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Retro YesBut - Top Ten Christmas TV Villains

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If you haven't already noticed, top ten lists are big with me (and about a dozen cable channels). Nothing like putting together a meaningless list of ten things, and ranking them in some arbitrary order to give myself a false sense of empowerment...I'm all about it. And as I get all festive during the holidays, I thought I'd put out a few of them...like twelve, maybe. Lot's of subjects to choose from...TV, movies, food, gifts, songs. Tons to 'em. And so, for this Monday morning, I give you...

Top Ten Christmas TV Villains

10) Albert Mouse
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Hey, it's Bill Gates with mouse ears. Albert is the weasel (mouse) in 'Twas The Night Before Christmas who writes Santa to tell him he doesn't believe in him. Not really a villain...more of a holiday geek, but any rat that almost cancels Christmas deserves to be on the villains list. Like some of the other characters on the list, he does lighten up in the end...The holidays have magically redeeming powers.


9) Poverty
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Ever see Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas? Based on The Gift of the Magi, it's about Emmet and his mom. They're otters, and they're broke. and they both take something from each other to pay the entry fee to enter a talent contest to win the cash to buy each other a gift...got that? Kind of an "end justifies the means" holiday message. The bummer is that neither otter wins the contest, but they learn a valuable lesson in the end...poverty sucks.


8) Ebeneezer MaGoo
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Same old story, just a little squintier. Magoo's a big ole scrooge who hates Christmas, and it takes a bunch of ghosts to change his mind...classic holiday tale.

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(SIDE NOTE: If I had to cast the three ghosts for a live action Magoo's Christmas Carol, I'd pick American Idol's Clay Aiken, a cryogenicallly preserved Jerry Garcia, and Georgia Senator Zell Miller)


7) Santa Claus
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What? Santa is the villain? Well yes, when the South Park guys are telling the story. As you probably know, The Spirit of Christmas was an Internet Christmas card that some television exec paid the guys to create, and it led to television gold. In the story, Jesus comes to earth to find Santa because he caused the holidays to become too commercial. Too commercial? Why, that's blasphemy.


6) Professor Hinkle
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Think of a slightly more effeminate Paul Lynde, with card tricks, and you've got Professor Hinkle. The villain in Frosty the Snowman, Hinkle wants that damn magic hat, and no suddenly human snowman is gonna stop him. He did have a cute little rabbit sidekick, though.


5) BurgerMeister MeisterBurger
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What! He made toys illegal. That's un-American...Cute shorts, though. In Santa Claus is Comin' To Town, BurgerMeister MeisterBurger was the mayor of some depressing German village, who found a baby at his front door that turned out to be Kris Kringle. Bad front door selection by mother Kringle, but things turned out ok in the end.

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(SIDE NOTE: This is the show that also features the Winter Warlock, but as you can see from the holiday action figure, he eventually lightens up and joins the Santa team)


4) Commercialism
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It swept through the Peanuts gang faster than Christmas Goose flu, it made Snoopy go a little nuts with the decorations, Lucy was hugging nickels at the shrink booth, and Sally went all Paris Hilton...it's commercialism, and it needed to be stopped. Enter Linus, with the true meaning of Christmas. A Charlie Brown Christmas is awesome.


3) The Grinch
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You're a mean one, Mister Grinch. So mean, they needed Frankenstein to do the voice. Another example of the villain going soft in the end. Little Cindy Loo Who...she'll do it to ya every time. (the doggie was another one of those cute sidekicks)


2) Heat Miser and Snow Miser
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The Plant and Page of Christmas specials, courtesy of The Year Without a Santa Claus. These guys rock, and they come with theme songs. But no matter how much power they had, they always had Mother Nature to answer to. Let that be a lesson to you all...mama knows best.

1) The Abominable Snow Monster (aka: The Bumble)
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Christmas Villain Numero Uno...The Bumble. Made Yukon Cornelius nearly crap his long johns at first, but with the help of Hermie and a pair of pliers, he became the North Pole's top star placement expert...and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was there to guide Santa's sleigh in the end. TA DA!

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(FINAL SIDE NOTE: Found a great behind-the-scenes Rudolph site on BoingBoing. Great trivia, like what was wrong with the doll on the island, and what was with Yukon licking his pick all the time.)

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4 Comments

Dude, awesome list! I nearly pissed myself with reminiscences of Christmas past. But no Hans Gruber? I mean, DIE HARD is one the best Xmas flicks... like, ever.

said Anommynous on December 4, 2007 7:58 PM.

Where's Scott Farkus?

said Joe on December 5, 2007 11:43 AM.

I really enjoyed seeing Albert Mouse on this list. Very nice.

said G dizz on December 6, 2007 4:53 PM.

Hans Gruber and Scott Farkus couldn't be on the list - the headline clearly says "TV villains"!

said Toby OB on December 13, 2007 9:24 PM.
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