Being raised in the beautiful Northwest, I was regaled with stories of Bigfoot from a very young age. Once on a family campout, my cousins and I made a Bigfoot video. Well, it was really my cousin Mark loping through the trees while we shook the camera and screamed, but we thought it was funny. To be honest, I believed in the legend of Sasquatch until I was 17 or so. I wanted to believe. Then I did some more reading and realized it couldn't happen. Bigfoot couldn't exist. One of my arguments always was, "someone would find a body. Or bones. Or some kind of remains."
But what to my skeptical, wondering eyes should appear, but three guys from Georgia who say they have remains of a Bigfoot. They are holding a press conference tomorrow at a Palo Alto hotel to display the remains of the beast.
The gentleman say:
*The creature is seven feet seven inches tall..
*It weighs over five hundred pounds.
*The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
*It is male.
*It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
*It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.
*The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
*Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
*From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
*The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)
*The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
*DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo evidence will be presented at the press conference on Friday, August 15th
While I don't think this is anything more than a clever Cardiff Giant-like hoax, you bet your boots I'll be looking for the reports. Will Bigfoot move from myth to reality? We shall see...
(UPDATE: Not surprisingly, Fridays Yeti press conference revealed nothing. The body was not shown. No questions were answered. Rubbish.)
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There are several people that I work with that fit the description above... And I'm almost positive they are human.
I await the press conference where we will know for sure, Jon.
I bet this is part of an ad campaign for Crown Plaza Resorts. Or some new, extra large deep freezer.
I definitely want to see what happens at the press conference, though. :)
All I have to say about Sasquatch is - cook them low and slow, and don't skimp on the sauce.
Also, like I said previously, they are pleasantly less gamey than Yeti, though they're a real treat too.
Summer's almost over so grill em up!
This may be something that I will have to consult Lars Ulrich of Mettallica about. I believe from their black album the song "Wherever I may Roam" Is all about Big Foot, if you believe in his beginning as the original Master Mahem.
And the road becomes my bride)
And the road becomes my bride
I have stripped of all but pride
So in her I do confide
And she keeps me satisfied
Gives me all I need
And with dust in throat I crave
Only knowledge will I save
To the game you stay a slave
Rove or wanderer
Nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will
But I'll take my time anywhere
Free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere
Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home
(And the earth becomes my throne)
And the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
Under wandering stars I've grown
By myself but not alone
I ask no one
And my ties are severed clean
Less I have the more I gain
Off the beaten path I reign
Rove or wanderer
Nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will
But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
and I'll never mind anywhere
Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home
YE' YEAH
But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind
And I'll take my find anywhere
Anywhere I may roam
Where I lay my head is home
I say!
But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere
Anywhere I may roam
Where I lay my head is home
Carved upon my stone
My body lies, but still I roam,
Yeah yeah!
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Woah
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Yeah!
Wherever I may wander, wander, wander
Wherever I may roam
Yeah, yeah, wherever I may roam
Yeah, yeah, wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Just something to think about.
E - you're scaring me man. First Amy Winehouse, and now your dietary preferences...
Two words expose this as a fraud:
"Press Conference."
Everyone knows that when Bigfoot is hunted down and slain that the story will break on YBNBY with a picture of Johnny, puffing a cigar, weilding a Bowie knife and standing Captain Morgan-style on the lifeless chest of the monster. In his Night Cobra costume.
Swayze is some kind of sorcerer. Where's my Bowie knife?
Hey, Johnny, don't mean to get pedantic on you, but obviously this is...a monkey. :-P
Again, thanks for keeping me in line. Dan is the official online watchdog for YBNBY.
J-Dub, You will have to keep up posted on this phenomenon. I'll bet you Echowoods left nut that this is all bunk.
The absense of sworn statements coupled with vague descriptions keeps me from suckering.
If, Indeed this does prove credible along with providing Echo's left nut, I will bring guns, provide food and camping gear and provide air fare for both you and Echowood and will personally guide a safari to hunt this obvious son of perdition.
I would like to have one on the wall.
Yeah, my brothers and I were talking about it last night. It has to be a hoax. Or an annoying viral ad for soup or Doritos.
We'll see. Echo's ball is on the line.
Damn. Death really does come in 3's. First Issac Hays. Then Bernie Mac. And now Aunt Bunny. Goonie Goo-Goo Aunt Bunny. Goonie Goo-Goo.
Mm. Dorito soup. I'd buy that from a Sasquatch!
Actually Dorito Soup does sound delicious.
Dude, I bet this will all turn out to be some damn Jack Link's Jerky commercial. Think about it.
its a wookie!
Dave, did you type the lyrics by memory or look them up somewhere?
Gumpster-
I can quote word for word with 98.7% accuracy any song off the metallica Black album.
Except the song: The God that failed.
I just don't like the song.
Dave, will you marry me?
No one has mentioned the fate of Echo's testicle.
Gumpster-You don't want a man like me. Sure, I'm good lookin', smart, funny, easy to get a long with, Loaded, Yoked like an Ox, yada yada yada. But there is a darker side to Dave. You should look for a nicer guy one that can quote Willie Nelson, Garth Brooks, or George Straight.
Sure, I could quote them too, but I'm not all that I'm cracked up to be.
I'm just saying this for your own good.
Thank you for the flattering offer. It means a lot to me.
Number 1-Echo's Testicle will remain in my posession, as I clearly won the bet. It is safe for now.
Tell me more about your dirk side Dave. I dig dark sides...