This is the first in a new series in which we ask new and potentially loyal YesButNoButYes reader and commenter "Martin" to discuss how he'd handle himself in an awkward situation. (For similar challenges, click here, here, here and here) For his first at bat, we ask him to dive into misinterpretations on the web.
I'd like to start off saying I'm one helluva patriotic mutherfucker. I can sing the Star Spangled Banner backwards. (OK, I can't, but if I was taught how, I'd do it at the next New York Liberty game.) You see, I love my country so much that it pains me to see it make missteps. And, the ability to question your government is what makes this land so great. Not that it matters, but I come from a military family. My father served a few tours in Vietnam (which he elected to do, and wasn't drafted into). My Grandfather was a battleship commander in the South Pacific during World War II, and was such a badass they asked him to return for that skirmish in Korea. And then there's me. I've fired a gun ... once. At a gun range. And it scared me. (Not that the use of firearms should make someone a patriot or signify their devotion to their country.) I'm pretty damn passive. I can run fast and, when confronted, I'll throw people out of my way to get out of a situation. Let's call a spade a spade... I'm a pussy. But I'm also rather intelligent. I'll never join Mensa or invent a hover-car, but I can get by pretty well.
I know who the Prime Minister of Canada is. I can locate an inordinate amount of countries and places on a globe. I read magazines and newspapers and try to form my own opinions about things.
Over a year ago, Miss Cellenia, the great bastion of femininity on this male dominated site, posted a video on YesButNoButYes. And it was funny as it played into the stereotype that Americans are so consumed with their own country that they know little to nothing about the world around them. And this might be true to a degree. There are many Americans who probably can't locate China on a map or know who the Secretary General of the United Nations is. But there's a bunch of us who can. And the video, heavily edited to show the dumbest answers, shows Americans assuming their "supposed" role as the world's most ignorant nation. (Let's see the Masai Warriors of Kenya try to put music on my iPod and see how they do.) The video was edited. We could travel to Australia and put together a fairly similar piece with similar results showing the "dumber" side of Australians. Any country that puts out such rubbish as the third Crocodile Dundee movie can't have the high mental granola to call us out for being the dumbest nation on Earth.
Miss Cellania's post got a great response. People loved the video. Some commenters remarked at how dumb some Americans can be. All in all, it was viewed, enjoyed (by most) and eventually left on the back burner of the YesButNoButYes archives.
We've been doing these "challenges" for awhile now. It stemmed from a reader making a hilarious comment about a post I'd written. The comment was so great, that we challenged him to help us out in similar awkward social situations. And he came through with flying colors. 90% of my enjoyment with these "Challenges" was seeing what his response would be. (The other 10% was coming up with random phrases like "ass crickets".)
All was right in the world.
However, the same commenter stumbled across Miss Cellenia's post and took offense to not only the video, but how we, as writers and editors of this site, did not stand up for our country. And he had some valid points. We, as consumers of the internet, spend a great deal of our time putting down/making fun of/insulting various things we come across. I'm incredibly guilty of this, having skewered everything from World of Warcraft to Religion. But where I disagree is that he expected us to not only police the comments, but also stand up to those who would criticize our country.
The beauty (and I use "beauty" very loosely) of YesButNoButYes is that we can say what ever the fuck we want. We can put as many "fucks" into a fucking sentence as we feel fucking necessary. And in creating this atmosphere of opinionated freedom, we ask for only one thing in return: for you, as readers, to be free to respond in anyway you'd like.
So, Martin, your first challenge is this: Is it possible to convince an hysterically funny and thought provoking guy to return to what may be his life's goal of feeding us loyal writers and readers of YesButNoButYes with insightful nuggets of wisdom and laughter? How would one go about doing that? Further, were we wrong NOT to have responded to the anti-American comments posted under the video? Finally, when am I going to grow pubes. This is getting ridiculous having to tell women that I'm a glass-blower and they burn off constantly when I'm working near the oven. Thanks!
I know who the Prime Minister of Canada is. I can locate an inordinate amount of countries and places on a globe. I read magazines and newspapers and try to form my own opinions about things.
Over a year ago, Miss Cellenia, the great bastion of femininity on this male dominated site, posted a video on YesButNoButYes. And it was funny as it played into the stereotype that Americans are so consumed with their own country that they know little to nothing about the world around them. And this might be true to a degree. There are many Americans who probably can't locate China on a map or know who the Secretary General of the United Nations is. But there's a bunch of us who can. And the video, heavily edited to show the dumbest answers, shows Americans assuming their "supposed" role as the world's most ignorant nation. (Let's see the Masai Warriors of Kenya try to put music on my iPod and see how they do.) The video was edited. We could travel to Australia and put together a fairly similar piece with similar results showing the "dumber" side of Australians. Any country that puts out such rubbish as the third Crocodile Dundee movie can't have the high mental granola to call us out for being the dumbest nation on Earth.
Miss Cellania's post got a great response. People loved the video. Some commenters remarked at how dumb some Americans can be. All in all, it was viewed, enjoyed (by most) and eventually left on the back burner of the YesButNoButYes archives.
We've been doing these "challenges" for awhile now. It stemmed from a reader making a hilarious comment about a post I'd written. The comment was so great, that we challenged him to help us out in similar awkward social situations. And he came through with flying colors. 90% of my enjoyment with these "Challenges" was seeing what his response would be. (The other 10% was coming up with random phrases like "ass crickets".)
All was right in the world.
However, the same commenter stumbled across Miss Cellenia's post and took offense to not only the video, but how we, as writers and editors of this site, did not stand up for our country. And he had some valid points. We, as consumers of the internet, spend a great deal of our time putting down/making fun of/insulting various things we come across. I'm incredibly guilty of this, having skewered everything from World of Warcraft to Religion. But where I disagree is that he expected us to not only police the comments, but also stand up to those who would criticize our country.
The beauty (and I use "beauty" very loosely) of YesButNoButYes is that we can say what ever the fuck we want. We can put as many "fucks" into a fucking sentence as we feel fucking necessary. And in creating this atmosphere of opinionated freedom, we ask for only one thing in return: for you, as readers, to be free to respond in anyway you'd like.
So, Martin, your first challenge is this: Is it possible to convince an hysterically funny and thought provoking guy to return to what may be his life's goal of feeding us loyal writers and readers of YesButNoButYes with insightful nuggets of wisdom and laughter? How would one go about doing that? Further, were we wrong NOT to have responded to the anti-American comments posted under the video? Finally, when am I going to grow pubes. This is getting ridiculous having to tell women that I'm a glass-blower and they burn off constantly when I'm working near the oven. Thanks!
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If you made it your job to police the comments and take issue with those you disagreed with, you'd go crazy. It would basically be a very boring and fruitless task. People that get into pissing matches over whose country or citizens are better are morons, and to take them seriously or engage them or be offended by them is to give their ideas a worth they don't possess and an esteem they don't deserve.
If someone has chosen to be offended by the back-and-forth that went on in the comments for the "Americans are stupid" video, he has chosen to be taken up in a debate created and sustained out of ignorance. And that's his problem, not yours.
Seems like everybody stuck the proverbial foot deeply into the proverbial shit on this one. Pull it out, wash it off, move on.
Echo,
As a close friend of Dave, I thought I would tell you a little about Him. Perhaps this will help with your little problem.
Dave is an attractive, brilliant, funny, big pimpin, ripped s.o.b. Not only that, but I've never met a woman that hasn't found him irresistable. Unfortunately he has a problem. his problem is that he is quite possibly, a little over-patriotic. I would say to a fault.
Once, while watching Rocky 4 with Dave, I cheered for the Russian. I knew who would win, and I just thought it would be funny to mess with Dave. Well, Dave beat my ass like a rented mule. I've learned that patriotism falls under a new definition with Dave.
Though Dave would never admit it, every couple of weeks or so, he swings by YBNBY, just to see what his old friends are up to. I caught him yesterday and he hurried and minimized the screen.
After him mumbling under his breath something about Echowood's Dad and Grandpa, were probably a couple of badasses. I looked up the site.
I think I may possibly have a solution your problem. First off, you need to realise that Dave's patriotism will never change. You did right by declaring your love for your country. I'm sure that gained a lot of Dave's admiration.
This is what you do. Keep posting questions about advise for difficult situations. Especially difficult situations involving girls. Let some hack that doesn't know what he is talking about give really stupid advise. After the advise is given, praise the hack, tell him that he is much better than Dave, and that you never needed Dave in the first place. If I know Dave, that will really piss him off to the point of near insanity. He hates stupid advise. Especially on how to handle women.
Run a few articles like that. I would say that you have a 45% chance of getting him back.
If you would like to raise the percentage to 93.7% chance, have your boss Scaramouch write an article on why he loves America.
Dave has said many times that he believes deeply that Scaramouch hates America. He calls him a commy Britt, what ever that is.
Good luck my friend. Good luck.
CC Deville.
CC - You NEVER root for the Russian. Ever.
Commie Brit? Me???? Hey, I run an honest American company, and employ honest American workers.
http://theadvanceguard.com/
OK, so our marketing materials may look a bit totalitarian but.....
Honesty...How un-American.
Running an American company doesn't mean Jack. I know some Iranians that own a Motel 6 that employ American Workers. They hate America, they use American flags as toilet paper.
Scaramouch skirts the issue, doesn't have the balls to say he loves America.
Either that or he hates America.
Pretty simple.
CC Deville
CC, you're beginning to sound an awful lot like Dave....
I saw the video. I'm an American. Wasn't particularly offended. It's an old schtick. Leno's been doing it forever. Stern before him, etc. If it's all in good fun that's cool...
Just to play devil's advocate though, you show a video pointing out why people think a is stupid, people of that might get offended. Change 'American' to 'Black' (or whatever else) and see if it doesn't strike you as bigoted.
Chingou! Comments didn't like my tagging:
Just to play devil's advocate though, you show a video pointing out why people think a (particular group) is stupid, people of that (particular group) might get offended.
Scara Bin Laden,
Indeed, I do sound like Dave, and I should. I have been trained in the art of Dave Kun Do- an art form that not only guarantees success with women but success in life. It is more than a practice. It is a lifestyle.
I am only a brown belt in comparison to the master.
My progression stopped because there were things that I just wouldn't do.
From the look of things, the progression of the Yes But No readers will stop as well.
E- You are very wise. You understand America, and I can tell that you see the Commy-Britt in the Mouch.
I don't think anyone was offended by the video. Cowardess was the real offender.
Don't you guys know not to discuss this shit? It only brings out the ugly in people.