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Knucklehead Bigfoot Hoaxers: The Update
harryhendersons.jpgThe Great Sasquatch Costume Cabal continues to unspool.

The chaps that said they found a Bigfoot corpse in Georgia, went on television to emphatically deny it's a hoax, gave a press conference that revealed nothing and thought that nobody would really notice that the DNA sample was from a freaking opossum, are quickly becoming despised villains.

One of them, Matthew Whitton, was fired from his job as a Clayton County police officer. The sheriff found out about the deception and canned him like a tuna.

These guys sold the fake Bigfoot body to the website searchingforbigfoot.com for an undisclosed amount of real money. The site released a statement saying they are considering legal action. How much you wanna bet the dough will have to be returned?

It begs the question; what in the hell were these guys thinking? What was end game? Of course when the "corpse" was defrosted and it looked like Sweetums from the Muppets the jig was up. Why call a press conference, go on television and take the money knowing the deception would last less than 72 hours? Surely they knew there would be repercussions and they wouldn't be able to keep the cash. I know they were trying to sell their website's "Bigfoot Excursions," but the people that would pay $499 quid to track the beast would be believers. I'll wager they will boycott the site in retaliation for being had. The whole thing is vexing. Maybe they are just stick-a-fork-in-a-light-socket stupid. Right now it's the only real explanation.

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26 Comments

I don't know who's dumber. The website, or the meth heads that sold them the frozen CPR doll. My guess is that the site will be "awarded" their money in a court of law, but they won't get it back - that money was probably tricked and snorted before the ice had even melted.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 20, 2008 1:46 PM.

I forgot, I looked at some of these Bigfoot sites and almost all of them had the name of the site in flames at the top and a camouflage motif. Really amusing.

said Johnny Wright on August 20, 2008 1:47 PM.

Though I know if it were you that would use the money to buy a monkey, I don't think they would "take the monkey" (last paragraph) :P

They're probably right now flying to Scotland with a Godzilla costume..."Hey, we found Nessie too!"

said Dan on August 20, 2008 3:39 PM.

For crying out loud, Dan got me again. I did write "monkey" instead of "money." I'll fix it. Bloody hell.

"Doctor Freud, you have a call on line 3, Doctor Freud a call on line 3."

said Johnny Wright on August 20, 2008 3:47 PM.

Go on. Take the monkey and run.

I'm pretty certain these two ex-"officers" learned everything they needed to know about pulling a con by listening repeatedly to the Steve Miller Band.

said Don't Swayze Bro on August 20, 2008 3:54 PM.

From what I hear, that Billy Mack -- he's a detective down in Texas -- he knows exactly what the facts is.

That's what I've read.

said Johnny Wright on August 20, 2008 4:02 PM.

As dumb as those guys are, they STILL got 50 grand for it, if Jim Bob can scam that sorta cash for a monkey suit in a fridge, I wonder what some of us can do with a camcorder, Christmas lights and a hula hoop...... ::ponders::

said Friggan on August 20, 2008 6:25 PM.

You read 50 large Friggan?!? I haven't seen that figure. I'll try to verify that. There's no way they'll keep $50,000.

Come on out to Manhattan. Bring a gorilla suit. Central Park is a stones throw from my apartment. We'll make a video and split the 50 grand.

Well, 70-30, but I'm doing the legwork.

said Johnny Wright on August 20, 2008 6:50 PM.

Johnny - I want in man. Can I come as Elvis? I've got my own props too. I've got vicodin, whiskey, rhinestones, and access to a Tennessee prostitute named Topeka (That was Dave's old fling that he had the secret child with).

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 21, 2008 8:34 AM.

To represent the South American arm of the legends, I could join dressed as the chupacabras. There are lots of people saying that they saw it in our cowntryside.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 8:47 AM.

Yeah Leo, some folks have footage of them too. Those are some of the ugliest things I've seen in quite some time.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 21, 2008 9:07 AM.

LC-
Don't doubt the chupacabras.
One morning back in the hills behind my house I came across 3 dead cows. I couldn't figure out what killed them. The only thing that I noticed different about the cows was a small circular incision. Two cows had incisions on their chest, while another had an incision near it's throat.
The scene was littered with tracks that I had never seen.
I decided to cut one of the cows open and to my surprise, it was drained completely of it's blood.
Baffled, I left feeling bad that I had lost three good red angus cows.
A month later while back in the hills hunting, I heard a terrible ruckus. As I ran to the noise, I saw one of my large bulls, bucking violently. I noticed something dark clinging to his side.
Upon further inspection, I thought it was a hairless Coyote trying to take down the massive bull.
I didn't want to shoot for fear of killing the bull, but as time went on, I could tell the bull was getting weaker, and the other strange animal just clung to the bull like a dingleberry on a poodle.
I decided that I should kill whatever was taking over my bull.
I shot, and the bullet went through the strange animal and into my bull, killing them both.
As I walked up to the strange animal I realised that it wasn't a coyote at all. It looked like an alien or something, like a little guy with sharp teeth, wrinkled skin and a visible spine.
I picked up a stick to poke it, and as I did, the thing quivered and shook for a second, and before I knew it, this thing reached up with his sharp claws and grabbed my leg.
The claws sunk deep into my calf and he continued to pull my leg.

Kind of like I'm pulling yours.

Sorry, I like crazy stories.

said Dave on August 21, 2008 9:18 AM.

Dave, you bastard... hahahah

I love crazy stories too. I used to create my stories as well. When I was eleven I made up one so crazy that even I was convinced it was true and I got a little scared.

Once I spotted something weird, in a place they told to be an ilegal graveyard. Do you remember the Faith no More videoclip wich had a bulldog sporting a hat? It was "Falling to Pieces", I think.
Anyway, it was something like that dog, but not exactly a bulldog and not quite a hat, but it had something weird over its head. It stared at me from behind the bushes, then ran away. I think, I'm not certain, that the booze I drank that night had somehow opened my mind to the supernatural.
No matter how much beer I drunk that night, I'm sure I saw that fucking weird animal and its glowing eyes.

CLC - And as all the legend's footage, blurred and shaking the camera, right? I've seen some of those here.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 10:09 AM.

I like the idea of a mass Loyal 77 cryptozoology/paranormal sighting in Central Park. A hoax to end all hoaxes. Bigfoot, chupacabra. the Jersey Devil, Elvis, Tupac, the Moth Man, Skunk Ape, grey aliens, Nessie swimming in the Reservoir, the lot.

Greatest news story ever. Book the tickets you rascals.

JW

said Johnny Wright on August 21, 2008 11:56 AM.

I'd really like to go, but living as far as I do... Pretty impossible.

But there's something I'd like to say. In my lunch time I was working on a flag to the United Nations of New America. I used the 'Nations' since it's based on USA, Brasil, New Brasil (almost totally conquered) and we have an English member in our team.

You can see it at http://picasaweb.google.com.br/leo.mdc and all the suggestions are welcome. I put some ideas I had to the flag, and I'm not sure if they fit well together... And you can feel free to change the color pattern too. My creativity is not working fine today.

Dave, the Octagon, that is the basis of our disciplinar policy is on the flag. To spread the world.

And if someone here can translate into Latin, I'd like the sentence in the banner inside the octagon to be translated. Thanks.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 12:25 PM.

I'd really like to go, but living as far as I do... Pretty impossible.

But there's something I'd like to say. In my lunch time I was working on a flag to the United Nations of New America. I used the 'Nations' since it's based on USA, Brasil, New Brasil (almost totally conquered) and we have an English member in our team.

You can see it at http://picasaweb.google.com.br/leo.mdc and all the suggestions are welcome. I put some ideas I had to the flag, and I'm not sure if they fit well together... And you can feel free to change the color pattern too. My creativity is not working fine today.

Dave, the Octagon, that is the basis of our disciplinar policy is on the flag. To spread the world.

And if someone here can translate into Latin, I'd like the sentence in the banner inside the octagon to be translated. Thanks.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 12:37 PM.

I like the Flag Leo,
The Latin translation is "Quoniam Nos Orator !"

Good luck buddy.


said Dave on August 21, 2008 1:06 PM.

The Flag is cool Leonardo!!

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 21, 2008 1:20 PM.

I cannot say how impressed I am with the flag Leo. It's quite amazing.

Your servant,

JW

said Johnny Wright on August 21, 2008 1:28 PM.

Well, thanks y'all!

For a 15 minutes job, It's quite good, I have to admit.

I was trying to do one with 77 stars, meaning the Loyal 77 club, but I had to eat. And when I'm hungry nothing can stop me. hehe

I'll change the saying in the flag to the latin version later.

And where I said "Dave, the Octagon, that is the basis of our disciplinar policy is on the flag. To spread the world.", I meant word.

JW, feel free to use the flag if in the future our global nation comes to be the theme for some posting.

Shall we have an anthem? Metallica's Don't thread on me is a good basis to start something.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 1:51 PM.

It's something that I already thought about. I appreciate the permission. We'll see if I come up with anything.

said Johnny Wright on August 21, 2008 1:58 PM.

I'll throw a couple of songs in the hat:

"Message of Love" - Jimi Hendrix
"Hold It Now Hit It" - Beastie Boys

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 21, 2008 2:10 PM.

Leo, I put my stamp of approval on the flag as well as the song. I think we should get YBNBY to do shirts with the flag on the back.

Have I mentioned how much I can't stand men who tuck their goddamn sweaters into their jeans? I just want to run over to them and pull the shit out. How can that be comfortable anyway?

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 2:57 PM.

Thank you JG.

I've updated the flag in the site. Now there are therer both in English and Latim.

And no, the sweater into the jeans no comfortable at all.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 3:13 PM.

Dave...Untucking his Old Navy polar fleece sweater from his elastic waisted mom pants that he picked up from the salvation army only to reveal his butterfly tatoo above his man thong/banana hammock.
Quietly, not to get noticed..........

said Dave on August 21, 2008 5:13 PM.

Snort

Dave, do you also have a mesh trucker hat on?

Oh, and I've found some pretty good shit at the Sal Army. That and they really helped out my Paternal Grandparents when they immigrated here from Ireland, the army are really are good people.

said Jeni Gump on August 22, 2008 1:11 PM.
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