Chuck M.

apparently after just the one joint he started doing speed and crack. he'd torn up the rug in his room and shit in the corner. there was no less than four speed pipes broken on the floor. used rubbers were scattered about and porn, porn, porn. everywhere. the floor. walls. even the ceiling. weird.

rj

I have sooo many roommate and house stories (like the time I was exposed to TB) that it is hard to pick just 1.

Miranda

In my first year at University I lived with a girl who began as a very conservative Catholic. She wouldn't drink or even come to parties and she kept trying to convince me that if I just kissed my gay friends they would miraculously become straight. About half way through the year she must have had some sort of backwards epiphany and began to drink and do drugs heavily. She would come back to our room at all hours of the night and throw up everywhere. The culminating point of this drunken behaviour was the night a stranger found her passed out in the mud outside of our residence building. He/She took her back to our room, opened the door and let her inside and then stole my laptop. We didn't talk much after that night.

Mrs. Aquaman

Like about 75 percent of the population, the roommate that I was randomly assigned my freshman year of college didn't end up a life-long friend. Here's why:

She hated college. To compensate, she holed up in our small jail-cell room microwaving frozen home-cooked meals her mom would FedEx to her overnight. Her extreme depression and constant presence eventually drove a wedge between us, especially because she resented how much I was enjoying college life. Still, we co-existed somewhat peacefully until about a week before the school year ended.

It was then that she decided I had been purposely hanging up on her mother whenever she called. (A charge I vehemently deny to this day. At least the "purposely" part.)

So, though I don't remember this precise moment, I do concede it's possible that I was overheard at some point saying, "Sometimes I just want to kill her." She decided that I truly meant this overused expression of anger, and went to our RA about it. I subsequently found myself being questioned by the RA as to whether I truly meant said roommate bodily harm.

Bubba

Kevin was deep frying onion rings, but fell asleep watching tv. I screamed, "Hey a**hole!!" Kevin came in and threw the pot in the sink.

"DON'T"

Kevin turned the water on. A large fireball engulfed the kitchen. Kevin was on fire. I dumped a large box of baking soda on the fire and it went out. Kevin had burns on his arm.

My other roommate comes in and says, "what are you a**holes doing?!"

I just had to laugh and went to bed.

Rich M.

I once lived in an apartment on Manhattan's Upper West Side where the walls were so thin, after the woman next door finished having (very noisy) sex, _I_ wanted to smoke a cigarette.

And since I never heard anyone else with her, I was often tempted to go knock on her door and ask if she wanted any company.

Lynette Radio

Worst roomate ever. Would freak if I moved her GALLON water jug (in the fridge) that she drank from every morning before going to work, and then some more when she got home from work. Faucet in kitchen was being replaced by landlord one morning, so rather than go into the bathroom and fill my cup there, I drank from her water supply in the fridge.

It was straight vodka.

CEL

In a thick Italian accent, Baldy Boy Toy is yelling about some stain on his slimy wifebeater. He mentions, and I quote- “My grand-ah-mother-ah ah-got that ah shit on her carpet- and let me tell you, dat-ah shit ah smells, ah-FOREVER!”.

Needless to say, my mind is helplessly running through any substance that could
1- Appear on his wifebeater
2- Be on his grandmother’s carpet
3- Smell forever.

Things didn't get any better. The story continues, but would drift off the topic of roommates and into the "flesh eating pests" category.

Miss Cellania

There was that time I married the guy my roommate was dating...

Let's all do this again real soon.