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Caption Competition
fugly_bride.jpg

Leave your zinger in the comments, you know you wanna!

Some interesting tidbits about this photo, which was IM'd to me moments ago by an equally bored-with-work buddy:

  • The filename of the original photo is actually "fugly_bride.jpg"
  • As far as I know, the bride is neither Butch Patrick, nor 1980s-era Dodgers star pitcher Fernando Valenzuela, although I believe the groom could very well be Zolo, the villain from Romancing the Stone.
  • Yes, I do believe that is legal tender pinned to Maybe-Zolo's lapels.

(Since I'm the New Guy, I'm still not sure what, if any, prizes there are for these here Caption Competitions, but since my pay consists mostly of expired Metamucil coupons and candy corn, I'm guessing the prize is "The Satisfaction of Knowing How Clever You Are," or some bullshit like that.)

So...rock on, Captioneers!

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32 Comments

"Man, if I had a dollar for every time I've regretted this decision I wouldn't need this f*ckin' suit."

said J Dillah on May 28, 2008 9:01 PM.

"Do you Henry Hager take Jenna Bush to be your lawful wedded wife..."

said pink taco on May 28, 2008 11:57 PM.

Stan counts the money to see if its enough to marry Beastula.

said curlyelk on May 29, 2008 2:11 AM.

If this aint a shotgun wedding, I don't know what is.

said w1deawak3 on May 29, 2008 7:03 AM.

I'm not marrying him! It doesn't matter how many notes you pin to my suit, I'm not marrying him!

said Mat on May 29, 2008 7:57 AM.

The money is for the trip to appear on Jerry Springer for the honeymoon.

said DrBear on May 29, 2008 9:31 AM.

Ha, these are awesome, guys! Funny, AND some of you have got me all a-Googlin', expandin' my mind-n-shit, too...

pink taco: I had to run an image search on the former Miss Bush, who I used to think was kinda do-able in that skanky, drunk Republican kinda way, but wondered if she'd hit the wall recently or something. Prognosis: still kinda do-able, but her smirk is WAY too much like her Daddy's to allow for Missionary. Still, great caption.

curleyelk: I am now obsessed with the word "beastula," which had escaped my lexicon until this morning. All I could find about this enigmatic term was some World of Warcraft guy, and some scientific stuff about the embryonic phase of an animal preceding the "gastrula" phase. So why is there no "Beastula" ripping down power lines in Tokyo and battling Godzilla? I'll try to get to the bottom of this travesty when I have time...

said Jeem on May 29, 2008 9:52 AM.

Hello. I Mahir. You Internets women no kiss me, so I marry my cousin Flatulella.

said Whcgonzo on May 29, 2008 10:11 AM.

Tranny Wedding at Bernie's? Andrew McCarthy and Johnathan Silverman have to save their dead boss from a forced marriage.

said JAMES on May 29, 2008 11:23 AM.

Whcgonzo, nice! Hadn't thought about Mahir in a while.
(The muses have abandoned me on this one. All I can think is damn.)

said E on May 29, 2008 11:28 AM.

Another deleted scene from the Borat movie.

said Bigus Dickus on May 29, 2008 12:04 PM.

Angelina Jolie has really let herself go.

[Henceforth, just assume this time-tested zinger will be applied to every caption competition.]

said Don't Swayze Bro on May 29, 2008 12:44 PM.

Love in the Time of Cholera needs way more cholera.

said Don't Swayze Bro on May 29, 2008 12:46 PM.

Nice, the hits keep comin'!

And a Gabriel Garcia-Marquez reference, no less -- DSB, you just classed up this joint by at least 2 or 3 echelons!

said Jeem on May 29, 2008 1:02 PM.

As the ceremony concluded, Juan began to suspect the woman he married did not match the photo in the mail order bride catalogue.

said Johnny Wright on May 29, 2008 1:34 PM.

'I do...dammit.'

said heather on May 29, 2008 3:21 PM.

Jeem: I first heard Beastula used as a reference to one of my friend's girlfriends, behind their backs of course. I can't remember which one of us came up with it, but I'm fairly certain it was original. Ten years later and he's married to the Beastula...poor bastard.

said curlyelk on May 29, 2008 4:43 PM.

Ha, I love it! If I ever form a metal band, I'm totally calling it "Beastula." Will I have to pay you royalties then?

And heather: great caption, brevity truly is the soul of wit. (Advice I should probably start heeding myself, huh?)

said Jeem on May 29, 2008 4:49 PM.

Ah, the joys of arranged marriage!

said Ross on May 29, 2008 5:49 PM.

I have to say, Sex and the City looked more glamourous on the small screen.

said E on May 29, 2008 6:55 PM.

Good luck topping that one kids. A bulls-eye for E.

said Johnny Wright on May 29, 2008 7:17 PM.

I can haz new spouse?
(Chanelling LOLCats for some reason.)

said E on May 29, 2008 7:57 PM.

One word - Fergilicious.

said E on May 29, 2008 8:31 PM.

With all due props to the master swayze:

[Artie Lange/Brian Dennehey/Tom Arnold/Jack Black/Cee-lo] has really let himself go.

said E on May 29, 2008 8:40 PM.

Great. They legalize gay marriage in California and boom! we got this stuff going on. Thanks a bunch liberals.

said E on May 29, 2008 9:04 PM.

"You know, I really do love my cutiekins... I don't know why she feels like she has to hold me like a ventriloquist puppet."

said TeaFizz on May 30, 2008 12:07 AM.

"So THAT'S what she meant by 'payback'..."

said TeaFizz on May 30, 2008 12:12 AM.

"She said she'd help me with my constipation... I thought she meant AFTER the ceremony!"

said TeaFizz on May 30, 2008 12:13 AM.

"Oh, man... who cut the cheese?!?"

said TeaFizz on May 30, 2008 12:14 AM.

"Damn quadruple-dog-dare!!!"

said TeaFizz on May 30, 2008 12:19 AM.

You're so money you don't even know what a woman is.

said Don't Swayze Bro on May 30, 2008 10:06 AM.

Oddly enough, these are Angelina Joli's parents.

said Jeni Gump on June 29, 2008 2:33 PM.
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