"Transsiberian" **1/2 (out of four): Modest thriller set aboard the titular train plays like low-suspense Hitchcock until sadly, in the last act, it derails.

Ah, train travel. Nothing sparks suspense like being trapped with perfect strangers in a claustrophobic tube hurtling through anonymous and unfamiliar terrain. From Hitchcock ("The Lady Vanishes", "Strangers on a Train") to Bond ("From Russia with Love", "The Spy who Loved Me"), from Agatha Christie ("Murder on the Orient Express") to Gene Wilder ("Silver Streak"), filmmakers and authors alike have set their sinister plots on rails, with varying degrees of success (lest we forget "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory"), since man first laid down tracks. And now "Transsiberian", a modest thriller from director Brad Anderson, puts the formula to good use by setting the action aboard the titular Russian-Chinese train line and populating it with some wildly surly locals (the Transsiberian tourism bureau is not likely to be happy about this one).

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Yes, you do as the sign says. Open a can of whoop ass on old Lion-O. Case in point....

Back in May, the Salazar family was hiking through the woods in New Mexico's Cibola National Forest when their 5 year old son Jose Jr. was jumped by a hungry mountain lion. As the animal dragged Jose by his head through the brush, Jose Sr. gave chase. As fate would have it, Jose Sr. tripped and lunged towards the animal. The startled lion dropped the boy and headed for the hills.

The 30-year-old tripped a few times as he tracked his son through the brush.

"That last trip, when I was about to actually fall on the ground, I was able to spring off on my left leg and jump at them," he said.

That scared the animal away, and Jose Sr. rushed to Jose Jr. He carried him back up the hill on his shoulder.

"I didn't think he really looked that bad when I took him off of my shoulder," said Jose Sr., who made sure to face the boy away from his mother in case the injuries were severe. Then, "I saw the back of his scalp just fall back. That's the worst part. [Nobody] wants to see the inside of your child."

I never want to see the insides of anybody. Ever. But I guess the sign was right. Something to file away, just in case.

Via ABC News

I am a self-professed cartophile. That is, I love maps. A lot. Like, my folks used to find atlases strewn about our house covered in Vaseline with holes cut through them. OK, maybe not that much. But while all the neighborhood kids were outside playing baseball in the street, I was inside memorizing the major cities of Burkina Faso. Not exactly a great way to make friends, which may explain why I have to take that healthy dose of pills each morning and talk to a doctor about my "problems".

However, when the ever insightful Noah Brier pointed me toward Strange Maps, my day was made. The site is devoted to, get this, maps that are strange. For example, the image at the top of this post is an early 20th century map charting cannibalism throughout the world. (Note to self: I knew Canadians were way too happy to NOT be hiding something.)

With a surprise.

(via Arbroath)

(Via The Official Bacon Salt Blog)

The Hogan family -- The Hulk's brood, not the 1980's Jason Bateman vehicle -- is a great example of "be careful what you wish for." You were willing to anything to be famous. How'd that work out for ya?

Brooke Hogan, the "singer" in the family was recently asked her thoughts on the upcoming Presidential election. She thought real hard, there was some grinding noises, a little smoke seeping out of the ears and she said:

You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it's kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I couldn't be able to run a country, 'cause I'd be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?

Terrific.

Let's get Brooke on Meet the Press as soon as possible.

From the beautiful, to the painful, to the disgusting, to the hilarious, this is a collection of photos that were taking at just the right time.

The college kids may be a month away from returning to class and the NCAA practice field, but you can relive some of the best photos from last year over at Sports Illustrated. Some are quite dramatic and funny, like these two.

By "Modern" I mean ladies with vibrators.

Have a very happy Monday.