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The Ad Pitch
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One of the first lessons I learned in advertising was never give an idea away for free. So I really shouldn't do what I'm about to do. I could get kicked out of the club.

While watching the Olympics over the weekend, I had an idea for a television commercial. I'm mentioning it here because there's no way this ad would ever air on American television. But I promise, if I saw this ad, I'd immediately rush out and buy the product. Of course, my sensibilities are a bit askew.

SCENE: We see a couple (MAN and WOMAN) sitting on a couch or a bed. The room is dark so it's hard to make out where they are and what they're doing. We only see the top half of their bodies. They are very casually dressed. Both are looking down toward the bottom of the screen in the MAN'S direction. The WOMAN has a look of confusion on her face while the MAN is exacerbated. There is a television flickering in front of them with sounds of a woman making heavy breathing sounds.

WOMAN
I don't see it. I'm looking, but I can't see it.

MAN
Seriously? It's right there! (Points)

WOMAN
I don't know what you're seeing, but trust me, it isn't there.

MAN
What if I rubbed it? Touched it? Would you be able to see it then?

WOMAN
Honey, I really don't know.

MAN
(Fed up) Damnit!

The SCENE cuts to black and a title card reading: "Trouble Seeing the Cock?" appears on screen for a few seconds.

ANNOUNCER V/O
Trouble seeing the cock?

The SCENE cuts to black for a few seconds. A high definition television appears on screen.

ANNOUNCER V/O
With [such and such] high definition television, you'll have no problem watching Badminton or any of the other 28 sports of the Olympics.

Ladies and gentlemen, that one is gold. Gold I tell ya! If you'd like to make that commercial, please contact me care of YesButNoButYes. I'm also available for interviews.
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10 Comments

Echo,
buddy, I'm kind of wondering what inspired you to come up with the "trouble seeing cock?" commercial.
I personally had a hard time relating to the commercial, I guess I've never been in that type of situation, so the add probably wouldn't have worked for me.
But I bet you could really sell HD TV's to the enzyte crowd.

Just kidding bro. It was there and I had to take it.

Love, Dave

said Dave on August 12, 2008 10:35 AM.

Well I know a guy. I mean.. he, uh, he told me about this condition he has. It's uh... this thing he has. Um. Well.

So, yeah, great commercial huh?

said Echowood on August 12, 2008 10:46 AM.

That was a great commercial and you are one hell of an advertiser.
I need to be nicer, I think karma is catching up with me. I stopped at a gas station on the way to work today and the cable connecting to the battery in my truck had completely broken off. Two days ago a the motor in the back window of my SUV broke (500 bones), Two weeks ago a hailstorm/tornado hit my house and caused 20k in damage to house and barn, 5k damage to one car, 4k in another, and3k in another. Flattened crops, and about killed my dog.
Today I realised it's all kharma related, so I think I need to be nicer and not so much a dick.
Speaking of which. Rumor has it, you are hung like a mule.
Have a nice day.

said Dave on August 12, 2008 11:12 AM.

Ohhh ... it's twue, it's twue!

said Tim on August 12, 2008 12:30 PM.

Exacerbated? I do not think this word means what you think it means.

You probably meant exasperated.

And...I hate to break it to you, this ad probably seems better sitting in a country that would never show it because of its inbred puritanism.

said JET on August 12, 2008 3:43 PM.

Dear Jet-
I thought that Echowoods placement of the word "exacerbated" was just fine.
While reading your comment I asked myself the question: I wonder if Jet is from the U.S.?
Jet, What country are you from?

Just inquiring,

Love Dave

said Dave on August 12, 2008 4:16 PM.

As someone who had worked for multiple production companies and have shot countless commercials.. I'm a bit underwhelmed by this pitch.

2 major points.

1. If they are referring to what is on their inferior tv set why does he say rub it? touch it? I get the "joke" here, but its not something you would say in reference to a TV. If your TV isnt working properly you wouldn't say "hey jim, go over there and rub the TV" .
You could change this line to make it sound more believable. Such as, "What if i smacked the side of it?" still funny. She could say.. "maybe if you just jiggle it a bit" That could be funny too.

Problem number 2 is that it isnt called a cock. Its a shuttlecock. No one calls it just a cock. At least I haven't heard one announcer call it that.

You may be able to use the term coxin.. like for rowing. Having trouble seeing your coxin? That could be funny.

now don't crucify me for constructive criticism. The idea is nifty.. just needed some fine tuning.

said Katie on August 13, 2008 3:15 PM.

I'd never crucify you for your criticism. After all, this was just a throw-away idea. But, as an avid rower, I WILL criticize your spelling of "coxswain".

said Echowood on August 13, 2008 3:34 PM.

damn. You know i almost googled it to see how it was spelled. Coxswain, is a guess i would have never made. But now i know how to clean up in scrabble game with that winner.

Don't EVER throw away ideas!! You never know when you'll be the advertising exec for a high def tv company!

said Katie on August 13, 2008 3:42 PM.

I like cock, the word and the actual thing.

said Jeni Gump on August 19, 2008 2:43 PM.
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