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Sex and Dating in The Star Wars Universe
At At love.jpgThere are many questions that crop up when thinking about the vast Star Wars universe. How does Jabba the Hutt go to the bathroom, for example. Does he have to give a half hours notice to the staff and slither slowly to the water closet? How do we overlook that Princess Leia gave her BROTHER Luke a full-on frenchified kiss in Empire Strikes Back? That was not right. Why did the Stormtroopers wear cumbersome suits of armor at all times? Didn't this limit their mobility in a fight? And the armor didn't seem to protect them at all from laser blasts. Wherever they were hit, they went down anyway. Seems a wee bit counter productive to me. Like the British soldiers in the Revolutionary War wearing bright red jackets so the rag-tag American militias could shoot them easier. "You believe this Willy? Them Brits are wearing red and marching in a straight line. Fish in a barrel! Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em!"

Those and many more questions have plagued curious minds over the years.

But this is what I really wonder;

What are the sexual practices among all the different species in the neighboring galaxies?

250px-Wookies.jpgWe'll start here; Is there interspecies dating and mating? Is it forbidden? Or just frowned upon? Maybe it's perfectly acceptable. For example; let's say a male Wookie with a sharp sense of humor who is good at sports meets a cute female Mon Calamari at the Mos Eisley Cantina. The Wookie - let's call him Henry, I've changed his name to protect the innocent - he's at the bar telling jokes and the Mon Calamari looker starts making the googly eyes at him. (I know, a Mon Calamari eyes already look googly, that's not the point, smarty pants.) What could happen? Would society shun them for hooking up? Would it shock the galaxy? Would their parents disown them for not being with their own kind?

In the animal kingdom, creatures don't cross-breed for the most part. Dogs and cats of different breeds will bone, but a dog won't hump a cat. I'm not a scientist, but I believe this is true. Monkeys don't mate with chickens. Frogs don't get it on with salamanders. But the aliens on Kamino or Coruscant are intelligent life forms. Higher intelligence. They can reason right or wrong. Maybe it's no big deal for a Bith (look it up) and a Dug to have a committed relationship.

Walrus Man.jpg What about aliens and humans? On earth, there is interracial dating all the time. It's accepted in educated societies. A Jew can marry a Kenyan. No big deal. Mazal tov, kids, good luck to ya. Only a bigot thinks that is odd. So, could Greedo have a human girlfriend? Maybe a blond bombshell from Tattoine has a thing for a Rodian. Would that technically be considered a fetish? I don't know what the official ruling would be there. Is it fetishy (that's a new word) for a human to be attracted to a bounty hunter with walrus tusks? Actually, that probably would be a fetish. Maybe a girl has a few Cosmos with her girlfriends and says, "I'm really into walrus men. I don't care of you all think it's gross. I like those ivory tusks, they're foxy."

Is there an underground band of mad scientists cross-breeding different alien species? Like the weirdoes that concocted a liger? (Was that really necessary?) Maybe there are eccentric genius's that talk like Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff who are breeding a half Wookie, half Rancor super warrior. Man, that thing would be unstoppable.

The sexual habits of Star Wars aliens. ... My mind sure wanders on the subway. I need to remember to not forget my book anymore.

I believe these questions and more justify three more rounds of Star Wars films. If George Lucas doesn't write them, that is.


It's just inappropriate...



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8 Comments

Don't know about Star Wars, but Kirk would do anything.

said E on June 30, 2008 2:32 AM.

Thanks guys! Now you got me pondering things that will waste my ENTIRE Monday. Mazal tov! (And I must agree with E on Kirk)

said Bigus Dickus on June 30, 2008 9:17 AM.

That should new subject for the day. W.W.K.N.D? Who would Kirk Not Do?

said Bigus Dickus on June 30, 2008 9:17 AM.

My pleasure B.D. We need to find the answers to the universe together. Ponder away.

I hope everyone will discuss this issue during lunch today.

said Johnny Wright on June 30, 2008 9:30 AM.

I've got a high dollar hunting Labrador Retriever, that while feeding him, I noticed that his food was being consumed at an un-reasonable rate. A couple of days later I caught him making magic with a large female Fox that had been sneaking in to his kennel for a little play time.
I didn't ever see any Black Lab-Fox Puppies running around the Ranch but needless to say, that I think that if a species is horny enough it will breed to anything.
I think there is proof of that in the outfit that Jabba the Hut had Leia in. If he wasn't interested in her physically he wouldn't have dressed her the way he did. I think it would be safe to assume that Jabba nailed Leia.

said Dave on June 30, 2008 9:35 AM.

Hmm. I think Dave's thinking may be sound.

Talk amongst yourselves.

said Johnny Wright on June 30, 2008 9:49 AM.

Well, just before Leia shows up in Jabba's castle, Jabba's previous dancer resists his unspecified advances and thus becomes Rancor food.

So that suggests either expanding bulk or advancing age have left Jabba unable to fulfill his own needs, and he needs a willing participant in order to satisfy himself.

This might explain why Carrie Fisher turned to cocaine.

said Nerd on June 30, 2008 7:25 PM.

Yeah, Leah was some kind of love slave though I don't know how Jabba gets it on. Then again I don't want to know. That's Lucas' job.

I'm blaming the 70's and Paul Simon and, what the hey, Eddie Fisher for Carries partying ways in that era. Also, what the hell happened to Mark Hamill is the real question if I may say so.

said E on June 30, 2008 11:25 PM.
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