...you could have shared with the dog.

Is that dog a vegetarian? He/She seemed totally disinterested in the dehydrated meat product. Any dog i know would have been all ower that like flies on poop

I am not sharing my beef jerky. With anyone. Not even our dog. I do not share jerky.

I took my lappy in the bathroom with me and watched this as I took my big dump of the day. Thanks for the entertainment guys!

*afraid to say anything*

Thanks Jeni. This new diet of mine is nothing without your fecal comments. I think you should be the new Jenny Craig spokesperson. Better yet, Dave should put you in charge of the Rotund Roundup that Leo is setting up.

Now i dont eat jerky but does it smell bad... i noticed JW sniffs the bag, can you tell when it goes bad?

You're welcome CLC_08. When I started to drop the weight I found that producing my daily dump was more important than most of the other work I was doing. You really should fill your diet with good dump producing foods like fiber and you'll see how well it works. My brain works better, my skin is amazing, my hair and nails are strong... All in all, a good dump is paramount to a good day and healthy weight loss. And sleep, a good sleep, but that's another post.

Go, take your big dump and be happy!

I'm glad you now know the wonderful wonders of dropping a deuce. Housing toxins in your bowels isn't something that they're not going to tell you at Jenny Craig either. I'm telling you. You might be missing out on your true calling!

Go to those meetings with a .ppt presentation, pamphlets, the works...

THAT'S what I'd consider Straight Talk!! Fuck calorie counting, that's for suckers. You should make them count their dumps.

Jerky doesn't really good bad Angie. It goes awesome.

I think I might do that, start Jeni Gump's big dump weight loss system. I'll do an infomercial with Billy Mayes and Tony Little. Billy can handle bathroom descenting devices and Tony Little can show us ways to work out, like keigls for your ass, that will aide in the production of big dumps. Oh, and you can't take the easy way out with laxatives or colonics either, it had to be a natural, healthy dump produced by your body.

...atta girl Jeni. Make 'em sweat.

C&C Music factory said it best:

Everybody dance now (x2)
Give me the music (x2)
Everybody dance now (x2)
Yeah yeah yeah
Everybody dance now
Yeah yeah yeah
Everybody

Here is thedome back with the bass
The jam is live in effect and I don't waste time
Off the mic with a dope rhyme jump to the rhythm
Jump jump to the rhythm jump
And I'm here to combine beats and lyrics
To make you shake your pants take a chance
Come on and dance guys grab a girl don't wait make the twirl
It's your world and I'm just a squirrel
Trying to get a nut to move your butt to the dance floor
So you what's up hands in the air come on say yeah
Everybody over here everybody over there
The crowd is live enough as I pursure this groove
Party people in the house move

Left to right (groove) work me all night
Come on let's sweat (sweat sweat) baby
Let the music take control (control control)
Let the rhythm move you
Sweat (sweat sweat) sweat
Let the music take your soul (soul soul)
Let the rhythm move you
Everybody dance now

Da da da da da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da da da da da (x2)
(Ooh)

(repeat)

(Move) everybody dance now
Everybody dance now

Pause take a breath and go for yours on my command
Now hit the dance floor it's gonna make you sweat till you bleed
Is that dope enough indeed I paid the price to control the dice
I'm more precise to the point I'm nice
Let the music take control of your heart and soul
Unfold your body is free and behold
Dance till you can't dance till you can't dance no more
Get on the floor and get ablow
Then come back and upside down easy now
Let me see you move left to right groove
Work me all night

The music is my life
Everybody dance now (x3)
Everybody

Come on let's sweat (sweat sweat) baby
Let the music take control (control control)
Let the rhythm move you
Sweat (sweat sweat) sweat
Let the music take your soul (soul soul)
Let the rhythm move you

Da da da da da da da da da da (x2)

Jeni and CLC, I like how natural the subject looks to you. I know lots of girls who don't like to talk about when they're dropping theyr young buds at the swimming class.
I think that they don't even have an ass hole and developed another way of load dropping.

Uh, Jeni... feel free to run my Rotund Roundup.

Wow, I get back from lunch only to find that I am happy that I didnt' read this post before lunch.
Damn, nothing hotter than the thought of some ladies dropping off giant stink pickles.
Once again, I back away to a corner, speechless.

Green in the face and speechless.

Damn typo!!!! theyr = their

Damn typo!!!
theyr = their

When I was growing up, if I got a cold, fell and scraped an elbow, or any other malady my Father asked us if we had a big sleep and if we took our daily dump. That was his solution to any problem, I coulda come home from school beat up and crying but still, it was all about the big dump and the big sleep and I have to believe that this is why I can discuss my dumps so freely.

Thank you Leo, my first order of business, everyone must eat fiber and do 30min of caardio a day.

all this turd talk and Jeni had no comment on the turd sandwich yesterday?

Yeah Jeni nothing on the Turd Sandwich?

Angie, how the hell is Canada today?

its good, im counting down the days till my trip to New Orleans... course i may not get to go now.

hows America

America is Great! Perhaps not as great in New York but where I am standing it is perfect.
So, why New Orleans? I didn't think people went there to vacation any more?
And why may you not go now?

big ole' hurricane headed that way

Angie, can you cook???

Where was the discussion on the turd sandwich?

I can if I want to its not something I enjoy. Do i dare ask why?

Well, this is kind of awkward, I know, but Iv'e got a real close friend who can't cook. He needs a good woman to keep him fed. He's been living off of Jerky and Fish hotdogs for the last couple of years.
Now, you seem like a nice girl, I've never seen a picture of you but I imagine that your outside matches the pretty personality that we have experienced from you here at YBNBY.
Now my friend that I'm talking about, I don't know if he is that pretty on the outside, never been a good judge of a dudes appearance, but on the inside, he's dynamite.
He's funny, smart, and can kick some ass if needed.
He is really into Monkeys, which shows that he would love children. In fact, he would make a really good father.
I think you should bag the trip to N.O. and head to the N.Y. and I'll make arrangements for him to buy you dinner.

How does that sound???

Push the little daisies Johnny.

Somehow Dave has gone from a Consigliere in the Loyal 77 to my personal matchmaker. Life has certainly taken a turn towards the surreal.

I had this totally great post going then the screen refreshed

i love monkeys too but i would have to work hard to get over the jerky breath

One more question for Angie.

Do you like tequila? Or, better yet, do you know any good tequila recipes?

Our friend has recently built a rather large supply of tequila that he is willing to share with the right lady.

P.S. You will also have to submit a bed linen sample.

Angie, that's where you come in.
If you are cooking my friend wouldhave no more reason to live off of Jerky.
You could make him a Canadian Mint Pie every couple of days and problem solved.

Oops, I was working on the wrong hookup.

I must be feeling guilty about the recent shitlist debacle.

Damn Tim, I aint talking about Echo, he already has a woman that is bangin some dude named Ted.

I can't stand tequila

do you require a piece of the sheet or the whole thing? i promise there is no tacky flowers on any of my sheets

Honestly though, when you think about it, who really needs more assistance?

I mean, JW has a nice place, a good dog and plenty of beef jerky.

Tim, you are causing a train wreck here.

Angie, I can assure you that my friend does not drink Tequila.

what the hell is a canadian mint pie?

i will have to track down some toffee and bring them with me

I don't know what a Canadian Mint Pie is, I just made it up.
The real question is what the hell is a consigliere???
I don't know what that is but I'm pretty sure thats something my mom told me would make me blind if I kept doing it.

i dunno thats a big word tho

That Johnny is damn smart.

my friend just informed me that i should be making the traditional canadian maple moose mint pie.... im feeling a little green just thinking about it

So you never told me why you were going to New Orleans?

Johnny's favorite color is green.

you never asked why i was going to New Orleans.

were going to see it.... the french quarter and all that.

if these storms keep coming in there ain't gonna be much left if we dont see it soon.

so how does Johnny feel about all the pimping out?

Flattered and frightened. 50/50.

Johnny feels what I tell him to feel.

He feels good about this pimping out.

JOHNNY YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING PIMPED OUT DONT YOU!!!

Flattered and frightened. 50/50.

Dave. Has our new friend Angie been cleared with the AVU? Is she free of Ass Crickets? Butt Mites? Does she wear Mom Jeans? Can she tie her shoes?

Angie - this is all just standard security procedures that my wonderful boss has neglected to follow up on. Please don't take my questioning the wrong way. The Reverend is a very dear friend of mine, and I need to make sure you're not an undercover insurgent of the Corey Feldman sort.

Leo - when you get that sheet sample, run it on over to the lab.

its ok Johnny im not scary

its ok CLC i expected questions only i was expecing them from Johnny's Mother.

there is no ass crickets or butt mites and i would never wesr mom jeans

i dont know how i feel about the Reverend refrence but im sure you will fill me in
and i dont have any ties to either of the Coreys

Worry not my Ass Cricket-Free friend. Johnny's mother will have tons more. Johnny Wright is a Reverend. Our minister. Our friend who walks with the Lord. It's true. I saw the picture.

I'm glad you don't wear Mom Jeans because camel toe and muffin top scares our buddy Tim.

Are you SURE you don't have any ties to the Coreys? Well, I guess you'd be sure. If you don't have Ass Crickets or Butt Mites then it validates the Corey Factor.

#1-
See there, she said she wasn't scary. Plus it's Johnny, he's like a walking syringe of penicillin, who cares about all of the details, and I know that it's a fact that he is in to "Mom" jeans.

Angie-you can reach me at engineereddisaster@yahoo.com I will take care of getting you the hookup info for my friend Johnny.

Johnny-You can thank me later buddy.

Love, The master of the Hook Up.

Dave

Angie, this is what my friend CLC_08 is referring to:

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2008/07/the_good_revere.html

aww thanks Dave, of course you havent even asked if im single, looking or even into guys.

altho if we do end up getting married vegas style by a showgirl and midget elvis impersonator i know who we will call 2nd or 3rd

Wow ive never met a man of the cloth... i might melt or burst into flame. At the very least i wouldnt know how to act

Well, I guess the single thing is up to you.
If you are single, even if you arent' looking, remember this is Johnny. A lot of chicks want to tap that maple tree, consider yourself lucky.
Even if you arent into dudes, Johnny is an easy converter.
I know of at least 17 Lesbians that went hetero after meeting Johnny, So just trust me on this one.

Oh yeah, you've gotta be at least 18. Johnny got into a pile of trouble because of that mistake. I refer you to season two of Datelines "To Catch a Predator".
You'll recognise the sunglasses from the Video from this post.

"I know of at least 17 Lesbians that went hetero after meeting Johnny"

after just meeting him or "meeting him" wink wink

Dammit, I was exonerated of those charges Dave.

After shaking his hand.
That's all it takes for J-Dub, ultimate man of masculinity.

im 28 so i might be a little old if thats what Johnny is into

So does that mean if i shake his hand im going to go lesbian?

Sure you were exhonerated Reverend, Sure you were...

28 is perfect. In fact after court, (I am his Lawyer you know) he said:"Ya know Dave, I think I need a nice 28 year old Canadian Chick.
I told him I'd work on it.

This must be a magical sign that you have crossed paths.

And no, you wont turn Lesbo after shaking his hand.
The only one I new that this back fired on was Echo. He used to be Damn straight. Now he's ya know... Straight as a rainbow???

aww your gonna make me blush Dave

Well, Angie everyone knows that I'm not new to making girls blush.
I look forward to hearing from ya.

so back to those turd sandwiches...

Well a Turd san......

CLC, Dave, I have just checked Angie. She's OK.
I've sent a team of scientists, an AVU agent and a SWAT team to Angie's house. Now that she's checked and clear, the SWAT team will stay around just to assure her safety.

Angie, don't worry, you won't even see the guys. They are discreet, and effective when you need 'em.

they will leave me alone while i'm in the shower right???

I love it when a plan comes together.

Leo -

I am in need of your assistance.

Earlier today, I recieved a harsh reprimand from Dave. While this was deserved, he is tough but fair, it sent me into a bit of a tailspin. Most of the progress made during the past week was in serious jeopardy. I was in need of some quick-therapy. I left my premises and set out for my therapist's office, only to find that she had left for the day. On Echowood's advice, I went to the salon for some, errr .... for a trim.

I was feeling much better and decided to head home. Unfortunately, my bodyguards must not have detected that I had left and did not accompany me on my errand. Upon attempting to gain entry to my place, I was stopped by my own guards, handcuffed, shaved (thoroughly, they are professionals), probed, shocked and interrogated. Currently, I am strapped down on some sort of Scaramanga laser table. (How do they carry all this equipment with them?) They are not convinced of my identity.

Thank god for my Blackberry, else I wouldn't be able to communicate with you. Please advise ...

Commenting on YBNBY on the Blackberry. That really makes me laugh.

Angie, they'll surely leave you alone when you're bathing, or dropping your loads. But before you enter the WC they'll search thoroughly to see if the area is clear. So, please avoid telling them that you wanna go when you can't hold it.

Tim, I'm deeply sorry man. I changed your whole SWAT team, and help is on your way. Sorry I'm answering too late, but I was dealing with the situation and it took me some time.
To compensate you, I'm sending you a masseuse, who is also a Brazilian food chef and she does know how to mix drinks. Hope it fixes the things up, man.

Leo -

No sweat man. In fact, I must give kudos to you and your team. They have been very thorough, but fair. I don't like being strapped to this Scaramanga laser-thingy, but my futures are still intact. The team here received advance word of the substitute team coming in, have stopped the interrogations and are awaiting said arrival and passcode confirmation before my release.

I appreciate your prompt attention to this matter, and will put the masseuse/chef to work right away. Compensation was not necessary, but is also appreciated. I will be responsible in my requests of her, as I know it is not only important to respect those that help to support the UNNA, but also important to keep them fresh and available for the common good. If at any time you get into a bind for resources, please let me know if she is needed elsewhere.

Your compatriot,

Tim

Tim, once again I'm sorry for this misunderstanding, but I've got a report from my HQ, and they said that there was a guy, with a trained monkey wandering around near the salon, pointing at you and saying something to the monkey.
When they got to pursue him, he showed to be very skilled in the disguising art, and one of the disguises he used was just like you looked after your trim.
They wont be severely punished, but I'm moving them to secure the Argentinian borders, where they'll can think about what they just did.
You can ask whatever you want to the masseuse lady. She is very 'friendly', if you understand me.
And don't worry, Carina can stay with you for as long as you think you need her.
Ask her to cook a feijoada (do you know what feijoada is?) for you. She's the best at everything she does.

Dear Tim,
I'm sorry if that seemed like a harsh reprimand. I didn't mean it at all.
I wish that smiles translated over the internet.
The fact of the matter is that I rarely am not smiling even when it seems as if I'm serious.
Though Echowood was quick to place you on his Shit list, you can feel safe knowing that it is virtually impossible for you to have your name placed on my shit list.
I'm sorry if I came off as a Jackass yesterday, it was completely unintentional. I hope you will forgive me.
I guess what I'm trying to say Tim is I love ya. In a strictly heterosexual way of course.
Keep your chin up Big Dog.
Your Pal

Dave

I missed this to celebrate my roomies birthday yesterday? Damn that sucks... No one got back to me on where the turd sandwich discussion was being held so I can comment on it.

I am Jeni Gump and I have not taken my big dump of the day yet.

Dave,

All is good. I was more mad at myself than anything mainly because I knew that it was entirely my error. I rarely screw up so badly, and was concerned not only how it reflected on myself, but on the UNNA as a whole. Thankfully, we all stuck together and a crisis was averted.

I threw myself into work last evening. This morning, I published a first draft of another self-help manual, located in Baierman's fish-taste offering of yesterday. It was therapuetic. In keeping with our faith, I think that you will find the publication tough, but fair. We are currently accepting edits and revisions, and hope to publish final draft soon.

Your fellow compatriot,

Tim

Jeni, we were discussing the proper condiments for a turd sandwich

I've looked around for it but I can't find the post it was under. I can't believe I missed that!

Hows everything up there today Angie?

it was the Obama sports one....

Everything is good up here hows things down there Jeni?

I can't believe I didn't follow that one. It's been a little crazy by me, my thugs and I have our work cut out for us and work/roommates are getting a little much. I can't follow this as much as I'd like.

Have you guys been watching Fox News? Some chick Dana Pernio who's talking about Gustavo has an awful necklace on and I can't concentrate on what she's saying.

DAMN GUSTAV hes ruining my holiday

Talking about turds and loads, I think that this may interest you, Jeni.
After all this load dropping subject in the air, I keep wondering if it's not you at the bowling lane.

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2006/04/the_worlds_long_1.html

And I haven't found it for myself in the archives. A grave digger posted a comment in this article days ago. I just read it in the comments feed.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudes!

I just got a Sony Cyber-shot from my Dad for my birthday!

Too fucking cool...

I'm a gunna take a bunch of pics as soon as the damn battery is charged. Why don't they charge the battery before they send the camera? Don't they know people want to use it immediately? ARGH!

Oh, wasn't me... I don't care if you caught me on the counter, sofa, shower or what have you.

Jeni, do i forsee many turd pics in your future... or atlease from the bathroom pics?

Happy b-day also

How did we get from a post about annoying pre-movie bs too stuff like ratemypoo.com ?

E, I was just about to post this link... you rule!