ornate line
PETA Re-Jumps the Shark For Record 7,333rd Time!
The always moronic and ridiculous People For the Be Nice Treatment of Creatures or whatever the hell it is, have reached a new level of stupid. This may never be topped. Much like Michael Phelps winning eight gold medals, they have put the bar so high for stupid, it may never be reached again.

PETA recently sent a letter to Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. Just to make a suggestion. No biggie. PETA's plan for the future of delicious ice cream? Switch cow milk for human breast milk.

Let's take a moment for people to stop laughing and/or vomiting.

The letter read in part:
On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'd like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry's. Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers--and cows--would reap the benefits.

Wow. At the end of the letter that seems it is an article from The Onion PETA says:
The breast is best!

Good one.

Give me a minute to collect my thoughts. Okay, I'm ready. First of all, that Swiss restaurant they referenced has to be the worst eating establishment in the history of Earth. Second, and most important, how does PETA think this plan could actually happen? So Ben and Jerry set the cows free to roam the countryside and fend for themselves instead of being used for what God/evolution/both intended for them to do. Then the company clears out the stinky stables and installs human breast milk pumping stations. They also are able to find a rotating shift of thousands of local Vermont woman that have just given birth to staff the booby pumps. Never mind that instead of giving nourishment to their newborn child they would instead be choosing to supplying vital ingredients for Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream. This could totally happen. Plausible and financially sound.

PETA, it's time to start asking normal people if these letters are good ideas. Just email them around to a few friends and see what the response is. Take a vote.

Of course if Ben & Jerry's adopted this idea, it could lead to some exciting new ice cream flavors. Peanut Butter D-Cups. Karamel Boobtra. Half Milked. S'more ... Jubblies. New York Super Hooters Chunk. And the ever popular, Boobie Batter.

Have a better Ben & Jerry's Breast Enhanced ice cream flavor? Let's hear it.

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You mean People for the Extremely stupid Treatment of Donkey Rearends.

said Richard on September 26, 2008 6:53 PM.

I'd buy a tub of booby batter....

said dataphage on September 26, 2008 7:09 PM.

It's the use of the word "tub" that made that funny.

said Johnny Wright on September 26, 2008 7:10 PM.

The Ice cream could come in pairs, 2 pints served in a bra.

For the record, I am a member of PETA,

People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.

said Sheriff Pablo on September 26, 2008 7:59 PM.

I've also got a great idea for soft serve dispensers...

Just squeeze it into a cone...

said Sheriff Pablo on September 26, 2008 8:00 PM.

Mmmmm, animals...

said Johnny Wright on September 26, 2008 8:19 PM.

I can see it as more of a topping.

In fact, they could just hire a whole new staff of soon-to-be and have-recently-become young ladies to serve ice cream. Then, they could just make certain wardrobe, uhhh, adjustments so as to facilitate the dispensing of said toppings.

Talk about customer service!

B & J Staff: "Would you like a topping?"
Customer: "Why, yes I would. I'd like to try Celeste today, please."
B & J Staff: "And would you like some nuts with that?"
Customer: "Yes please."
B & J Staff: "Pedro? We need some protein here!"

said Tim on September 26, 2008 8:45 PM.

funny, i was just realizing as i clicked on the link how much I hate coming to this blog anymore, always some stupid shit from good ol Hillbilly John. down below we have a post about woo-hooo baseball! and here we have the most played out story of the web today, and now here comes old doofus with the early edition.

how ironic that the first words I see are "new lows of stupid" or whatever. My feelings exactly.

This is my last visit to your inane blog. Say what you like, "J-Dub". You're a very stupid man; your opinions are of less than zero interest to me. Jesus Scaramouch, toss this dead weight already.

Bye, y'all.

said droge on September 26, 2008 11:47 PM.


said Tim on September 27, 2008 12:52 AM.

Unfortunately, I can't laugh, because PETA is evil. They're terrorists. They want to blow me up.

Fuck PETA. After all, they want us to eat human meat. So they can suck my big hairy cock.

said kbk on September 27, 2008 12:56 AM.


We may not see eye-to-eye on everything, but that was truly elegant prose.

Welcome to the dark side!

Your friend,


said Tim on September 27, 2008 11:19 AM.

Bye proge, you waste of air.

I happen to enjoy JW's articles and his witty comments. He's the Wonka in this factory, imo.

And FUCK peta.

said phatlard on September 28, 2008 2:13 AM.

Way to cap off the comment in style, pally. That was quite the explanation point.

And thank you. That's very kind.

Of course I couldn't care less about the guy, but I have to admit how hilarious I found it that he called me a "hillbilly." Never been called that before. I've been laughing about it for a day now. Echowood and I really got a chuckle out of that.

said Johnny Wright on September 28, 2008 2:43 AM.

I'd like to work on the farm where the free range big titted women are kept.

Good riddance.

said etantao on September 28, 2008 9:23 AM.

Happiest. Farmers. Ever.

said Johnny Wright on September 28, 2008 9:41 AM.

I just read that Ben and Jerry were visiting the Playboy Mansion to work out the feasibility of this idea....

said sarcastic one on September 28, 2008 11:16 AM.

EEEEW.. "Carmeled Kendra nut cruch" ?


said phatlard on September 28, 2008 4:58 PM.
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