I've been prodding Johnny to write an introductory post on YesButNoButYes. He insists he's unable to write about himself, and based on every single post I've ever written here, I'm ONLY capable of writing about myself. He gave me permission to write his introduction and make up whatever I wanted. And so, I give you Johnny Wright.
I had an idea to make up a story about Johnny and I meeting as Production Assistants on the film, Krush Groove. I wrote several paragraphs and then realized that, perhaps, the story of how Johnny came to write for YesButNoButYes would be much more interesting.
Johnny and I started working together at the Late Show with David Letterman. Someone told me he was old, which I didn't believe because he had a pirate flag belt buckle. Plus, we'd made up games to play as we walked the streets of Manhattan.
Johnny eventually left the Late Show and New York altogether. He moved to Los Angeles to pursue his writing career. We kept in touch, and spent a long afternoon walking the beach in Santa Monica talking about great ideas for movies and television shows. By the end of the walk, we'd come to the conclusion that within a year, we'd have a television show written, produced, and sold.
We forgot to take into account our massive and unbearable laziness.
Johnny eventually moved back to New York, realizing that there really is no other place like the Big Apple. (I think he missed me, but he'll never admit it.) I felt that Johnny needed to share his skewed genius with the world, so I recommended him for a spot on the YesButNoButYes dais. And here, in no particular order, are facts about YesButNoButYes's newest writer, Johnny Wright:
Johnny and I started working together at the Late Show with David Letterman. Someone told me he was old, which I didn't believe because he had a pirate flag belt buckle. Plus, we'd made up games to play as we walked the streets of Manhattan.
- Spot a Thong: We'd get points for each thong we'd spot. Not exactly classy. Not exactly tactful. But we'd play it for hours and be genuinely amused. An important note: you couldn't actually ask a woman to see her thong. Asking would mean instant disqualification.
- Spot a Scarf: This was a one-off on Spot a Thong, but took place during the Winter of 2002. (Spot a Thong was a hard game to play in New York after October.) If you'll remember, the Burberry scarf became the most popular garment of the season during 2002. Everyone had one. They were so plentiful, that we started to hate them. Who would pay that kind of money for a scarf? And, conversely, why would people buy a knock-off just to fit in? The Burberry plaid made it's way to every other article of clothing. So, with Spot a Scarf, you'd get a point for spotting a Burberry scarf. You'd get two points for any other article of clothing. The game was over when you hit 20 points.
- Gay or European?: This wasn't so much of a game as it was something to spark conversation. We'd pass someone on the street, question their sexuality and/or birth nation, and based on their physical appearance try and determine if they came from Brussels or watched Jean Claude Van Damme movies for the biceps.
Johnny eventually left the Late Show and New York altogether. He moved to Los Angeles to pursue his writing career. We kept in touch, and spent a long afternoon walking the beach in Santa Monica talking about great ideas for movies and television shows. By the end of the walk, we'd come to the conclusion that within a year, we'd have a television show written, produced, and sold.
We forgot to take into account our massive and unbearable laziness.
Johnny eventually moved back to New York, realizing that there really is no other place like the Big Apple. (I think he missed me, but he'll never admit it.) I felt that Johnny needed to share his skewed genius with the world, so I recommended him for a spot on the YesButNoButYes dais. And here, in no particular order, are facts about YesButNoButYes's newest writer, Johnny Wright:
- There is nothing funnier in the world to Johnny than a monkey.
- Johnny spends more money on DVDs per year than the GDP of small African nations.
- Johnny will unflinchingly support all Seattle based sports-teams. (Including the Sonics)
- Because of Johnny's devotion to Seattle sports, he refuses to set foot in a Starbucks.
- Johnny's desert island food of choice... beef jerky.
- Johnny has framed pictures of Elvis, Ernest Hemingway, and Eddie Vedder on the walls in his bedroom.
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Johnny, welcome to YBNBY!
Echowood, if I ever need an introduction, I want you to make up something for me!
Unfortunately, that introduction is all true.
I do hate Howard Schultz and Starbucks with the heat of a nova. I often spit on the ground as I walk by one. In New York that's every 15 feet.
I also have framed pictures of Mark Twain, Bob Dylan, Robert Johnson, Billy the Kid and John Wayne on my wall.
Monkeys just kill me. Cheeky rascals.
One important note about Spot-A-Thong. That game was/is real. Sometimes lunch was riding on the outcome. But there was a girl who worked at Letterman who always had the old whale tail going on. All-you-can-eat thong peekage. So, she didn't count in the game. She was referred to as "the free space in bingo" of Spot-A-Thong.
Thank you for that embarrassing but funny intro my brother from another mother.
So is the absurd "monkey washing a cat" video clip from Johnny's personal archives?
In the picture, which is Johnny. BTW, can I take it from the picture that the Icy Hot Stuntaz are a personal influence?
Which one do you think is Johnny? Here's some background on the photo... It was taken in September of 2004 in Hollywood. It's of both me and Johnny, and we tried are hardest to look like badasses. (It, obviously, didn't work.) Also, you can't tell from the picture, but the blue shirt says "I Love Sloths."
Dan,
I cannot tell you how much I love the monkey washing a cat video. I had it on my Myspace page for months. That video is right up there with the classic Larry Bird "follows his own shot" highlight and Willie Mays making "the catch."
I had to google Icy Hot Stuntaz, but that's really funny. Unfortunately I can't take a picture with being a smug jackass. It's a problem. I'm working on it.
I also hate Starbucks, but not because Howard sold the Sonics down the river. I just hate their fancy coffees and fancy prices. Fancy fuckers.
Hmm. I can't tell who's Johnny based on the information I have - Loves Seattle teams and strongly dislikes the band Poison.
Anyway, get one more side kick and start off your rap band.
Well... the other guy has "Unskinny Bop" on his iPod.
Are there some who think there is a Seattle/Poison connection? People throw garbage at them in The Emerald City.
As for our rap group. We'll take the first guy wearing a clock.
No connection implied there. Just saying that neither characteristics were helpful with this picture.
If one of you was wearing a flannel shirt tied around your waist, and the other one had an ozone depleting bouffant, then I'd have something to work with.
Nice E, nice. Well done.
Now excuse me, I need to replace the laces in my Doc Martin's.
Considering there's a thumbnail picture of Echowood on the home page of this site, I suspect all your deduction skills probably need a little sharpening.
That Johnny is pretty good stuff. I like the hell out of reading his stuff.
I looked at that picture over an over wondering where I had seen Johnny before and it came back to me.
It was in the Navajo Indian Reservation at Tuba City, Arizona. A pretty sweet Ratt/Poison/LA Guns concert. I mean I think I have a pretty good memory. I'm pretty sure I saw him sitting on some dudes shoulders during Poison wearing a Kobe Bryant Lakers jersey.
Johnny was that you??????
(Afraid to answer...)
To put an end to this little game, and for those of you lacking in basic reasoning skills... Johnny is in blue and that dashing son of a bitch in green is yours truly. Feel free to send along fan mail.