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Mr. 500k
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What was life like before Craigslist? Forget apartment searches and second-hand sofas, Craigslist has given us the opportunity to look into the raw and terrifying human condition. This posting, about a girl wondering where she can find a man who makes at least 500k a year in New York, was sent around the office to shock and disbelief. But the genius response to the post made everyone realize that, when it all comes down to it, marriage is just a business deal.

The Post:
What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

The Response:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
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9 Comments

Hmmm, my wife is way above me on the attractive scale AND the pay scale. Good thing I got her pregnant before she realized what a bad investment I was.

said stephen on October 3, 2007 1:43 PM.

This makes me feel better about marrying so many, um, not-wealthy men.

said Miss Cellania on October 3, 2007 2:10 PM.

I got hung up on classy. Anyone who refers to themselves as "classy" can't be all that much so. Classy is for hookers.

"Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain?"

This speaks volumes. Was this ad placed by someone who's watched "Pretty Woman" about 5 million times with great longing? I'm imagining some Jersey chick who dresses like Fergie spying on the Upper Eastsiders, not understanding that those plain women have Ivy League educations, classic good breeding and intimidating family names, and probably more than a little money of their own.

said Hoyt Clagwell on October 3, 2007 2:13 PM.

That is a riot!

Her: How does a classy broad like me crack a half-mil for cryin' out loud?

Him: Raise your hourly, and invest.

said Dan on October 3, 2007 5:09 PM.

By 35 stick a fork in you! - that made me LOL :) Excellent response.

said Alek on October 4, 2007 8:49 AM.

Ladies take note: If you are shallow - and most of you are - you are a limited commodity, and in no way looked upon as an "equal". Better develop the mind, demeanor and personality so there is substance beneath the veneer, or you will be traded in for a younger, prettier, better model when we get tired of your crap.

said BigMO on October 4, 2007 8:58 AM.

Good god, someone could build an undergraduate course in "What is Love" out of this post.

I love the snarky response -- probably lost on her.

Maybe she should marry for love, and get it over with.

said konar on October 4, 2007 1:25 PM.

The woman is a shallow gold-digger and the guy is a sexist asshole. They deserve each other.

said Monica on July 17, 2008 2:17 PM.

He's not sexist, he's realistic. You're the sexist one. Get over yourself.

said John Doe on April 3, 2009 5:51 AM.
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