The summer movie season is upon us. Hollywood is shipping out the bloated, over-hyped, market-research-tested, Happy-Meal-tied-in, tent pole "blockbusters" to local cinemas as we speak. Uh, read. And write. You know what I mean. I may be a snob, but I do enjoy many a popcorn flick. For me, the most enjoyable film season is October to December, where most of the "important" films are released to the more discerning masses. The summer schedule is a lot like Nicolas Cage's IMDB credits; wildly divergent with hits and misses. Nevertheless, the studios give us enough passable $300 million monsters that entertain the masses to justify the occasional stink bomb.
Going to the movies is one of my favorite activities. Has been since I was a child. There were many times in the 80's that I would beg my folks to drop me off at the Sea-Tac Mall AMC 6 to see "Ghostbusters" or "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" for the seventh time. I still get excited as the lights go down and the coming attractions start. I take out the candy and snacks that I've smuggled in like Red getting contraband into Shawshank, sit back and experience a wee bit of escapism for 120 minutes.
Inside my pea sized brain lies a fairly good barometer of what film I will enjoy and what film I should avoid. I usually know. But there are times that I am wrong. Way wrong. Where I thought I would enjoy a movie and ended up feeling like I was going to become Linda Blair in "The Exorcist." I begin to squirm in my seat. Then cringe at bad dialogue and awful "special" effects. And finally start whine like a little boy. "I wanna go home! Johnny no likey Michael Bay!"
The following are the worst movie going experiences I've ever had. Times that I wished I had some rotten fruit to chuck at the silver screen.
You'll notice many of these are sequels. I wish Hollywood would notice that many of these are sequels.
The Dishonorable Mentions:
Pearl Harbor - A great action sequence book-ended by an unbearable "love" story and horrendous acting. It was two hours too long. Nauseating. I still can't figure out why the attack sequence wasn't the finale. There was a great scene, then two more hours of nothing. "I love you, but you're gonna die, but I slept with him when I thought you were dead, but I'm pregnant and who is going to be the father and ..." Oh, kill me.
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace - A Superman film pieced together by idiot Warner Brothers executives. Painful.
Van Helsing - A great premise on paper. All the Universal monsters were there. Hugh Jackman is really good. Then the CGI effects started. And kept going. Then Kate Beckinsale's accent made Kevin Costner look like Peter Sellers. Was it Romanian? Russian? English? Filipino? Still don't know. The film was the definition of "it's okay we'll fix it in post."
The Good Shepard - Who would have thought that Robert De Niro, Matt Damon and the CIA could be so dull.
Clerks/All Kevin Smith - I finally gave up on Mr. Smith. I can't handle it. Rubbish.
The Losers:
10. Marie Antoinette - Nah, just kidding, like I'd go see that. To quote "Young Guns II," "I'd rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire." Hollywood nepotism at it's most extreme.
Okay, the real list.
10. Vanilla Sky - The normally enjoyable Cameron Crowe really let this one ride off the rails. By the time the end came and things were beginning to be explained, I had already tuned out. Completely nonsensical.
9. Batman and Robin - "Batman Forever" was really bad. I thought "Well, it is hard to follow the first two, perhaps my expectations were too high." Maybe this could redeem the franchise. Whoa Nelly was that wrong. A mess from start to finish. Maybe the worst superhero film script of all time. All-you-can-eat cold puns from Mr. Freeze. "You're not sending me to the cooler!" "Know what killed the dinosaurs? The ICE AGE!" Oh boy. And why was it interesting to watch Robin do his laundry?
8. The Day After Tomorrow - I wasn't expecting "The Bridge on the River Kwai," but I thought it might be at least fun. Nope. It turned into a comedy ten minutes in when the poor Japanese guys were getting smacked in the head by chunks of ice. I was trying not to laugh, but no such luck. Granted, most movies require you to have some amount of suspended disbelief, but this set new records in absurdity. The ocean warmed up in 45 minutes? The people are frozen but the wolves are fine in Manhattan? You are forced to burn books (and give a condescending speech about it) when you are in a library filled with wooden tables, chairs and bookshelves? And the best; cold moves at approximately seven miles per hour, so you can run from it and then a wooden door will completely stop it?!? I have a headache just thinking about that.
7. Juno - "Honest to blog?" Honest to blog??? I nearly walked out there and then. Less than five years from now, there will be an article entitled "the Least Deserving Oscars Of All-Time." The Academy Award for Best Screenplay going to Juno will be numero uno. I hated it.
6. Lady in the Water - I actually enjoy M. Night's work. (His upcoming opus "The Penis" looks pretty good.) As a filmmaker, maybe he's not amazing, but at least he's interesting. I'm afraid the Lady was a self important dud. Think about it for a moment. What was the story? You saw it, what was the story? I bet many of you are thinking, "Uh, there's that guy from Sideways, he has a stutter I think. And a guy with one buff arm and one skinny arm. Don't know what he did. A slutty Korean chick was there. And, uh, a writer and a kid or some crap. Was somebody dead the whole time? And the girl who lives in the pool needs to go ... somewhere, uh, crap, the writer is important I think. Hell, I don't know." There were Narfs of Nerfs or something. I believe one of the creatures was called a Scrote. I really couldn't tell you.
5. Planet of the Apes; 2001 - Tim Burton is a genius in my eyes. I even like "Mars Attacks." It's hilarious. The visual flair and old school storytelling usually appeal to me. The Apes remake was the exception. Think of the talent involved here. Along with Burton was Tim Roth, Paul Giamatti, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Estella Warren ... oops, cancel that last one. Even Mark Wahlberg has grown on me since "The Departed." All that talent couldn't save this stinker. "How did these apes get this way?" "Never send a monkey to do a man's job." I couldn't get past those clunkers. I have read that Burton has basically disavowed the film saying there was too much studio interference. I'll go with that excuse. For me to not like a movie with talking monkeys is quite an accomplishment.
4. Spiderman 3 - The first two are good examples of summer films that work. They're enjoyable and entertaining. And Sam Raimi is a talented dude. So how did the wheels come off the wagon so quickly in the third installment? Okay, let me see if I got this straight; The evil black gunk gets on Peter Parker and he then joins Fall Out Boy, right? Got it. Makes sense. Did the scene with Kirsten Dunst and James Franco doing "The Twist" in the kitchen really happen? Or did I hit my head on the sink again? I called my brother Drew while he was in the theater and he sent me a text back saying, "In Spidey 3. Wish I wasn't." I soon knew what he meant. Is Mary Jane singing again? Again?!?
3. Rocky V - Most fans will be with me when I say that I choose to pretend it never happened. You hear me? It never happened. The Rocky films aren't exactly artistic, but the formula worked. Rocky struggles through the film, then gets a wakeup call, trains in a montage and beats the better boxer. Chapter five tried to use the equation but making Rocky poor didn't work. That's substituting X for Y. It's still hard to comprehend how they made Rocky dumber and more punchy. Didn't know that was possible.
2. American Beauty - Wouldn't have predicted this one, I bet. Critically adored, industry championed and I loathed it's breathing guts. It's awful. I felt like I was watching a bad daytime soap opera. Every dysfunctional family cliché in the book was thrown into the pot and stirred around to make a stinky, overrated stew. Depression, failure, homosexuality, sexual perversion, zzzzzzzzzzzz ... ... Sorry, fell asleep for a second there. It's the same reason "Monster's Ball" is unwatchable. After an hour and ten minutes of "Beauty," I had endured all I could take and headed for the exit. Enough was enough. A terrible film.
1. The Matrix Reloaded - The original is fantastic. Revolutionary. Freaking mind blowing. The second Matrix was like being given an extravagantly wrapped present with a big red bow on it and inside is a fresh, wet turd. The inexplicable rave sequence, the creepy albino Milli Vanilli twins, Neo fighting the 337,000 Agent Smith clones (please end the sequence, please end the sequence, please end the sequence ...) and especially, "The Architect" explaining the Matrix for six hours. I hated it so much that I refused to see the third one. Still haven't seen it. It wasn't a good sign when my favorite part was Rage Against the Machine's "Calm Like a Bomb" was used in the credits.
Hopefully this list doesn't jinx "The Dark Knight." Nah, that won't happen.
Have a worse theater experience? I want to hear 'em. I'm sure there's a "Phantom Menace" tale out there somewhere.
You'll notice many of these are sequels. I wish Hollywood would notice that many of these are sequels.
The Dishonorable Mentions:
Pearl Harbor - A great action sequence book-ended by an unbearable "love" story and horrendous acting. It was two hours too long. Nauseating. I still can't figure out why the attack sequence wasn't the finale. There was a great scene, then two more hours of nothing. "I love you, but you're gonna die, but I slept with him when I thought you were dead, but I'm pregnant and who is going to be the father and ..." Oh, kill me.
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace - A Superman film pieced together by idiot Warner Brothers executives. Painful.
Van Helsing - A great premise on paper. All the Universal monsters were there. Hugh Jackman is really good. Then the CGI effects started. And kept going. Then Kate Beckinsale's accent made Kevin Costner look like Peter Sellers. Was it Romanian? Russian? English? Filipino? Still don't know. The film was the definition of "it's okay we'll fix it in post."
The Good Shepard - Who would have thought that Robert De Niro, Matt Damon and the CIA could be so dull.
Clerks/All Kevin Smith - I finally gave up on Mr. Smith. I can't handle it. Rubbish.
The Losers:
10. Marie Antoinette - Nah, just kidding, like I'd go see that. To quote "Young Guns II," "I'd rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire." Hollywood nepotism at it's most extreme.
Okay, the real list.
10. Vanilla Sky - The normally enjoyable Cameron Crowe really let this one ride off the rails. By the time the end came and things were beginning to be explained, I had already tuned out. Completely nonsensical. 9. Batman and Robin - "Batman Forever" was really bad. I thought "Well, it is hard to follow the first two, perhaps my expectations were too high." Maybe this could redeem the franchise. Whoa Nelly was that wrong. A mess from start to finish. Maybe the worst superhero film script of all time. All-you-can-eat cold puns from Mr. Freeze. "You're not sending me to the cooler!" "Know what killed the dinosaurs? The ICE AGE!" Oh boy. And why was it interesting to watch Robin do his laundry?
8. The Day After Tomorrow - I wasn't expecting "The Bridge on the River Kwai," but I thought it might be at least fun. Nope. It turned into a comedy ten minutes in when the poor Japanese guys were getting smacked in the head by chunks of ice. I was trying not to laugh, but no such luck. Granted, most movies require you to have some amount of suspended disbelief, but this set new records in absurdity. The ocean warmed up in 45 minutes? The people are frozen but the wolves are fine in Manhattan? You are forced to burn books (and give a condescending speech about it) when you are in a library filled with wooden tables, chairs and bookshelves? And the best; cold moves at approximately seven miles per hour, so you can run from it and then a wooden door will completely stop it?!? I have a headache just thinking about that.
7. Juno - "Honest to blog?" Honest to blog??? I nearly walked out there and then. Less than five years from now, there will be an article entitled "the Least Deserving Oscars Of All-Time." The Academy Award for Best Screenplay going to Juno will be numero uno. I hated it.
6. Lady in the Water - I actually enjoy M. Night's work. (His upcoming opus "The Penis" looks pretty good.) As a filmmaker, maybe he's not amazing, but at least he's interesting. I'm afraid the Lady was a self important dud. Think about it for a moment. What was the story? You saw it, what was the story? I bet many of you are thinking, "Uh, there's that guy from Sideways, he has a stutter I think. And a guy with one buff arm and one skinny arm. Don't know what he did. A slutty Korean chick was there. And, uh, a writer and a kid or some crap. Was somebody dead the whole time? And the girl who lives in the pool needs to go ... somewhere, uh, crap, the writer is important I think. Hell, I don't know." There were Narfs of Nerfs or something. I believe one of the creatures was called a Scrote. I really couldn't tell you.
5. Planet of the Apes; 2001 - Tim Burton is a genius in my eyes. I even like "Mars Attacks." It's hilarious. The visual flair and old school storytelling usually appeal to me. The Apes remake was the exception. Think of the talent involved here. Along with Burton was Tim Roth, Paul Giamatti, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Estella Warren ... oops, cancel that last one. Even Mark Wahlberg has grown on me since "The Departed." All that talent couldn't save this stinker. "How did these apes get this way?" "Never send a monkey to do a man's job." I couldn't get past those clunkers. I have read that Burton has basically disavowed the film saying there was too much studio interference. I'll go with that excuse. For me to not like a movie with talking monkeys is quite an accomplishment. 4. Spiderman 3 - The first two are good examples of summer films that work. They're enjoyable and entertaining. And Sam Raimi is a talented dude. So how did the wheels come off the wagon so quickly in the third installment? Okay, let me see if I got this straight; The evil black gunk gets on Peter Parker and he then joins Fall Out Boy, right? Got it. Makes sense. Did the scene with Kirsten Dunst and James Franco doing "The Twist" in the kitchen really happen? Or did I hit my head on the sink again? I called my brother Drew while he was in the theater and he sent me a text back saying, "In Spidey 3. Wish I wasn't." I soon knew what he meant. Is Mary Jane singing again? Again?!?
3. Rocky V - Most fans will be with me when I say that I choose to pretend it never happened. You hear me? It never happened. The Rocky films aren't exactly artistic, but the formula worked. Rocky struggles through the film, then gets a wakeup call, trains in a montage and beats the better boxer. Chapter five tried to use the equation but making Rocky poor didn't work. That's substituting X for Y. It's still hard to comprehend how they made Rocky dumber and more punchy. Didn't know that was possible.
2. American Beauty - Wouldn't have predicted this one, I bet. Critically adored, industry championed and I loathed it's breathing guts. It's awful. I felt like I was watching a bad daytime soap opera. Every dysfunctional family cliché in the book was thrown into the pot and stirred around to make a stinky, overrated stew. Depression, failure, homosexuality, sexual perversion, zzzzzzzzzzzz ... ... Sorry, fell asleep for a second there. It's the same reason "Monster's Ball" is unwatchable. After an hour and ten minutes of "Beauty," I had endured all I could take and headed for the exit. Enough was enough. A terrible film.
1. The Matrix Reloaded - The original is fantastic. Revolutionary. Freaking mind blowing. The second Matrix was like being given an extravagantly wrapped present with a big red bow on it and inside is a fresh, wet turd. The inexplicable rave sequence, the creepy albino Milli Vanilli twins, Neo fighting the 337,000 Agent Smith clones (please end the sequence, please end the sequence, please end the sequence ...) and especially, "The Architect" explaining the Matrix for six hours. I hated it so much that I refused to see the third one. Still haven't seen it. It wasn't a good sign when my favorite part was Rage Against the Machine's "Calm Like a Bomb" was used in the credits. Hopefully this list doesn't jinx "The Dark Knight." Nah, that won't happen.
Have a worse theater experience? I want to hear 'em. I'm sure there's a "Phantom Menace" tale out there somewhere.
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Great list. I disagree about Juno but it's easy to see why people would hate it.
As for "The Dark Knight," I'm afraid you will be disappointed. Why? It's PG-13. To truly do this graphic tale about the Joker right, it has to be at least rated R.
Don't jinx it Baierman! Come on!
Cheers.
No jinx, lets just say I'm looking forward to the directors cut release.
In no particular order:
Be Cool
FearDotCom
Adam Sandler movies where he has some 'funny' accent for the whole thing. (Happy Gilmore was ok though.)
Patch Adams
The Postman (what the hell happened to the old, fun, wiseacre Costner?)
Scent of a Woman.
Be Cool was in my notes as a candidate. Really bad.
E, you really need to register, pal. Then you can post whatever you want. I can't edit you criticizing me.
Not that I've done that...
You're forgetting:
The Avengers
Lost in Space
Ugh.
i'm with you on most of them specially the last two matrix films. you should check Abre los ojos from where vanilla sky came from, MUCH better.
personally i'd put on the list Gangs Of New York, it had a great performance from Daniel Day Lewis and Brendan Gleeson but when they weren't on screen it was awful.
oh, and of course disagree on Juno and American Beauty.
Hope Floats
League of Extrordinary Gentlemen
I'll bet no one can beat Hope floats in the fricken kill yourself horrible category.
Sean Connery Sold his soul to Satan over LXG.
I have heard that many times about the spanish version of Vanilla Sky.
Gangs is an interesting choice. A very uneven film.
I didn't see Hope Floats, I heard it called Shit Floats, so I figgered that wasn't a good review.
Anyway, we can't have a list like this without bringing up Oliver Stone. I admit he can be good, but he's also frickin crazy. Natural Born Killers needs to be mentioned.
Atta kid, E. All growns up and registered.
Holy balls is Natural Born Killers bad. Both Tarantino and myself walked out on that one.
We'll add it as an Honorable Mention.
I made it through about 25 minutes of hope floats on a date until I started stabbing people. That was as far as I went with that show.
To this day I have never finished Tittanic.
What about Spanglish? That was a heart warming tale really showed the softer side of Adam Sandler.
Seven years in Tibet should have been re-named seven years in the movie theater.
I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry was the nail in the coffin for me and homophobes everywhere. After that The Waterboy had no more weight and I was no longer a fan.
What about that battle dancing movie. I cant remember what it was called, you know where those dudes would bring it and kick each others asses by dancing?
I know Johnny has it on DVD, what was that called??
Lets see:
Eyes wide Shut - Kubrick should of died before making this
Art School Confidential - It was like going through art school again!!!
Matrix Revolutions - wow, it's bad
Alexander - Some one must take away Oliver Stone's drugs when he directs, I have a bad feeling about "W".
Troy - I sat and watched Brad Pitt's Tan for 2 hours!!!!
You walked out no Natural Born Killers? Wow. Smart move. I actually thought I was gonna throw up during it (can't even remember the scene that induced it, there were so many).
Furthermore, if Tarantino finds your movie in bad taste, uhm, well you should cool it with the drugs Ollie.
Oh, yeah...League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was horrific...such amazing source material turned into such utter and total shinola...
I walked out alright. Just awful.
Dave,
I have all dance battle films on DVD. Every one.
You got served there, pal. Boom!
I haven't seen ANY of these movies. See, I read the reviews before going.
wow...u were dead on for most of these, but dead wrong on kevin smith. his movies are the best.
"Quackser Fortune Has A Cousin In The Bronx." An oldie and a baddie. Time raved and raved about it. Well, I've had tooth extractions more enjoyable. Gene Wilder less funny than "Sherlock Holmes Smarter Brother" if that's possible and it certainly is. Margot Kidder pre Lois Lane and fugue states.
Surprised no one mentioned this yet (and I know I'm being a geeky, whiny, nitpicky, little bitch here), but....
Linda Blair in "Exorcism"?
"Exorcism"?
Really?
C'mon, man...
And, one more thing....
You're spot-on about Juno.
Anytime anybody who'd seen Juno came at me with that regurgitated review-speak, wanting to know if I'd yet seen the "best written teen comedy in years", I'd say...
"Yeah. I thought Superbad was great, too!"
Steely Jack,
Good eye, brother. My fault. Damn auto-correct. I fixed it.
Cheers.
JW
Oh yeah, I'll take Superbad over Juno every day of the week and twice on Sunday...
Just to play devils advocate here...
I admit Vanilla Sky didn't make a whole lot of sense, but any movie with both Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz in it has a little something going on. Just turn the damn sound off and your good to go.
Juno, I admit you have to be able to get past the 'honest to blog stuff', in order to see a somewhat up to dated after school special. Still, I liked it. Also, maybe five years from now that's how kids'll talk, all bloggy and pre-snaked.
As far as Kevin Smith, I liked Clerks. Mallrats and Dogma not so much.
BTW, how was Indiana Jones?
'pre-snaked' -- Oops. Meant to say 'pre-snarked'. As in snarkiness, which was one of Juno's characteristics.
Indy was above average. I had to turn off my film snob switch and just try to be entertained for 2 hours. It has it's faults -- two things really bothered me but I don't want to say what they are in case there are some who are still going to see it -- but overall it's fun.
Not great by any means, but you get to see Indy's adventures, what more did I want? The expectations were so high, there was no way to meet them. If you like the original trilogy, I recommend you see it for yourself to make your own judgment.
I am being a bit of a homer with the film. Like I how I still pretend Steve Largent is the greatest NFL receiver of all time.
"Indiana Jones and the crystal close encounters of the third kind" was a good action movie I thought. But not a good Indiana Jones movie.
I'm not sure how you can mention Lady in the Water, and not Signs, which had the most trite, illogical fucked up ending possible. A movie should rate high on the list for promising to be great and ending up giving you nothing. Like several girls I have known.
Seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark was a highlight of my movie going experience. I was like 12 and I saw it at the CSU theatre and when the Nazi guy came in people hissed. It was a blast.
Saw the next one and it was ok but not as good. Caught some of the third on TV and my main though was 'Damn, that blonde chick is hot. With that accent though she can't be a good guy.' (Have no idea what the movie was about. Didn't watch the whole thing)
The latest one I just figure it's not for me. Spielberg and Lucas know what they are doing. And I bet they do it well.
Does anyone remember "The Insider"? Jesus H. Christ would have crucified HIMSELF if he had to watch that movie....I swear it shouldn't take over 2.5 hrs. to explain how someone exposed the tobacco industry. I think watching my dead Uncle Larry lay in his casket was more exciting than that movie.
The Ralph Bakshi 1978 animated/rotoscoped "Lord of the Rings".
To understand the depths of my disappointment, you really need to see Bakshi's previous movie - 1977's "Wizards". That movie was a lot of fun, and I saw it as a double feature with "Damnation Alley". But Bakshi's "LOTR" was the first time I ever fell asleep at a movie. 75% of it was rotoscopes of actors running across murky backgrounds. Ithink they had fun making "Wizards", but decided they had to take themselves seriously to do "LOTR".
Biggest disappointment of Peter Jackson's "LOTR" was that this movie got reissued to DVD.
I absolutely loathed Smokin' Aces...what a rip- off of Ocean's Eleven (which had two crappy sequels by the way) And as much as it pains me to say this, even though I sort of expected it, Sex & The City was god awful. I'm still mad at myself for not buying the bootleg.
The animated Lord of the Rings is a good choice.
Smokin Aces was on the short list of candidates. Horrendously bad. Not even Ari Gold could save that stinker. Ocean's 12 was also on the list of potential, uh "winners." A Faberge egg? Rubbish.
All good choices, kids. Keep them coming.
What about Paris Hilton's porno? I was excited to see am heiress get freaky, but most of the time it looked like a night-vision camera placed on the African Savanna near a wildebeest watering hole.
Then there was Hellboy...
The only movie I have ever walked out on was Cool Runnings.
It was just stupid.
I never saw Freddy Got Fingered but I heard it was astoundingly bad. Which makes sense cause Tom Green is, well, that way he is.
Show Girls wasn't dramatically very good. Or character or dialogue-wise. And it probably didn't well represent the people of Vegas. That said, it had a certain visual appeal.
Freddy Got Fingered has the distinction of the worst film I have ever seen. The worst. I saw it in college and I didn't drive, so I couldn't leave.
The theater went from laughing, to nervous giggling, to dead silence. I'll never forget that. I closed my eyes for the final half hour in protest of my friends not letting me leave.
Agree with pretty much every selection here (but I am decidedly pro-Jay and Silent Bob). But, if you want to talk about disappointment (in relation to expectations) I've got three words for you: The Phantom Menace.
Mee-sa gonna throw sometin' at da screen!!!
Hellboy?! One of the very best and most faithful to the source material comic-based action movies ever made, you mean? That Hellboy? I have to wonder what on Earth you expected going in, Trailwaze.
Top of my list: Braveheart. A series of loosely connected vignettes to set up some unnecessarily brutal violence and then a denouement of utter pointlessness. Shockingly awful in every aspect except maybe production design.
Other crap movies that seemed to go over well: The Big Blue (maybe not big in the US, but huge all over Europe - and a snoozefest with the worst soundtrack since Powell/Parsons for Ladyhawke), Nosferatu (the dreary Herzog remake, that is), Garden State (insane behavior accepted only because the neurotic happens to be cute - lovely).
I have to back Jay up, I really enjoyed Hellboy. It's underrated.
While I cannot disagree more with Braveheart, my Scottish blood runs thick, I respect the balls it took to put it on your list. Gutsy.
My dead Grandfather's ghost is making me say this. You are wrong, sir. Freedom!
I just didn't like it.(hellboy) Come to think of it, didn't like the comics much either.
Have to go with Johnny on Braveheart. So what if it didn’t follow Williams story to the letter. It was a brutal film and really good entertainment.
Yeah, they left out the part where William Wallace's head was chopped off and displayed at London Bridge for a spell.
I believe his arms and legs were sent to 4 different locations of England as well.
Maybe it will be in a future Director's Cut version.
The remake of Sabrina, with Harrison Ford, Julia Ormond and Greg Kinnear. Truly, truly, truly awful.
A good choice Jen.
Especially if you have seen the original which is very good. It has Bogie and Audrey Hepburn and is directed by Billy Wilder. A great film.
Any Uve Boll film. Remember House of the Dead? It was seriously the worst movie I have ever watched aside from Dark Water (I still remember the sighs of relief when that movie was over). Unfortunatly, he is still making movies.
Dark Water - good call. It had great actors, stylish photography, contemporary setting. And a dumb story. Was she crazy or not? Make up your mind. Rip. Off.
I just caught a little of Bubble Boy. I can't really say it sucked cause I couldn't bear to watch much of it. But from what I saw, it's Jake Gyllenhall, in a bubble, hamming it up like a starving mime, in a road movie about finding his true love or something. Whatever. They lost me in the first minutes I saw. I seriously hope this movie does not represent the bubble community.
The movie that represents the bubble community is a documentary called "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074236/
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. BFD! Better material in Drunken Master 2 or Chinese Ghost Story, both out like five to 10 years earlier.
Always. Great cast, Audrey Hepburn's last role, and Spielberg directed! So how come so bland?
The Three Stooges tv docu-drama. 40 percent accurate; an insult to the Stooge's mentor and boss, Ted Healy!
Pearl Harbor. See Tora Tora Tora instead.
Come on, people.
Highlander II.
The recent King Kong remake; all they added was depth of field while taking away cinematic awe.
The Fantastic Four. So forced FF could have stood for Fun Factory, as in play-doh.
The all time rotten film that was expected to be a trip and a half...
POPEYE.
Robin William's film debut; Jules Feiffer wrote it; everybody loves the character; Robert Altman directed; it even had Wimpy! And it sucked soooo bad you could hear people five rows down yawning! YAWNING!!! Watching Popeye The Sailorman, ferthelovagod.
Highlander 2, now that's a blast from the past, and decidedly NOT a fond memory. I love how they brought the whole immortals are from another planet thing into play, with Sean Connery saying, "remember your heritage Highlander, remember planet Zeist." Now I've see the first film fifteen times and definitely do NOT remember Connery uttering that final part of the line.... What a pile of steaming dribble that film was. As was the third installment with Mario van Peebles. A definite re-hash of the first flick. My stomach is churning at the memories!
"Highlander 2- The Quickening" the ONLY film I ever saw by myself, alone in a movie theatre. Worse, it was the second week of it's release. Stone the crows!
Shoot 'em up was the worst movie I have ever seen. Ever. I cannot believe they actually had a scene where there was a baby dragging on the ground during a car chase. Of course, it turned out not to be real, but still the worst movie ever, and misleading because it has Paul Giamatti, Monica Bellucci and Clive Owen in it. How does that happen?!!!
The worst non-sequel movie? 6 words: Brian DePalma's Mission To Mars. Ugh. Just ugh.
You don't like Clerks, therefore your opinion doesn't matter.