1. Hand jobs from a hooker only cost $20. If I'd known that getting a five-knuckle fist pump were this cheap, I would have made my way down to the docks much sooner. Granted, the hooker(s) I found was not the most physically attractive, and based on her verbal acuity she's most likely unable to properly conjugate a verb, but for $20 I'd take a guy with soft hands.

2. Eastern Europeans Scare the Crap Out of Me. After watching the Godfather and the Sopranos, I won't even walk into a Papa John's these days. Having seen the seedy underbelly of the Eastern European mafia in the game, I'm afraid to go to my family reunions. There's betrayal, there's a good amount of heads being blown off, and their track suits make the ones worn by Christopher Maltisanti look like they were designed by Karl Lagerfeld.

3. Coney Island is as Dirty in the Virtual World as it is in the Real World. In fact, the virtual Coney Island (named Firefly Island in the game) may actually be cleaner. Sure, the rides still look like you'll get tetanus from them, and the beach is still littered with homeless people, but at least in the game you don't have to take an hour subway ride just to see it.

4. I Can't Understand Patois...at all. Rass-clate, but mi no know wey ya say, but mi gi yo nuff respect.

5. Radio Stations in Liberty City are Much Better than Those in the Real World. Luckily, I live in New York City and I'm not subjected to the high price of gas these days. (Not directly anyway) But the downside of not owning a car is that I don't listen to the radio too often. (Odd because yours truly WAS a radio station DJ for a few years.) But I do know that the state of radio in this country is abysmal. Good luck getting so much as a "pissed-off" out of someone on the radio these days. With the FCC handing out fines like they're Tic-Tacs, stations are forced to censor everything. Luckily, the governing radio body in Liberty City has no problem with what you say on the air ... at all. Plus, they play real music. Not some phoney-crap put together by marketing executives.

6. 12 Year-Olds Can Still Kick the Crap Out of Me. Grand Theft Auto has an amazing multiplayer option. With your choice of several different games, you're basically given access to the city and all it's weapons and vehicles. But you're also pitted against other players from around the world. I've had my troubles with multiplayer in the past, but I thought this time it would be different. After all, we were all starting from the same spot. I'd had my game just as long as everyone else. This was horrible thinking. Little kids were picking me off from the top of the TWA Terminal at JFK. I literally got hacked to bits by the blades of a helicopter piloted by some asshole in Latvia. It's time to face the truth... I'll never be as good at video games as 12 year-olds.

Obviously, there's more to learn in this huge game. (I still don't have access to Manhattan yet.) But I'd love to hear what all of you have learned so far in the comments section below.