Dear International Olympic Committee,
You are as useful as a half-inch tampon string. You must wake up each morning and realize you've defecated in your bed (again) due to a severe lack of control. Tying your shoelaces must give you a headache. I know this, because you've continually allowed "Race-Walking" to be an Olympic sport.

Let's take a moment and list some of the sports not in the Olympics:

• Rugby
• Cricket
• Beer Pong/Beirut
• Surfing
• Bowling
• Calvinball

So what you're saying is that a sport, which is practiced by old women with fake hips in malls, is more of a sport than someone standing on the back of a glorified plank of wood, running down the side of a wave, while avoiding leg-tearing coral and drowning. In other words, my Grandmother is more of an athlete than Rodney So'oialo, captain of the New Zealand All Blacks? Hell, the All Black's Haka alone is enough to make the glorified mall-walkers piss in their Depends outside the Gap.

If you continue to allow Race-Walking to be a sport, you're opening the door for a flood of other sports. Soon, we'll have "fast-typing" and "best nose hair trimming." "Come on kids, let's go down to the stadium and watch extreme teeth-brushing!"

No, I.O.C., I won't stand for this. You are spitting on us. Banging us so far in the ass that you're actually hitting intestine. Someone is paying you off. There's no way we could go this long with this sport event. Oh, and while you're at it, could you insist that all female athletes, no matter what the sport (except the shot-putters), be required to wear beach volleyball attire? Thanks!

Echowood