Just in case you weren't paying attention the first time, let me repeat that for you:
An anus made of chocolate.
No, as far as I can tell, this is not a joke, although the copy on the website is rather witty in spots.
Yes, the aforementioned site where this ridiculously double-entendre-laden confection is allegedly for sale actually boasts the URL:
The site's "Did you know?" section features several intriguing and useful facts about chocolate, such as, "Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, an amino acid which has aphrodisiac properties and is also good for helping to ease a hangover."
Good to know, but light-years away from the billions of questions I have about this particular piece of chocolate, such as:
- Was the prototype (a) hand-sculpted with tools, or (b) actually cast from a mold of someone's real anus?
- If (b), whose anus was it? Was the word "anus" specifically mentioned in this person's contract?
- What kind of attorney drafts such a contract? (Insert "lawers = assholes" joke here.)
- Did it burn when the hot silicon (or whatever) was poured onto the model's, uh, chocolate-maker? Was there a "Burn Clause" in the contract to cover this?
- Is all of the above part of some sub-set of Internet porn I haven't even discovered yet? (More the actual hole-molding than the contract-drafting -- holemolders.com, maybe?)
- And speaking of URLs, was "EdibleAnus.com" readily available, or did this enterprising startup purchase it from a cyber-squatter?
- (Insert "squatter" joke of your choosing here.)
- Hey, is the domain "holemolders.com" still available? Maybe I should buy it.
- Was the exclusion of nuts or other additives because (a) they didn't want to compromise the purity of this 100% dark Belgian chocolate, or (b) because "C'mon, it's just TOO icky that way"?
- WTF?
- Really?
- No, seriously, WTF?
So many questions, so little time.
Any answers to the above questions -- scientific, conjecture, drunken ramblings -- are much appreciated in the comments below.
Special thanks to my friend Justice for pointing out this confection, and to Divine Caroline for flying into his radar.
And on a side note, I'd just like to say how pleased I am to be making my YBNBY debut with such a classy post. I shall heartily endeavor to maintain the elegance and refinement I have hereby established, for you readers deserve no less!
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Something tells me you've set the bar very high...
This post went right through me. Delicious. Welcome aboard.
Bonus: besides making my YBNBY debut, today also happens to be my Mom's birthday... she'll be so proud when I bring up this page on my laptop just before she blows out the candles.
Are we sure the chocolate isn't made from Civet droppings?
Hmm...now that you mention it, I'm not sure. (Where are the investigative journalists when you really need 'em?)
But how double-meta-anal would THAT be, huh? Hold on a sec while my brain implodes....
See what I mean, though? Any questions about Edible Anus just lead to more and more questions about Edible Anus...it's like a mystery wrapped in a riddle stuffed into a...eh, never mind.
That would make quite the Valentine's day gift.
Very true, E. It would be a bold move indeed, giving someone one of these on Valentines Day -- I was always told that sphincters were reserved for 60th wedding anniversaries only!
I also think presenting a box to one's sphincterish boss would be a great "Take This Job And Shove It"-style kiss off. (What, no Johnny Paycheck fans in the house? Work with me here, people!)
Okay, so another entertaining thing I discovered about this wonderful site, EdibleAnus.com -- go to their "Did you know?" section and read all of it aloud, only every time you see the word "chocolate," replace it with "anus," starting with, "Fine anus can actually help lower your cholesterol." You'll be oh-so-glad you did, trust me.
I would have settled for a chocolate starfish.
Welcome Jeem!
Thanks, Jeni! Glad to be here. :)