In this dating game the player is Beer. Beautiful Hops, tasty barley, intoxicating alcohol. Ambers, darks, lights, lagers, pilsners, ale's, hefeweizen, stouts, we love them all! Except Coors Light - which is beer flavored water and what's the point of that? Unless you get off on having an overactive bladder.
Fighting for Beers affection are Beers most usual partners: Pretzels. Peanuts. Popcorn. And wings. They each have their strengths and weaknesses, so choose wisely.
Lets meet the contestants.
In this corner: Pretzels.
Salty. Crunchy. Very tasty. Pretzels are probably the most common things served with beer, especially on bar counters and at stadiums.
Pretzel Pros: Make you thirsty for more beer. Tastes good. Excellent crunch potential. Comes in lots of sizes - mini, small, medium, hard, soft, twisted and straight.
Pretzel Cons: Sticks to the roof of your mouth and can give you cotton mouth. Fills your up so you may not have room to drink a whole six-pack.
Next up: Peanuts.
Bite-size pebbles of protein. Peanuts are probably the second most common thing served with beer at bars, theme restaurants and sporting events.
Peanut Pro's: Tiny. Delicious. Salty (usually). Actually good for you, in moderation. Plus the shells you can toss on the floor and stomp like ants. Won't fill you up too quickly.
Peanut Cons: Dry. Bland. Dull. Plus cracking shells distracts from drinking beer and may lead to flying shards that can land in your dates eye and cause you to spend a night in the ER, completely blowing your chances of sex.
Contestant #3: Popcorn.
Sweet. Delicious. Friendly. Popcorn adds fun to any beer drinking occasion.
Popcorn pros: Munchy. Shareable. Light. Fluffy. You can't resist just one, you have to munch handfuls. Powdery cheese substance on most bar popcorn goes great with most beer varieties. Excellent at ballgames for tossing at rival fans or to get someone's attention. The ladies favorite.
Popcorn cons: Frilly. Cute. Too quickly eaten - a full bowl of popcorn disappears almost as fast as a chugged beer. A lightweight beer snack. Minor con: Popcorn usually costs extra at bars, unlike free peanuts or pretzels. I guess the general .50 or $1 fee is a popping charge.
Contestant #4: Wings.
For me, wings are the down and dirty serious beer drinking partner. There's not messing around when you order a bucket of wings and a round of beers. Everyone knows you're there to fill up and get tipsy.
Chicken Wing Pros: Tastes like chicken. Small but packs a tasty punch. Wings lay the foundation for the start of a good night out of major beer drinking. They're the base coat for the next few pints and burgers to come. There's such a wide variety of Wing sauces and styles: buffalo, hot, mild, cajun, fried, BBQ, etc. The hotter varieties generally need to be washed down with more beer, never a bad thing.
Chicken Wing Cons: Greasy. Messy. Sloppy. Not generally something you get when you're trying to impress. Will cost you. While wings are delicious, you usually only eat a few wings and you're done.
They're all winners in their own special way, but as Santa says in the immortal South Park short "There can be only one." Vote for yours now...
Stumble This
Reddit!
Holy crow. Wings in a wipeout!
Of course. It's not even fair to put meat up against non-meat.
I meant to add one other thing: If the contestants were wings, pizza, and nachos...now there's a contest!
And Bacon... I can't believe there was no mention of bacon. Bacon wrapped buffalo wings... hummmmm... scrumptious... can't complete sentences thinking of them... Bacon bitz in the blue cheese dressing... Bacon...