YBNBY Logo
ornate line
Up Yours, Cupid!

cupid_1.JPG
Valentines Day sucks. I can hear you nodding and agreeing with me. But everyone hates Valentines Day in their own way.

To me, its just another candy holiday for the kids. Even when I was married, Valentine’s Day was just another day. My ex-husband maintained that it was a contrived tradition. It doesn’t mean anything to give gifts on a certain day just because we’re supposed to. He didn’t give gifts on any other days, either. My last husband preferred not to do Valentine’s Day because he had no job, and it made him feel awful to spend my money on frivolous things, no matter how much I wanted him to.

How do we hate Valentines Day? Let me count the ways. Here’s the top ten.

1. Its too commercial. The whole idea of the holiday is to make profits for florists, greeting-card companies, candymakers, jewelers, and restaurants. When the spontaneity is gone, so is the romance.

You’re cheap, aren’t ya? I’ve got some money-saving ideas for you, whether its homemade, kitchy, or completely free.
cupidspank.jpg

2. My girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse is too materialistic.
That girl you’ve been dating for a few months expects an engagement ring on Valentine’s Day. Your boyfriend thinks a card and a box of candy is going to buy him into your pants. Yes, its contrived, but greedy people are just as much to blame as the gift stores.

This page has some advice on how to satisfy her without buying a diamond.

3. I give and give, and get nothing in return. For women, this often means you find the most personal, meaningful, and romantic gift possible. The kind of thing you’d like to receive. Except you don’t, because he doesn’t consider it as important as you do. For men, this means that her expectations are so high you’ll never completely please her, no matter what you do.

Try something completely unexpected. For a woman: Romance by You will publish a personalized romance novel for you. Pick an available theme, fill in some blanks, and they drop your name and your signifigant other’s name into a cheesy romance story. Now THAT’s personal! Just don’t buy a diamond. For a man: He'll surely enjoy a His and Hers Combo Pack with the Clone-A-Willy and Clone-A-Pussy kits.

4. Its too cutesy and sappy and feminine. Mostly guys say this, but they are right. Pink hearts belong in a schoolgirl’s room. Valentines Day can send you into a diabetic shock.

For you, a zombie valentine! Or maybe you’d prefer a serial killer valentine?
YBvalentinelonely.png

5. I’m trying to stay unattached.
Fear of commitment and all. This is normal, but hard to deal with when you’re surrounded by hearts and flowers and romance. On top of that, your mother is bugging you about getting a date for the holiday. Bah, humbug!

There’s another holiday coming your way. Singles Awareness Day is February 15th!

6. I have a new girlfriend/boyfriend, but its too soon to make any statements about love or commitment. The holiday pumps up the pressure. What if she/he makes some grand romantic gesture? How am I going to respond? A date on the stupid calendar can feel like an ultimatum!

I was in this situation last year. I mailed him a humorous valentine. He didn’t think of that in time, so he sent me this ecard. As funny as it is, the relationship is no more.

7. I just escaped a bad relationship. You may be relieved, heartbroken, scard, lonely, broke, depressed or angry. The last thing you need is hearts and flowers.

Have a laugh on me with these Valentines for the Ex. Or these, which are bittery delicious.
Valentinebittersweets.jpg
8. I’m lonely. Like the poor kid with his nose mashed against the window, you’d like to take part in this magical ritual of love, but you don’t have the essential part -someone to be your valentine. Its hell to have the only desk at your workplace with no flowers or candy displayed.

For you, Bittersweets. The Valentine candy for the rest of us. Available in two versions now, dejected and dysfunctional.

9. I have a stalker.
You’re desirable, alright. To a psycho who won’t take no for an answer. He/she thinks because you answered one email message, you two are now an “item”.

Maybe you should take the bull by the horns and sent your stalker a greeting card. This restraining order generator will do.

10. I hate holidays. I hate people. I hate February. Some people are just that way.

For you, I got nothin’. Sorry.

If you’re not sure what kind of Valentines hater you are, you can take a test. This one is for women, entitled How Bad Will It Be This Year? and this one is for men. Real Valentines Day haters will take neither test. You can find more Valentine’s Day stupidity and jokes at Miss Cellania.

Share on Facebook StumbleUpon ToolbarStumble This    Submit to RedditReddit!

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin
9 Comments

Spend YOUR money on YOU! Heaven forfend! :-)

I make a pass at celebrating V-Day. I don't do the whole wine-and-dine (or as I like to call it, "whine and sign") thing, even when I don't have to pay her to spend a few hours with me.

said actor212 on February 7, 2007 10:33 AM.

"this one will do" = 404.

said b0b on February 7, 2007 1:36 PM.

these are all very true reasons to hate and frown upon valentines day. I personally dont "hate" it, but its definatly not in my top 10 favorite holidays. I dont know, maybe im just an anti-love party pooper, but oh well. Its just not that big of a deal. My girl friends always want to do somthing on valentines day, and to me its just another day. Like my birthday, when I was younger that, aside from x-mas, was my favorite day of the year. Now when it comes around I tend to forget that it is my birthday untill sombody reminds me.

said thoren on February 7, 2007 1:44 PM.

these are all very true reasons to hate and frown upon valentines day. I personally dont "hate" it, but its definatly not in my top 10 favorite holidays. I dont know, maybe im just an anti-love party pooper, but oh well. Its just not that big of a deal. My girl friends always want to do somthing on valentines day, and to me its just another day. Like my birthday, when I was younger that, aside from x-mas, was my favorite day of the year. Now when it comes around I tend to forget that it is my birthday untill sombody reminds me.

said thoren on February 7, 2007 1:44 PM.

Curses!

Being a non-lover of V-day myself, I found the Bittersweets from Despair, Inc. delightful. I immediately tried to order them, but they've been discontinued! Sigh ... but if everyone goes and emails them they might bring it back. :)

said nntt on February 7, 2007 4:53 PM.

Valentines day is a pointless, empty consumer whore fest hyped by marketing departments and diamond consortiums. No one is doing wrong by not wanting to buy things on Valentine's day. No matter how much you buy into the crap they're selling you, significant others and mates are not required to waste money for a ridiculous marketing ploy.

said Gorka on February 13, 2007 12:33 PM.

Valentines day...bah... It's for those sickly sweet love birds. When you think of it the chocolate is an insult as its going to ruin our complexion and make us fatter. Either that or its just to make it so they know we've got some chocolate now for the next time we start p.m.s.ing so we don't yell and scream. The true meaning behind vday? Saint Valentine was a priest who went against his king and married couples even though he wasnt supposed to. He was thrown into jail and later killed. Yeah todays meaing? Buy your girl candy, flowers, jewelry etc. give your guy sex. Support the big corporate companies and fill their pockets while we grow fat and give those without a valentine a reason to sit around and mope for their badluck. THanks but I officially started boycotting Vday years ago. Screw you cupid I hope your wings get ripped off and you get shot with your own damn arows.

said Ellen Degenerate on February 12, 2008 10:42 AM.

Amen. I dreaded this day all week and woke up this morning feeling nauseous. I am not the type of person who hates easily and there are only a few things I really hate, but Valentine's Day tops the list. I do not need nor want a special day just to remind me that I do not have a girlfriend.

I am a tall well paid highly-educated 46 y.o. professional who has a large circle of friends and travels extensively, but I have never had much luck when it came to romance. If I hear one more woman bitch and complain about how she can't get a boyfirend while rejecting every man who treats her with respect I am going to puke.

Yes, I will admit that if I had a significant other I would do something special. Maybe drive her to Atlantic City for dinner at a fine restaurant and a show. We could even stay over night and have a leasurely Sunday brunch. However, you shouldn't need a special day to do something like that. You should treat your partner with caring, love and reespect EVERY day. Dating is already too difficult without a special made-up day to make single people feel like losers.

Thanks for letting me express myself.

said Phillip on February 14, 2009 9:33 AM.

RIGHT ON! i hate valenitines day, it makes me sick and im still in those awkward high school years where girls walk around talking about their boyfriends A L L the time and girls who dont have bf.gf's any either proclaim the truth or create a lie. SCREW VALENTINES DAY! i know i sound really grumpy but for all of those who have gf/bf's you shouldnt have to show your love for each other on just one day, it should be everyday! why should presents cards chocolate be any different? they are all of materialistic value. Love grows and stays with you a rose shouldnt change anything. Its what you feel for each other that takes you to heaven. i know it sounds corny but its the truth and gosh i HATE VALENTINES DAY !

said anonymous on May 2, 2009 3:06 AM.
The
greatest
pop culture
blog on the
planet.
 
Or
maybe not.


rss feed Breakfast Links Feed

Recent Comments

What we can learn from Donna "Treasure Bombshell" Simpson?
Dear Treasure Bombshell If you don’t’ love yourself think of your daughter. W
teresacristinacunha

What we can learn from Donna "Treasure Bombshell" Simpson?
Dear Treasure Bombshell If you don’t’ love yourself think of your daughter. W
teresacristinacunha

Where the Streets have Sexual Names
Lets not leave out Climax, Saskatchewan :)
Heather

Where are they now? Serial Killers
another true fact on Jeffry Dahlmer, sick puppy he is ..one book at library sai
Marylou

Where Are They Now - The Griswold Kids
dana hill passed away now
Mike

Where Are They Now - The Griswold Kids
dana hill passed away now
Mike

Comments Feed

Special Features

Archives by Writer

New to YesButNoButYes?

YesButMailbag