NEVER NEVER LAND -- Notorious troublemaker and rabble-rouser Peter Pan has been arrested on charges of disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct and conspiracy to never grow up. Pan's exact age is not known.

Police Captain James Hook issued the arrest warrant saying, "Peter Pan has consistently shown a brazen disregard for authority. We also know he carries a concealed dagger. And those green tights are just inappropriate."

An all points bulletin has been issued for Pan's alleged accomplice Tinker Bell. Miss Bell is described as a "Blond Caucasian, 3 1/2 inches tall, wearing a lime-green, hip-length dress with a rigid trim, and green slippers with white puffs."

Pan has been tethered inside his cell as he has shown the astounding ability to fly when given a powerful hallucinogenic drug that is known on the street as "Pixie Dust."

A rag-rag group of juvenile delinquents dressed in animal costumes who call their gang "The Lost Boys" attempted to break Pan out of prison. The youths were apprehended by Hook's crew of deputies and were turned over to Child Protective Services.

Pan was denied bail by Judge Harold Smee.

Capt. Hook has denied accusations made by civil rights activist Wendy Darling that the charges against Pan are false and the police force is guilty of corruption.


(You know, I may not have the details of the story exactly right...)