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Cast Into The Pit of Hades II: The Return of the Revenge of the Wrath of the Hades Redemption
balrog.jpgThere continues to be aggravating aspects of our society. Pissing off and annoying the masses. No country or continent is left unscathed from the idiotic and unnecessary.

Thus, we return to a rousing game that allows you, the loyal reader, to assuage some anger and toss pet peeves into the fiery, flaming, feverish, fervid Pit of Hades. The first installment was a while back and went down a storm. We had a variety of silly and ridiculous aspects of daily life cast into the Pit. To burn as they think about what they have done.

Since about three of you - that's almost five - have mentioned the need to bring back the Pit, I am complying to the kind-of-demand.

Like before, we're trying to steer clear of the obvious; racism, bigotry, ignorance, war, hunger, etc. and trying to think a little more laterally. And stupidly.

300px-HellBosch.jpg Also like before, while you think of your nominations, here is round two of what I am throwing into The Pit of Hades.

The WNBA - Into The Pit it goes. Unwatchable nonsense. Why it annoys me is that because of the partnership with the NBA, the league gets undeserved promotion and exposure. Sportscenter shows WNBA "highlights" out of perceived obligation. The highlights are lay-ups. Seriously. Can't you just hear Stuart Scott calling the plays. "And there is another slow-motion finger roll! Nearly grazed the bottom of the backboard with her hand! Boo yeah!" High school basketball is 10 times the hoops as the WNBA. Burn.

Rudeness To Minimum Age Workers - Pathetic. You've seen this person, they're yelling at the Wendy's counter guy because the 99-cent bacon cheeseburger they ordered only has two strips of bacon. They're screaming at the customer service agent in the airport because the Super Saver ticket they bought for $59 bucks doesn't come with an aisle seat in the bulkhead. I've seen people get angry with the sales clerk in Old Navy for the pricing of an item in a store. The clerk is not within driving distance of anyone who decides the price of a pair of jeans you schmuck. Let the flames engulf you.

The "Parody Movies" - Granted I don't go to any of them, but their existence and the fact that they are often profitable makes me more disappointed in America. We're talking about Scary Movie's 1-19, Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie. The lowest form of humor. Or attempt at humor. There is no real satire. No real comment on pop culture. No real story. Just a string of bad gags written by idiots for idiots.

Weather Over 80 Degrees - I may be on my own here. Hot weather annoys me. People love the climate in Los Angeles, I find it tedious. Fall and winter are preferred over spring and summer. Perhaps this is due to my Northwest upbringing. I love rainy days. Love the drizzle and the cold. Another reason I don't like warm says is I have overactive sweat glands. That is embarrassing to admit, but it's true. Even as a kid. Once in 7th grade, after track practice, I sat down on the pavement exhausted. We're joking around, breaking balls, then I stood up. Little butt sweat mark was left on the concrete. Oh man... Hot weather makes me cranky. And sweaty.

And finally ...

The Paparazzi/Famous For Being Famous - There is an irony in tabloid culture. The characters inside the tabloids complain about the press hounding them and following them around. But without the rags, nobody would know who they are. Most of the tabloid regulars have no discernable talent or skills. Such as the hotel heiress. What does she do except get her picture taken and appear on leaked videos of sexual escapades and recreational drug use? Or the daughter of the guy that sang "All Night Long." No idea what she does. There's also the one with the big rear end that leaked a sex tape in a desperate attempt to be famous at any costs ... and it worked. You know that there is no talent whatsoever when the media has to refer to you as a "socialite." That is not a job. Going to red carpet events and getting your picture taken outside a Starbucks should not be considered an occupation. The parasitic paparazzi only add fuel to the fire. Their abundance has driven up the prices of photographs taken of celebrity spawn. Or C-listers exiting whatever night club is trendy that week flashing their underpants. Go to hell the lot of you. Those that are famous for being famous and those that keep them that way. Into The Pit you go. To burn slowly.

Ahhhhhh ... I feel so much better.

I now turn the soapbox over to you. Vent away. And yes, it still is funny to throw Johnny Wright into The Pit.

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46 Comments

I think the supercollider should be thrown into the Pit because its results are going to disappoint everyone.

On the crazy random chance that the results aren't disappointing, then it should be cast into the pit anyway, because it would be like a cosmic Reese's peanut butter cup.

Hey! You got your supercollider in my Pit of Hades!

Hey! Your Pit of Hades just consumed my supercollider!

Two great tastes that rip a mandlebrotesque fissure in the fabric of space-time and consciousness.

said Don't Swayze Bro on September 18, 2008 5:34 PM.

Just thinking about that hurts my brain Swayze.

said Johnny Wright on September 18, 2008 5:40 PM.

Holy crap Swayze is immortal.
Anyone who can use the phrase "mandlebrotesque fissure in the fabric of space-time and consciousness." is immortal in my book.

I'd like to cast Swayze into the pit just to watch him fly out.

said Dave on September 18, 2008 5:46 PM.

I would like to toss political correctness into the pit 7 times. I'm tired of worrying who i might offend next. If i hear one more person tell me that it's not nice to say retard, fatass, nigga, any of the expletives or yo'mommas i swear i'm gona snap someones neck. I'm tired of people thinking they have the right to not be offended. Do they ever stop to think i might be offended by their tofu breath while they are giving me the what for? Nooooo, they are just self serving assholes thinking the world is a better place with them in it saving it from free thinkers like myself. AAAIGH


So, how's the weather there JW?

said phatlard on September 18, 2008 6:05 PM.

Luckily we're starting to cool down in New York. It's been in the mid 70's.

said Johnny Wright on September 18, 2008 6:08 PM.

Nice pitcher. Who dat? Blake?

said E on September 18, 2008 6:20 PM.

Politicians.

All of 'em.

From Every Country in the world.

Nothing screws up a good planet like politicians.

Anyone capable of getting themselves elected president, should on no accout be allowed to do the job.

said Sheriff Pablo on September 18, 2008 6:23 PM.

Whoever was in charge of overseeing Lehman.

said E on September 18, 2008 6:29 PM.

I think we should just put the economy in general into The Pit.

said Johnny Wright on September 18, 2008 6:34 PM.

I would also like to toss the X games into the pit. Mostly because i can never be that cool myself.

said phatlard on September 18, 2008 6:42 PM.

Im so glad the pit has returned. And into I must first toss the BCS. It is the biggest bunch of bullshit that ever existed. And since Im talking college football, Im tossing in USC. Fuck them and their weak schedule. Of course you never lose trojans, you play 2 ranked teams this year, one of which is obviously way overrated (thats you ohio state suckeyes) and another which is only ranked 17, almost lost last week and is down to their 3rd string quarter back. If you dont go undefeated with that schedule, you dont deserve to even play football. Next Im throwin in steve spurrier. i loved watchin him lose his mind this weekend.
Moving on, Im tossing in cold weather. Anything below 65. maybe its just me being from the south, but when i was stationed in baltimore in december of 99 i wanted to kill myself. cold weather blows donkeys for pennies.
Next Im throwing in car insurance, or as i like to call it, legal extortion. Insurance is the fuckin devil. Insurance is right up there with the BCS. Insurance blows cold weather just for fun.
Johnny, you're dead on with the parody movies. I must admit i liked the first two scary movies, but after that i couldnt take the corniness anymore. that shit is overboard.
Im really contemplating casting pickles back in the pit. There is currently a large jar in my fridge from an ex who i started seeing again and everytime i see those fucking pickles as i reach in for something awesome like ketchup, i remember why we arent together anymore. god i fucking despise pickles. but as i know no one else wants to see them go, so once again theyre spared. count your blessings you green phalice loving bastards.

said dawgsman81 on September 18, 2008 7:12 PM.

Damn right the BCS is in The Pit. Burn!

Good to see you Dawg.

said Johnny Wright on September 18, 2008 7:30 PM.

I second, second throwin in the BCS.

said phatlard on September 18, 2008 8:16 PM.

toilet paper with less than 3 plies.... FUCK politicians, cottage cheese, gnarly shit! other people's pubic hairs!, loogies, unless they resemble embryos!fuckin Fiji water or super water or whatever, anything gatorade makes other than gatorade. i think that ufc stuff is pure stupidity on steroids, nothing like a real fight, just stick with boxing or hang out in dark alleys. people who text and drive, Alaska! just to see it melt, hah, vegeterians who feel fine littering, WTF!?
the commercials on comedy central, i mean seriously giving us more reason to change the channel. well just cable in general. Digital television converter boxes, that whole system is fuckin retarded, why did they deem it neccessary to make it a law for all channels to go digital? most of television sucks balls anyway, no matter how HDeified it is. cept like lost and arrested development, hah

said notjohndoe2 on September 18, 2008 8:49 PM.

"Cottage cheese" and "other's people's pubic hair" really made laugh. But those are all pretty funny.

said Johnny Wright on September 18, 2008 8:54 PM.

I'd like to toss anyone who picks shit up in a retail store and sets it down in a random location for some overworked/underpaid slob to pick up after them. Especially in a grocery store where some things need to be kept cold and others do better out of the freezer.

How about pretentious coffee shop clerks? Dude, poor my shit in a paper cup and let me get on with my day. I respect that you have a job and are not suckling the system but its a coffee shop not rocket science.

How about thinning the herd a great deal and pitch in everyone who is able-bodied and -minded but refuses to support themselves by actually working by instead choosing to suck up our tax dollars on assistance. Which brings us full circle to the ********* in our respective statehouses who approve all this assistance for the ignorant masses to begin with.

said Jim on September 18, 2008 9:18 PM.

Into The Pit! Atta boy Jim.

said Johnny Wright on September 18, 2008 9:25 PM.

Politicians I can deal with.

I'd like to chop up, then throw in into the pits the bloody bits of pundits and talking points reporters.

Toss along any TV station that makes a living with 24 hr news. Bye CNN, FOX & MSNBC. (But not CSPAN, never CSPAN!)

People who talk with fake foreign accents.

Finally, anyone who has ever participated in The Wave.

said Baierman on September 18, 2008 10:09 PM.

JW i agree with you 100% about the hot weather.

Spend a year or so in the middle east. You will receive a whole new definition of heat. Maybe thats why there are so many terrorists and suicide bombers over there. The constant unwavering incessant heat they have to endure since birth just drives them crazy and they want to blow themselves up.

And Bill o'reilly has a special place in the pit just for him.

said Sheriff Pablo on September 18, 2008 10:20 PM.

Jim, Coffee shop clerks i can deal with, if they acknowledge the fact that thats what they are. COFFEE SHOP CLERKS.

On the other hand, Every single one of these motherfuckers who has the pretentiousness to call themselves a fucking "Barrista" needs to be sodomized and thrown in the pit. You are not a barrista. you pour coffee into paper cups. quit trying to make yourself sound more important than you actually are. You don't see McDonald's employees calling themselves "Expedient food delivery professionals" do you?

said Sheriff Pablo on September 18, 2008 10:30 PM.

The Wave and Bill O'Reilly are definitely in The Pit. I boycott The Wave. Will not do it under any circumstances.

said Johnny Wright on September 18, 2008 10:30 PM.

Wow--I got thrown in twice already....texting while driving (on roads w/little traffic and I don't even have to look at the numbers/letters) (it's only occasional and it's no worse than smoking while driving) (could I throw in a few more justifications?) and the Wave.

What if we have done the Wave while watcing CSPAN--do they cancel each other out?

I want to throw in MTV...there's no Music anymore.

Okay, I'm jumping in---because people who have a need to justify bad behavior (see above) should all go in....

Can we make it an ice cube bath instead of fiery pit--I also hate being too warm...

said sarcastic one on September 18, 2008 10:34 PM.

Car Alarms. People who think they have the right to keep an entire neighborhood awake cause their car alarm goes of when the motherfukkin wind blows. Burn in hell.

said E on September 18, 2008 11:44 PM.

oh yes, mtv, cast all that shit in there, anyone for rolling stone? im tired of the shit they put out, leftist beyond reason, it claims every band is the hot new thing, several times over, its hypocritical hype swat it is, only decent for the pictures, hah. like that stupid comic in the beginning

said notjohndoe2 on September 19, 2008 12:04 AM.

btw, i wanna throw this out there tommorow is talk like a pirate day, is that not freakin awesome? i diggit, you fun lovin guys and gals should too!

happy talk like a pirate day!

said notjohndoe2 on September 19, 2008 12:06 AM.

NJD2---Arrgghhh! Happy day to you, too!

said sarcastic one on September 19, 2008 12:10 AM.

Anyone who tries to set others up on blind dates.
Those days are long ago for me (tG!), but the people who think that "You two would be PERFECT for each other--you have breathing in common!" deserves to be thrown to the deepest depths...

said sarcastic one on September 19, 2008 12:35 AM.

And car sales associates. You'll notice i said associate, cause one of those lousy piece of shit car saleswomen corrected me one time. I only wish i had thought of car saleshole at the time. Burn 'em Bobby!

said phatlard on September 19, 2008 1:17 AM.

Josh Howard and people who take advantage of what has been hard fought for but don't care to respect the people who made it possible.

said E on September 19, 2008 2:55 AM.

Political ad campaigns. Even the ones that aren't obvious smear ads. Every time I see another one on (which is every ten minutes) I feel like hurling my remote into the screen.

Also political correspondents. What does Sarah Palin's daughter's social life or Obahma's religion have to do with my choice of politician.

said long2021 on September 19, 2008 3:10 AM.

Nicknames like "First Dude"

said long2021 on September 19, 2008 3:13 AM.

"Baby on board" signs that hang in the rear window of cars.

Why do people use them?! Do they really think that a small, yellow notice will make me treat that car and passengers any differently than any other car and passengers? :

"Ooh, that car has a small, yellow notice in the rear window... better not crash into it... I'll go crash into that car instead; it doesn't have a small, yellow notice in it!" *crash*

said Mat on September 19, 2008 3:54 AM.

All Presidential ad campaigns are into The Pit. Burn.


said Johnny Wright on September 19, 2008 9:05 AM.

After reading this morning that she is suing a publicist because the 5o million quid she stole from Sir Paul McCartney isn't enough, I am chucking Heather "The Most Hated Woman in Britain" Mills into The Pit.

said Johnny Wright on September 19, 2008 10:31 AM.

Combined names for couples: Brangelina, TomKat, etc... they are not funny or clever, just stop!

The "word" preggers for pregnant.

People who pull out in front of me and almost cause a wreck when they only needed to wait two more seconds for me to go by with no one even behind me.

I agree with ad campaigns... all of them (governors, senators, not just the presidential).

People who leave a store, restaurant, etc. and hold a reunion right in front of the door where no one else can go in or out.

BURN!

said ssbn743vet on September 19, 2008 10:36 AM.

Combined celebrity couple names you say? Into The Pit!

said Johnny Wright on September 19, 2008 10:48 AM.

Rappers who call themselves "Lil" or "Young" [insert stupid name here]. It's a bad omen for really really bad music.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck - about as useless as a Lehman Brothers training course certificate, and about as boring as Greta Van Susteren's sex life.

Poor customer service reps - don't give me attitude because you hate your fucking job.

Parents who don't teach their kids manners

Cops who take their job WAY too seriously.

the Ford Focus

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on September 19, 2008 11:54 AM.

Parents who teach their kids NO manners by example...

said sarcastic one on September 19, 2008 12:49 PM.

Anything pro-Duke

said sarcastic one on September 19, 2008 12:50 PM.

I actually gave up lurking because I wanted to cast something into the pit very badly. Please throw Oprah's Book Club into the pit. Not the books, I'm sure some of them must be good, just the Club. And if Oprah happens to "accidentally" follow well I won't complain.

said Annadeus on September 19, 2008 7:45 PM.

Without question, unequivocally, we pitch Oprah's Book Club into the fiery Pit of Beelzebub.

Not the books themselves. We can't do that because "she" did recommend Faulkner once. But the lunacy that Oprah is actually reading the books and carefully selecting what the lemmings should read next, into The Pit you go.

Along with the notion that Oprah herself is giving away cars and not the corporate sponsors who pay to have their product on the show.

May they burn slowly...

If Oprah stands too close to The Pit and is accidently bumped in, I didn't see it.


Well done, Annadeus.

JW

said Johnny Wright on September 19, 2008 7:55 PM.

My Sweet 16. (the MTV show--I know MTV was already thrown in, but this needs its own spot/circle of fire).

The spoiled brat children (yes, there has been at least one male), the parents who coddle them, the producers who dreamt up the idea (and who I think cover some of the costs as part of the production--if not, there are some really, really dumb and publicity hungry rich people--excuse me while I go scam a few of them to pay my tuition), the entire universe that swirls around these people without a clue.

I'm saving the poor salesclerks who get stuck on camera with them--because they are just trying to earn a living--and their personal hell is to be stuck with these clueless rich snobs on a daily basis.

I'm also tossing in the programming geniuses who schedule marathons of said show. I have lost both time and brain cells to this phenomenon and I want them both back!!!

said sarcastic one on September 20, 2008 8:26 AM.

My Sweet 16 is going to be renamed Worst Parents In America and tossed into The Pit.

Excellent nomination, my friend.

said Johnny Wright on September 20, 2008 10:09 AM.

People who talk JUST to hear themselves talk. Even though the most rediculous shit comes out of their mouths, it will not stop anytime soon. They have their gang of idiots that, for some reason, find his relentless chatter about bodily fluid movements, how he can't believe it's not butter, and how much he would fondle himself if he was a girl hilarious... meh. These people, as well as the gang, are better off in the pits, if it means that they'll be far away from my eardrums.

said Kyle on September 24, 2008 9:44 PM.

Could not agree more Kyle. They are in The Pit.

There are two guys my buddies and I hate. There's the "Low Percentage Shooter" which is the basically the guy you are talking about. So named because he never shuts up, never stops trying to be funny. But his percentage of interesting or funny comments is less than 10%. What makes him worse is the low percentage of comments that people laugh at keeps him trying even harder. He's just firing away like Stephon Marbury.

The other is the "Always More Girls At Your Party" guy. This is the goof that no matter what kind of story is told, he is going to top it. Had two home runs last week in softball? He had three bombs, one walk-off. Saw The Stones and had seats on the 7th row? He was in the front row. Birdied the par 5 11th hole at the local course? He eagled. I've known guys like this where I make up stuff to tempt them into telling a tall tale.

All of you, burn...

(Extra points go to Kyle for a well written entry.)

said Johnny Wright on September 24, 2008 10:01 PM.

OMG....I think I fall into the category of Low Percentage Shooter...trying to post witty things to get the approval of the writers and the Loyal 77....

Okay, I'm throwing myself back in again....

said sarcastic one on September 24, 2008 11:06 PM.
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