Once upon a time, the great Aesop wrote:A MONKEY once danced in an assembly of the Beasts, and so pleased them all by his performance that they elected him their King. A Fox, envying him the honor, discovered a piece of meat lying in a trap, and leading the Monkey to the place where it was, said that she had found a store, but had not used it, she had kept it for him as treasure trove of his kingdom, and counseled him to lay hold of it. The Monkey approached carelessly and was caught in the trap; and on his accusing the Fox of purposely leading him into the snare, she replied, "O Monkey, are you, with such a mind as yours, going to be King over the Beasts?"
Lesson learned; monkeys are funny. And good dancers. I think. I think that's the lesson, I'm not really sure. But they are funny. That's an absolute.
With that in mind, we give you the Greatest Monkeys of All-Bloody-Time.
Narrowing down the list to twenty-five monkeys was quite a feat. After I was done I needed a Gatorade.
Let's get started, shall we?
Honorable Mention: The Nazi Monkey from "Raiders of the Lost Ark." This little guy was entertaining, but he is going to be left off the list due to questionable ideology. Sure, that may not have been his fault, but he still threw up a "Heil Hitler" salute. We can't have that.
25. Bluebeard from "Project X" - He could fly a plane. And was a better actor than Matthew Broderick.
24. Bonzo from "Bedtime for Bonzo" - The rumor that Bonzo remained in Ronald Reagan's employ and held a senior counselor position in the White House has never been substantiated. I believe it, though.
23. Chim Chim from Speed Racer - I didn't see it, but I bet if Chim Chim was more prominently featured, the live action Speed Racer film wouldn't have been such a debacle. Always turn to the power of the monkey.
22. Magilla Gorilla - I have no clue how you can't love an ape in a bowler hat and a bow tie. Seems impossible.
21. Gleek from The Super Friends - This "space monkey" is the pet of the Wonder Twins. And the only reason to watch the Wonder Twins.
20. Thrilla Gorilla from T&C Surf - I used to draw that guy all day in seventh grade.
19. Bingo from The Abbott and Costello Show - Lou had Bingo as a pet in Season 1 of the show. (The A & C Show is one of my favorite programs ever. If you don't think Abbott and Costello is funny, I don't understand you.) Then Bingo allegedly bit Lou and he was fired. The monkey never appeared again. His disappearance was never explained. Rumor was that he was blacklisted after that. I think Bingo got a raw deal.
18. Bingo from The Banana Splits - Ricky Gervais once told Gary Shandling he looks like Bingo. Didn't go over very well. The Banana Splits has one of the great theme songs in the history of the idiot box.
17. Cornelius from "Planet of the Apes" - Damn dirty ape!
16. Bubbles - You may now write your own "Michael Jackson touch my monkey" joke. Have fun.
15. Curious George - Would be higher on the list if wasn't such a rascally troublemaker.
14. Rafiki from "The Lion King" - The wise old sage of the savannah. Even the lion, the king of the beasts, turned to the monkey for wisdom.
13. The Brooklyn Gorilla from "Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla" - A terrible film, made during Bela's desperate period when he was broke and a drug addict, but the gorilla is very funny. Unintentionally so, perhaps, but still funny.
12. Evil Monkey in the Closet from The Family Guy - One wonders how he is getting food in there.
11. Jimmy the Exploder - A naughty simian from the White Stripes debut record. Don't explode it, Jimmy, don't do it.
10. Donkey Kong - I rooted for Donkey Kong, not Mario when I was a kid. Suck barrel punk!
9. Peter Tork - Maybe you are more of a Davey Jones fan, but Peter was the straw that stirred the drink for The Monkees.
8. J. Fred Muggs from The Today Show - Fred was the mascot from 1953 to 1957. After seeing clips of the fourth hour of the current incarnation of The Today Show, who would you rather have as a co-host; J. Fred Muggs, or Kathie Lee Gifford? Well?
7. Grape Ape - Perhaps not the most eloquent ape - "Grape Ape, Grape Ape" - but this 40 foot tall gentle giant is a class act. Again, how do you not love an ape in a bow tie?
6. Oliver the "Humanzee" - Oliver has been billed as "The Missing Link" due to his more-human-than-chimp face and his tendency to walk upright. Ollie has toured the world, bringing joy to countless millions. Genetic testing has allegedly shown that Ollie is not the missing link, but I'm not buying. Conspiracy, I tell you.
5. Mighty Joe Young - The 1949 film as an underrated classic. It is a bit of a King Kong rip-off, but it's still great. Joe is a Ray Harryhausen marvel. Rent it.
4. King Louie from "The Jungle Book" - Louie steals the show in the Disney re-telling of the revered Rudyard Kipling yarn. The swingingest cat in the whole jungle. My brothers and I used to rewind the "I Wanna Be Like You" sequence and watch it over and over. That was last summer.
3. Beppo a.k.a. Super Monkey - This Krypton born chimp is known for his super-powered monkey bidness. Don't kid yourself though, he's a super hero if there ever was one. His charisma and leadership were so potent that he formed the Legion of Super-Pets. (Really.) Bryan Singer's new Superman flick under-whelmed many fans. Should have added Beppo.
2. Cheeta - The living legend. Not only does he deserve a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, he should have a yearly parade. Cheeta carried Tarzan and his loin cloth for years. I can't wait for his upcoming autobiography.
1. King Kong - As if it could be anyone else. The big fella is Muhammad Ali. The end all be all. All Kong wanted was to be with the woman he loved. And the greedy Homo sapiens had to screw it all up. The 1933 original film is a favorite of mine. I recorded it off TV in the mid 80's and used to watch it over and over. Still have the tape. Long live Kong...
The final question is; if we put these twenty-five monkeys and apes in a room, each with a typewriter, how long would it take before they churned out the complete works of Bill Shakespeare? With this bunch, I say about 48 hours.
Let's get started, shall we?
Honorable Mention: The Nazi Monkey from "Raiders of the Lost Ark." This little guy was entertaining, but he is going to be left off the list due to questionable ideology. Sure, that may not have been his fault, but he still threw up a "Heil Hitler" salute. We can't have that.
25. Bluebeard from "Project X" - He could fly a plane. And was a better actor than Matthew Broderick.
24. Bonzo from "Bedtime for Bonzo" - The rumor that Bonzo remained in Ronald Reagan's employ and held a senior counselor position in the White House has never been substantiated. I believe it, though. 23. Chim Chim from Speed Racer - I didn't see it, but I bet if Chim Chim was more prominently featured, the live action Speed Racer film wouldn't have been such a debacle. Always turn to the power of the monkey.
22. Magilla Gorilla - I have no clue how you can't love an ape in a bowler hat and a bow tie. Seems impossible.
21. Gleek from The Super Friends - This "space monkey" is the pet of the Wonder Twins. And the only reason to watch the Wonder Twins.
20. Thrilla Gorilla from T&C Surf - I used to draw that guy all day in seventh grade.
19. Bingo from The Abbott and Costello Show - Lou had Bingo as a pet in Season 1 of the show. (The A & C Show is one of my favorite programs ever. If you don't think Abbott and Costello is funny, I don't understand you.) Then Bingo allegedly bit Lou and he was fired. The monkey never appeared again. His disappearance was never explained. Rumor was that he was blacklisted after that. I think Bingo got a raw deal.
18. Bingo from The Banana Splits - Ricky Gervais once told Gary Shandling he looks like Bingo. Didn't go over very well. The Banana Splits has one of the great theme songs in the history of the idiot box.
17. Cornelius from "Planet of the Apes" - Damn dirty ape!
16. Bubbles - You may now write your own "Michael Jackson touch my monkey" joke. Have fun. 15. Curious George - Would be higher on the list if wasn't such a rascally troublemaker.
14. Rafiki from "The Lion King" - The wise old sage of the savannah. Even the lion, the king of the beasts, turned to the monkey for wisdom.
13. The Brooklyn Gorilla from "Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla" - A terrible film, made during Bela's desperate period when he was broke and a drug addict, but the gorilla is very funny. Unintentionally so, perhaps, but still funny.
12. Evil Monkey in the Closet from The Family Guy - One wonders how he is getting food in there.
11. Jimmy the Exploder - A naughty simian from the White Stripes debut record. Don't explode it, Jimmy, don't do it.
The Top 10
10. Donkey Kong - I rooted for Donkey Kong, not Mario when I was a kid. Suck barrel punk!
9. Peter Tork - Maybe you are more of a Davey Jones fan, but Peter was the straw that stirred the drink for The Monkees.
8. J. Fred Muggs from The Today Show - Fred was the mascot from 1953 to 1957. After seeing clips of the fourth hour of the current incarnation of The Today Show, who would you rather have as a co-host; J. Fred Muggs, or Kathie Lee Gifford? Well? 7. Grape Ape - Perhaps not the most eloquent ape - "Grape Ape, Grape Ape" - but this 40 foot tall gentle giant is a class act. Again, how do you not love an ape in a bow tie?
6. Oliver the "Humanzee" - Oliver has been billed as "The Missing Link" due to his more-human-than-chimp face and his tendency to walk upright. Ollie has toured the world, bringing joy to countless millions. Genetic testing has allegedly shown that Ollie is not the missing link, but I'm not buying. Conspiracy, I tell you. 5. Mighty Joe Young - The 1949 film as an underrated classic. It is a bit of a King Kong rip-off, but it's still great. Joe is a Ray Harryhausen marvel. Rent it.
4. King Louie from "The Jungle Book" - Louie steals the show in the Disney re-telling of the revered Rudyard Kipling yarn. The swingingest cat in the whole jungle. My brothers and I used to rewind the "I Wanna Be Like You" sequence and watch it over and over. That was last summer.
3. Beppo a.k.a. Super Monkey - This Krypton born chimp is known for his super-powered monkey bidness. Don't kid yourself though, he's a super hero if there ever was one. His charisma and leadership were so potent that he formed the Legion of Super-Pets. (Really.) Bryan Singer's new Superman flick under-whelmed many fans. Should have added Beppo.
2. Cheeta - The living legend. Not only does he deserve a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, he should have a yearly parade. Cheeta carried Tarzan and his loin cloth for years. I can't wait for his upcoming autobiography.
1. King Kong - As if it could be anyone else. The big fella is Muhammad Ali. The end all be all. All Kong wanted was to be with the woman he loved. And the greedy Homo sapiens had to screw it all up. The 1933 original film is a favorite of mine. I recorded it off TV in the mid 80's and used to watch it over and over. Still have the tape. Long live Kong...The final question is; if we put these twenty-five monkeys and apes in a room, each with a typewriter, how long would it take before they churned out the complete works of Bill Shakespeare? With this bunch, I say about 48 hours.
MAJOR props for including Thrilla Gorilla. My opinions of you are changing Mr. Wright.
*bows*
*genuflects*
Wha-? Fun list, but where is Koko the signing gorilla?
You got me Joel. I know there are some good ones that I missed. Damn.
Second Honorable Mention:
Koko the Sign Language Gorilla.
Well done.
Little known fact Mighty Joe Young is actually the third movie in the King Kong trilogy.
That's right. King Kong was a trilogy.
Ham was sent into space by NASA in 1961, he even made the cover of Life magazine.
How about the ENTIRE cast of Planet Of The Apes movies and TV series.
Ohh, and don't forget Gary Coleman.
Ham is a huge omission on my part. Totally right. Apologies.
See the LIFE magazine cover here:
http://www.lindbergh-aviation.de/Buecher/Nr.6687.jpg
May i add an honorable mention for one our sites most loyal boosters: Gorilla Mask!
Clyde man, Clyde.
What about Lance Link - Detective Chimp? What a hilarious show - he should definately take a place in the top 10.
Magilla Gorilla? The theme song alone is an earworm.
Jack the undead monkey from Pirates of the Caribbean?
Washoe, the original signing ape?
You might as well add:
1. The primal-humans from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
2. the Nazi loving, Hitler saluting, poison eating Capuchin from Raiders Of The Lost Ark.
3. Mr. Peepers.
I hate to make such an obvious comment, but Cheeta was a girl!
The actor that played Cheeta is a male chimpanzee.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheeta
Jack the Undead Monkey from the Pirates movies (brilliant); and Marcel from Friends. (Apologies if someone else already mentioned these two.)