This is part three in my iPhone Factor series, in which I see if I can get laid purely through owning an iPhone. (Read Part I and Part II here.)Steve Jobs is out to get me. Less than a year of owning the most sought-after mobile device and he releases a brand new one on me. A better one. A cheaper one!? No longer can I impress women with my gratuitous spending on slightly impractical gear. My iPhone is out of date. I'm no longer "with it". And with the new price, everyone will own one now.
I figure I have about a month left before the new iPhone hits the market. Probably not enough time to "get" with my allotted sum of 63* women. Trust me, I could do it if I tried. Whipping that sleek and powerful device out in a crowded room is bound to make several women weak at the knees. But that's about 2 women a day I'd need to bang in order to hit my goal. Keep in mind I have to work, sleep, go to Pilates, play GTA 4, spend hours writing highly detailed and well-researched articles for YBNBY, and feed my cat. There's just not enough time to meet that high number.
Now, I could afford the new iPhone. With my lucrative YesButNoButYes salary, I could afford 15 of these things and still have money left over for some Gray's Papaya. But it's the principle involved. I shouldn't have to buy a new one. I should be given one. Mr. Jobs should recognize the marketing effort I've put forth on this blog to popularize his newest creation. Without me, the iPhone would be relegated to an obscure position in technology history. Right up there with the Edsel.
I have single-handedly made famous the iPhone and I should reap the sexual benefits. The only way for me to "get it on" after July 11th is with the aid of the brand new iPhone 3G. Wait... that sounded bad. Shit. How about this: the only way for me to continue this experiment is to have the most up-to-date iPhone. The one I have now has the brushed metal backing, and the ladies will be looking for the glossy black/white backing come July.
Plus, with the new price, even poor people will be able to afford it. How will I be able to differentiate myself from the teaming masses? How will the ladies know that I come to play? Apple should send me a limited edition titanium iPhone**. One that can travel through time and/or cook a bean burrito.
*This number was calculated using highly scientific methods. Highly scientific.
**If Apple does come out with a Titanium iPhone capable of time travel and cooking burritos, please remember this post and be a witness during my litigation to get some sweet Apple cash.
Now, I could afford the new iPhone. With my lucrative YesButNoButYes salary, I could afford 15 of these things and still have money left over for some Gray's Papaya. But it's the principle involved. I shouldn't have to buy a new one. I should be given one. Mr. Jobs should recognize the marketing effort I've put forth on this blog to popularize his newest creation. Without me, the iPhone would be relegated to an obscure position in technology history. Right up there with the Edsel.
I have single-handedly made famous the iPhone and I should reap the sexual benefits. The only way for me to "get it on" after July 11th is with the aid of the brand new iPhone 3G. Wait... that sounded bad. Shit. How about this: the only way for me to continue this experiment is to have the most up-to-date iPhone. The one I have now has the brushed metal backing, and the ladies will be looking for the glossy black/white backing come July.
Plus, with the new price, even poor people will be able to afford it. How will I be able to differentiate myself from the teaming masses? How will the ladies know that I come to play? Apple should send me a limited edition titanium iPhone**. One that can travel through time and/or cook a bean burrito.
*This number was calculated using highly scientific methods. Highly scientific.
**If Apple does come out with a Titanium iPhone capable of time travel and cooking burritos, please remember this post and be a witness during my litigation to get some sweet Apple cash.
Stumble This
Reddit!
We could all pitch in and get you some Titanium spray paint.
According to Einstein you are currently traveling in time.
If you get a Dell battery for your IPhone you could cook a bean burrito.
Explosively.
Problem solved.
We could all pitch in and get you some Titanium spray paint.
According to Einstein you are currently traveling in time.
If you get a Dell battery for your IPhone you could cook a bean burrito.
Explosively.
Problem solved.
I just took a minute to click back on your other IPhone articles and to say the least was very entertained. In fact I may even go back and read them again.
As the self proclaimed best looking, wisest, chickmagnetest, and toughest reader of YBNBY I have decided to take your predicament into some thoughtful consideration.
Unfortunately the Iphone is like an Aerosmith love song. It captures what a man feels and it sounds good. So good to the point that when it comes time to throw in a little mood music we as men use it, only to find that it just doesn't pull the rabbit out of the hat like Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" does.
However, if used with a little skill and the right timing Aerosmith can be your marked deck of cards.
Though not the most effective tool for hooking up, with a little skill and the right timing, the IPhone can be your golden ticket. It's just going to take a little more than sitting down at a club and google earthing someones house.
Youv'e got a month. Dig deeper because there is are ways for the IPhone to work. Trust me, don't give up, and don't buy the new IPhone until you accomplish your goal.
How many is are ways is are there?
Mmmm, Gray's Papaya hot dogs.
There is are no wayz
for traiwaze
to playze
with his Fayze.
I swear that last comment just got edited.
It should have read:
There is are no wayze
for trailwaze
to get playze
with his fayze.
JDub, have you ever had a bahama Mama Hotdog?
Fricken goooooood.
Comin' from back in the daze
it will be the new craze
so walk out a' da maze
and get with it Davz
'Cause these is are his wayz.
Wordz
Bahama Mama hot dog, you say?
I'm intrigued.
My Wordz smash and confuze
Designed to bruze
You'll only loze
Can you come up with a clever ruze
Or is are you only destined for abuze
Trailwaze, mother of ass buddy, mother of ass.
Johnny, Yes the Bahama mama, you must try it.
http://www.schmidtsbahamamama.com/bahamamama.htm
As good as a dog gets.
My writing is poor
and I'm bad with a comma
I'll be nice to you Trail
Cuz I banged yo mamma.
LOL, that was pretty good pilgrim
Check this
I’m gonna make you cry home to mamma
Like Hillary conceding to Barack Obamma
Gonna make you ride a llama
All the way through the gates of Valhalla
I like this one better :-)
Is are you hearing me clear
Is are you quaking in fear
You've been surpassed by your peer
I'm like headlights focused on a deer
Dave's time is near
Tryin' to get silly yo
what the dillyo?
Pour some milk on me
'cause I got a hole in my head like a Cherrio.
(Yes, I'm white)
Hehe, that's funny
Try this
Here comes Echowood
Straight from the 'hood
Boy thinks he's good
His whiteness is are understood
I'm white too
Not grey or blue
But I'm still here busting rhymes just for you
Fuck this, I'm moving back to Connecticut.
Trailwaze mouth is very slick
throwin rhym out as he goes
Like a pistol thats his trick
every cock he gets he blows.
I hear New London is nice this time of year. And they have a big nuclear sub pen also! You can go see the USS Nautilus, the first nuclear submarine.
Connecticut, closer than you think!
LOL. Ooooo, Davey has dirty mouth
This is are just the start of Dave's woes
I keep throwing the blows
Knocking him down like a pimp smackin hoes
No matter where he goes
He always knows
That the smell around him is that of a brown nose
I know that last rhym
was a little bit much
your like a handicapped kid
after stealing his crutch
You hobble a wobble
throwin weak ass licks
at home on the net
while your wifes turning tricks
You might as well quit
before I make you sad
by breaking the news
that I is are your dad.
DAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNN!
I could come down to your level
rub my face in the dirt
Be like a foster kid
actin out cause his feelins is are hurt
I hear at the gay bar you is are quite the flirt
Always gropin up some queens skirt
Your mad cause my rymes are ill
Much better than your gutter swill
Like a hoe chasin a dolla bill
Take a ritalin and chill
What happened on here today?
What time do they let your school out
four or five?
You keep pullin kiddy crap just to stay alive
Want to play a grown up game
Change your name to Shirley and put on a dress
It suits you like a pair of fake breasts
You been put through a test
I have some binanca for the shit on your breath
I started it by picking on Dave for this gem of a sentence
"Dig deeper because there is are ways for the IPhone to work. Trust me, don't give up, and don't buy the new IPhone until you accomplish your goal."
The "is are" combo was funny. So I asked this:
"How many is are ways is are there?"
Then we somehow got into a battle. I'm having a good time. Seems like Dave is are also.
That last one made me laugh
I'm sorry dog
my office is hot
the A/C is broke
and pleasant I'm not.
I think I'll quit here
before I make you feel bad
I aint done your mom
and I'm sure not your dad
I take back what I said
about how you can blow
I don't think we'll see you
in a western gun show.
I'll throw in the towel
before I take it too far
plus,I can't take your white rapping
It's way under par.
I mean is are over par.
I accept your surrender gracefully with the knowledge that I have met a true slander artist. Thanks for the game, it was fun. One more for the road and then I'm done.
.........0
.........0
.........0
......oooo
......oooo o
.......ooo
You keep makin fun
But you is are like a dog that has the runs
You shit out crap by the ton
Your bowels strain
Leaving behind a stain
And a memory of pain
You wanted to play this game
Your crap is are all the same
Lame
Slow day at the office boys?
I finished all my work by 11am. I had a couple of teleconferences. Yep, slow day indeed.
What a dork.
I'll have to admit the bird was as good as I have seen here at YBNBY though
and you wrote:
"Your bowels strain
Leaving behind a stain
And a memory of pain"
That brought a tear to my eye, it was like reading Emily Dickinson.
0
0
0
0000
000000
00
Not as slow as I would like
thats why I had to throw in the towel.
Harold Gladney.
That is the first time anybody gave me the pinkey.
Wood shop accident.
So, uh, yeah. I like, bought this iPhone and it's out of date and I'm sorta worried that I won't be able to get chicks because, like, it's old and stuff.
Sorry bro. We got to battle rapping and I got served, and now lets tackle your problem. What are you going to do? You have got a month.
What condition is it in? What widgets do you run? Have you considered wiping it and running lynix? What about case customizations?
Depending on what kind of chick you are looking to catch, there are a verity of things you could do.
Get your super geek on here:
http://developer.apple.com/iphone/
Article covering same as above:
http://www.webware.com/8301-1_109-9964401-2.html
This is an app my friend has on hers. Its pretty cool:
http://www.apple.com/webapps/socialnetworking/floortweknowwhatyourethinking.html
Hypnotize the ladies with this one:
http://www.apple.com/webapps/entertainment/imagiceyeillusionportalbyjirbo.html
Themes seem popular:
http://superfluousbanter.org/archives/2007/09/customize-your-iphone-summerboard/
Or:
http://code.google.com/p/customize/
CaseCase customization seems ixnayed, but I am sure with a little ingenuity you could bling it up fresh like.
Hope this helps.
Of course you could just try talking to them. Ask open ended questions and keep them talking about themselves. Avoid common pitfalls like past relationships, politics and family. If this is too much work, get a plane ticket to Nevada and use that credit card. (kidding! :-)