I hate to break it to you, but sand sucks. People don't go to the beach for sand. They don't go for the water either. Unless you want to die in a gruesome shark and/or Oyster Toadfish attack. People go to the beach to check out girls in skimpy bathing suits outside of the watchful eye of Chris Hansen and the rest of "To Catch a Predator." So it's disheartening that there's yet another company out there trying to take my fun away. I'm talking about Wholesome Wear. A place where they take women who look a lot like John Travolta (far right) and put them in something straight out of Colonial Williamsburg.

Personally, who doesn't like going to a hot beach dressed in black and wearing something that looks like it came off an Amish assembly line?

(Via Perez)