gona send Charlie "the mauler" Johnson to the bump on short rest?
I gotta know this stuff before i wager.
The Mountain Lions were on the road. Not far. Cross town rivals in the next national park. They are at home this week.
Vegas has the line at Mountain Lions -3. That's some sweet action.
As of press time the Hikers have not announced their starter and the Mountain Lions are saying that The Mauler starting on short rest is "probable."
JW
I'll take the Hikers. I'm not so sure The Mauler will be as crisp going on short rest.
Whats the scoops on the Basselopes vs The Pop-tarts? I hear that they might be goin toe-toe this week.
I believe that's a pick 'em, pally.
You mean my lady lumps aren't welcome on YBNBY? Say it isn't so Rev.
CLC - I probably speak for most Internet using, English language speaking males that females (and even some who claim they are and really aren't but if we had not asked too many questions we would have been fine with the fantasy) are always welcome where bacon, boobs, and the best top 10 lists anywhere can be found.
Those Lions are awesome, I want to see the rivalry match of Lions vs Detroit Lions - its time the kings of the beasts take on the crappiest team in a substandard division for bragging rights. (Go Bears.)
Also, you missed some important ones, like the pivotal match-up of Fraternity Asses vs Lighters and Fire - if that's not a natural rivalry, nothing is. And in local action, there have been some interesting grudge matches between Squirrels and Electrical Transformers. I can see how these fringe groups might not have made the cut.
And I think this article is ripe with opportunity to market Rugby-style jerseys of the favorite squads. Nature's Survival League teams with logos and stuff. That could be too funny.