Bill Gates is officially stepping down and retiring from Microsoft this week. And his friends and employees must be flummoxed.
What the heck do you get a guy worth 58 billion for a retirement gift? Carnegie-Melon gave him an old chair. Microsoft gave him a lifetime subscription to Xbox live. Yawn. Yawn. So here's a few gift ideas, you probably have better...
Just cause Gates is ultra rich doesn't mean his gifts have to be. They can be experiencial, unique, fun, practical or maybe stuff like this...
• Tickets to see Gwar.
Gates has experienced a lot in his lifetime but in my mind, you haven't lived until you've seen a GWAR show. His friends can afford to get him a private concert or just a ticket so he can mix it up and watch from the center of the blood bath.
• An iPhone. Now that he's free of Microsoft, Bill can finally enjoy the simplicities of Apple. Now just $199.
• Jet Fuel - Have you seen the price of it lately? It's really going to cut into his charity budget, flying around the world to help the poor. A couple million gallons of free fuel should do.
• Angelina Jolie wrapped in bacon. 'Nough said.
• Uncle Scrooge-style Money Bin. Got to keep the loot protected you know.
• Hoverboard.
Why should Michael J. Fox be the only one? And if anyone can figure out the technology to make this a reality, it's Bill's friends.
• The dark side of the moon. I'm talking about the the planet, not the overplayed album. Or maybe a Lunar Rover and the shuttle Atlantis to get him there. This could be group gift, like from the Microsoft Board of Directors.
• And then for those out of ideas, there's always this.
Okay that's the first few ideas that we thought of. As always, you're thoughts and gift ideas are welcome.
And thanks to Johnny Wright for contributing to this.
Get him Linux SuSie 8.1!
Yeah conserv, that's what I was thinking to. Maybe have Shaq write him a rap song too.
The moon is well, a moon, it's not a planet.....
Oh yeah... I like where this is going. Perhaps a hunting trip with Dick Cheney would be fun?
Well, you could have had Shaq arrest him and take him to the topless bar, but.....
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
SHAQ SHOCKS THE SHERIFF, LOSES HIS DEPUTY'S BADGE
Shaquille O'Neal will lose his special deputy's badge in Maricopa County, Ariz., because of language he used in a rap video that mocks former teammate Kobe Bryant.
Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said Tuesday the Phoenix Suns center's use of a racially derogatory word and other foul language left him no choice.
"I want his two badges back," Arpaio said. "Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they're fired. I don't condone this type of racial conduct."
Poor Shaq, now he has to get Bill something else....
Sorry, damn ringing phones..
Here is the link for that article....
http://www.statesman.com/horns/content/sports/stories/other/06/25/0625sptmakers.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=54
No worries Trailwaze. Shaq sounds like he's more qualified to be a deputy for L.A.P.D. anyway!
Sheriff Arpaio, tell Shaq how his ass tastes.....
We should get Bill a custom Microshaft...er....Microsoft Monopoly Game!
Hmmm... The Monopoly game sounds nice, but they take FOREVER to play to the end, and besides - I heard he's not that good at it any more. He played it for what seemed to be an eternity and he didn't win.
Oh I know!! Let's give him a one-way ticket to someplace like Somalia, fully equipped with a laptop, Windows ME (or maybe even Windows '98 VERY first edition), and a tech support number to 'help' him when he has trouble logging on to Delta.com for his ticket home.
I have no suggestions, but I really got a kick out of the underwear site.
No need to go archaic, send him with Vista and he'll never get home....
That undroo reminds me of a joke I heard once.....
Get him a consultation with those Queer Eye for the Straight Guy dudes.
Mr. Gates,
My retirement gift is a fully operational Death Star. She is ready to rock and roll. The Death Star comes with thousands of loyal henchman willing to do your bidding. We also put a plywood plank over that three meter hole, so no Jedi Knights can "bulls-eye the womp rat" and ruin your fun.
One caveat; The Death Star runs on Windows Vista. So, she's a little, uh, bug-prone. We don't have all the kinks worked out yet. During a test run we accidentally blew up Pluto. (Oops!) But that isn't really a planet any more, so not that big of deal.
Best wishes,
Johnny Wright
We could have a Vista error sound orchestra in his honor....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPhxU71WMLk
Here's one of the rap lyrics 'Yo Jobs, tell my how my ass tastes.'
They could remake the movie Revenge of the Nerds and give him a starring role. (I can see him with a goofy laugh and highwaters.)
They could make a little fake rainbow in the cafeteria and let him find a real pot of gold at the end of it. That'd be cute.
What's Michael Jackson's old sidekick Bubbles up to? A pet chimp would work. (Sounds like a sitcom BG and the Bear. Retiree Bill Gates and his pet chimp travel the country in an RV and get in various shenanigans each week. Sounds like a winner to me.)
Give him a shot at love With Tila Tequila.
I assume he's just going to sit around and watch tv now. So everytime he sees something on tv he likes, just have him yell 'I want it!' and get some flunky to go get it for him.
Give him the Rosie O'donnell thong collection.
I'd totally watch Gates on Shot of Love. Though I will say I think him and New York would really hit it off.
Give him a copy of M. Knight Shylamlam's "the Penis"
What the hell, if it doesn't work out on A shot at love lets give him a spot on Flavor of Love 4.
If that doesn't work out we'll give him a wig and some fake hooters and put him in Rock of Love 3 with Brett Michaels. At least he'll get laid.
I think the ultimate gift would be a lap dance from Opra.
The complete set of Michael Jackson's neverland ranch video surveilance collection.
Sorry, That last one was kind of messed up. please disregard that.
A chia pet, the ab roller, a George Foreman grill, a laser watch, one of those singing fishes...
I don't see it anymore Dave. The Neverland Ranch one? Nope. Disregarded.
A romantic weekend getaway with Bono. (Vase full of viagra not included.)
To go with Bubbles: A pet llama, the bones of the elephant man, a hyperbaric (sp) chamber.
A loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a stick of butter.
You're on to something E... in fact, I say we should just BUY him Billy Mays.
Don't underestimate the appeal of a YBNBY t-shirt.
Kato Kalin.
I think the US should give Bill Iraq.
Dave, E, you're busting me up. Keep 'em coming.
Canada.
Hepatitis C from Pamela Anderson.
A new sweater. Charm school lessons. Coupon for free tattoo or body piercing. A guest stint on Hollywood Squares.
'Hepatitis C from Pamela Anderson.' Is that a perfume Dave?
Pay Tiger Woods to let Bill beat him at Golf. 'Oh pwned Tiger! Who's you're daddy, who's your daddy?'
A unicorn, a mermaid, a jackalope, a centaur.
Give him a badge and make him a cop like Shaq.
'He's a retired software exective with a bias towards action, and He's an all star center who can't shoot free throws. Together They Fight Crime.'
....If only their trusty sidekick Bubbles wouldn't always get in the way with his zany antics.
Get him a Kathy Griffin sandwhich with Steve Wozniak. Just like old times I bet.
Get him a jar of that controversial gay mayo.
What shal we give for a man who is supposed to have everything he wants? Hmmm... Let me see... What about a big box entirely full of nothing?
whoa!!! me pink now!!
dark side of the moon "overplayed" cant happen!
i think i'd simply get the guy a pair of shorts! i bet those pasty white legs have never seen the light of day.
how about the gift that keeps on giving.....the act of giving it back...imagine what 10 billion could do for New Orleans, or the folks in the Midwest... and Bill would still have 48 BILLION....jeez, just give a little.....
How about a YBNBY bacon flavored coffee table book?
I'd arrange to get him a key to Area 51.