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America, through the eyes of NYC
113 Comments

Preston and Steven have made a map that calls New Yorkers out on the fact that we think we are the center of America. (I'd throw in the universe.)

Very funny. And fairly accurate. Although truth be told, anyone living above Westchester is also considered a hick. Now if we could only convert that pink section to Yankees fans, they just might be tolerable.

NYviewers.jpg

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113 Comments

More like:

Yellow: Greatest place in the world
Red: (the same as original legend)
Orange: People who swear they're the best dressed... but really aren't.
Pink: There are people that live there???
Blue: SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!! We GET IT!! You fucking love New fucking York!! Blow it out your ass dammit!! (whew... that felt good)
Green: (see "Blue")

Love,

CLC_08, "The Hippie"

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 18, 2008 5:12 PM.

So ... that isn't the real map? I'm confused.

said Johnny Wright on August 18, 2008 5:23 PM.

Like I've said before, everyone else is just as sure that where they've chosen to live is the best and the rest of the world just doesn't have the sense to move there (and lets keep it that way). The difference is that New Yorkers don't mind to broadcast their opinions.

said Miss Cellania on August 18, 2008 5:27 PM.

I used to work with a chic who was from New York. Flushing I guess. Anyway, she was an asshole and every time anyone called her on it she said something along the lines of 'Hey! I'm a New Yorker'. If I run into her again I'll box her up and send her back out to you.

Also, I don't care what anyone says, you can get good bagels out here.

said E on August 18, 2008 5:51 PM.

Bagels? No, you can't. My wife was out "there" for 4 years in school, and no good bagels were to be found.

On the other hand, you can't get good sour dough bread in NYC, so...

said R on August 18, 2008 8:26 PM.

I'm from New Orleans, and we believe anyone past North Carolina is a 'damn yankee.'

And California is full of hippies.

said Fuu on August 18, 2008 9:06 PM.

and illinois!
Magenta: place where waynes world was filmed


booyah...

said notjohndoe2 on August 18, 2008 9:45 PM.

Poor, poor Preston and Steven. Obviously they haven't been West of the Mississippi just like the majority of the folks on the East coast. Where I live there are 360 days of sunshine, clear mountain streams, fit and healthy people, NO humidity and very few bugs. I have yet to met a redneck, hillbilly, yokel?, or sister-fucker or brother-fucker or animal-fucker (okay, maybe on the Western slope). Our state motto is....Welcome to colorful.... Can you guess? Colorado. Beat that NY!

said molli on August 18, 2008 11:32 PM.

Think whatever you will, so long as it keeps the Blue, Yellow, end especially Green out of the Red.

said Paul on August 19, 2008 3:33 AM.

Where do I go with this? Though I love all states in this beautiful country, I find myself in the red.
Let me tell you how miserable it is to live outside of New York
My Ten mile commute to my ranch out of town only takes me ten minutes.
I went for a four mile run in my yard last night without seeing a single person and without backtracking.
If I am working in my yard and want to take a whizz I just take a whizz right there. (Any real man would appreciate the opportunity to pee outside.)
I have a Creek that runs 30 feet behind my house that I can catch fish from.
I have Elk and deer that live in the hills within 5 miles of my house. I call them hills, In NY they call them a major mountain range.
I can sleep without hearing sirens and I don't remember the last time I locked my doors. Yes, that's a hell of a thing to announce on internet, but I am a hell of a shot and would look forward to filming a deliverance home video of anyone who would like to take a visit.
This is the honest truth. I have neighbors from New York who moved out a couple of years ago. (Oh and when I say neighbors I mean the nearest ranch 5 miles down the lane.)
The first day they move out it was I LOVE NY!! yada yada yada. Three hours later. WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING LIVING IN NY???
They both have said they could never go back.

I'm Sure NY is wonderful but you can have it.


said Dave on August 19, 2008 7:46 AM.

I'm ConservaLiberCrat_08, and I support Dave's message.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 7:57 AM.

I'm with Dave.
I live in Sao Paulo, and it's in Brasil what NY is for the USA. Although we have more structure than lots of other cities, I am a little tired of looking all around me before take a walk with my daughter and wife, check every night if the doors are locked before going to bed.
The traffic and pollution stress me and most of the people you pass by are in a hurry, don't even notice what's happening around in a circle of 5 feet around them. Everyone is locked is their little world of their own.

Damn, I'd like to live in the countryside if I could.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 8:16 AM.

LC - I can definitely relate to your frustration(s). I'm a Los Angeles native, and I traded it all in for a life in "Agrestic". Sometimes I miss the smog, the Crips & Bloods, and the homeless one-armed midgets on Venice Beach. But now that I'm someone's mother, things are a little different. Currently, I reside in the 'red area', so I've traded the fear of my son getting shot in a drive-by with the fear of him being eaten by a fat in-bred. Nice hand-off, considering they'd have to catch him first (and that ain't gonna happen).

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 8:37 AM.

I hope your boy is a good runner.

I'd like to move to a quieter place, but you know, we need to gather the money to afford it. It's not just easy to pack up, move and start fresh without a warranty. Specially when you have a family counting on you.

And I surely will miss many things when (if) I move to the countryside. Around me I have 24h supermarkets, malls, good hospitals, schools. These things aren't easy to find everywhere around here. 3rd world sucks sometimes...
But I won't miss the one-legged homeless who blames on me that he can't work and demand me to provide his stuffs.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 8:51 AM.

Fuu - you say "hippies" like it's a bad thing.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 9:38 AM.

Being a recent transplant from the red to the blue, I am often shocked at how provincial New Yorkers really are. For such a "cosmopolitan" city, most New Yorkers define themselves by their neighborhoods and argue amongst themselves over which is best, stereotyping everyone outside their 5 block radius and writing them off completely.

It's no wonder New Yorkers view themselves as the center of the universe, most of them can barely see the world past their neighborhood!

said The Muggler on August 19, 2008 9:51 AM.

R, your wife obviously doesn't know what she's talking about. Rocky Mountain Bagel Works and Toms in Fort Collins are pretty good. In Denver we got The Bagel Deli, which offers a whole selection of kosher goodness. Calvin Trillin can kiss my ass this shit isn't 'round bread'.

said E on August 19, 2008 10:29 AM.

I do agree that NY has loads of culture and is an amazing cosmopolitan city. The guy who sued the Korean dry cleaners for millions for his 'missing' trousers is a perfect example of the friendly atmosphere. How can so many angry people live on a small island and think it is the best place to live? The filthy subways smell like piss. I would live in London and take the Tube ANYDAY - sophisticated, polite people, culture, and clean public transportation. Plus, you don't have to worry about getting sued for millions over a pair of lost trousers. NY - great place to VISIT.

said molli on August 19, 2008 10:31 AM.

Dave, let me comment on your points one by one:

1: My Ten mile commute to my ranch out of town only takes me ten minutes.
1: Whats a ranch, and why would anyone own one? Having a "Brokeback Moment"?

2: I went for a four mile run in my yard last night without seeing a single person and without backtracking.
2: That's just creepy. Kinda Unibomberish. He didn't like seeing people either. Or maybe you just have a thing for farm animals?


3: If I am working in my yard and want to take a whizz I just take a whizz right there. (Any real man would appreciate the opportunity to pee outside.)
3: Thats never stopped a New Yorker before.

4: I have a Creek that runs 30 feet behind my house that I can catch fish from.
4: I have a fishmarket across the street and I don't get guts and blood and stink all over me.

5: I have Elk and deer that live in the hills within 5 miles of my house. I call them hills, In NY they call them a major mountain range.
5: No deer = no Lime disease. Oh, and we can afford to fly to our skiing.

6: I can sleep without hearing sirens and I don't remember the last time I locked my doors. Yes, that's a hell of a thing to announce on internet, but I am a hell of a shot and would look forward to filming a deliverance home video of anyone who would like to take a visit.
6: Having that "Brokeback Moment" again? Or do you like the rough stuff? I have heard about several "clubs" here in NY that could cater to THOSE kinks.

7: This is the honest truth. I have neighbors from New York who moved out a couple of years ago. (Oh and when I say neighbors I mean the nearest ranch 5 miles down the lane.)
7: Clearly, they couldn't hack it here, and we don't tolerate losers.

said Kronik on August 19, 2008 10:31 AM.

I have lived in the 'red area' all my life, but in heavily populated areas until the last few years. The wife and I worked our tails off for 20 years just so we could save plenty of money, sell our ridiculously-overpriced home (for a huge profit, thank you) and move deep into the 'red area'.

We bought a house 3 times the size of the one we sold in Phoenix for the same amount of money. Everyone here lives on 1 to 5 acres. Just the right amount of land to still maintain. Not quite the freedom that Dave has, though, which would be nice too. The kids go to a great school (we choose the school first, then found the house and jobs), with no fear of being shot or recruited into a gang. In fact, about half the kids at the school are the children of seminary students. For such a small area, the race and culture makeup of the student population is quite diverse.

We live 10 minutes outside of the nearest city; about 7 miles. It is the second-largest city in the state and has everything we need, including shopping that satisfies my wife's requirements (think Nordstroms and Talbot's), availability and selection or beer (and other spirits) that satisfies my requirements and a top-notch dance studio for my oldest daughter. She competes regularly against girls from NYC and other Eastern cities and does very well, thank you. Someday, she hopes to go to New York to further her dance studies, then return to the area and open a studio of her own. Not bad for a 10 year old.

As far as I know, I am not a redneck, hillbilly, yokel or sister-fucker. I'm sure that I encounter people of this persuasion everyday, but I am not afraid. I have no reason to be, nor does my family. Everyone here has a 'you do your thing, I'll do mine' attitude towards living. Works fine for me.

Do we have the cultural center of NYC? No, of course not. Nobody does. Who the hell cares? When I need to see some dinosaur bones, a broadway show fix, or want to hang with the art crowd, I'll either blow my brains out, or plan a trip to NYC, or DC or Chicago. It doesn't have to be right down the street and available 24/7 in order to enjoy it.

Tim

said Tim on August 19, 2008 10:34 AM.

Tim!! Wow. The therapy worked. Very well said. Kronik seems a little uptight. Probably NEEDS a Brokeback Moment...

Kronik - take a toke man. Relax. You're going to have a stroke, and then who's gonna help you when you pass out in the emergency room...and die. No worries. It'll be on tape. You guys are so savvy like that.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 10:41 AM.

Kronik -

According to movie lore, when the dirty bomb/megawave/ice age/pan-epidemic hits, you metro-types are in imminent danger. You live in the red zone, man. If you are able to escape the carnage, you will seek people like our fearless leader and pay him for survival tips.

Oh, and this. Blow it out your ass. (If you can pull the plug out long enough.)

Your friend,

Tim

said Tim on August 19, 2008 11:44 AM.

"Welcome to NY: Please ignore the idiots."

This is one of my favorite sayings about the city I love and call home. Nice to know it also applies to other cities, town, states too.

said Baierman on August 19, 2008 12:04 PM.

Kronik- Let me address your issues because you clearly have issues.

1. What is a Ranch? A ranch is a large plot of land used to raise cattle or other livestock. When you buy a steak, that usually is grown on a RANCH.
I also use the Ranch as a hunting preserve.
2. You addressed my enjoyment of running by myself. I run naked. Though it has its downfalls (Black eyes, bloody noses, etc.) There is something nice about being by yourself that gives you time to think.
3. Fishing-Some people just enjoy the sport of fishing. If you were to step away from spanking your monkey to gay porn all day you would find time for such hobbies and may enjoy it.
4. Deer and Lyme disease. Well Doctor Kronik, lyme disease is a Tick born illness not a deer born illness. I would invite you to step away from the gay porn for a minute and google lyme disease.
5. You mentioned being able to afford to fly to your skiing destination. That's awesome! I try not to judge a man by how much he makes. I think we are all just trying to be happy. Money doesn't always buy that. But if it helps you feel better, I do have money sufficient for my needs.
6.As for the Deliverance issue I was just jokin' about that. I guess when a guys mind is clouded from polluted air, it's hard to tell what is a joke and what isn't.
7. As for looser neighbors, My neighbor from NY has a tatoo of a sword with the words "De Opresso Liber" through it. That tells me that he is a Green Beret. I don't know what you consider weak.

I know this goes without saying but I'll say it any ways.

Dumbass.

said Dave on August 19, 2008 12:06 PM.

Of course it applies to other cities, towns, and states too. New Yorkers are the only ones who find it acceptable to shout it from the rooftops.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 12:07 PM.

Dave,

"I run naked. Though it has its downfalls (Black eyes, bloody noses, etc.) "

I see what you did there. Very nice.

Tim

said Tim on August 19, 2008 12:22 PM.

I think that Klonik is too obsessed on the Brokeback Moutain stuff. I think its not his fault, he was not this hatred all the time.
It may have started when he went to the country, got misunderstood by the folks on the bar because of his metro sexual guy manners, and this huge redneck guy 'broke his back in the mountain'.

It's more a case of trauma than hate itself.

Open your heart Klonik, you're surrounded by friends in here. No judging, we're here to help you.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 12:22 PM.

Here in Brasil this saying would apply to people who lives in Rio de Janeiro. When they think of the city, I guess they just see the beaches and other beauties, they don't think of the city as a totality of the goods and the bads. Plus, they think they are the smart asses of the whole wide world... Just like some of the New Yorkers do.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 12:42 PM.

Tim-Glad you caught that.

I do like how Kroniks name has slowly evovled to Klonik.
I will take it a step further.

Hey Kolonik, Tell me how my ass tastes.

said Dave on August 19, 2008 12:53 PM.

Dave,

I noticed exactly the same thing. I was thinking of opening a new post with:

"Hi Kolonik,"

You beat me to it. That's why you're top dog. Nice job my friend.

said Tim on August 19, 2008 1:04 PM.

I better give Leo the credit for that inspiration.

said Dave on August 19, 2008 1:08 PM.

Dave - you're giving Kolonik too much credit. Break it down on a level where he'd get it:

"Hey Kolonik, tell me how the Knicks taste"

(same difference)

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 1:13 PM.

Very good number 1- I would have enjoyed that even more If I didn't have the sneaky suspicion that you are a Lakers Fan.

However, if you are a Lakers fan that may just hurt Kolonic even more.

Another side note, it could be worse, you could be a Seattle fan oh wait I mean a Oklahoma fan....

said Dave on August 19, 2008 2:05 PM.

I'm a DIE HARD Laker fan my friend. From the womb to the tomb!

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 2:07 PM.

I missed the part I inspired you Dave... I mean... I'm a few behind in subliminal jokes in English. Even when I do some... haha

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 2:31 PM.

CLC - Uh, oh. The first chink in the armour appears. Lakers fan = not good.

said Tim on August 19, 2008 2:32 PM.

Tim - Don't start none. Won't be none.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 2:42 PM.

Tim-We no longer call crack propogation in body armor "Chinks".
Besides that, In a Laker fan situation we refer to that as a Crack in the armor.

Number 1- Don't feel bad. I will dig at any basketball team. I'm sick that way. Not prejudice, just sick...

said Dave on August 19, 2008 2:48 PM.

Dave - you're sicker than a Nazi if you think I'm going to take that kind of abuse. My Lakers? That's where I draw the line. I love you like a play cousin, so let's keep this trash talk Holy around here, okay?

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 2:53 PM.

CLC - I take offense to that 'play cousin' crack. or is it, chink?

Wait no, crack ... that's right crack. Play cousin crack.

said Tim on August 19, 2008 3:04 PM.

Tim - I'm sorry I offended you. Would you like some play cousin love too? I don't follow. How did I offend you?

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 3:09 PM.

Wow - it is amazing how one angry person can change the original topic. I think we all agree that Klondike, Kronik, Klondick is in desparate need of a vacation to the RED. All he sees is red. People who preach the loudest are usually the guilty ones. As they say, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree".

said molli on August 19, 2008 3:24 PM.

Wow number1 -
Didn't realise the Lakers were sacred.
I'll leave them alone. I mean it's not like they are Seattle.

Now I got a little confused, (If you can't tell I'm actually working today)
What the hell is wrong with cousin love?

said Dave on August 19, 2008 3:30 PM.

I think I know what's wrong with Play Cousin love...

Remember? Tim's in therapy!

His Auntcle...

The Slim Jims...

My cousin love comment may have offended him.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 3:37 PM.

Sure, it starts out as play cousin love. Next thing you know, you're starring in a gay porn movie shot on location at a production studio outhouse owned by your family in your brother's backyard.

"Ricardo, Ricardo" my ass. I didn't even see any cameras rolling.

No, thanks. I had enough of my cousins last evening. Let's keep it real.

said Tim on August 19, 2008 3:43 PM.

Take it easy Tim... shall I send you some samba girls to help you pass through?

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 3:48 PM.

Damn Tim it must hurt.
I'm thinking the wounds are much deeper than we realise.
Just let it out buddy, let it out.
We are your family now.

said Dave on August 19, 2008 3:51 PM.

Tim. Dude. I'm sorry man. I completely forgot about your therapy after your comment to Klingon...er um...K-Fed...uhh...You know who I'm talking about! You were doing so well that I forgot all about the family. I hope I didn't make you want to snap at a Wal-Mart, or cut someone's head off and eat it on a Greyhound bus.

Still friends?

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 3:54 PM.

LC -

Hmmmm, I've never done the samba before. I've done the mamba, the mambo, the limbo, the timbo, the bimbo ... never the samba.

Yes, yes. That's fanatastic. I think that's fantastic idea!

I shall learn to do the samba!

said Tim on August 19, 2008 3:57 PM.

Let's go folks... Give a hug on each other... I started the fire, and I have some marshmallows for us to cook and eat singing Kumbaya...

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 4:00 PM.

Tim- Samba girls are on the way.

CLC, Dave... need something? I can ship together with Tim's girls.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 4:04 PM.

That sounds good LC. I've got my lighter in the air, and I'm getting ready to go and hug the first tree I find!

But friends, you do realize who the real culprit is that almost came between our unity? It's Preston and Steven. I believe this may be grounds for the octagon cage...

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 4:06 PM.

Yes LC, I could use Preston and Steven's nutts on a sharpend stick (learned that from a very wise man I know).

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 4:08 PM.

Yes... I think Preston and Steven should enter the Octagon... death match...
The one who stands in the end will fight Krusty, Klonk, Klingon, whatever... that guy who tried to take over our beloved president.
And, to finish the night, Dave himself will beat the shit out of the remaining offender in the Octagon. He deserves this relaxing exercise.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 4:12 PM.

CLC - at your service... What does the official Associated War Lord and Thugs Contractor stand for?

One of the guys in charge of your protection has just started a man hunt for Preston and Steven. Do you prefer their balls before or after the Octagon session?

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 4:18 PM.

I agree LC! I agree. Disregard the request for their nutts on a sharpened stick then. The fight wouldn't be very exciting if they both start off with severe blood loss due to testicular trauma.

I received my Kevlar today. Thanks buddy!

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 19, 2008 4:20 PM.

It'd be better to have different maps from different perspectives around the country. I'd imagine that they wouldn't vary that much. Oh the irony.

said serotonin on August 19, 2008 4:22 PM.

Whenever you need me, CLC.

We can eat cojones after the match. Though the nuts will be a broken already...

Going for now... Have some meetings. Some placer formerly called Argentina to bomb... See ya, people.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 19, 2008 4:25 PM.

damn, this thing covered alllllllllll the bases! hahahha
but uh i think one thing for sure is that suburbia sucks the most, hahah, it has the worst of both worlds(city-country side) and its so bland,
anyone else with me?

said notjohndoe2 on August 19, 2008 5:23 PM.

Anyone ever hear the Boston area referred to as The Hub? Some Harvard dudes back in the day thought of it as the Hub of the Solar System. At the moment it is sports wise I guess. Fcuk em. Go Broncos!

said E on August 19, 2008 5:27 PM.

I AM impressed. I write one little comment in two minutes, and forget about it, yet you all feel the need to talk about me for the next SIX HOURS!!!

That proves NY superiority (and the truth of the map) again.

Dave had every right to fire back with insults....fine, very acceptable. The rest of you are pussies, just piling on.

By the way Dave, while I have no first hand knowledge, as I was anally banging your sister, she remarked that your father's dick tastes just like your ass. I'll defer to her experience on that one.

NY reigns supreme!!!!!

said Kronik on August 19, 2008 9:42 PM.

Krondyke, you make an interesting point. I just got back from my bible day camp slash Klan rally and I was wondering how you know what Dave's ass tastes like. You are a New Yorker to the bone for sure! Give a shout out to P-Diddly-Dang-Doofus for me.

said E on August 19, 2008 10:37 PM.

Here's a question from a NYCite...How do you spell youall?

yawl
ya'll
yaall
yall

said Baierman on August 19, 2008 11:14 PM.

Bayer, Bayier, Baieier.

Look, herr whachou need to knuw:
Ifn itz lesn threi puple, it be - YALL.
If'n it's threi ur mur puple, itsn - ALL YALL.

Afern you get dun wit de snak handlin get in bid wit yer sizter and memoize itn. Lern yu good!

said E on August 19, 2008 11:36 PM.

School's in session for me E. Thanks for the drawl and all kid. You say it's "Yall" I'll buy that, unless someone less has another view.

said Baierman on August 19, 2008 11:44 PM.

Kronik -

Thank you for being such a perfect example of the New York experience. Your fellow New Yorkers are so proud.

I can't really think of a more appropriate way to end the discussion. Let's just let you have the final word, shall we?

Any final thoughts? C'mon man, you'd better make it good! All of NYC is depending on you.

said Tim on August 19, 2008 11:55 PM.

Baier -

I'm not the expert on this, but I think that the proper conjugation was not on your list.

I believe what you are looking for is y'all.

Tim

said Tim on August 19, 2008 11:58 PM.

Kronik does not speak for New Yorkers. I speak for New Yorkers.

And if trying to engage in a geography debate, a true Manhattanite would be able to come up with some wit better than lame anal/sister jokes.

I may think Manhattan is paradise but if I wanted to mock those that live west of the Hudson River, I would be able to do so with a little more creativity.

said Johnny Wright on August 20, 2008 12:29 AM.

JW -

We are aware, my friend, we are aware. But rarely does such a true artist of the English language appear in our midst. Surely you understand that we must question this scholarly fellow in an attempt to extract some wisdom for our own gain.

With your permission ... carry on.

said Tim on August 20, 2008 12:45 AM.

A true NY response would be something like - 'YO! I'm from New York. Suck my balls and you need to shut yer fukkin mouth!'

Cmon NY, you know you can do better.

said E on August 20, 2008 12:54 AM.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Carry on.

Johnny Wright
New Yorkers Team Captain

said Johnny Wright on August 20, 2008 1:31 AM.

y'all?

Okay that's another one.

Guess there's a few ways to spell this.

said Baierman on August 20, 2008 7:16 AM.

The folks over at preston & steve, radio personalities from Phili, are glad we're all amused by the map.

www.wmmr.com

said Baierman on August 20, 2008 7:24 AM.

Well, if the New Yorkers superiority is related to people like Kolon, now I know why all the mass disasters in the movies happen there... They are trying to flush the USA's toilet.

No offense, JW. I know there are good people there. But to get rid of the shit, some of the good mass might go together, unfortunately.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 7:43 AM.

Well, if the New Yorkers superiority is related to people like Kolon-Eek, now I know why all the mass disasters in the movies happen there... They are trying to flush the USA's toilet.

No offense, JW. I know there are good people there. But to get rid of the shit, some of the good mass might go together, unfortunately.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 7:43 AM.

"NY reigns supreme!!" ???

Seriously?

You guys are watching WAY too much "Sha Na Na". I've got clues for sale, if any of you no-driving, puppy-kicking, alley-singing, goofy-talking, coke-snorting, pizza-choking, pissy subway-taking, purse-snatching, no basketball-playing, 'My Cousin Vinnie' wannabes would like to buy one!


Tim - It's a sad day for NYC, if it's depending on a final word from the Butt Bandit.

Leonardo - "New Yorkers' superiority" is an oxymoron. It's synonymous with 'relaxing with a full bladder'.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 20, 2008 8:33 AM.

Well stated CLC. That's why you are the Number 1!

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 8:56 AM.

Wow Kolonblow-
I guess I really don't have much to say after that. I think Kolonik does a fine job of making himself out to be a dumbass without me even having to add to it.
Kolonik also does a great job of selling NY as reigning supreme.
I found it amusing that NY had to import their team captain from Seattle if that tells you anything.
I think that I should clear something up to the Kolonik to perhaps help him in the future.

Dear Kolonik,
Everyone here at YBNBY knows that I don't have a sister. That lady of whom you spoke so disrepectful of was in fact Your momma. I'm sorry that you had to learn about her here at YBNBY. Your momma means well, it's just she is a woman of the world. We tried to keep you from meeting just to save you the dissapointment. I'm sorry.
I know you aren't the brightest young man, but if you were to think real hard and do the math, you will realise the reason she is so familiar with me is just the simple fact that I am your father.
I know that may be a little hard to take, but I am here for you son. I love you.
Now get your ass back into that GED program so you can learn what a fricken Ranch is.

Love Dave.
P.S. Feel free to call me daddy.

said Dave on August 20, 2008 9:45 AM.

Did you all know that Don't Swayze Bro has a brother named Y'all Swayze Bro?
Of course his full name is You All Swayze Bro.

Don't, can you confirm this??

said Dave on August 20, 2008 9:51 AM.

Good one Dave!

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 10:02 AM.

ranch
–noun

1. an establishment maintained for raising livestock under range conditions.
2. Chiefly Western U.S. and Canada. a large farm used primarily to raise one kind of crop or animal: a mink ranch.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 20, 2008 11:01 AM.

Fuck New York. If you live in New York, you're a fag.

said Phil on August 20, 2008 1:48 PM.

What?

52 fucking comments and not going wildly off topic to what I'm dubbing 'The YBNBY new America Campaign'?!? I'm fucking pissed, you guys have me snorting with it.

Meanies...

I'm going to Wal-Mart to police peoples clothing purchases to make sure they are fashionably correct.

said Jeni Gump on August 20, 2008 2:57 PM.

Whadd'ya say Dave, you probably need Jeni on the campaign. Just think of it, with an official 'fashionista' on the ticket you could really lock-in the female vote.

Plus, she could really keep you looking smart on the campaign trail.

For your consideration.

said Tim on August 20, 2008 3:08 PM.

Thanks Tim!

My first order of business would be to ban TYBNBYNA of Metro Sexuals.

said Jeni Gump on August 20, 2008 3:15 PM.

I agree.

Dave, I'm just waiting your approval to send her a security team.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 3:16 PM.

I'm sorry all, I had to step out of the office for a little business. I didn't mean to leave anyone hanging.
Gumpster- you are welcome to be my fashionista. A ladies eye for the straight guy may be just what I need.
LC, go ahead and send out the thugs.

said Dave on August 20, 2008 4:16 PM.

Jeni, I'm sending you a special Kevlar vest and a team of thugs. As you're part of our campaign, we need to assure you're safe 24/7.
Let me know if there's someone you want to be, how could I say, put to stand in a corner like that guy Angel.

Anyone else in our campaign needs protection? Tell me. I have plenty of 'soldiers' available.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 4:31 PM.

LC - I like your style (put to stand in a corner like that guy Angel). That just did away with the term "sleeping with the fishes". Now, we'll use "prop in the corner". I love it!

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 20, 2008 4:46 PM.

Here we used to say "eating grass from its roots". I don't know if I translated it right, but you got the meaning.

"Prop in the corner" is the official term now. We cant run a campaign and use terms like death and kill in excess, right? We're gonna run into PR troubles.

Talking about eat and grass... Can we have a law banning the vegans from places were they serve both salad and meat? I almost propped a guy in the corner in my lunchtime.
I hate when they start talking about eating corpses and asking me to think of the dead cow's soul. Damn. I don't care. I don't call 'em green teeth, carrot lover or whatever that could be offensive to a vegetarian. The next one calling me names like cannibal, will be deceased. Straight, no chance of a clean fight in the Octagon.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 5:00 PM.

Firstly, I would like to thank you all for your support. As TYBNBYNA fashionista, I promise to violently prop anyone in the corner who does not live up to TYBNBYNA code of fashion. Secondly, Leo, I would like to have my vest made corset style please.

I would like everyone involved in the campaign please send me pictures of themselves in their normal dress to whatbardidwemeetat@yahoo.com (yes, I really have that e-mail address) so I can critique them this week and make any suggestions needed. I would also like to suggest that the YBNBY Contributors figure out a way for the Commenters to have a profile so we may post pics or embedded a Flickr photo album somewhere on the side bar. I think it's important for our people to see what they will be electing.

I am Fashionista Jeni Gump and I approve this message.

said Jeni Gump on August 20, 2008 6:08 PM.

Fasionista Gump-
I'm game.

said Dave on August 20, 2008 6:31 PM.

Me too, JG.

And by the way, to the corset style we need to take your measures. I'm sending you the standard one size fits all female vest, and together with my team I'll send some stylist girls to sew your corset at home.

CLC, do you need to adjust your vest? The girls can visit you too. And after, they'll be back to JG's place and work along with her at the Fashion Police Agency.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 20, 2008 6:53 PM.

I'm in. Welcome aboard Gumpster!

I'm just throwing it out there, but can we make a move toward banning "Mom Jeans". It enhances Muffin Top, creates Camel-Toe, and quite frankly, it's scaring my son.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 21, 2008 8:27 AM.

He ain't the only one it's scaring!

said Tim on August 21, 2008 11:48 AM.

Mom jeans. Gone.

Also banned, sweater vests, spandex on anyone over a size 6, tramp stamps, visible underpants of any kind, scrunchies, banana clips (I really saw a woman wearing BOTH at the same time at the shore last weekend), and Speedos on anyone except for Michael Phelps. I will also require any Guido working out to spend as much time on his lower half as his upper. I swear to fucking god I do not know how they stand what with their tiny little legs and big bodies.

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 1:29 PM.

Jeni - You're gonna have to set some parameters on the Tramp Stamp clause. I like to refer to it as "Body Art". I've got a couple (and some piercings) that I take great pride in, and they rock. Now, at the workplace, it shouldn't be visible. Can you work with me on that one?

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 21, 2008 1:51 PM.

I have 3 tats and a belly ring also but my major concern is women who feel the need to get a butterfly or some 'tribal' shit that has no particular meaning where their thong is so when they bend down it's like a goddamn popup book which makes me want to prop 'em in a corner Krakatoa style. When you get inked up it should be your own design and not something you picked off the wall.

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 1:56 PM.

...Fucking ass crickets...

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 2:00 PM.

I can't figure how the Guidos balance themselves too.

Here in Brasil we call them Saborilla. Sabia's legs in a Gorilla's body. Sabia is the name of a bird here.

Camel toes can hurt the eyes sometimes.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 2:05 PM.

... fucking bend over ...

... goddamn thong slides down ...

... lookie here, I gotta butterfly ...

... chirp chirp chirp ...

Godawlfuckingmighty I hate those

Ok, I think I'm done

Leo, they look like chickens

... bawk bawk suckcock ...

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 2:09 PM.

Dave,

There's some work that needs to be done here. I'll hold back until I hear the official party position on this ...

Your loyal constituent,

Tim

said Tim on August 21, 2008 2:09 PM.

Jeni - that's good news. I support your position whole heartedly. And not because I'm now more afraid of you than I am of Tim either...

Tim, you got an extra Slim Jim for the Gumpster? She did lose all that weight you know... hunger has a way of making you want to punch people in the face - which reminds me, I'm getting ready to go grab a bite.

said ConservaLiberCrat_08 on August 21, 2008 2:19 PM.

JG, the assistants I sent you are also able to work as a extermination team. When you spot those buttcrack's tats flashers in action, or whatelse that is non compliant with the rules, all you need is to ask. And then, another one is propped to the corner.

Tim, will you need specialized help? Any gear? Let me know.

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 2:22 PM.

And the Guidettes, can we talk about that odd specimen?

Ok, this broad I saw on the shore last weekend at the beach, on the sand, by the water. So, she had her hair teased higher than Amy Winehouse, huge fake tits wrapped in a bikini top no bigger than her oddly placed nipples, yes, I could see the nipples through the top and they were kinda resting on top of her boobs like tea lights on a shelf, tiny little jean shorts and remember the part about being on the sand? Yah, she was wearing six inch platform heels. SIX INCH PLATFORM HEELS! On the beach, in the sand... I so wish she fell over, or even better, some kid runs by with a Supersoaker and gets water in her hair so the Aquanet runs down her face and blinds her. She didn't need sight anyway, not like she used hers to check the mirror before she left the house.

... fuck ...

CLC_8, you made me snort, and thanks for the Slim Jim but I just ate lunch and took a big dump so now I can think.

Leo, I need to arm them with long YBNBY shirts so they can cover up.

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 2:25 PM.

I just ate lunch too, but it's gone now.

said Tim on August 21, 2008 2:35 PM.

Ladies and Gentlemen, for the first time in my life, I just don't know what to say.
Carry on.

said Dave on August 21, 2008 2:40 PM.

Ohhhhh... can't stop laughing ... eyes tearing up ... and not because my dump smelled like skunk vomit ...

snort

I left Dave, of all people, speechless!

Is there a reward for this?

snort

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 2:43 PM.

There should be, JG...

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 21, 2008 2:47 PM.

And can we talk about the fat chicks with huge asses who wear pants with designs on the ass? Why do they make these? There is no need to attract attention to something that can already be seen by Google Earth. And why must they wear tight t-shirts declaring that they are 'sweetie' or some other douchebagery... My fucking eyes that hurts.

said Jeni Gump on August 21, 2008 2:49 PM.

Jeni, just wanted to let you know that in the next couple of weeks we'll be introducing some more upgrades to YBNBY that will allow all registered commenters to not only have their own picture alongside every comment, but create their own profile pages, add a bio, friend each other, list their favorites stories, contribute links, etc etc etc. I might even add an open message board for you all too, because all these great off tangent comments need a place of their own :) I just need to carve out some time to make the upgrades. Stay tuned.

said Scaramouch on August 22, 2008 10:00 AM.

Those are great news, Scaramouch.

It's the very beginning of the UNNA. Next step: world domination. [insert Dr. Evil laughs in here]

said Leonardo Carvalho on August 22, 2008 10:23 AM.

Very fucking cool Scaramouch!

said Jeni Gump on August 22, 2008 1:06 PM.
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