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« "Blood" for a Stone | Main | What the hell is myrrh, anyway? »

Top 10 Christian Tourist Traps

Posted by Razen on December 11, 2006.

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While most pagans like myself are satisfied with a spinning teacup or the Coney Island Cyclone, the religious right is often forced to look a little harder for a vacation destination. Not comfortable to have little Timmy bowing down to Mickey Mouse, those of the religious ilk search out those special places that cater to both an entertainment and a spiritual need.

Since the heathens who read this site would find themselves tossed out of these vacation spots quicker than Joesph Goebbels at a bar mitzvah, I’ve taken it upon myself to show you how the other half has fun. Here then is a list sure to open your ears and convert your souls.

10. Golgotha Mini Golf - Cave City Kentucky

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What better says family fun than an attraction that translates to “Hill of Skulls” in the original Aramaic? The first nine holes offers such old testament highjinks as the Garden of Eden and Moses parting the Red Sea while the back nine concentrate on the miracles of the new testament. Various angel statues dot the landscape while Christ himself stands watch at the 18th hole…talk about pressure to perform!

It’s evident that the owners were short of funds when creating the park since many of the scenes are recreated with whatever ornaments could easily be found. Small plastic statues of armadillos and poodles are lined up to enter a shoddily constructed ark and elves from the Wal-Mart garden department helpfully stand in for various religious icons. I never knew St. Peter wore lederhosen!

Alas, Jesus’s accession into heaven with a golf club has seen better days; when last I visited it shook my soul to see that the place has been closed for a few years and the religious fervor for putt putting on astroturf is slowly being consumed by crabgrass and kudzu. A realtor sign at the front gate confirms that, at least when it comes to golf, religion is for sale.

9. God’s Ark of Safety – Frostburg Maryland

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In 1974 Richard Green kept having visions of a giant ark on the side of a hill. Night after night his sleep was troubled by visions of a gigantic boat filled with all of God’s creatures. Finally Richard decided this was the voice of God instructing him to build a full size replica of Noah’s ark. A few days later, with $300 to spend, Richard started construction on an ark that was 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet high. Work has been slow since it all depends on donations of manpower and materials but, as Richard says, “As God provides, we will build.”

32 years later, only the steel support structure is completed so far, but architectural drawings show how it will look when finished. Exciting touches include a theater that shows a film about the original vision to build the ark, a 4-story atrium complete with statues of cows and pigs, and a 2 story water cross in which unsaved souls can be baptized. At the current rate of progress the ark should be finished somewhere around the year 2085.

8. Cross Garden – Prattville Alabama

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The Cross Garden isn’t pretty. It isn’t meant to be. It’s a warning about what awaits if you don’t find Jesus. Hundreds of home made crosses made from telephone poles, 2 by 4’s, and scraps of lumber, stand in the kudzu covered clay. Scrawled across all of them are warning labels of what lies in the afterlife. “Hell is hot, hot, hot” zigzags across one and “No ice water in hell” states another. The number 27 is painted mysteriously over and over again on the crosses, discarded washing machines, and mechanical debris that litter the site. This vista is a testament to a man with a feverous idea in his brain that he had to get out.

The creator of this foreboding landscape is W.C. Rice who spent over 20 years creating this masterpiece to the afterlife. He claimed to have been inspired from seeing a cross at his mother’s funeral and just kept on at it like “a bird building a nest.” W.C. passed on 2 years ago but his family says they have no plans to take the Cross Garden down. Indeed the place has become a local tourist attraction for outsider art enthusiasts and perhaps others who just need to be reminded of what is to come.

7. New Holy Land Tour – Eureka Springs Arkansas

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Ever wish you could see what life was really like when Jesus walked the earth in leather flip flops? Well then look no further 'cause the fine folks in Arkansas have got an attraction for you! At the New Holy Land tour you can interact with the Big J and other classic good guys from the bible…or at least local teenagers being paid 7 bucks an hour to pretend to be them. Why travel to the real Mideast and dodge Hezbollah rockets and Israeli artillery strikes when you can stand around a man made pond in Arkansas and pretend it’s the real thing?

I think the place could really pack in the crowds if they would add a little more excitement to the place. Show an adulterer getting stoned to death by a crazed crowd. Have a Lot’s Wife salt water taffy stand. Get a zombie Lazarus running amok and trying to eat tourist brains. The possibilities are endless.

6. Super Sized Saviors – various locations

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Nothing says USA like oversized icons and what better way to celebrate the Lord than by creating a huge statue of him. Like Godzilla stalking the citizens of Tokyo, these titanic Saviors gaze down upon the masses always ready to stomp a sinner down with an oversized foot.

One of my favorites has to be the “Drowning Jesus” in Monroe Ohio, a 62 foot statue of the Savior rising out of a lake with him arms outstretched. I hope someone is able to bring him some giant water wings pretty soon.

The “Christ of the Ozarks” in Eureka Springs Arkansas stands 70 feet tall and appears to have been caught in mid-exercise. Locals call him “Stumpy” because his feet were left off so the statue wouldn’t require a warning light for low flying aircraft. I’m guessing the creators didn’t think a blinking red light on the king of kings’ noggin was such a good idea.

Of course the champion of any duel between of the lofty Lords would have to be Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil whose 125 foot height puts him well above any of our local boys. However it’s well known that all foreign Jesus’ statues were created by heathens who will burn eternally in hellfire…so that statue doesn’t count.

5. Ave Maria Grotto – Cullman Alabama

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Deep in the heart of Alabama lies a testament to one mans obsession with making tiny things. For over 40 years Benedictine monk Joseph Zoetti labored to reproduce in miniature the great religious sights from all over the world. Packed tightly together over a small area rests very small versions of St. Peters, St. Juan Capistrano, and even the city of Jerusalem. Zoetti made the creations in his spare time from shoveling coal at a power plant and used whatever he could get his hands on; stones, cement, and odd junk he found laying around the grounds.

While the results are beautiful, there are some rather odd design choices. Because the monk couldn’t visit any of the places he often only used a single photo to guide him on how a building should look. The result is that the size of a single structure varies widely from wall to wall and unknown sides of building would be given windows and doors as the monk saw fit. You’d do well not to mention any of this to the current monks who live there since they tend to get a little miffed at tourists talking trash about their “miraculous miniatures.”

4. Precious Moments Chapel – Carthage Missouri

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This is definitely the creepiest place on the list. Built by Sam Butcher, the man who created those big-eyed figurines, the chapel stands proudly in Middle America as a tremendous icon of bad taste. Inside the large chapel is room after room of dead baby angel paintings with those huge eyes all staring down at you. These droopy-eyed monsters all share the same demented look of joy and it was all I could do to keep from screaming out in fear. One painting after another shows these sad eyed waifs cavorting in Heaven until you get the sense that the afterlife is only for kids who die before puberty. In fact the only adult you see in the place is Jesus and even he looks creeped out by all these big-eyed kids looking up at him.

Outside the joint is a large fountain filled with even more Big Eye kid statues that shoots huge geysers of water every few hours. It’s like being in Vegas at the Bellagio but instead of being surrounded by call girls and 2nd rate singers, you’re surrounded by tourists who think this would be the perfect time for the rapture to occur.

3. Holy Land USA – Waterbury Connecticut

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Another landmark created by a man with a vision of the divine. Holy Land sits on a hill overlooking Waterbury like a crumbling version of heaven. A large neon cross still lights up the night sky, casting a soulful glow down onto the town. Built in the late 50’s by John Greco, this conglomeration of the highpoints in biblical history used to be a huge tourist draw in the 60's but fell upon hard times after the death of it’s owner in 1986. Greco willed the entire thing to a group of mysterious nuns who have refused almost all offers of help in maintaining the attraction. As a result the entire thing has been falling apart for 20 years, assaulted by the ravages of time and vandals.

But the property still holds a mysterious power to those who visit. The crumbling vistas of Bethlehem and the barren Garden of Eden are like the results of some epic power struggle between good and evil. Strange catacombs dug into the earth to give “the history of the church” now lend themselves to visions of ogres and molemen, eager to snatch up unwitting tourists. As time marches over the grounds of this strange attraction it only manages to enhance the weirdness.

2. Institute For Creation and Research – Santee California

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There’s a lot of Christian museums out there that show how evolution is just hogwash but most of them come off as laughable because of limitations of budget and a devotion to the Lords “true word” that borders on obsession. The ICR is one of the few that has overcome that problem with its professional, well-designed experience. It’s only when you start looking more closely at the stuff they are presenting that you suddenly realize you’re in the midst of people who don’t go for all that “science mumbo-jumbo.”

Exhibits at the beginning show how both the Universe and the Earth were created at the same time. Another exhibit shows how the power of Universal Disorder is kept in check by the guiding hand of a higher power. Further on a helpful display shows how the theory of evolution being taught brought Hitler and the Nazi’s into power. Just beyond is a visual representation of the “tree of evolution” with such evil fruit as genocide, bestiality, murder, and the use of drugs all ready for the picking by us scoffers of intelligent design. Oh that nasty, evil, mean ole’ theory of evolution!

1. Holyland Experience – Orlando Florida

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Topping the list at number one is the country’s only Christian theme park located just minutes away from that evil secular mouse. At Orlando’s Holyland Experience you can chomp down on a “Goliath” burger while you watch Jesus Christ get whipped by Roman guards and then nailed to a cross. This has to be the only place in the world that bills a public execution as “family fun.”

After leaving your child emotionally scarred for life, why not commemorate the experience with some souvenirs? The Roman shield and sword lets junior pretend to be a member of the ruthless ruling elite over any of his Jew friends while Bearnardo the Scribal Bear helps little Sally explore what life was like in the dark ages. Hey Sally, time to send your brothers off to kill the infidel Muslims!

Yes, the Holyland Experience is the perfect blend of tourism with Christianity. A celebration of the good old days when a man was the Son of God and a woman could get stoned to death for wearing too much jewelry. Don’t forget to bring the kids!

If you enjoyed this story, read more like it in our Top Ten Lists section.

Reader Comments

There's only a chance I'm going to hell with all the sex and violence posts. I KNOW you're going...well done.

(PS: Lot’s Wife salt water taffy stand...nice)

Posted by Jellio.

I have a room reserved in hell, got my own burning lake of fire and everything!

Posted by Dean.

I opted to get a timeshare instead.

Posted by beachsouthpaw.

There's a great one in Michigan -- a giant cross. That's all.

Posted by Mike White.

Don't forget Christus Gardens in Gatlinburg, Tn. It's full of wax figures of Jesus being crucified, being tempted by Satan and a creepy marble carving of Jesus with eyes that "follow" you anywhere you go.

Posted by D.R..

Don't forget Christus Gardens in Gatlinburg, Tn. It's full of wax figures of Jesus being crucified, being tempted by Satan and a creepy marble carving of Jesus with eyes that "follow" you anywhere you go.

Posted by D.R..

My god... Thank WHOEVER that I'm a pagan, too. Sometimes I think Christianity has become a little commericialized, you know?

Posted by Alistaire Moon.

Ya think?

Posted by Jellio.

Umm, sorry to burst your bubble, but the vast majority of Christians would not be caught dead entering any of those locations. I've been a believer my whole life and was creeped out just looking at them. I'm pretty sure they are only vacation destinations for the wacko fringes.

Posted by Nussnacker.

I really gota say dude...
As a Catholic, theres no way I'd go to any of these sick twisted little places.
Quit tryin to diss Christianity with bullshit.

Heres a taste of your own medicine:
According to evolutionism...your dick was either a monkey dick, a glob of ooze, or a pebble of rock off an asteroid.

Why don't you try posting some real places Christians go and see what kind of reactions you get. Start with Rome....the real Rome... and just in case your not sure where that is... its in Italy. Go look at a map.

Posted by Ang3l.

Where do I begin? I agree, no respectable christian would go to a mini putt putt place with Jesus's all around, BTW it's ascension not accession, that means a process of increasing by addition- That didn't make sense.
I enjoyed the comment about thank whoever I am a Pagan, thats the problem with the non-religions, you have no one or nothing to thank-
Next time, how about you look into some places like Judea and Bethlehem instead of being so satyrical...and next time spell check or proofread so you look intelligible or at least credible.
God Bless

Posted by Erik.

There's no y in satirical.

Posted by Scaramouch.

Looks like a sense of humor, and the ability to spot exaggeration for comedic effect, seems to be lacking in a few of our more pious readers.

Peace be with all of you,
- Monkey dick

Posted by Jellio.

Okay,

As a Christian, I must admit the Ave Maria Grotto looks interesting, the rest..not so much. But I would think I would find it interesting if a Budhist Monk carved 100s of miniture temples. Or if a Pagan carved replicas of Norse figurines.

Posted by Dan.

Okay,

As a Christian, I must admit the Ave Maria Grotto looks interesting, the rest..not so much. But I would think I would find it interesting if a Budhist Monk carved 100s of miniture temples. Or if a Pagan carved replicas of Norse figurines.

Posted by Dan.

Ya.. thanks so much for making Arkansas look the worst.. im getting tired of that shit

Posted by Lo.

Ya.. thanks so much for making Arkansas look the worst.. im getting tired of that shit

Posted by Lo.

Excuse me?! How dare you make fun of Christian-themed tourist attractions! By doing so, you're obviously making fun of every single person in the entire world who has a faith in the good LORD!

And how dare you claim that Intelligent Design is not a science. Just like any other scientific theory, it has the capacity to be proven false. But guess what?: it NEVER can proven false because the Bible says it's true and the Bible doesn't lie!

You pagans make me sick. As an apology for being so rude, we demand you give us more of your holidays.

I will pray for you,
Darcy Mayberry

Posted by Darcy Mayberry.

I love the conversation here! First of all, you're right, these sights are rediculous and mis-placed. But secondly, true Christianity is a realtionship with Jesus, not a a religion. There is an obvious disconnect between the two, and these places showplace it - which you noticed. Nice collection!

Posted by Michael.

You religious people just crack me up. You know there is another word for Christians... they are called capitalists. The majority continues to embarrass itself to us few non believers everyday. Scientology, Christianity deriving from Jewish religion, Christians hating Jews, yet believing in a Jew as their savior? Wake up, get a life, get a job, do something, because in the end, we are all going to die. Hey, you never know. In a few million years, you could be reaching down from the heavens in the form of oil to help some poor old lady keep warm in the winter? Oh and thank God for putting those dinosaur fossils in the ground for me. Now I have something to do on the weekends.

Posted by Waynyo.

It's always a surprise to visit a site and see my brother's come before me ... monkey richard- you crack me up.

What? You didn't think he was referring to ...
omg.

Jesus would be rolling over in his grave if he knew what you were thinking.

Posted by monkey dave.

Whatever you think of the Holy Land Experience, it is home to the Van Kampen Collection of Biblical manuscripts, artifacts and rare printed materials. For any student of the Bible and its history, this collection is impressive and includes secondary resources and the personal library of a leading nineteenth century German biblical scholar by the name of Nestle. I'm a follower of Jesus Christ and student of the Bible and found the collection surprising in its content. By the way, on behalf of Christians everywhere, I apologize for the tackiness of some of the places on the list - only in America as they say. If Jesus was still in his tomb, he'd be turning over in it! And the personal mudslinging in some of the above comments are disappointing. The debate of ideas is worthwhile. Personal comments from both sides accomplish nothing.

Posted by Bob Beasley.

It may have been awhile since you've been to the Passion Play in Eureka Springs, Arkansas.

They now have a Fred Flinstone Museum that insists man and dinosaurs coexisted together.

Maybe the magi were riding t-rex not camels.

Posted by Capt. Glaash.

It may have been awhile since you've been to the Passion Play in Eureka Springs, Arkansas.

They now have a Fred Flinstone Museum that insists man and dinosaurs coexisted together.

Maybe the magi were riding t-rex not camels.

Posted by Capt. Glaash.

I was surprised to hear that modern Christians aren't going for these places, this stuff sounds exactly like the stuff the Supply Side Jesus freaks would be into.

As a Christian who actually believes in the word of God (the part about "'tis easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a wealthy man to get into heaven" is particularly good), I must say I think Ave Maria Grotto looks a little interesting, and Holyland USA could be an interesting one, but the rest of it is garbage, just like most phony Christians adore these days.

If Jesus saw some of this stuff, would He be pleased?

Posted by Sylocat.

I went to Rome when I was 14. I spent a whole day wandering through the Vatican. I saw the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter's Basilica, even climbed up to the top of the dome. I saw the room after room full of gold in forms of statues and the amazing riches of the Catholic Church.

You know what went through my head as I gazed upon pricless treasures like the Pieta?

How many generations of peasant's lives were squandered to enrich the Popes and their henchmen? How many millions of humans were enslaved by the priesthood, first in Europe, then throughout the entire world? And how many generations of 'heathens' were slaughtered by the stormtroopers of the Catholic Church, the Jesuits, for daring to have their own religion already?

All I could think of as I staggered away from the vast wealth of the Vatican was to ask God how many souls endured the worst suffering their entire lives to collect all that gold in one place?

Surely, built upon that foundation of intentional waste of precious human lives and wanton egregious slaughter of millions of innocents, the Catholic Church worships at the Altar of Ultimate Evil. It isn't the blood of Christ they drink, it's the blood of their conquered.

Posted by Robin Grant.

I worked on a movie and we shot in a catholic church in New Jersey.

Hovering over the altar was the ubiquitous icon of Jesus being executed, and at the end of one of the side aisles was a statue of Mary. At the end of the other aisle was a green velvet curtain.

Throughout day we shot there, I kept wondering what was behind the green curtain? What would the church hold in such a high position of esteem, equal to Mary and only surpassed by Christ himself?

Finally at the end of the day one of the priests opened the curtain in preparation for the evening service after we had wrapped out. As I was carrying our equipment out I glanced up into the niche and saw ... a gigantic silver donation box with a huge padlock on it and a slot in it to receive money.

The Holy Triumvirate was clearer to me then than at any other time: Jesus, Mary and Money.

Look at Paul, what he says is far different from the tiny fragments we get of Christ. Paul took over the budding religion and took it off into a very different direction than Christ seemed to be headed. Paul used to be Saul, of course, the chief persecutor of the original religion. What better ploy than to infiltrate this dangerous sect as a double agent, work to become it's leader, then, after bumping off the head guy, completely rewrite everything? The FBI did this all the time in the '60s.

The catholic church has it's origins in second guessing God and deleting certain books from the bible and adopting pagan religious holidays in order to enslave as much of the world as they could and then to keep themselves in power for over a thousand years.

Any religion that stems from that is also tainted, fruit from the poisoned tree.

This is why I can never be a christian, because modern christianity, both Catholic, Protestant / Evangelical, is merely a thin shell of of good covering a star-swallowing black hole. There's almost nothing left of the actual Christ, only a few Red Letters.

The ONLY Christians I have met that are even trying are the Quakers.

Posted by Robin Grant.

Everytime I went on a school tip, the bus passed the giant "Drowning Jesus" in Monroe. However, we didn't know him as "Drowning Jesus. We knew him only as "Zombie Christ".

Posted by kyle.

This was really funny. Yes, I am a Christian, but I am always amused by the efforts put forth by folks in their attempts to honor God... and wind up creating a weird pile of stupidness.

Posted by SpaceRat.

I live right by Santee, I had no idea that place was there... then again... Lots of "museums" around San Diego are pretty damn weird.

Posted by Mara.

Having come from a Catholic family, and my partner also of Christian faith, I can honestly say that it is definitely the most pointless and self-sontradictory religion in the world.

Also, being gay means that if I were still a Catholic, I'd burn in hell for my sodomy. Well guess what, when you're gay, there's not much fucking else you can put it in. And besides, it feels good...

But I digress. Homosexuality, as you know is a big no-no with all of Christianity. I've had people hold crosses in my face, and shout religious nonsense at me. I've never raised a han in anger to any of these people, because they are fools, and don't know better. And my mother always said "Pay a fool no heed". That is the soundest advice I've ever recieved.

Also, being from Ireland, which is a very religious country, I've had a hard time being what I am. Ex-pagan Shaman. The stuff I do has made catholics cringe. Yet none of what I do is evil. I've helped people using my abilities, some of them catholics, from my own parish, yet I am still shunned by the church, be it because I'm gay or my way of life, I do not know. What I do know is that the church is a bunch of creepy-ass old men, run by a man who has scorned a major religion.

POPE BENEDICT IS AN IDIOT!

There, I said it. I had a lot of respect for Poope John Paul, and I was deeply saddened when he died.

But the fact remains, the church sucks. They pillaged, and burned those that did not bend to their will.

I am NOT being a part of a religion that did that, and that also condemns me for being gay, which is something that I cannot change.

If any of you guys have a problem with what I said, I'd love to hear it.

Thank you for your time.

Siber Tiger.

Posted by ShamanicTiger.

The comments from the religious are funnier than the article!

Posted by Thomas W.

Ang3l and nussnacker, i must say you seemed to miss the point. Even outside of the monkey wang comment that accomplished nothing and the criticism that non-believers have no one to thank (which is fantastically hilarious and inane), why be jerks about a funny article? Its called top 10 "Tourist Traps", thus to point out the ridiculous places. Oh wait, you have accomplished something: you've been hypocritical (Ang3l you have about 7 spelling and punctuation errors in your short paragraph) and brought vulgarity and crudeness onto the page(nussnacker). Hmm, how Christian of you.

Posted by wowedbyidiocy.

Ang3l and nussnacker, i must say you seemed to miss the point. Even outside of the monkey wang comment that accomplished nothing and the criticism that non-believers have no one to thank (which is fantastically hilarious and inane), why be jerks about a funny article? Its called top 10 "Tourist Traps", thus to point out the ridiculous places. Oh wait, you have accomplished something: you've been hypocritical (Ang3l you have about 7 spelling and punctuation errors in your short paragraph) and brought vulgarity and crudeness onto the page(nussnacker). Hmm, how Christian of you.

Posted by wowedbyidiocy.

To ShamanicTiger,
Try looking in your local yellow pages for gay friendly churches. We have on in the Dallas area, the Cathedral of Hope, that teaches the good parts (honor they neighbor) and condemns the bad parts (any child not attending mass shall be stoned to death) of the bible. Best part is, straight couples go as well, so it's not segregated like every other church on the planet. My look on religion is, if you can't make your own damn path in life, turn to Christianity. They have no problem running your life for you.

Posted by M..

the cross garden is still there, but it's a lot more difficult to get close to it, as there is either an overprotective neighbor or a new psycho/christian looking over the place... and gunshots will be fired almost immediately upon driving/walking upon it.

Posted by jasonfifi.

The thing that I find most ironic about Christianity is that some of you Christians might find these "tourist attractions" perfectly acceptable, while being a bit silly, while others abhor them. There is so much diversity in what the different variations of Christianity allow, and yet most of these variations still cannot make room for homosexuals, etc. in their "pick-and-choose" religion. If Christianity really was the end-all-be-all and so indisputable, why do people keep changing it?

Posted by Content Not Knowing.

Wow, a trip down memory lane for me. I grew up in Alabama and my mother was forever driving us around to see these "holy" places. Especially the grotto in Cullman Ala. A bit of Catholic mysticism in the middle of a Souther Baptist wonderland.

As a child, I met the owners and managers of a lot of these places and had the distinct inpression that they and many of their visitors were really creepy. I came to belive the statues and crosses had some sort of evil influence because of the weird people associated with them and how strange and messed up a lot of the visitors were, including my mom.

My sister and I would always be greatly relieved when the 'visiting the holy places" part of a trip were over. I mean, how could you compare Rock City and Beautiful Ruby Falls with some creepy garden full of voodoo statues? Which is exactly what they looked like to my sister and I.

Posted by Thomas McCay.

HA HA HA! Props to whoever put this list together! WTF is up with that ark? If jeuss is coming soon they should work faster... obviously they dont really believe it.

Posted by Weeby.

wow this was simply mindblowing, especially reading everything that was said afterwards... Thank the Goddess that their are no creepy pagan places... Oh wait if their were the fanatics and cross toters, and holy rollers, and bible thumpers would burn it down. screw the land of the free im moving to Japan, at least they still accept the notion of spiritual energy and multiple deities. *sigh* 7 generations my family has gone through hell. I guess it doesn't help i live in Texas. if anyone would like to debate, i thoroughly enjoy a mental workout, email me at midnighteclipseus@yahoo.com

Posted by terraus.

Us locals call what you refer to as "Drowning Jesus" as "Touch Jesus"....TOUCHDOWN SAINTS!

Posted by Kayfabe.

The Precious Memories Chapel and the Passion Play are two very nice places. Non-Christians won't get it because the just don't get it.

And, yes, the Catholic "Church" is most definitely all about money. It is easier to be a Catholic than anything else because of the "anything goes" mentality. As long as you confess to a priest and say your "Hail Marys" and crap like that, you're good to go. That pretty much smacks in the face of Christ and everything he taught.

Posted by dave.

Yeahhhh. Attack the guy by riduculing his grammer.
Fuck you and it's i before e, except after c...Cheesedick!...Praise the lord!

The bible belt needs to pull their collective smooth-brains out of their asses and read a book...the bible does not count!

Thumbs up to pagens.
Thumbs up to monkeydicks...down to ooze and asteriods.
Thumbs up to literacy.

Ending this bullshit starts with education.

Posted by secomav.

All the atheists are crass and stupid. All the agnostics are ignorant and hateful. All the theists are self-righteous freaks. I'm none of these, so listen to me! Life is lived by the individual. Continue to live, for you should, but don't rest until you figure out why you live. Until you do, you're direction is errant.

Posted by Royal Blue.

"Which is exactly what they looked like to my sister and I."

Umm, Thomas, I'm guessing English isn't your primary language. No offense, but I've never heard anyone but Jamaicans say something like
"that's what they looked like to I".

Posted by Didactus maximus.

"Which is exactly what they looked like to my sister and I."

Umm, Thomas, I'm guessing English isn't your primary language. No offense, but I've never heard anyone but Jamaicans say something like
"that's what they looked like to I".

.....What's wrong with that statement??? My sister and I is perfect English??? American English anyway.

Posted by Waynyo.

HAH! I just looked at the holyland experience in Orlando! I guess someone misconstrued the Romans as equal opportunity military recruiters! Man I love this country. Everyone needs to move to Australia. It is more fun to avoid crocs and venomous spiders than to deal with all the garbage here.

Posted by Waynyo.

Man....I don't even know where to begin. First, as a Christian, I'm offended by the writer of this article for repeatedly making fun of Jesus Christ (who, by the way, died for him as well). Second, the mindset of the people in this country, as is evident by the commenters, absolutely astounds me. To think that the Founding Fathers set this country up to follow God's law and to allow praise and honor to be given to Him. If Thomas Payne were alive now, I wonder what his next pamphlet would be...."Common Sense...Not In America".

Posted by Josh.

Thomas Paine also wrote "Rights of Man", his treatise based on the political philosophy of liberalism, which emphasizes individual rights, including freedom of thought.

So hopefully you won't mind if we all continue to write what we want regardless of what you think.

Posted by Jellio.

For the dude who insists Jeebus died for me... I wiped my ass for you today. Praise me!

What? You didn't ask me to wipe my ass for you? You don't believe that my ass-wiping benefited you in any way whatsoever?! It doesn't change the fact that I wiped my ass for you today. You ungrateful bastard.

Posted by NevelC.

....my Hall of Bobble Head Jesuses didn't make the list...

Posted by matt black.

Josh needs to get a sex change and move to Iran. Then maybe he will have a little more respect for the laws and right in this country and honor the seperation of church and state. I bet he is gonna watch that new show with Jim and Tammy Bakers kid!!!

Posted by Waynyo.

i actually retreat at the monastery where the grotto is located. it is interesting to say the least

Posted by gavin.

i want to say, all you bible-thumping jesus-freak WORSHIPPERS, you believe what you want, and so you dont choose to believe this is anything bad. now look at us, you think we should believe everything youre saying, like how were wrong saying these things are just a bit creepy. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS YOUR PROBLEM? were all created equal in the value of life, whether we think it was god, or for pete's sake, evolution. so what makes us so underprivilaged as to not have any opinion? TELL ME THAT? give me a good answer, and i will listen. but the truth is, i wont have to listen, because there is no answer to that, that says WE are so much more underprivilaged that you can tell us what to believe, but we just say that a place who was made by a man who obsesses over TINY THINGS is creepy. what is the problem here? you let an unreal figure get to your head. you think just because you believe in something holy, youve become some DEITY yourself. WRONG!

id also like to point out one more thing.

"Posted by secomav.

All the atheists are crass and stupid. All the agnostics are ignorant and hateful. All the theists are self-righteous freaks. I'm none of these, so listen to me! Life is lived by the individual. Continue to live, for you should, but don't rest until you figure out why you live. Until you do, you're direction is errant"

one thing. im not a god follower, i set my own goals, i set my own life into its own path. i know what im doing, and im not going to rely on someone who ive never even seen to dictate what my life should be. so guess what.. I KNOW WHAT MY LIFE GOAL IS, I KNOW THE DIRECTION, AND IM AGNOSTIC. you can speak for yourself. but for people as so educated about their heart, brain, and beliefs as me.. you have no voice.

oh. and to let you know. im only 15. this should prove to you, that even someone as young as i am, can come up to a decent response rather than tell everyone their "crass and stupid" or "ignorant and hateful" or "self-righteous freaks"

i can prove to you that i dont need a god, because i tell myself which step to take every day, which shirt to wear, where to go to school, and what im going to make of that education so i have a working life.

so thanks. i hope you realize how ignorant you sound now.

-S.M.Hunter

Posted by S.M.Hunter.

excuse me, that was posted by Royal Blue, not secomav

Secomav happens to be my favorite person here really. :]

Posted by S.M.Hunter.

"There's no y in satirical."

erik, she could have meant be more like a Satyr, you know, like Pan. not necessarily a spelling error.

christians crack me up.

Posted by the-ian.

You religious freaks annoy the crap out of me. First of all, atheists are NOT stupid. Instead, we choose to live our lives based on what we WANT to do, not around some "thing" that was written about by some old farts a long time ago. Secondly, why do you holy rollers always have to shove religion down everyone's throats? If we wanted direction in our life, we'd FIND it. We know that religion exists, we just choose not to believe in it. You think you're the best people on earth because you praise some invisible "force". Well i'll tell you something, EVOLUTION is true, not creation. Tell me that millions of prehistoric bones can't be true. Also, tell me that scientists don't spend thousands of hours piecing together our evolutionary ancestors. Tell me that we just "appeared" out of nowhere with a straight face. You can believe in a book, I'll believe in something that's been scientifically proven over and over again. Oh, and by the way, Creationism is NOT a science. Also, Christians are the reason why the Earth is overpopulated, because you don't believe in birth control. What crap.

Posted by sra.

Just wanted to say that most of these places and people responsible do NOT represent the Christianity of the Bible! Being a "Christian" these days has degenerated into simply "believing in Jesus."

Sorry, but the Bible teaches SO much different from that. We have all lied, stolen, blasphemed, etc. That is breaking God's Law and we MUST be punished because he is Holy and Just. Hell is our punishment.

But because God loves us as much as He does, he was willing to come to Earth as a human and pay our penalty FOR us by dying on the cross!

The ONLY way to heaven is to first turn from our sins (that is, breaking of God's law) and put our faith in Jesus Christ alone!

Don't confuse modern "Christianity" with true Biblical Christianity. Most theologians, pastors, priests, and everyday "Christians" have it totally wrong!

Posted by Nathan Rossin.

Hahahaha stupid fucking christians. I need to open up a place like this. Taking money exclusively from those idiots all day would be a dream come true. Honestly if the faith was believable enough on it's own they wouldn't need mind wash tactics for little kids like these. Oh and I for one am not going to hell because it does not exist. Its just an ancient scare tactics into conforming to a cultish lifestyle.

Posted by jenga.

Fuck you Jesus. Someday you will be destroyed by my Angels of Hell. All christians will burn with my vengeance. Hail Satan!

Posted by Satan.

And these faithful commentators say that no self-respecting Christian would get caught in a place like these. They say it's just for the radical fringes. Hah! You know how you laugh at Scientologists, or snake-handling preachers, or dumb redneck yokels that spend their vacation money at a Jesus-themed miniature golf course? Yeah, that's how we laugh at you, too. The only reason they're getting upset about all this is that it highlights just how ludicrous their entire religious belief system is, as well as how moronic the followers have to be in order to swallow the giant load of BS.

Posted by DarqueWing.

I'm afraid that I must point out again the "pick-and-choose" nature of Christianity, for the benefit of Nathan Rossin and others like him. For instance, how much of the Old Testament is taken seriously nowadays? I've read chapters out of that half of the Bible, which called for the slaughter of infants, and that was okay, because everyone in that particular village needed to die. If you discount any parts of the Bible for any reason, then you are picking and choosing your own religion, and since the Bible often conflicts with itself, you must choose which parts to believe. Sorry folks, Christianity is not objective even from a Biblical standpoint. Also take into consideration the fact that there have been multiple translations (which include interpretation in and of themselves) and that there are so many different Christian sects based off this solitary book. How can you pretend that the Bible is infallible, especially since it has been affected by human interaction?

Posted by Content Not Knowing.

The Bible is undoubtedly the single most bastardized book ever written. It's evolution started from stories compiled from many sources including the Dead Sea Scrolls. It has books that have not been added. One of the desciples of Christ wrote his own accounts of some of the miracles Christ was said to have performed with a take that explained it off as more of uncommon coincidence. The church and political leaders such as Constantine have decided what has gone into it and therefore it is tainted with others personal beliefs. Don't beleive me? Then do your own research like I did and find out for yourself.

Religion is the single biggest scam ever to be created.

What I hate most about religion is the right makes might attitude. There is no longer caring for human suffering when that mentality is built upon. The Bible is the perfect illustration of it...all throughout the Old Testament.

Regards,

A former Catholic who got wise.

If you pray for me, I will think for you.

Posted by hitherto.

Dear Mr. Hunter:

Though it may not be obvious, my post was an example of mockery. We are all so very ignorant, aren't we? Your own ignorance at 15 will be more obvious to you when you are significantly older... that's how it goes.

Posted by Royal Blue.

im a Ms. thank you. and my ignorance? atleast i believe in stuff i see

thats as real as it gets. sure sometimes looks can decieve you.. but i mean, come on. show me god.. and maybe ill take into account his deity.

untill then, i am a ms. and im fully aware that i only believe it when i see it. and "his holyness" hasnt really shown up and made my life easier.

so guess what. im staying with the fact that christians cant tell theists or atheists or agnostics what to believe. cause you believe what you want, and were going to too.

Posted by S.M.Hunter.

Haha. Mmm, so many wise and enlightened thoughts...and then there's me:


I like minigolf.

Posted by Courtney!.

You might add the grotto in West Bend, Iowa too. I remember it as tacky and cheap, but of course haven't been there in decades.

GC

Posted by Greg Cannon.

oats xtazru mjoceub ryos vkhlimb vgxwtz ijsb

Posted by gspqkdov bhwqzxk.

Keep your god away from me, my family, my dog, and my government. If you want to pray, then pray. Pray with those who want to pray. Jesus said to pray in a closet (somewhere in Matthew). For those of you whom find it necessary to spout your religious beliefs on a soapbox, you are sinning and you will rot in hell. This country has become one of the greatest countries ever partly because of the fact that the constitution allows for religious freedom. Don't fuck with that or you will have some pissed off sinners ready to roll.
The framers of the constitution were diest, not Christians. However, the people who burned women or "witches" in Salem, yes they were Christians.

Posted by rhinosaurus.

If you wanna stop guestbook spammers just confirm url of this page to anti.spam.police@gmail.com with subject:ANTISPAM. Thx.

Posted by Greg.

Teenagers in flip flops pretending to be people from the bible? No thank you. The very idea is disturbing. Teenagers don't even have a developed neo-cortex...I imagine they would be like cartoon figures, silly kids attmepting to ape attributes of maturity. People look at teenagers because they are beautiful and sometimes sexy, although this is usually denied by most.

Posted by Francis.

Teenagers in flip flops pretending to be people from the bible? No thank you. The very idea is disturbing. Teenagers don't even have a developed neo-cortex...I imagine they would be like cartoon figures, silly kids attmepting to ape attributes of maturity. People look at teenagers because they are beautiful and sometimes sexy, although this is usually denied by most.

Posted by Francis.

Hey, if you visit Touchdown Jesus in Monroe, you can also go next door to Traders World Flea Market and see the fluorescent, anatomically-correct horse statue. It's a real two-fer...

Posted by Bobbie Sterne Built My Hot Rod.

You "Christians" who are saying this blasphemes Jesus obviously have never heard of parody. Here, have a sense of humor, I just happen to have an extra one.

Why can't we all just accept that there are people with different beliefs and leave it at that? If you choose to be Christian, Athiest, Pagan, Agnostic, whatever title you give yourself, so be it. Don't judge, lest ye be judged.

And this was sent to me by my Catholic Deacon father, who obviously saw the humor in it. We're not going to Hell.

Posted by A.

I'm a catholic living in Ireland and I thought the attractions were just freaking hilarious.
Everyone has to have a sense of humour about this and STOP TRYING TO CONVERT PEOPLE. The beauty of belief is that it is your own.
As long as you're a good person and don't discriminate, it's all good.


Posted by saoirse.

That was the most amazing collection of the absurd I have ever seen. Good work. People that say they are Christians and then post hate just contribute to the misunderstanding of Christians. By the way, for all the Christians out there, just becuase you are a follower of Christ does not mean you have to loose your sense of humor. This collection of the strange is hillarious. As far as creation vs evolution goes remember neither side can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt which if either are correct. It takes faith to belive in either. Show love and answer questions with your mind and we might be able to bring more people to true salvation.

God bless

Posted by Drew.

That was the most amazing collection of the absurd I have ever seen. Good work. People that say they are Christians and then post hate just contribute to the misunderstanding of Christians. By the way, for all the Christians out there, just becuase you are a follower of Christ does not mean you have to loose your sense of humor. This collection of the strange is hillarious. As far as creation vs evolution goes remember neither side can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt which if either are correct. It takes faith to belive in either. Show love and answer questions with your mind and we might be able to bring more people to true salvation.

God bless

Posted by Drew.

Also for the pious Catlicks in the house there's the Franciscan monastery in DC. Full scale replica of catacombs. Groovy little tour all ending with the replica of the Bethlehem chapel in the Holy Land. Baby Jebus waves at you as you climb the stairs out of the catacombs and up into the Franciscan gift shop where you can satiate your Catlick hunger for kitch. You also get so many million years of indulgence out of purgatory just for visiting the place. It's nauseatingly Catlick but weepy little Protestants will love it as well.

Posted by Choirboy.

TOP 10 Christian Tourist Traps: Since yer gonna make fun of duh way I talk yer well gonna get spammin's or I'll take dis to duh court of human peein' rights! OMG I would nefer hook up Cheezus's bum up to a propane tank so dat when he cuts one he'd turn into a flyin' pizza or sumpfin' or muffin! An' everyone knows dat Ark thing wuz built for dat Cheezus & Sundries show when Chen gives dat guy working on duh ark some kool-aide or sumpfin' I don' know nuffin about. An' Tony Toaster who I once got off wid like a joke well his girlfriend Candy called me a betch and a vamp and erected dat cross sayin' I was gonna die but she is well gonna get beatin's fer dat cuz I would nefer get caught dead in a cemetary anyway! Betch! So anyway what happened wuz like this thing right Shu-up! I'm gettin' there! As far as dat Fat-Am-I grotto if anyone ever calls me fat again de're well gonna get beatin's cuz everyone knows I only do it with choclit ya spammin' perverts! An' it's not my fault dat Stacy took her Muthers angel nik-nack and hid it in duh woods and traded it fer a bottle of perno(d) just so she could have sex with Dominick Malone. So stop makin' fun of me or you should all crawl back up yer muther's birf canal when she ain't lokkin' Anyway I don't know what yer all arguin' about anyway - some evolsolution or sumpin'. All I knows is I nefer done it wid some ape an' if creation were'nt true how come I ended up wif 12 kids?

Posted by Laura Grisk.