Everyone has their own musical taste. Not everyone has good taste. In fact, America, for the most part, has atrocious taste in tunes. Case in point; American Idol is still moving products. I rest my case your honor.SIDENOTE - I have always hated American Idol. It's ridiculous to me. Just a karaoke contest with corporate sponsors. I was hanging out with a girl a while back who insisted I give it one more chance. I relented because I'm a pushover and she was hot. That night's episode had one of those jokers doing Johnny Cash's "I Walk the Line." As Han Solo would say "I have a bad feeling about this." The hack began singing, "I keep a close watch on this heart of mine..." He slowed the tempo in half and tried to sing it as a Barry Manilow ballad. I couldn't take it. I didn't make it through half a song.
Okay, the worst bands of all time. I am not including performers that don't write their own songs and/or don't play instruments and therefore are not a band but a group. This eliminates the boy bands (again, they're not bands) Milli Vanilli (Though I blame that one on the rain), TLC and Destiny's Child. They don't qualify. Also not included are the annoying solo artists. So, no Richard Marx, Celine Dion or Michael Bolton. And no hip hop, or Insane Clown Posse would be number one with a bullet.
The Dishonorable Mentions
Jethro Tull (they had a flute), Emerson, Lake and Palmer, The Gin Blossoms, Asia, Chicago, Garbage, Nelson, Extreme and Marilyn Manson.
The Losers
10. Jefferson Starship - They were not bad in the 60's as Jefferson Airplane, but "We Built This City" is one of the worst songs ever put on wax. You know it's a bad song when out of touch politicians use it as a campaign theme.
9. Poison - What the hell happened here? How did people fall for this train wreck with an extra order of cheese? Nice makeup job boys. Manly. Even as a teenager I didn't get it. It wasn't rock and roll to me. Just a bunch of pricks in tights. I will concede that they do really good somersaults though.
8. The Cranberries - Why was that girl yodeling?
7. KISS - I'm dead serious. Somehow, they took a gimmicky stage performance and one song, the interminable "Rock and Roll All Nite," and turned it into a 40 year career. I hate that song. I also can't stand it when people think it's cool/clever to misspell words, but that's another kettle of beans. The whole shebang makes no damn sense to me. A long tongue is a selling point? Have ever heard the other songs? They are embarrassing. See: "Lick It Up."
6. Limp Bizkit - These guys were selling out arenas not too long ago. Shame on you frat boys with barbed wire around the bicep tattoos. If I ever do a list for the Worst Lyrics Of All Time, "I did it all for the nookie, so you can take that cookie" is a strong candidate for number one. I can just see Fred Durst writing songs in his living room, notebook in hand, a thick fog of ganja hanging overhead and yelling to the rest of the band, "Hey dudes, cookie and nookie rhyme!"
5. The Black Eyed Peas - When a reporter asked her about what she says to those that think she can't sing, Fergie once said that she "may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing. You can't take that away from me, 'cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can't sing, it's kind of like insulting God." Fergie, I'm only insulting your band, not the Almighty. I still cannot believe that "My Humps" is a real song and not an SNL Digital Short. And you peed yourself once onstage. That's just disgusting.
4. Air Supply - A little vomit rises up my esophagus when I hear their songs in the elevator at Macy's. You know it's bad when it seems corny for adult contemporary radio. Air Supply makes Gordon Lightfoot look like the Sex Pistols.
3. Motley Crue - Truly awful. I have a theory that the groupies that slept with the drag-queen-looking 80's "rock stars" are now mostly lesbians. They were attracted to the makeup and hairspray for unconscious reasons. It was the gateway to sporting a bowl-cut and camping out for Melissa Ethridge tickets.
2. The B-52's - If this list was Most Annoying Songs of All-Time, "Shiny Happy People" with the B-52's and REM wouldn't have any challengers. That's the Muhammad Ali of annoying songs. That guy yelling "bring your jukebox money!" in "Love Shack" sends a shiver down my spine. And what the hell was "Rock Lobster" about? Never mind, I don't want to know.
1. Creed - In a runaway win. Like Secretariat at The Belmont Stakes. What a load of crap. It was funny watching these jokers trying to convince the red states they are a "Christian band." Heaven help those that listened to that rubbish.
Jethro Tull (they had a flute), Emerson, Lake and Palmer, The Gin Blossoms, Asia, Chicago, Garbage, Nelson, Extreme and Marilyn Manson.
The Losers
10. Jefferson Starship - They were not bad in the 60's as Jefferson Airplane, but "We Built This City" is one of the worst songs ever put on wax. You know it's a bad song when out of touch politicians use it as a campaign theme.
9. Poison - What the hell happened here? How did people fall for this train wreck with an extra order of cheese? Nice makeup job boys. Manly. Even as a teenager I didn't get it. It wasn't rock and roll to me. Just a bunch of pricks in tights. I will concede that they do really good somersaults though.
8. The Cranberries - Why was that girl yodeling?
7. KISS - I'm dead serious. Somehow, they took a gimmicky stage performance and one song, the interminable "Rock and Roll All Nite," and turned it into a 40 year career. I hate that song. I also can't stand it when people think it's cool/clever to misspell words, but that's another kettle of beans. The whole shebang makes no damn sense to me. A long tongue is a selling point? Have ever heard the other songs? They are embarrassing. See: "Lick It Up."
6. Limp Bizkit - These guys were selling out arenas not too long ago. Shame on you frat boys with barbed wire around the bicep tattoos. If I ever do a list for the Worst Lyrics Of All Time, "I did it all for the nookie, so you can take that cookie" is a strong candidate for number one. I can just see Fred Durst writing songs in his living room, notebook in hand, a thick fog of ganja hanging overhead and yelling to the rest of the band, "Hey dudes, cookie and nookie rhyme!"
5. The Black Eyed Peas - When a reporter asked her about what she says to those that think she can't sing, Fergie once said that she "may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing. You can't take that away from me, 'cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can't sing, it's kind of like insulting God." Fergie, I'm only insulting your band, not the Almighty. I still cannot believe that "My Humps" is a real song and not an SNL Digital Short. And you peed yourself once onstage. That's just disgusting.4. Air Supply - A little vomit rises up my esophagus when I hear their songs in the elevator at Macy's. You know it's bad when it seems corny for adult contemporary radio. Air Supply makes Gordon Lightfoot look like the Sex Pistols.
3. Motley Crue - Truly awful. I have a theory that the groupies that slept with the drag-queen-looking 80's "rock stars" are now mostly lesbians. They were attracted to the makeup and hairspray for unconscious reasons. It was the gateway to sporting a bowl-cut and camping out for Melissa Ethridge tickets.
2. The B-52's - If this list was Most Annoying Songs of All-Time, "Shiny Happy People" with the B-52's and REM wouldn't have any challengers. That's the Muhammad Ali of annoying songs. That guy yelling "bring your jukebox money!" in "Love Shack" sends a shiver down my spine. And what the hell was "Rock Lobster" about? Never mind, I don't want to know.
1. Creed - In a runaway win. Like Secretariat at The Belmont Stakes. What a load of crap. It was funny watching these jokers trying to convince the red states they are a "Christian band." Heaven help those that listened to that rubbish.
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"Shiny Happy People" is an REM song with Kate Pierson doing back-up vocals; you're thinking of "Love Shack" for annoying B-52 songs.
And where's Pink Floyd on the list?
Joseph beat me to the punch on the REM/B-52's correction. You should expand this to eleven so that The Goo Goo Dolls can appear here too. God, I hate those guys.
Fair point. I lumped the rubbish in together. You got me on a technicality, but you know what I'm talking about.
Pink Floyd is pretty bad. It's strange how a band lasted this long where you need to be stoned on hallucinogenics to enjoy it. "You may not like us, but eat some shrooms, you'll love it."
Cheers.
You got it Bruce, well done.
#11 with a bullet; The Goo Goo Dolls. A turd in the music punch bowl if there ever was one.
no chumba wumba? They have to be way worse then half this list. And Sugar Ray. Lit or almost all the crap that was spewed from the nineties. Genesis?
I actually have to step in here in defence of Chumbawamba. I worked with them on several of their music videos, and some of their albums are great. Don't let one novelty song close your horizons.
That’s spoken like a true Seattlite. I strongly agree with 7 of your 10, but I can’t believe you put Poison, Motely Crue, and (what the hell?) KISS in there. Come On! That kind of music spoke to people. No matter the situation they had something for it. I can’t tell you how many times I broke up with a stripper and “Every Rose has it’s Thorn” healed my wounds. Or how many times I became Dr. Feelgood as I sold drugs to my buddies. We’ve all been there. And KISS! They ushered in that big hair party with songs like: Strutter, Detroit Rock City, Cold Gin, Heavens on Fire, I love it Loud, Rock and Roll all Night and God Gave Rock and Roll To ya. We all dated a “Domino” and “Beth”. That music was when we were living life. Bands like that put out hit after hit after hit, and they still sell out arenas. Sure, they weren’t Mozarts in talent but they appealed to people. You want crap bands; I’ll give you three replacements.
3.SoundGarden
2.Pearl Jam
1.Nirvanna
Yeah I went there. Nirvana took us from “Nirvana”, straight to the hangover. We didn’t want any more parties “nature was a whore” now. We went from having “Nothing but a good time” to shooting herion, and offing ourselves while singing about our heart shaped boxes. We went from taking care of ourselves with makeup and hairspray, to not showering and hanging around in flannel shirts. Your right, the makeup attracted the Lesbos. That was the plan, that way they would bring their friends you dummy. You don’t get chicks by not showering, shaving, and combing your hair. Let take for example; Kurt Cobain. He was the best of best when it came to the grunge scene the grand daddy of it all. Look at the babe he scored! Dirty Ass COURTNEY LOVE! Yeah, Put Hole on your list while you are at it. You didn’t get it then and you don’t get it now. All of that fricken grunge crap ushered in this crap we have now. The cranberries and the Black eyed peas, they are all Eddie Vedder and Kurt Cobain’s love children. Show me new bands putting out hits like the hair bands did. I don’t remember any Nirvana action figures or comic books.
Sorry to have “knashed my teeth and bit the recess ladies breast” but how could you forget?
Even Kurt Cobain got it when he sang “here we are now, entertain us” he couldn’t even entertain himself.
That might not have made much sense, kids, but you have to respect the guys passion. Way to bring the thunder Dave.
Remember, Pearl Jam sells out world tours. Poison plays indian casinos in New Mexico.
Kurt Cobain action figures are available at you local Virgin Megastore.
Touche' . I'm kind of laughing and crying at the same time, because I think I have seen Poison play at an indian casino. It was fricken awesome!
And for the record. That doll of Kurt Cobain is not an action figure. It is not considered an action figure Because Kurt is sitting on a stool. That changes his status from action figure to figurine and can also be found at any Hallmark Store in the "Precious Moments" collection.
Damn Dave you know your stuff.
Anyway, might I recommend the following:
YES
Loverboy
Suzanne Vega
Warrant (seriously, Warrent makes Poison seem downright gritty)
Shudder. Shudder. Shudder.
Whoa. If anyone wants a real treat, check out that Poison link. I dare you not to laugh. Oof! I remember when they played that stuff all the damn time on MTV. Bad Metal was like the official music of the late 80's.
Sorry, Susane Vega's not a band. I take that back and offer you Hootie and the BlowFish by way of apology.
Hilarious, E. Good stuff.
You are right on the money with YES. Nobody enjoyed it as much as the band themselves.
Johnny, excellent list!
You nailed it with The Gin Blossoms in the Honorable Mention section. I Hadn't even thought of them in a long, long time. They were like the Monkies of grunge or something. Just a bad idea, badly executed. And I used to hear them all the time too. Dang.
BTW, can we get a shout out for Better Than Ezra?
In at #12, ladies and germs, I give you; Better Than Ezra.
What about the Breeders, Hanson, Winger and all other bands listed on this website: http://www.bighairmetal.com/
Forgot to mention a couple classics: Kansas and 38 Special.
In High School I knew a girl who turned in the lyrics to Carry On My Wayward Son for a poetry assignment and she got an A on it. (Feel free to infer what that says about my education.)
What about the Breeders, Hanson, Winger and all other bands listed on this website: http://www.bighairmetal.com/
Dave, you can't blame Nirvana for bands still copying them 18 years later. Nirvana was a good band with an industry pushing bands to ride their coat-tails. You can't blame them. They had some good albums, and one lemon, and I have to say Butch Vig had a lot do with that. That guy was in Garbage, and his band sucked, nreed I say more? I think if anyone sat down with "In Utero" for a day, they'd understand they weren't joking around. Grunge was nothing more than a marketing ploy, just like "emo", and "indie" are used today. Two words completely re-defined. I now cringe upon hearing the word indie. As far as hair metal goes, I can see how people like it for the irony, but I hate how people appreciate irony with in music, so you are right about that. I'm pretty embarrassed by the state of music, not just popular, even underground. It's all that was bad in the 80's recycling itself, and it's become fashionable to like music again, and people are more concerned with how catchy, and dance-able things are, than understanding the dynamics that goes into making music. It's like one big parody of the 80's minus all the coke everyone was snorting. If one thing is for certain, music's worst enemy is time, and as time has proven again, and again, selling points have always been the face of bad music.
(Nice list by the way!)
Here's what I would have to add:
10. Incubus
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers
8. Evanescence
7. Velvet Revolver
6. 30 Seconds to Mars
5. Fall Out Boy
4. My Chemical Romance
3. Panic! At the Disco
2. She Wants Revenge
1. Mindless Self Indulgence
Dave - Its okay to be bitter, but if you honestly think poison and motley crue do not belong on the list then I hope you did a LOT of drugs. And put me in the boat that liked peral jam, nirvana, and soundgarden.
Scott, I like your list. Well thought out. I tried to go with some older bands whose stink has only ripened over time.
Panic! at the Disco is shockingly bad. I dislike most performers that have punctuation in their title. Picking on Fall Out Boy is like Johan Santana striking out a blind kid. It's just not fair. Why bother?
Let's not pick on Dave lads. Take shots at me all you want.
Cheers.
Scott. Nice list. I guess I'm not up with the contemporary music scene. I don't what half those guys sound like.
Course, MTV doesn't really play videos as far as I can tell so I am just left to enjoy whatever I run into on youtube.
From what I've seen on VH1, when it plays videos at midnight or whenever on Saturday, earnest bland rockers like NickelBack (who also suck) are the big thing. Think I'd prefer Poison.
Oh, come on, TLC?? Post "CrazySexyCool", I would agree with you, but "Oooh...On the TLC Tip" is a good time. You just don't know.
I totally agree with Scott's list. Those bands are godawful. Listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers is like listening to the same song on repeat, every album, for 250 albums or however many they have at this point.
Hey, didn't you forget Dave Matthews Band?? Or any other jam band, for that matter? Ugh.
You're right Lauren, I just don't know how TLC can be a good time.
But, if I do a list for Best Use Of A Prophylactic For Eyewear, or, Top 10 People Who Tried To Burn Down Andre Rison's House, I will strongly consider the members of TLC.
Thank you for reading.
Dang Johnny! Zing. You know, I wonder why that look never caught on anyway. Seems practical for sure.
Lauren, you make a good point about jam bands and Dave Matthews is an excellent example. I live in Denver and if you want to see crappy jam bands, this is the town for you.
I'm joking, only joking.
Not taking an easy TLC joke is like watching a huge meatball change-up right in the middle of the plate sail by without taking a cut. You have to swing away. I have baseball metaphors today.
I'm kidding Lauren.
It's cool man. I got a good laugh out of it. BTW, she didn't just try to burn down the dude's house, she succeeded. Props are due!
I tried to compose a list of bands that take themselves seriously, but are so oblivious to how generic they really are because they've been over flattered by record sales, radio, money making promotions. They develop a conditioned arrogance as the result, and the bands are even fooled by themselves. I mean look at Grammys for example, if I can't think of a better example of what art isn't, they give trophies away for having hits! That's all based off record sales, I mean nothing in terms of longevity. You could pick out platinum selling artists of the 80's and 90's, and find their music rotting in used bins all across the world where they should be.
Couple days late....
Johnny, thanks for the stick up. It's all good though I like a good bash and burn, kind of reminds me of an old fireplace I had in Yazoo. I think that Scott made some good points and to be completely honest, I agree with Scott on In Utero.
Now CurlyElk, I don't buy the fact the you are a "Peral Jam" fan at all. Now pay attention; P-E-A-R-L JAM. Yes, I did a lot of drugs in the 80's... that is with your mama. Thats why you have spelling problems. I'm sorry son. I love you, please come home.
Wow.
Two points to the red corner. Possible standing 8 count after that punch.
What the hell does Pearl Jam mean anyway?
E-
Pearl Jam: A pearl colored substance with the consistency of Jam.
I won't go any further.
I should have guessed. It's always either drugs or sex. I'm not even going to ask about Mother Love Bone then.
I'm sorry, but Pink Floyd made a lot of damn good music. 'Animals' is a wonderful commentary on commercialism and both 'The Wall' and 'Dark Side of the Moon' are masterpieces. I know it's trendy to hate on a great many things these days, but hating on Floyd is just plain silly...
I would say Floyd was alright to include with the exception of Roger Waters. Dark side of the Moon is a good album though.
Good call on Jefferson Starship ... I haven't been able to choke down more than 10 seconds of "We built this city" since I heard it 10 gazillion times the first week it released. What a load of shyte!
Still, I'm begging you to add Twisted Sister, Quiet Riot and Survivor to the pile. They fit with your original theme ... and dumped about as much crap on us as the rest of the list.
P.S. I take offense to the consideration of Pink Floyd for the list. My friends have many fond memories of the Floyd concerts we've attended.
Tim, thanks for mentioning Survivor. I had a friend who used to win all sorts of lame radio contests, possibly cause he'd be the only one calling in and he won tickets to a Survivor concert at some bar in Greeley, CO. He went and he was pretty much the only one so it was cancelled. Dude also won a trip to gamble in Elko, Nevada too and he took it, to similar glory.
YES is a great band, Pink Floyd is a great band...terrible bands? What about Cyrkle? How about Rage Against the Machine? There are SO many more obnoxious bands out there than YES or Pink Floyd....c'mon now. Janis Joplin's bands were absolutely horrible...all 3 of the ones she made ablums with.
Bay City Rollers
Uriah Heep
Strawbs
Devo
The Teddy Bears
Brownsville Station
Badfinger
G. Damn. Uriah Heep, it's definitely been a while. The 70's had it's share of bad music for sure. There was a second string of rock band then and the ones' you listed were totally among them. That said, guys like Nazareth and Fog Hat are kind of guilty pleasures though hearing them more than occasionally will make me gag.
"Air Supply makes Gordon Lightfoot look like the Sex Pistols." Brilliant.
Not to be too much of a stickler, but I feel I must correct one slight mistake -- "We Built This City" was actually by STARSHIP, not JEFFERSON Starship... a fine distinction, to be sure, sort of like comparing a loose, clumpy turd to a compact, nutty one. But man, mid-80s Starship (another fave: "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," the love theme from "Mannequin") makes 70s/"Jane"-era Jefferson Starship look like...well, 60s-era Jefferson Airplane.
And holy shit! In my little Wikipedia fact double-checking I just did, guess who I found out was one of the FOUR writers it took to craft "We Built This Shitty"?
BERNIE MOTHERFUCKING TAUPIN.
Man, the 80s sure were a harsh mistress to pretty much all musicians who weren't smart enough to just stay in a Quaalude-induced coma...
Top 5 worst bloggers of the 00's.
5. Arianna Huffington - Leftist hate monger
4. Froggie's-lilypad
3. Busymom.net
2. GeorgeWBushMakesMeSoMadIStartedABlog.org
1. JOHNNY WRIGHT - For lack of musical knowledge and taste.
(....Kiss?.....B-52's?...what about some Ace of Base....Milly Vanilly? NKOTB?)
That made me laugh.
Those with basic reading comprehension will remember that I specifically said:
"I am not including performers that don't write their own songs and/or don't play instruments and therefore are not a band but a group. This eliminates the boy bands (again, they're not bands) Milli Vanilli (Though I blame that one on the rain), TLC and Destiny's Child."
Thanks for playing our game. Thanks for reading. Crank up the B-52's! Whoo Hoo!
myfreak... stick with cbn.com from now on, you're likely be less offended.
Point to the red corner and Baierman.
Hilarious.
Emerson, Lake and Palmer
Metallica = crap.
Really though, everyone has their own music tastes but to write a list of bad rock bands and including Poison and Motley Crue is just blasphemous. What the fuck is wrong with you Johnny? And Clutch, everyone is entitled to their own opinion but for the love of all good things rock and roll how can you say that Metallica sucks?
This is the first YBNBY post that I have been thouroughly dissapointed with, everything from the poster and the commenters are so unintune with Rock pop culture you all deserve to be raped on your deathbed...
I second both Metallica and Pink Floyd, and also add the Grateful Dead. How anyone can like these bands has always been beyond me.
The Cranberries are a great band and Limp Bizkit's first record is really good. Neither of these bands should have made the list.
Limp Bizkit would make a "most terrible bands.." list, but not "worst bands" list.
The Who
what a shite band they were, the only smashed the instruments to take the attention off the crap music.
And ABBA, the less said about them the better
Outstanding list, Johnny! Here's mine:
10. Metallica
9. Skid Row
8. Dokken
7. Motley Crue
6. Poison
5. April Wine
4. Nickelback
3. Starland Vocal Band
2. Jonas Brothers
1. Bourgeois Tagg
Honorable Mention insults go to Creed, Dogstar, Starship, Presidents of the United States of America, 10,000 Maniacs, Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians, Loverboy, Zen Butcher, and too many others to bother naming ...
BTW, ever heard of Zen Butcher?
Yeah, ICP's the worst band ever. Even worse than Limp Bizkit, amazingly. Poison, Motley Crue, and Limp Bizkit do suck, you're right, but am I the only person who hates Korn, too?
I also hate Korn. They sucked arse. Good call, finulanu.
who ever made this list is retarded...I only agree with the black eyed "pees" sucking. Some better choices would be
1. Fall out boy
2. panic at the dico
3. linkin park
4. boys like girls
5. jonas brothers
6. amy winehouse
7. coldplay
PS whoever said to put the Red Hot Chili Peppers on this list needs to be drowned..