Swan Lake....The Alternate Ending

The next administration promised not to cut spending on the Arts, but they might modify them a little bit.

The Trent Lott Institute of Technology

Gov. Palin's security team in training.

Gov. Palin's security team in training.

Sarah Heath practices her talent for the Miss Alaska pageant

The Russians are ready for us--again

Check out the guy in the back--so THAT'S what Dave did on his summer vacation!!!

If this website locks up one more time, we're going to shoot the person in charge!

How the young Radio City Rockettes take out the old Radio City Rockettes.

Halloween's gonna be a lot different this year...

("Trick-or-Treat FUCKER!!")

Initially the International Olympic Committee's decision to combine Synchronized Swimming and Biathlon seemed like a good idea. But the sights on the training muskets were a little off. Training turned into a disaster quickly.

Becky Martin never did reach her dream of becoming an Olympian. Bless her soul.

Awwww... Tchaikovsky would be proud...

"The Cheney Dance Academy"

"Janie's Dance Academy"

nice CLC--Steve would be proud!

I had heard that Iraq was recruiting women into their police force...now I have proof!

The Bon Jovi ballet....including "shot through the heart" and "living on a prayer"...encore is to "wanted dead or alive"

The view of Russia out Sarah's front window makes for good target practice...

the centerfold of the new fetish magazine...Buns and Bullets...

I've heard that ballet dancers have body image issues...but damn...shooting the mirror won't solve anything!

Instructor: "Okay ladies! We're gonna pretend that's Chuck Barris in front of you... Ready? Aim. FIRE!"

(What Murray Langston is up to these days)

Ladies, as members of the YBNBY firing squad, you will see that we have two practice dummies in front of you for target practice...don't mind the breathing-that's just special effects. We named them Thomas and ManofSound, but just for fun....

Send the Chinese Gymnastic team.

That's what happen when you trust your ballet group to a guy who has a marshmellow head.

That's just a bullet proof vest for the brains...

The French army.
Tough but fair.

How the first girl in line will shot her gun remains a mystery to me...

Ladies and Gentlemen this old revolutionary war photo of the British, gives us a clue as to why we celebrate Independence day.

Sorry Scaramouch, it was Johnny's idea.

Ahhh, Leo, I see you spotted Bristol Palin. She's just killing time til hockey practice lets out...but I guess there won't be a shotgun wedding after all....

Be advised Ebert, this is one troupe that will fire back at their critics.

Now we know the Stormtroopers' dark secret.

Tonight on the season premier of So You Think You Can Dance, the winners.

Competition was fierce the year that Dave became The Bachelor...he wanted to know that his future wife also had the hunting/sharp shooter gene....

Tour de Lethal Force

Again, the Warriors found themselves in the wrong neighborhood.

Is the average Navy Seal as good a ballet dancer as these girls are marksmen?
Truly, it is to ponder.

that first girl has crazy leg warmers on

Maybe I'm getting a little prudish in my old age but the tampon commercials these days are a tad much.

'You go gurrrl!' - Oprah.

At your command, Lord Vadermuffin head.

E, was that tagline:
"Tampax--Stopping Aunt Flo dead in her tracks"

or

"Monthly present, my ass!"

SarcOne - you had me at Tampax.

Looks like Hollywood is still trying to figure out how to make Chick Flicks appealing to men.

Since moving to Oklahoma the Supersonic just haven't been quite the same.
Oh, wait they are the same.

'My thinking was that if the whole ballet dancer thing doesn't work out I can always fall back on being a hired assassin.'

"At your command, Lord Vadermuffin head." That's my favorite so far. Other than mine of course.

Watch your tongue Dave...

'We have been informed that there is a large gang roaming the city at this time. The police have described them as 'armed and sylph-like' so please be cautious. This is Jane Johnson of the Eyewitness 4 news team'

'Thanks Jane for that very disturbing report. On a lighter note, Bob, how bout those Broncos!'

'Jerry? Yeah it's E. Got something for you here. Just read a script. It's gold brother. Think FlashDance meets Red Dawn. Tell me thats not gold. Clear you sched and lets met up at The Ivy tomorrow. I'll show you some of our test shots.'

"No, no, NO!! Not *engage*... Dégagé!!!"

Baryshnikov was denied his final request.

I'd buy that they're doing the ballet version of Les Miserable or the Battle of Bunker Hill, but marshmellow head totally gummed up the works there. Did I miss that chapter in school or what? The gummy head era?

I hate to break the news to y'all, but that IS the same old boring Nutcracker choreography. Marshmallow head is the Nutcracker, sans most of his military uniform. He's commanding the toy soldiers in the battle against the Mouse King.

I have two little girls, so I've seen it way too many times. Someday I will see this ballet under the influence, and it may be better.

"We're your Huckleberries"

"Dances with Kevin Costner"

The Girl Scouts' new marketing strategy.

Actually, CLC, these are the UNNA Girl Scouts.

Selling cookies is for losers.

Ms Cellani, If Ida known The Nutcracker had all the guns and shiz maybe I woulda checked it out.

I assume the terrorist guy Nutcracker caves after their righteous assult so no need to see it now. I'll have to wait for the next ballet/opera/whatever about violent kitchenware, sigh, I guess.

Ballet is for pussies, they said. Who wants to spin around in a leotard, they said.......they had nothing else to say after my first recital.

I didn't know that "Brady Bill" had a "dance art" institute.

Little did Shannon know that by not perfecting her pirouette she had effectively sentenced herself to the fate of the firing squad