I know how it is. You've seen the trailer for Hamlet 2 and can't wait to see it, but you're worried you won't know what's going on because you haven't seen the first one in ages. Your anti-nausea prescription ran out, so sitting through the 1991 Mel Gibson version is out of the question, and pulling down the dust-coated Complete Works of Shakespeare you keep on your bookshelf to impress the chicks is sure to cause a massive sinus attack. (Sorry you're having so many health problems lately, by the way.)

Well, friend, I've got the solution for you: Sarah Schmelling's brilliant Hamlet (Facebook News Feed Edition). It can be read in less time than the average dump takes (if your coworkers wonder why you're taking your computer into the bathroom stall with you, by the way, just tell them "routine maintenance") and contains none of those annoying, old-timey words like "wherefore." Or "sugartits."