ornate line
Fatblogging: Week 0

Ugly Fat Man Big Tummy Funny Pictures Funfry Resize
There's no use getting around the fact. I'm fat. Middle aged spread had crept up on me, and has made me feel ten years older than I actually am. I'm lethargic, I'm out of shape, I feel uncomfortable wearing everything I own. I think I'm even developing manboobs, for chrissakes.

So now it's time to get the collective audience of YesButNoButYes to shame me into getting fit. Starting today, and every week for the next 12 weeks, I'm Fatblogging.

So let's start with the tail of the tape, which I'll update on a weekly basis?

See that nice straight line? That's where I wanna head - 2.5 lbs a week, every week, until I'm 30lbs lighter.


Now, this is not like your averagely planned, well thought-out healthy diet. No Weight Watchers, or Atkins, or Jenny Craig, or Neandethin (although that last one did appeal) for me. Nope, I'm gonna go the retro route, and just eat less crap. For "crap", read, everything I love in life:

  • cheese
  • bacon
  • chips
  • soda
  • Ice cream
  • chocolate
  • most red meat
  • fast food

(ugh I'm already feeling queasy). Basically.....COUNTING CALORIES. Yes, I know all you girls are going to tell me I'm doing this all wrong, that it's not about calories, it's about fat intake. Yeh, yeh, I cut out cheese and bacon, didn't I? So shut the fuck up.

But seriously, you guys need to keep me straight, encourage me, yell at me, whatever. You can even entice me with nekkid pictures. But I can't do this without knowing that I'll be forever condemned a loser if I don't get close to my target.

Here's a picture of me taken yesterday by my friend CC. Pretty puffy, and look down at the shirt - see the belly? That's where I carry it. And by Sept 1st. It's gotta go, go go.

Next week I'll fill you all in on my plans to not really exercise properly at the same time as I don't really diet properly. But whatever, I'm figuring the first week is going to be the easiest. I can probably just piss away 2 and a half pounds in water, right?

(Full inspiration for the Fatblogging meme go to my friend and mentor, Mr Joseph Jaffe, now a shadow of his former self. Besides, I'm tired of him looking better in meetings than I am)

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we are rooting for you!

said eh on June 8, 2007 3:57 PM.

Welcome to the party!!! No food for you!

said Divo Dapto on June 8, 2007 4:43 PM.

Some advice from when I lost 40 lbs (before I gained it all back again, that is...)

Eat whatever the hell you want but watch your calories -- it's like natural selection, because you will gravitate away from the bad stuff in a bid for quantity just to keep you from feeling hungry.

Apples are great for chasing away that empty stomach feeling.

WALK. Walk a lot. Walk with your family around the neighborhood after dinner, walk in the morning before you go to work, walk walk walk. Walk fast, but dear gawd don't do that ridiculous speed walking thing or you will get your ass kicked.

The weight loss won't be consistent week to week -- some weeks you will lose more, others you might stay the same, even though you worked harder. The body is like that, so don't despair.

Caffeine makes you hungry, so stay away from diet colas and coffee as well.

Good luck!

said TheMuggler on June 8, 2007 4:54 PM.

If you try to take things entirely out of your diet, you are setting yourself up for failure. Instead,you should try eating the same things you always eat, just LESS of them. For instance, if you must eat bacon, do, but limit yourself to two pieces, and not every day. You'll probably find (I did) that after a while this becomes nearly as satisfying as eating as much as you want (diminishing returns and all that)- you'll sate those cravings, yet hopefully won't overdo it.

Also, keep track of everything you eat. Everything. Count all your calories. If you go overboard one day, just try harder to meat your daily goals the next day. Don't try to make up for your previous overindulgence by eating half as many calories- that will just make you much hungrier, and things much harder.

Also also, exercise really will help you raise your metabolism. Doing as little as walking a half hour or so more a day may make a big difference.

Oh, and one final thing- keep daily track of your weight, but keep in mind that day-to-day changes will have more to do with hydration than actual weight gain/loss. There are sites out there that will help you graph trends of overall weight change- you should try to use one of them.

said Teri on June 8, 2007 5:29 PM.

Exercise is a lot more fun than dieting. When you want something to eat at a time you shouldn't, go walk a mile instead. By the time you get back, you won't have time to eat! Best of luck.

said Miss Cellania on June 8, 2007 5:52 PM.

you can do it!

said tiffany on June 8, 2007 6:58 PM.


said McFatty on June 8, 2007 11:18 PM.

Thanks McFatty, most motivational comment of the lot.

said Scaramouch on June 9, 2007 10:32 AM.

My boyfriend and I lost 40 lbs plus each over the last six mos. We don't eat ANYTHING with white flour. Absolutely no bakery products. We eat all the vegis, fish and fruit we want. And lean red meat. Right now I have shrimp stuffed portabello shrooms in the oven for lunch. Yummy.
We're closing in on 50 (I'm 49, he's 48) and we're both in better shape than 10 years ago. Good luck. Rusty. Oh yeah...No fast Food. Full of chemichals our bodies can't handle. Peace.

said rusty hatpin on June 9, 2007 3:11 PM.

Manboobs? Yikes! You better get that ass in gear before the new baby thinks you're the mommy!

Hahaha...Best of luck! I'll save a sucker punch for ya just in case, but I'm sure I won't need it. :)

said The Diva on June 9, 2007 11:43 PM.
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