munchy mcgee

The worst though, has to be this pair of brothers... where do i even begin with these guys? Leo was the first one I met. He reeked of B.O., cologne and cigarettes. Turned out he was allergic to deodorant. He liked to talk until the point of nausea about anime and nazis. Quite a combination, right? He seemed to think he was the baddest of all bad asses because he listened to obscure punk bands and saw all of Kevin Smith's movies before he was popular. He smoked 3 packs a day and would leave whatever he was doing to go smoke. He also liked to brag about how he was so absurdly popular with the women and quite a magnificent lover despite being prematurely bald at 23, living with his parents and smelling like a port-o-potty. He was very vain, and very odd. But his brother was the worst!

Bob Butler

When I would remove the customers old mattress I would be greeted by one of three categories of debris.

-Sex/masturbation related materials. Dildos, Kleenex origami, porn, auto-sucks, penis enlargement pumps, ropes, handcuffs, and an astounding number of kitchen appliances being used in a manner that would probably void their warranties.
-Weapons. A variety of guns, knives, bats, whips, all sorts of martial arts stuff, and once a fully loaded M-16 with attached grenade launcher.
-Filth. Dust bunnies, dirt, pet hair, dead insects, dead rodents, mushrooms, used tampons, used diapers, mold, mildew, piles of animal and human feces.

In the Summer of 1978 the store I worked for went into water beds in a big way and the time it took to set them up necessitated the hiring a helper for me. Into this void stepped Gary, a diminutive heavy metal freak with a deep and abiding hatred of just about everything, and no inner monologue. Each day we would ride about on our appointed rounds, I always drove, he had lost his license, while he would expound on a three basic subjects:

-People he hated: Women(all whores), blacks(all lazy drug addicts), the clergy(all money grubbing whores and lazy drug addicts). President Carter(a stupid hick). His Mother(a drunken whore). His father(dead, but still an asshole).
-Sex he was going to have.
-Black Sabbath.

Nick Badway

We ended up in the parking lot of a neighborhood liquor store. Billy Nines got himself a 40. And in keeping fashion with his generosity, asked me if I wanted anything while he was in there. Geez! I'm already like Brian Johnson when Bender stuffed his wad down his pants in the hallway. Straight-laced, man. So, I ate my "PB&J with the crust cut off" and watched him guzzle 120 oz. of Budweiser and burn the rest of his bud left in his bag.

Tracy

Then we were going downtown to a building to see the owner, (this was a real estate business) and on the way there, he explained to me that this man might think we are sleeping together but don't mind him. Okay....

The kicker was, one day he was in a very good mood because he had just closed a deal and flat out told me he wanted to sleep with me. I told him I was not interested. The next day I came in late because I had to run an errand and he fired me. Claiming I was late. If I'd known then what I know now......

More from Evan

Chris later told me he was raised on the street (a la Pursuit of Happyness), only without the happy ending. He described in detail sleeping in dumpsters with his father and using public lavatories as bathtubs – all the while staring me down as if I was the cause of his issues.

Ray

Minutes into talking, Barry invited me to a party he was having that coming Friday. Seeing as I didn’t know him well, I politely said, “sure, I’ll stop by.” He quickly shoved a flyer in my face with several scantily clad women on it in compromising positions with a headline reading “Ooochy Bang Bang.” Again attempting to be polite I said, “oh so where is this taking place?” Barry’s response, “Here.” Shocked, I looked closer at the invitation/street flyer and saw it did in fact have the correct address, as well as a note to all pimps instructing them to stay outside.

rdl

When I was very young and naive (wow, heard to remember that, now being old and jaded) I was offered a job as a potters assistant. The only thing is after just a few times helping out in his greenhouse in exchange for pottery lessons I soon learned that a green thumb was not what he was looking for.

KB

Apparently he hated the sound of my voice, which is ironic because I now work in radio. Eventually he 'accepted my resignation' which I had never tendered, effectively firing me without nasty unfair dismissal laws kicking in.

They gave me six weeks notice and a list of jobs I had to complete during my time. I didn't do it. About 1 week to go and they asked me what I had done. I said nothing. They seemed a bit angry, but hey, what could they do? Fire me?

Russell

The summer after my freshman year of college I got a job doing QA in a printer factory. The fellow I was working with waws named Jim. A few highlights.

He washed his hands before going to the bathroom, but never after.

Every five minutes, he would say "Rock and Roll". No reason for it, you're just sitting around and you hear him say "Rock and Roll".

He would tell the most interesting stories. I think my favorite was when he said "You know, it's not a real good idea to punch a cop. But he deserved it." From what I can gather, he was drunk, a cop went to arrest him, Jim punched said cop, cop beat the hell out of Jim. The judge felt pity on the bruised and battered Jim, so he didn't go to jail. I think.

This is a story about a close friend of mine. He works for a delivery service. A very popular delivery service. Anyways...he was working in the warehouse with this very strange guy. One day they were having lunch and the guy mentioned that he was having sex with an underage girl. And how underage girls are so "hot". This man also mentioned that he had some kind of website, or myspace or something and would look for underage girls. Well, being the moral person my friend is, and feeling like what I'm sure the rest of us do...sickened at this man, he decided to pose himself as an underage girl on the internet and get him. He was pulling a "Chris Hansen" if you will. But my friend also got the police involved. Well, needless to say, the man went to meet the "girl" and wound up getting busted. I was so proud of my friend.

TJB

He started off with the usual questions about where I'd worked previously, education, qualifications, etc etc.. and slowly the questions turned more and more personal, more and more SEXUAL, until I was feeling very uncomfortable and almost crying. I had a very bad feeling like I was going to end up on the back of a milk carton - that'd I was about to become a statistic. If that'd happened to me NOW, I would have hauled off and smacked him before leaving, but at 17 I was just too scared and insecure.

In then end he said I wasn't qualified for the job but to make up for me having to come all the way out to his house, he generously offered me $50 to watch me masturbate. (Wow! So thoughtful) I declined and got the hell out of there very quickly - glad to be alive.

javathinker

Freshmen year of college I started to work at this little "Christian" coffee shop. I had a the manager of the afternoon shift tell me one day in a totally serious voice that she wanted to bare my children. Now I feak out. This woman who is in her upper 40's and who was devorcied hit on me. I have a look of horror on my face and after a bit of silence she she started laughing and saying how she got me. But this happened many more times. Luckily the shop was bought out by a used car store.

press22day

Why am I the only one not getting hit on at work? One summer when I was in high school, I cleaned up a small butcher shop at night. It was higher paying than my other two jobs and only took me 3 hours, and since it was unsupervised, I could mark down a couple extra hours. All good on paper. Until the nights that I would show up, exhausted from the other jobs, to find several severed cow heads staring at me from the trash. I have a pretty strong stomach, but scooping intestines up while breathing the horrible odor that raw sausage creates after several hours on a warm floor! It was worth it to be able to describe it to people after they have a mouthful of hamburger. The slow shifting of the color of there face is priceless!