Yesterday, a friend asked me whether Colts QB Peyton Manning was married. I'm supposed to know these things. So I fired up The Google. Turns out Peyton does wear at least one ring. Ashley Manning, above, is a real estate developer and 1997 graduate of the University of Virginia.
While this information was easy to locate, I was surprised to not find one definitive source for photos of NFL players' wives. Not to mention a little let down.
Which brings me to my YesButNoButYes New Year's Resolution. In 2007, if I'm Googling something and can't find it, I must fill the void. It's time to give back. Without further intro blabber, I offer you this semi-complete (yet nonetheless definitive) list of the women behind the men behind center.
Brittany Brees, wife of New Orleans Saints QB Drew.
Drew does not talk to his mother, so I'm glad to see the state of his union is strong. Brittany is being discussed as possibly the hottest quarterback's wife in Saints history (or something like that).
Kollette Klassen, girlfriend of (soon-to-be former) Denver Broncos QB Jake Plummer.
They might be engaged; I've read conflicting reports. If Plummer wants to work again next year, the two should enter free agency as a package deal.
Melody Carr, wife of Houston Texans QB David.
They got engaged when they were 19. When he was at Fresno State, Carr used to wear white tape wrapped around his ring finger to remind him of his wife. Announcers ate this up all season, as did my wife (then girlfriend). We watched a lot of Fresno State games at 11pm on ESPN2 that year.
Shaelyn Palmer, wife of Cincinnati Bengals QB Carson.
She seems nice. They have a foundation. I don't have much to say here, so I'll thank Carson for a steady fantasy season, leading me to one first- and one second-place finish.
Kim Culpepper, wife of injured Miami Dolphins QB Daunte.
She doesn't look too happy here, but don't hold it against her. This picture was taken on the way in to Daunte's lewd & disorderly conduct trial, stemming from the 2005 Sex Boat Scandal.
Brenda Warner, wife of Arizona Cardinals QB Kurt.
A lot of people make cracks about Kurt's wife, who used to call in to St. Louis radio stations to complain about Kurt's coach Mike Martz. But the Warners seem to be pretty virtuous people, which is backed up by Snopes. I'll move on.
Sarah Hasselbeck, wife of Seattle Seahawks QB Matt.
She was a star field hockey player at Boston College and is not a talk show host.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck, wife of New York Giants' third-string QB Tim (brother of Matt).
She's a former Survivor and co-star of The View. I'm just waiting for Rosie O'Donnell to make a crack about Tim's spot on the depth chart. Fingers crossed for '07.
Allison Rattay, wife of Tampa Bay Bucs QB Tim Rattay.
This photo was taken a couple seasons ago, when Tim was with the 49ers and Allison quarterbacked San Francisco's flag team.
Carmella Danielle DeCesare, possible fiance of Philadelphia Eagles QB and savior Jeff Garcia.
Garcia has declared his heterosexuality time and time again. "I don't know how many times I have to be out in public with a girlfriend to stop that from being said." Marrying Playboy Playmate DeCesare looks like his next strategic move.
Heather Mitts, girlfriend of Philadelphia Eagles backup QB A.J. Feeley.
In 2004, ESPN.com named the soccer starlet hottest female athlete. She's now a sideline reporter for Major League Soccer on ABC and ESPN2. Imagine who Feeley could be with if he started.
Deanna Favre, wife of Green Bay Packers QB Brett.
A breast cancer survivor, Deanna is now an advocate, running the The Deanna Favre Hope Foundation. The Favre family has fallen on hard times, documented here.
Nikki Johnson, wife of (soon-to-be former) Minnesota Vikings QB Brad.
She went to the University of South Florida on a volleyball scholarship and will teach you how to get in shape. I'm pretty sure not one person will click on that link.
Jeni Kitna, wife of Detroit Lions QB Jon.
I'll be honest. I'm running out of steam. Let me turn it over to Bill Simmons, who recently wrote of Kitna: "Hiring Mike Martz to create an offense for Jon Kitna is like hiring Michael Mann to build a one-hour cop drama around Mario Lopez."
Mechelle McNair, wife of Baltimore Ravens' QB Steve.
Big Hurricane Katrina supporters (that didn't sound right, but you know what I mean.)
Brynn Cameron, the mother of Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinart's son.
At USC, he was a Heisman Trophy winner; she was a star guard on the women's hoops team. The highest profile Trojan couple since Marcus Allen and Nicole Brown Simpson, Cameron & Leinart had a son in November of 2006. According to Cele|bitchy, Leinart has recently been linked to Britney Spears.
Let's call it a post. I know I missed a few. Fans of Robin Pennington and Roxie McNabb will have to look elsewhere. You can email me links to anyone not pictured -- yesbutnobutyes (at) gmail.com. We'll update the gallery and give you (and your site) credit for your Google prowess.
UPDATE: Check back for Part II, coming soon. Rex Grossman's wife, Philip Rivers' wife, even Sage Rosenfels' special lady. Monday or Tuesday (1/8 or 1/9). Or Wednesday (1/10). Quit rushing me.
UPDATE II: The sequel is ready.