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Cast Into the Pit of Hades
Hades.jpgHere's the game;

All of us have pet peeves. Everyday occurrences that really stick in our craw. They just make you nuts. If you found a old, beat-up lamp, gave her a rub, a genie that sounds like that guy from "Good Morning Vietnam" popped out, granted you three wishes, one may be used to eliminate some of these bugaboos.

In my fantasy world - a magical land where the Mountain Dew flows like wine, there are beef jerky trees, Bob Dylan is on the jukebox and monkeys wear tuxedos - I am allowing you to nominate whatever makes you feel like jamming a screwdriver into your medulla oblongata and cast them into The Pit of Hades.

Never to return.

Tossed into the fiery abyss and destroyed. Similar to when Frodo finally tossed the Ring of Power into Mount Doom.

Think long and hard, be as mean and cynical as you want, and consider what should be set ablaze in Beelzebub's Pit.

While you think, here are mine:

Cheerleading after high school - This includes dance teams and mascots. Under the age of eighteen it's fine, but as adults, what are you doing? It's so embarrassing. Do you know who the cheerleaders excite? Themselves. No crowd in the history of crowds has said, "Man, we're down three touchdowns, what are we gonna ... wait a minute ... wait a minute ... look at that! It's a pyramid! Come on gang, let's get fired up!" I repeat, this has never happened. The game itself excited the crowd, not the Mensa candidates waving pom-poms, kicking the sky for no apparent reason and giving "Spirit Fingers." And what is that move when they clap and nod their head up and down really quick? What is that? It looks like a mini seizure.

Starbucks - I will concede that part of this choice is because I hate Howard Schultz, founder and CEO, for selling out my Sonics and the city that made him a billionaire. However, I do have another reason. I like dives, diners and coffee shops. They make me feel more at home. The homogenization of caffeinated beverages and the yuppie vibe gives me the creeps. That and Schultz screwed the city of Seattle. I also don't understand the folks that think Starbucks is their office. Why are you on a laptop? That email forward is that urgent is it?

Hockey - When the highlights come up on Sportscenter, I flip to Discovery or National Geographic to see if there's anything about monkeys on. The same thing happens when the WNBA lay-up-laden highlights come on. You're just wasting my time. Moving franchises from cold weather cities to Arizona and Florida is what started the downfall. Nice play, Shakespeare. It's a dead sport that I wish would go away.

Talking in the movie theater - Seriously, shut the hell up. How hard is it to be quiet for two hours? I shush people all the time. In college I took a date to see "Armageddon." Not a tough film to follow. Asteroid coming. Oil rig workers blow it up. Or we die. It isn't "Momento," try and keep up. Behind us was a couple that would not be quiet. The whole time, the chap was explaining the film to his the girl. I had already "shh'd" them twice. He went right on explaining. "See, he's taking out a loan because he doesn't think they're coming back from the asteroid." That was it, I turned and sneered, "If she's too stupid to follow the simplistic plot, why don't you wait till after the credits and explain it to her from start to finish. Shut up." That worked. He was quiet after that. Keep your trap shut until the film is over.

Man, this is feeling good. Nothing like a good rant to expel some frustration.

My last, and perhaps most important item to cast into the Pit of Hades is;

"Creative" spellings of first names - What is the matter with people? How have the rules of spelling and grammar been so brazenly flouted over the years? I believe this started with girls named Lisa being spelled Lyssa and Amy spelled Aimee. Then came Gennifer. And Jawhn. (I saw that once. Nearly vomited.) And Ashlleigh. Spell check says those are all incorrect, by the way. It has to be the stupidest thing you can do to your child. It isn't cute. It's isn't creative. Just plain idiotic. All you are doing is making sure that people "misspell" your child's name the rest of their life. "My name is Johnny." "Okay, J-O-H-N-N-Y?" "Uh, no, it's G-O-H-N-N-I-E, my parents are idiots." The girl that rang me up in Borders the other day had a name tag that read "Leoenely." Uh, what? Don't do it. The English language takes enough of a beating every day, don't become a part of the problem.

Man, I feel great.

Cast the demons into the pit of fire and brimstone! Burn! Burn! BURN!

Please share with us what you would nominate to be cast into the Pit of Hades.



10 points to the first person to says Johnny Wright. You know that will make me laugh.

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67 Comments

Johnny Wright. 10 points!

Speaking of points, Airline miles. I use them but it takes a rocket scientist or the patience of a saint to figure out how...

said Trailwaze on June 19, 2008 9:31 PM.

Ok Johnnie, I think this is a timely point you make.

People who stand in the aisles and rap with their buds after watching a movie. People at the ticket counter who haven't decided what movie they want to see. People in the cafeteria at work who yak on their cell phones at lunch (I don't want to know bitches!) People who yak on cell phones on public transport when its after work and I need my quiet time. Boss's who tell the same jokes over and over and over and still laugh at them every time and think you're not a team player if you don't. People who fly on private jets to environmental awareness concerts.

Whew! That's enough for now I guess. See you in hell mofos.

said E on June 19, 2008 11:03 PM.

BTW,
'If she's too stupid to follow the simplistic plot, why don't you wait till after the credits and explain it to her from start to finish. Shut up." That worked'

Nicely done. You're helping society as a whole there and I want you to know it's appreciated. Some people just weren't taught manners I guess.

A guy I knew from work was on the bus ride home and there was a woman on a cell phone for like 20 minutes straight. YAK YAK YAK. The whole bus couldn't help but hear her. He said a guy got off and as that dude walked by he said to her 'Lady, you sure talk alot', and the rest of the bus was saying to themselves 'hell yes, thank you.'

said E on June 19, 2008 11:09 PM.

golf on tv...pitch it to the flames. may tiger woods and all his friends burn in hell for boring the shit out of me every sunday when i could be watching MMA fights or something.

said Sheriff Pablo on June 20, 2008 12:28 AM.

gas prices, court tv...ie judge judy, fuck her, chick flicks, the first half of the baseball season, fat bitches with attitude, racisit minorities, anything with michael moore, flag burners, soft rock, pickles, the taliban, people who have no control of their kids, seriously...spank the little bastards and theyll do what u say, taxes, illegal immigrants recieving government benefits, private profiles on myspace, and popups...i hate popups. more to come

said dawgsman81 on June 20, 2008 1:10 AM.

Women that wait in line at the cash register for ten minutes, yet only at the end when they're given the total does it occur to them they have to get out money to pay, and only THEN look for their purse. And THEN insist that they have exactly the right change if they REALLY search through those pennies, nickels and dimes.

Every woman, every time.

said Scaramouch on June 20, 2008 1:16 AM.

Scaramouch, Know what you are saying. I was in line once and some lady went back to the produce section to verify the cost of watermelon. It was nuts. We just waited ('excuse me, what is going on?'. This may be why people like the self checkout thing.

said E on June 20, 2008 1:25 AM.

"People who fly on private jets to environmental awareness concerts." Wow. Brilliant.

Keep 'em coming, baby.

Ring of fire...

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 4:48 AM.

And I'm gonna toss E into there if he keeps spelling my name "Johnnie." Come on brother.

Dawgsman put pickles in the pit, that killed me.

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 4:54 AM.

People who drive like they are playing Grand frakkin' Theft Auto; there is no place you have to go that is so Gods damned important that you have to risk my life and the lives of others to there.*


*yes, I'm a BG geek. = ) (okay, now who hates BG geeks?)

said Keeter on June 20, 2008 9:13 AM.

People who drive EXACTLY the speed limit. No faster. No slower. They've got their cruise controls set at 35 on a back road.

I'm not sure if I hate them more or less than people who don't even reach the speed limit. Me mum lives twenty miles from me on back country roads and I ALWAYS get stuck behind some out of state 'leaf peeper' who goes five miles an hour BELOW the speed limit. There is ONE passing zone and there is ALWAYS another car coming from the opposite direction.

There is a special place in hell for all of you who piss me off while I'm driving.

said Keeter on June 20, 2008 9:17 AM.

Bad drivers; cast into the Pit!

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 9:34 AM.

Airline security and random searches. I get "randomly" searched every time I fly out of this city. I wait for an hour for the privilege to. Fortunately, the Homeland Security people seem to have had an attitude check and have been much more friendly. (I still hate the process). BURN AIRLINE SECURITY BURN! You waste my time and erode my patience, you make me wake up even earlier than I would have to get on a fuckin plane and go back to sleep. And what is so suspicious about my checked luggage that you have to check it EVERY time??? Clothing is not a dangerous weapon unless you are Jackie Chan! And why in Gods name must I pay an additional $15 just to check another bag? The stupid ticket already cost over $300. Hey, fuel prices are hurting us too, but nickel and dimeing us to death is not the way to be. Greyhound is looking better and better.

said Trailwaze on June 20, 2008 9:57 AM.

Yeah, the security of the country is handled by minimum wage workers. Good thing you took away my toothpaste, now I feel safer.

Into the Pit!

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 10:10 AM.

This one's rather specific to the fact that I work at a coffee shop (thankfully not a Starbucks) but I can't fucking STAND IT when I hand a pastry off to a customer and, either before paying or leaving the counter decide to stuff their gourd right in front of me and thank me with chunks of crumbcake flying out of their fatass gobs. ESPECIALLY if its before they pay me, what, do I want your cheese danish encrusted twenty now douchelaser!? The answer is no.

said Rose on June 20, 2008 10:19 AM.

People who don't use their fucking turn signals! That pisses me off when they just randomly merge into my lane for no apparent reason and look at me like I should be psychic and could read their mind that they would swap lanes like they do clothes. Fucking A people! Turn signals ARE NOT fashion accessories for your car (although your sticker on the back window honoring your dead uncle apparently is). And that brings me to another thing, has anyone else seen stickers on back of people's cars that are like: Johnny Wright R.I.P. Gone but not forgotten? Why the fuck do you want to advertise someone's death like that? I'm sure their deceased one is looking from heaven or hell or purgatory thinking: "Gosh...that $5000 marble slab with my picture and birth/death date isn't grand enough to let people know I'm dead. I think the world should know it and all drivers remember my name!" Fucking retarded.....Ok, I'm off my soapbox now. Next!

said Bigus Dickus on June 20, 2008 10:23 AM.

Douchelaser (That's amazing Rose) pastry nibblers before paying, lack of turn signal idiots and Johnny Wright R.I.P. stickers:

INTO THE PIT!

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 10:27 AM.

I would cast out all those asshats who don't say thank you when you hold a door open for them. C'MON PEOPLE! It takes two damn seconds to be polite. Asshats. *harumph*

said amdela80 on June 20, 2008 10:39 AM.

Tila Tequila.
Any celeb who is rich enough to afford a driver 24/7 yet still insists on driving drunk.
Anyone who carries their dog with them in a purse. (it's bad enough our youth are fat, should we make our dogs that way too?)
People who get to the cash register then proceed to fish money out of secret hiding spots--bra, shoes, you name it, I've seen it (reason #1 I use my debit card CONSTANTLY unlike the above named females...makes a little danish seem like nothing, huh?). Keep it a secret spot and transfer it before you get to the counter!
BD--THANK YOU for mentioning the RIP custom jobs...hate the tattoos that do the same thing...
and neck tattoos with your child's name on them...
The people who never turn their turn signal OFF balance out those who never turn them on...

Retrieve the pickles!!!!! There is nothing as good to go with a real burger than a juicy deli pickle (well, nothing I can eat in public anyway...)

said sarcastic one on June 20, 2008 10:53 AM.

Burn, Tila, burn. Let the flames of the Dark One's Pit engulf you.

Pickles are out of the Pit. We need them.

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 11:00 AM.

Nanny cars. There are many reasons I drive a clunker, but most important is only yells at me if I leave the key in the ignition. I am OK with that.

Newer vehicles, on the other hand, have a bell, whistle, chirp and chime for every potential misdeed a driver may commit. I do not need a car that parks itself. I do not need a car that has a blaring alarm when you leave the left turn signal on for more that three miles (the Dodge Caravan does this, it probably gives soccer moms a heart attack). I do not need a car to tell me I am running out of gas. I do not need a car to tell me when I should shift gears. I do not need a car to tell me when to change the oil. I can do the math myself, thankx. I had a rental that proudly lit up the dashboard telling me it was time for routine service. Isn't that what the owner's manual is for? I do not need a vehicle so big I have to have a camera just to back up. Detroit should concentrate on making a better product, not being my nanny. (You Japanese and Germans are as much to blame) You all could save me a lot of money if you dropped all these unwanted features. I test drove a Scion recently and it beep and chirpped for a good while after I started it up. And that is a pretty basic car these days.

said Trailwaze on June 20, 2008 11:19 AM.

Cigarette tossers. Come people! I have to pay extra for my car for all the research and developement of the ideal place for the ASHTRAY that I don't even use, just so you can roll your window down in sub-zero temperatures and driving rain to trhow that butt out.

And in summer I am in my convertible, so if one of those lit butts end up damaging the car, I will fly into a rage.

Not to mention that everyone has to look at that crap on the side of the street day in and day out.

said Excelsior on June 20, 2008 11:42 AM.

Athletes who refer to themselves in the third person. TV newscasters (the local guys are especially bad). Barry Bonds. Hank Steinbrenner.

When I go to Barnes and Noble there is this one dude who works there, and when I tell him I don't need a bag he ALWAYS says, 'Great. Save a plastic tree', and softly chuckles at his laser like wit. (BTW, the joke is that plastic isn't made out of trees. Get it?) Bro has got to go.

said E on June 20, 2008 11:48 AM.

okay...as the official caster of the pickles into the pit, i accept their return. i was emotional and on a roll, ya'll are lucky i left lettuce, tomatos and onions out. but seeing as how something has returned from hades, it must be replaced with a fresh soul, and i have just the candidate. i hereby cast all the little burger flipping bastards who place pickles and especially onions on my burgers after i specifically order the burger without them. u gentlemen, are the scum of the earth and must pay for your transgressions. burn bitches, burn.... " I dont want a large Farva, I want a litre cola"

said dawgsman81 on June 20, 2008 11:58 AM.

Tourists who STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKEN STREET in NYC to stare at the tall buildings/take pictures for no apparently reason.

Walking around in big cities is just like driving. If you want to go fast, you stay on the left. If you want to go slowly, move out of the way. Would you stop in the middle of the highway??? No, right??

People, keep it movin'!!!!!!!

said Moose on June 20, 2008 12:20 PM.

I would like to add to dawgsman's comment that the people at such establishments who, after taking your money without saying hello or even looking at you, just stick thier arm out the window with food hanging precariously in a sack. They don't acknowledge you exist. Like you are beneath them on their throne of fast food glory. Say hi! Try to be nice. I worked retail and fast food for years and managed to at least give the appearance of being friendly. I don't go back to places where I just get an arm out the window. You want to keep making 6 buck an hour? Be a little more conscious of the people you are serving.

said Trailwaze on June 20, 2008 12:24 PM.

Alright, cigarette tossers (the only "acceptable" form of littering, makes me crazy too), Athletes who refer to themselves in the third person -- that means the two biggest offenders, Karl Malone and Ricky Henderson are going to burn, the jerk off in E's Barnes and Noble: all into the Pit.

Dawg, you have been more than fair. If we pull pickles out, something else must go in. Like a sacrifice to the mighty Sarlacc. So, the idiots that screw up you food orders; in you go.

So let it be written, so let it be done...

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 12:34 PM.

I'd like to pitch anti-matter into the pit of hell and see if it converts into an infinite source of energy.

If not, oh well. Anti-matter was the one who let us throw it there in the first place. Stupid anti-matter.

Also, I'd toss fortune cookies that don't really tell your fortune (i.e. "platitude cookies") and an old IBM Mainframe filled with explosive gas. You know that sucker would blow sky high.

I'm sort of missing the point of this exercise, yes?

Well, then, I'd toss our nation's collective memory of Michael Jackson in, except for the nice dancey parts.

said Don't Swayze Bro on June 20, 2008 12:35 PM.

Fortune cookies are in the Pit for sure. I once got one that said, "You are happiness."

That's not a fortune. Burn...

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 12:44 PM.

Male cheerleaders. There are 10 things I believe in. Male cheerleaders violate about 6 of them.

said E on June 20, 2008 12:45 PM.

Billy Mays' voice, and any advertisement which includes the phrase "...but wait..."
Mullets
Supermarket check-out magazines
The words ‘like’, ‘so’ and ‘awsome’

said Nigel on June 20, 2008 12:50 PM.

Fortune Cookies have some redeeming qualities. My dad got one years ago that said "Help! I am a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory." He carried it in his wallet for a long time. It eventually disintegrated. But I do agree that most without the fortune are worthless and deserve to be fuel for our angst.

said Trailwaze on June 20, 2008 12:54 PM.

I would be so awesomely hard to keep the English language going with out the words so and awesome.

said Trailwaze on June 20, 2008 12:55 PM.

Like has its uses also. Over use and poor syntax needs to go into the pit. Along with bad grammar (Domino's, You've GOT 30 minutes good example. You Have is proper).

said Trailwaze on June 20, 2008 12:58 PM.

Venting is good.

Traffic policing focused on municipal fund-raising not road safety

'Stage Mom' parenting intent on creating wealthy kids but which in reality often just squeezes the joy out of school-age sports, performing arts etc.

Dog bakeries. No really, there are shops selling baked goods for spoiled brainless fashion accessories (and their dogs)

Award acceptance speeches "I'd just like to recite the names of dozens of people you've never heard of because if I don't they'll never work with me again"

said Nigel on June 20, 2008 1:17 PM.

...speaking of the English language, people who pronounce the letter R "ara".

People who speed up to get in front of you - then drive slow.

Those dramatic 're-creations' on shows like America's Most Wanted.

"Flavor of Love", and the brain-dead skanks that go with (ewwww!!).

People who tailgate in rush hour traffic...purpose?

Burn dammit. Burn.


said ConservaLiberCrat on June 20, 2008 1:22 PM.

All good, into the Pit they go.

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 1:25 PM.

I also bad grammar/syntax... (sorry for my mistakes, but english isn't my native language)
But people who writes wrong by purpose, trying to make it look cool, cute, or whatever...

Also sending to the pit:

People who can't walk in a straight line, going zig and zag in my front on gigimalls, paveways, train stations... what's the matter? No sense of direction?

Bar attenders or restaurant waiters, who make you wait for hours in the counter/table because you're not dressing expensively and they measure your wallet by your appearance...

As Trailwaze said, cashiers and balconists who don't even realize you are a human being, only $$$... What happened with the good old "hi" with a little smile if possible.

Lots of things to send to the pit, maybe I'll be back later.

said Leonardo Carvalho on June 20, 2008 1:40 PM.

Douchelaser - love it.
Thanks Rose.

said Nigel on June 20, 2008 1:46 PM.

Leo,

Your English is fine, pal. I think what you are saying is when "players" is written "playazz." One of my huge pet peeves. Misspelling words on purpose and thinking it is hip. Putting a "Z" on the end does not make you cool.

I'm going to have a whole column on this kind of thing soon. I have the notes, just need to write it.

Until then, burn in hell purposely misspelling words...

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 1:52 PM.

i'd like to burn popped collars, kanye west, cell phone signals that suck, hidden fees, spam...not the sandwich meat, like emails about free porn, an ethopian prince who needs money, and penis enlargement pills, fake friend requests on myspace, shift work, which im currently partaking in, people who give colors funky names...listen, its red, blue, yellow, green, purple, white black, orange, and for now, ill except pink, no more aqua or fushia, whatever the hell that is, michael jackson post 1996, cockroaches, wheat bread, asparagus, mtv...i used to love ya, but now u hath betrayed me, which leads to my next and most controversial damnation.... fuck you reality tv, burn bitch, burn!! i have enough bullshit in my own life, i dont need other peoples, supposedly real drama, that shit is scripted anyways. i watch tv to relax, not get stressed over whos sleepin with who and whos going to get voted out of the house. get a fuckin life people.

said dawgsman81 on June 20, 2008 2:30 PM.

also, this goes with ConservaLiberCrats comment on people who say ara, i hate that too, people who idear for idea and warsh for wash. where in the bejesus did u get that ara from??? its wash and idea, get it right, but for now burn in hell!!!!!

said dawgsman81 on June 20, 2008 2:48 PM.

I'm gonna have to part company which y'all on the purposeful misspelling thang. It's hawt like Britney back in her barely legal dayze.

However, in compensation I condemn to hell: American Idol, tv home shopping channels, hold music and leaf blowers (seriously there was no major leaf problem before those things existed was there? I thought everything was cool. Now I can't sleep in on the weekend cause some dipstick is out cleaning up his driveway. Bitches!)

said E on June 20, 2008 2:51 PM.

I'll also throw in athletes who 'just like to thank God' every time they make some points.

said E on June 20, 2008 2:54 PM.

Keep 'em coming, kids. Stoke the flames.

Doesn't this have a therapeutic quality to it?

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 3:06 PM.

Gary Trudeau doesn't even try to make jokes anymore in his comics. He just applies a smirking tone to everything and pats himself on the back. For this he deserves eternal damnation.

Last time I watched (which has been a while), half the cast of SNL had one schtick - laugh at their own skits. Not cool. Burn in hell.

said E on June 20, 2008 3:23 PM.

fans of the florida gaytors and ohio state football, also the pollsters that think ohio state belongs in the bcs national championship every year just because they beat michigan...thats their one tuff game a year, i swear if ohio state makes it to the national championship again this year only to get whipped by an SEC team, im going to assasinate everyone associated with the BCS. okay, moving on, rosie o'donnell, dr. phil, the entire cast of the view, guys who have small mans disease... its not my fault youre insecure about your stature, so calm down tiny, people who wont listen to common sense, people who take WOW wayyyyy to seriously, fun game, but dont allow it consume your life...step outside and enjoy nature, i dont care what level mage you are, if u smart off again, ill whip the dog shit out of you!

said dawgsman81 on June 20, 2008 4:37 PM.

Fuckin' alcoholics who have ruined the music and any other fun in my city, encourage youth drinking by giving kids nothing better to do, and than blame the kids when they get caught or killed. D.A.R.E. program? what? Hypocrites... need i say more? can't alcoholism and the youth music scene get along?
also the douchey mayor of this town who closed the only good venue/hang out place here... fuck that guy

also the stupid ribbon logo, over used for charitys causes concerns pets banks corporations diseases countries, you see like 15 of em on the bumpers of cars and you wonder, how much do they care? theyre magnets! you cant even commit to them!
i heart my doxen....
can we have a bit more originality?

said notjohndoe2 on June 20, 2008 4:48 PM.

Let it all out, Dawg, let it all out...

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 4:57 PM.

And how can we forget the freaks of nature that keep Maury's talk show hideous. "You are NOT the father!!!" Then some fat, loud-mouth tramp proceeds to run off stage like a tornado just wiped out her trailer park. Having to take ONE test to determine your child's paternity is pretty sad... but 9 or 10!!!

They should burn.

said ConservaLiberCrat on June 20, 2008 5:31 PM.

Crotch rockets and the matching-leather-clad douchebags who ride them.

Hummers. (The 6 miles-per-gallon kind, not the fellatio kind. Especially the one I saw on the road today with a Grateful Dead sticker on it.)

"Git 'er done!"

Republicans. (Yes, all of them. Sorry.)

People who say "irregardless."

said Jeem on June 20, 2008 6:29 PM.

Crotch rockets, that's gold, Jeem. The worst is when their jacket matches the bike.

INTO THE PIT!

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 6:41 PM.

Modern/Post-Modern architects who make buildings that look like a crackhead did the outline and that are inconvenient as hell for the people who use them. (At Colorado State the dillhole who did the library made the whole western wall a pane of glass. So when the sun went down it was right in your eyes, blinding you. Oh cruel!)

Modern/Post-Modern sculptors like the guy who did the 8 foot tall rusty crankshaft on 18th and Broadway in Denver. (Taxpayers probably footed the bill too. Thanks bro.)

Performance artists who smear themselves in chocolate, pretend it's feces and ask the taxpayers to give them a grant for their art.

Whoever came up with the union rule requiring handymen to show off their damn ass-cracks all the time.

said E on June 20, 2008 7:35 PM.

You're right Johnny (note the spelling!) this is very therapeutic. Good to know other people notice some of this impropriety.

said E on June 20, 2008 7:40 PM.

BTW, is Jeem another way of saying Jim? J'accuse!

said E on June 20, 2008 7:46 PM.

Thanks you E. You're out of the Pit. You were teetering on the edge like Lando in Return of the Jedi. The proper spelling was the equivalent of Han Solo shooting the tentacle from around your leg.

What the hell am I talking about?

Oh, "performance artists," into the Pit of Hades. "I'm lighting my possessions on fire, it's art." Burn...

said Johnny Wright on June 20, 2008 7:49 PM.

Hangovers.

Not all hangovers in general. Some hangovers are good for creativity. The only hangover I want cast into the pit is the head throbbing, nauseating, epic diahrea producing hangover.

said long2021 on June 21, 2008 12:30 AM.

Bedroom communities, pedestrian unfriendly city planning.

said E on June 21, 2008 4:19 PM.

Hey Johnny....
A Bells in the house

People who sit down at the BJ table with their geeky five little dollars while I've got like a hundo out there and they hit on 16 when the dealer has a five showing.

He wins and I lose.....F you and your 5 bones.

Love Bells

said Bells on June 21, 2008 10:52 PM.

Reality shows -- the equivalent of watching your neighbours from behind your curtains. BURN! Stupid, senseless, hypnotic music that you can't tell apart from the previous song or the one coming next. Burn! People who refuse to make an effort and expect ME to somehow make them learn anyway! (I'm a teacher, not Harry Potter) People who call you 'opinionated' because you can actually backup your thoughts. People who get so drunk they don't know what they are doing or what is being done to them. People who get drunk. Tipsy is OK. Drunk? BURN! Guys who get miffed if I they can't get me in the sack. Microsoft. People who don't listen to your answer and repeat the question. Burn!

said Ax on June 22, 2008 12:56 AM.

Oh man, the blackjack novices that sit at third base and screw up my hand;

INTO THE PIT!

Good one Bells. If they take the dealers bust card, I may sock them in the mouth.

I'm with you Ax, "reality" shows are in. I refuse to watch any shows with "challenges." eliminations," and talking head confessionals. I'm miffed I can't get you in the sack.

Ring of fire...

said Johnny Wright on June 22, 2008 8:35 AM.

Radio hip hop like Soulja Boy/T Pain And the Black Eyed Peas post Fergie.
You bastards are ruining the music world for everybody.

said Frank the Tank on June 22, 2008 9:06 AM.

Sony BMG, Universal, Warner, EMI
You have killed so much good music because you "Know what we want"
Screw you, you have no idea what we want. Burn in Hades!

said Trailwaze on June 22, 2008 10:46 AM.

Three letters: D.M.V.

said Wolf on June 22, 2008 7:17 PM.

Johnny, who did that painting? Looks classical and stuff. With that and the Charles Dickens photo this place is getting all high class.

said E on June 22, 2008 9:34 PM.

E,

The painting is called "Fallen Angels in Hell" by British artist John Martin. It was painted in 1841.

He has another amazing painting called "The Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Martin_(painter)

said Johnny Wright on June 22, 2008 9:42 PM.

Ugh...

I agree with all of your gripes about driving and have to add my own. When I'm on the Fat Boy people around us to some awesomely (ha ha) stupid shit.

If you have a trailer with cow shit in it, pull the fuck over so we can pass.

If you're on anything not made by Harley Davidson, don't bother waving.

Don't ride your breaks downhill so your brake lights are illuminated and then slam on them for no apparent reason, brake lights do not intensify when pressure is added to breaks.

Do not speed up when we're trying to pass you, ya fucking dolt.

Don't do that stupid veer over to the right before you go left thing, especially when your fucking blinker isn't on.

If your right blinker is on and you plan on turning 5 right turns after you put it on, you're a douche and deserve to die.

When pulling over to the side of the road, don't continue for 500 feet in the shoulder and then point your car twords the road to park it. We don't know what you're doing and it freaks us out.

Ever realize that a HD on 50deg day = badass and a douche in a convertible = jackass?

I can't even touch the speed limit thing... Just die if we're on a back road and haven't even seen a fucking house, let alone a car for 20 miles and you still insist on going it.

If you're a group (I can't even venture to call it a gang) of pansy's on crotch rockets and we pull aside to let you pass, please do so without showboating. We already know you suck because you spend the whole day in the position to do so all bent over your bike, no need to give us yet another reason to hate you.

Oh, and those Applebees commercials with the videos that people sent in? Yah, that whole ad campagin needs to die.

said Jeni Gump on July 2, 2008 10:56 AM.
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