This is the third of a series (click here and here) in which we ask loyal YesButNoButYes reader and commenter "Dave" to discuss how he'd handle himself in an awkward situation. Last time, he tackled smoking zones outside office buildings. This time, we ask him to weigh in on ATM kiosks.
It's your lunch hour, and halfway through your Animal Style In-N-Out Burger, you realize you've got a check from the sperm bank League of Awesomeness sitting in your pocket, begging to be deposited into your Uncle Scrooge-like money bin. Scarfing down the rest of your lunch, you head to your neighborhood ATM kiosk to increase that checking account balance of yours.
A quick swipe of your card and you're in the kiosk. There's someone using one ATM, but there's another machine unused next to it. You don't head there yet. Like that time you poured your mother's jewelry into the VCR, the bank gets a bit pissed if you don't use their deposit envelopes. Filling out the necessary information (and endorsing the check... always endorse, I can't stress this enough), you're ready to make your move to the ATM. Suddenly, that familiar buzz comes from the door. In walks someone else, who proceeds directly to the ATM without care or consideration as to your position in the unofficial bank queue.
Now, I don't need help with what I should say. I just wonder who has the right of way in that situation. I was obviously in the kiosk earlier, but the line-cutter had a better angle toward the ATM. Were THEY wrong for not acknowledging that, perhaps, I was there first? Or was I wrong for over-reacting again?
Quick sidenote: The person who cut me in line was supremely hot. Sort of nasty hot. Like she might have ass crickets. But the kind of girl that your buddies would give you high fives for dating, and your mom spends three hours bleaching the toilet seats in the house after you take her home.
A quick swipe of your card and you're in the kiosk. There's someone using one ATM, but there's another machine unused next to it. You don't head there yet. Like that time you poured your mother's jewelry into the VCR, the bank gets a bit pissed if you don't use their deposit envelopes. Filling out the necessary information (and endorsing the check... always endorse, I can't stress this enough), you're ready to make your move to the ATM. Suddenly, that familiar buzz comes from the door. In walks someone else, who proceeds directly to the ATM without care or consideration as to your position in the unofficial bank queue.
Now, I don't need help with what I should say. I just wonder who has the right of way in that situation. I was obviously in the kiosk earlier, but the line-cutter had a better angle toward the ATM. Were THEY wrong for not acknowledging that, perhaps, I was there first? Or was I wrong for over-reacting again?
Quick sidenote: The person who cut me in line was supremely hot. Sort of nasty hot. Like she might have ass crickets. But the kind of girl that your buddies would give you high fives for dating, and your mom spends three hours bleaching the toilet seats in the house after you take her home.
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I'm siding with Ass Cricket on this one. How is she supposed to know that you aren't ready? What's next, you're gonna want folks to wait for you to carry the 1 and carefully write your information into the little boxes? AC may have needed to get her hands on some cash quickly. Ever consider the fact that she could be itching or burning very badly, and the clinic only accepts cash? Besides, she may have been on her lunch break, and only may have had an hour to pick the cream, apply, and start antibiotics - before it's time to throw that blue smock, and giagantic Wal-Mart name tag back on.
And yeah, from your point of view it's a common courtesy. The world would be a better place if more people would show it (hey! that sounded really nice!). From Ass Cricket's point of view, you need to have your shit together or get the hell out of the way.
Love,
The Devil's Advocate
How come the League of Awesomeness hasn't sent me my check?
Are they waiting to pay me in cash? They're probably waiting to pay me in cash.
If you think you can pull it off, try something like 'I'm Rick James bitch!'. You might be able to kill 2 birds with one stone.
The hot chic always has the right of way. Though, on the merits of the issue, even warthog wanda would have the right of way in this case, you weren't in line bro. You snooze you loose.
You snooze you lose. (Not loose). D'oh!
"Ass Crickets"? Dear God, is this what we've become?
Yes, you were definitely wrong. Going to the counter to fill out forms ... at the atm, in the post office, at the dmv, everywhere... does not mean you are still in line. Everyone in the free world seems to know this but you. Sorry.
If you want to keep your spot, do the quick fill-out at the ATM. It may be slightly less than perfect protocol, but it's not the end of the world for others. If you're not at the machine, though, you're not at the machine. There are no "dibs" when it comes to ATMs. You're either using it or you're not.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
The line starts at the machine... not filling out counter documents. That only works for the drive thru... where I inevitably get caught behind someone filling out their deposit slip. Or even worse, asking for a deposit slip from the teller.
If you Mom uses bleach to clean aftermath from her vagina, then the penis should not go there either.
Listen to your Mom.
And brief the dirty/hot ass/rude chick to get in line.
Uh, what?
First off, I think we need to put things in perspective on this right or wrong cutting in line. Who Cares!
You have just stumbled into a situation that you need to take advantage of.
Let remember there is a "Hot Nasty Chick" that cut in front of you. You have made the evaluation and are willing to pay the small price of "Ass Crickets" (Where the hell you got that one, I don't know, but I am impressed.) to get to know this girl. So use everything to your advantage.
A couple of things to remember about extremely hot women.
First, If they are extremely hot, they usually know it. They are used to guys competing and sending flowers and sucking up to the point of annoyance. Even through long relationships they are continually bombarded with prince charming like antics of sucking up. Your key is to treat them as if you were a little better than them, not just at the begginning of the relationship but through out it. They don't know how to handle that and they like it. For example the Farting Treadmill Girl from challenge 1.
Extremely hot nasty girls are a little different, they have had the sucking up but only to a point, but for the most part have been treated badly and dis-respected after they were landed. Hence, making them the hot nasty chick that they are today.
Your goal with this hot nasty chick is to put off a "I'm just as good as you, if not better" Vibe, while maitaining a "However, If you give me a chance, I'll treat you like a million bucks" Vibe.
Got it?
Also, bank ATM's make a tough situation because of their impersonal nature. So it's going to take a little improvisational B.S. on your part. Forgiveable B.S.
This is what you do:
As she proceeds to take the next open ATM you need to (smiling) say: Hey cut in line girl. She will stop and look back at you and point to her self and say "Me?"
Smile and look down like you were a little embarassed and say, "yeah you, but I want to change it to Hey, really pretty cut in line girl." She'll say: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you were in line. You say: "That's allright. I'll let you cut in line If you will help me with a problem I have. I need some good female advise." She'll be intrigued and hesitantly say "Ok...." This is where the BS comes in. You say: This is my situation." Stop for a second look up and say, "I'm Dave by the way". Hold your hand out and let her shake it and she will automatically give you her name. Continue "So back to you helping me, I got a call this morning from my little sister. She has just moved away to a new city to go to college. She tells me that she is having a hard time because she doesn't know anyone, and some random guy comes up to her at the book store. She said he seems nice and is really good looking, and he asks her for her phone number. She gets scared because she doesn't know this guy, so she gives him a fake number and leaves. Well, She called me and told me she wants to meet guys but she doesn't know how to make sure that they are nice guys so that she can let them take her out. I didn't know what to tell her, What should I tell her?".
This story did a couple of things for you, first you have shown this girl that you would respect her advise second, it showed her that you were close enough with a little sister that she is calling you for advise and that you are probably a pretty nice guy. She will assume that. Now she will give you her advise. Pay close attention because she is going to tell you in detail how she would feel safe about letting a complete stranger get to know her. Listen and smile make eye contact. Not creepy eye contact but nice eye contact.
After she is finished, smile and say thank you. Act a little embarassed and say. "I have to admit after hearing your advise, you have impressed me with the type of person you are and it made me want to get to know you better...This is where you smile and ask her out exactly how she told you that she would feel comfortable letting a complete stranger get to know her
She will laugh and give you her number 95% of the time.
If she is one of the 5% that shoots you down and heads for the ATM, say out loud to yourself: "man not only does she cut in front of people at the ATM but she shoots them down and makes them feel bad." That may buy you a second pity chance but probably not. If not the "ass crickets" probably were'nt worth it any how.
And hey, don't feel bad, because you just got some advise from some hot nasty chick that you can later use when asking a complete stranger out.
Good luck my friend.
I'm printing out Jedi Bendu's comment to stick over my desk. I think we need to start a Jedi Bendu challenge series.
And Dave, my friend, you ARE the Love Guru. We need to collaborate on a YBNBY advice column.
Dave- irreproachable as always. Thanks for the tips.
Bravo Dave, bravo.
Sorry for kicking it off so late. I sent this off last night before I left the office and didn't check to see if it went through. I Checked it this morning and it hadn't, so you got the effective, but rushed version.
Scar-Email me and we can collaborate.
Echo-Great Challenge.
TW-Thanks buddy, that means a lot coming from you.
I'm voting for Dave in November! - You rock man!!
CLC08- Thanks, every vote counts.
NP Dave. While you and I get into it on occasion, it is more for the love of the game than out of spite. Brilliant commentary pardner.
Dave bringing that A game there.
Jedi Bendu - best zen koan I've read all week. Also another good reason to eschew bleach.
I like how Dave always busts out the numbers - 95% of girls will do this, 5% will do that. Something tells me that Dave didn't just pull those numbers out of the air - he's field tested these scenarios.
My numbers are proven.
In fact I usually include a slight safety factor when quoting a number to ensure my percentages are covered.
Dave, I would probably ask the guy if he wanted to go out for a drink right then and there, 'cause I could smell the bullshit from a mile away and if it wasn't a bar I frequented, I would get creepy just for the fun of it.
Jeni, you may see past the BS, but the good looks would be impossible to ignore. Mix a little creative BS and a smile and I guarantee 98.4% you would have taken the bait just because it would have been worth the risk.