Before we get to the main reason, let's have a little fun with the small peripheral reasons why the show is rubbish, shall we? Come on, it will be a good time.

I had a buddy that watched the show with his girlfriend and he said, "It's a great 'New York show,' you need to watch it." I do love New York shows. I love this city like I love my Mom; unconditionally and without exception. I've wanted to live here ever since I read "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" in, uh, fourth grade. (That Fudge, what a rascal. You can't eat a turtle.) I'm a lot like Woody Allen's character in "Manhattan." I "romanticize New York all out of proportion." I said I would give the show a chance. There was some good New York imagery, but then the characters talked. It was downhill from there.

In the first episode I watched I think I heard the words "sexpectations" and "sexploration" three times each. It was painful. What the show really has promoted is not female empowerment or the strong binds of friendship. What it promotes is shallowness, materialism and promiscuity. Don't even think of arguing otherwise. That would be like me arguing against the selfishness and narcissism of professional athletes. You can't debate it. That dog don't hunt.

A few mantras were repeated subliminally (and not so subliminally) throughout the run of "Sex and the City." Such as; Date men who are successful and rich, who cares if they are boring, boorish or a bastard. Your worth is partly defined by how much you spend on shoes and if you mirror the pages of the clichéd fashion magazines. I don't see how people can be such slaves to what magazine editors tell you to wear. The girls also seemed to be proud they were sluts. They embraced it, especially the old one. It's like when the rednecks suddenly decided they should be proud. "Ah hell, we are what we are, we might as well put up a front and pretend that it's a good thing."

I also don't understand how Sarah Jessica Parker is a sex symbol. I'm with Peter Griffin who said, "They let Sarah Jessica Parker on television and she looks like a foot." My theory of why woman like her is the same with Drew Barrymore, Maggie Gyllenhaal or especially Renee Zellweger. (That one is baffling.) Woman think "Hey, I'm just as pretty, if not more so, than that girl. I don't hate her. We could be friends." Woman tend to hate the pretty girl. Sorry, but it's true.

Now, the main reason that the show, and by extension the movie, are un-watchable. The writing and dialogue are beyond bad. Laughably bad. "Hottie and the Nottie" bad. "Sex and the City" has, without a doubt, some of the worst, most corny, forced writing in the history of the telly. One bad pun after another. It makes "Will and Grace" look like "The West Wing." I heard one of the trollops say, "I'm a trisexual, I'll try anything once." Wahhhh ... wah. You see what she did there was take the prefix "tri" and substitute it for "try" or "to attempt," ... never mind.

That is just pathetic.

In fact, I find the writing pun-ishing! It gives me a hear-ache! See, it's awful when I do it too.

While watching that episode with my buddy and his girl I was laughing at the show, not with it. It was just ridiculous. So many lines felt like when you hear a piano player hit a bad note. A real clunker. It's totally obvious and the polite crowd will wince a little in unison. In "Sex and the City," it was one "clunker" after another. I kept asking things like, "Seriously, this is the show you like?" And "Which part is the funny part?" I didn't make it to the closing credits before the girlfriend said "Johnny, that's enough. Just go to your room if you don't get it." I did so. It was where I wanted to be anyway.

A couple years later a girl I was seeing tried to get me to reconsider "Sex and the City." I relented because I'm a pushover and she was hot. The episode she tried to get me to watch had the hookers going to Atlantic City. The old one with the weird voice looked at a busty restaurant hostess and said, "who picked this breastaurant?" DONE! That's it for me, good night nurse. I turned the channel. That "joke" was the verbal equivalent of bamboo chutes under the fingernails. As Robert De Niro taught us in "Ronin" when asked about torture "Nobody can hold out indefinitely. Everybody has a limit." It's true, everybody breaks.

(SIDENOTE - It was similar to when I was dragged to the horrendous "Starsky and Hutch" film and Ben Stiller's character went to his dead mothers grave. He was there to pay his respects to his mom that died in the line of duty. His tribute? Putting a donut on her grave. Good one. Cops and donuts. Man that's funny. Cops love donuts don't they? Any "marijuana gives you the munchies" jokes you want to regale us with? How bout an airline peanuts zinger. Good hell. I stood up and walked out of the theater. "Starsky and Hutch" made the short list of films I have said "screw the tenner, I can't take it anymore.")

It's ironic that the Carrie character is supposed to be a writer and her column would be unreadable. She makes Cindy Adams look like F. Scott Fitzgerald.

A few months ago I had this discussion with two fans of the show. Two male fans of the show. I made my case for why the writing is awful and one said, "I love the writing, it's won tons of awards for the writing." Uh, nope. No it hasn't, not-a-one. The old squadush. The writing stinks on hot ice. I'm right, you're wrong.

The bad writing was - and is - masked by trendy clothes and restaurants, romantic New York City scenery and soap opera relationships. There's a reason why guys like me don't like "Grey's Anatomy," "Dawson's Creek," or "Melrose Place." I don't care who's dating who. Who's kissing who. I don't care. I haven't had many conversations with my buddies about their relationship problems, but we have debated for an hour about if Superman needs to eat or who would win in a fight between a bear and a tiger. Something interesting. Something that matters.

I want to be entertained. I want to laugh.

"Sex and the City" provides neither.


SNL made my point a few years ago.