Elliot has found a new friend. And he'll eat you for lunch. Go Ape shirts has my new favorite t-shirt design. An instant classic.

And with the Williams sisters losing at the French Open today, we're treated to one of my favorite things in all of sports ... the Williams Sisters post-loss denials. It goes like this, they lose. Instead of finding fault with their own game, they throw blame on their opponent or insist that the only reason their opponent won was due to luck. From the Sports Illustrated article above, Serena had this quote:

I wasn't nervous. She was getting a lot of balls back, and I might have let that get into my head. She was just making some shots I don't think she's ever made before, or she probably would be in the top two.

This was actually tame in comparison to some of her more classless loss following tirades. Click here for more.

So, to brighten your weekend, I give you this treasure to ponder and mock.

Look at the spectators watching Poops MaGee run by. That is classic. Imagine the conversations as he ran past. "How did he spill chili on his lap during a marathon?"

I started with "The thrill of victory, the agony of da feces," then decided it wasn't that funny. I'm going to go with the obvious and let the boys and girls, The Loyal 77 who read my nonsense, top it.

"That damn Norwegian put a laxative in my Gatorade again."

Enjoy. You're welcome.

If pickles were money, I'd plant a much larger patch of cucumbers.

(via b3ta)

Another brilliant segment from the folks at The Daily Show - in case you missed last nights show.

Of course, this is just one dicks opinion, spiced up with some filthy related links.

Here's Alec on Sesame Street helping out with the word of the day. I know he's playing to three year olds here and trying to be friendly, but he's really freaking me out. "Turn the bad man off," said my niece. Putting the helmet on backwards just adds to the creepiness.

News flash! Bulletin! Read all about it!

Ace reporter Tyra Banks has revealed a Watergate sized scandal. It comes as a shock to the world that the fashion industry discriminated against Banks because of her physical appearance!

The fashion industry, a trade known for equal opportunity and employment, has allegedly caused Banks to be less of a multi-millionaire because she was "black and curvy."

Shocking! Appalling! Confounding!

I do not know how this practice has escaped the media for so long. It took Banks' Woodward/Bernstein-esque effort to uncover this travesty. How Banks toughed it out with barely making the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Victoria's Secret catalogues and her own talk show, I'll never know. The bravery it must have taken! She's Jackie Robinson.

With this incredible revelation, I have decided to look into the rumor that the NBA is discriminating against those that aren't good at basketball. This unfair treatment must be quelled!

"I'm shocked! Shocked to find there is gambling going on in this establishment!"